How important is confidence?

[RoxStar]

Let me start by saying I have zero self esteem... well I had zero but have gained some over the last two years or so but I have a question - how much do you feel confidence is a part of finding relationships? I am in a situation that is "friends with benefits/lovers kinda" and its certainly not a relationship. I know that it will never be a relationship and I am not even sure what kind of relationship I want because of the fact that I was with someone for 10 years and he cheated and it ended BADLY to say the least. Anyway for the last two years I have been doing this FWB situation with one guy that I have feelings for and he has feelings for me but like I said it will never turn into something serious. I am not even sure I can do serious because I am so afraid of getting hurt. I am so afraid of trusting. I have almost ZERO self esteem and almost ZERO confidence because my ex always used to tell me that I am crap and couldnt do better then him (he was on a major ego trip) everytime I tried to leave him (yet I stayed in an awful situation and he ended up cheating which forced me to leave and at the end of it all I was very emotionally bruised and wounded) and I have just developed this awful thought in my head that I am not capable of a normal relationship or that I am not capable of being loved or worthy of that stuff. I know its all mental in my case. I am not Miss America by any means but I am ok. I am very chunky right now because I have used food as a way to hide from intimacy but yet I have developed this FWB relationship which I knew from the beginning was "SAFE" because he doesnt want a real relationship and we just have this thing... anyway. do any of you feel that confidence is a factor in moving on or in finding someone new or trying new things such as being so bold to flirt with someone else. I feel like I am stunted (like as in emotional growth stunt - if I am using the right word) and dont even know what to do or how to act or where to begin to try and put myself out there and maybe try and do something else or something new. I love the guy I am "with" now but we arent together. We are best of friends and lovers on ocassion but I am not getting any younger and I do know that at some point in my life I want to have kids and that wont happen if I dont meet someone new.

[alphamale]

confidence comes from within yourself and becoming the best person that you can be. you need to identify what is taking away you confidence and fix it. if this entails getting therapy or losing weight or getting a college education or getting boob implants then you do it.

 

confidence builds up slowly over years. it is more a state of mind and, yes, it is needed to find the right kind of relationships for yourself.

[Strike3]

IMO, confidence and self esteem is everything. If you don't feel good about yourself, how can you please someone else in a relationship? It sounds like you have been through a lot, and gaining confidence is easier said that done, but you can still do it. Take a break from sexual relationships, try to surround yourself with people that make you feel good, just look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve to be happy and that you dont care what anyone else thinks of you. Confidence come with in and takes a long time to build up sometimes. After I broke up with my GF of three years back in September, I felt like a worthless piece of crap that nobody would ever want. But I have built myself up and now feel better than ever.