what the hell i am doing

[Shepp]

my partner has gone away for 3 months to have our first baby - long story why. i have completely gone off the rails.

 

when i have a child i will be relegated to 2nd or 3rd best.

 

what possible future could i have with this women? none. she's totally screwed up and needs huge amounts of help. do i keep her on the side? i could do that. the chances of getting caught are extremely high and i would betray my partner even more and my unborn son.

 

Oh my god

 

I can't believe what im reading here!!! People don't leave me speechless very often but this threads done it....I normally steer well clear of infidelity areas of the site because I just cant find any possible understanding of why people would cheat and it just goes against all the values I hold and ends up getting me in hot water with mods!

So i'm not trying to offend anyone or break any site rules, I just cant process this thread!

 

 

I can't believe there's any debate over how this women feels about you, that is such a side issue!!

You have a wife and a son!!

 

I think your wife should know the truth and if she was asking me what to do id tell her to leave! But that's just my personal opinion.

 

What's making me write on this thread is that the key issue on all of this is your son!!!

How can you be worried that your baby boy, your flesh and blood, your son's mother might prioritise him over you?

 

This 'vulnerable damsel' or whatever she's meant to be - I tell you something, she ain't as vulnerable as that tiny baby boy will be! And your playing with his whole world - your playing with his chance to spend his Christmases growing up with his mum and dad in the same house, your playing with whether he'll see his dad every day or every other weekend, your throwing away money on sex that could buy him a teddy or his first football.

 

Your going to be a DAD! That's the greatest thing in the world!! Some people never get to do it and you do, you get a chance at it!

Click on my name and look at the picture above my stats...my baby boys, one and a half months old, they've just started smiling - its the most amazing thing in the world!!

Your going to have one of them man (Well not one of them, you cant have one of mine, but your own). You need to make a decision now about in 20 years what 20 year old man you want to stand next to and say that's my son. What values do you want him to hold? Because after billions of years ancestor to ancestor it now falls to you to teach that little boy how to make his way thought this world!

 

You want my advice? Then the one thing in all of this that is the most important isn't some girl or what she does for a living! Its that little boy and being there for his birth!

Because you know what, even if you choose (and it 100% a choice that your making) to cheat through your whole life - prostitutes are 10 a penny! You only get one chance to see the birth of your son and all the money in world will never buy you that moment again!!

[Shepp]

According to the statistics most affairs go undetected, plus I never said there is no risk. I have had a 5 year realtionship and others along the way, it is managable with a bit of caution and intelligence. Also, I would imagine that if you polled most of the people in this section the majority reconcile after d-day, some even after multiple d-days.

 

I'm going off topic slightly (my bad) but why???

 

Why would you want to manage it?

why would you want "others a long the way"?

why does your gf/wife(?) not get the right to an informed decision?

How on earth would you look someone in the eyes after cheating on them?

 

 

Never cheated or been cheated on myself.

It boggles my mind!!

[KathyM]

I'm going off topic slightly (my bad) but why???

 

Why would you want to manage it?

why would you want "others a long the way"?

why does your gf/wife(?) not get the right to an informed decision?

How on earth would you look someone in the eyes after cheating on them?

 

 

Never cheated or been cheated on myself.

It boggles my mind!!

Unfortunately, some people are only concerned with their own kicks in life. They don't really care about what they are doing to their partner, or the rights their partner has to know the reality of their life. They don't even care about the risk they are bringing into their partner's life with potential STDs. It's all about Numero Uno. Nobody else really matters to them. It's a sense of entitlement, and a lack of caring about anyone but themselves. If this man really even cared about this supposed DID prostitute, he would encourage her to leave the profession and get her life back on track. But he really only cares about himself. He's willing to risk his marriage, his wife's happiness and his wife's health, his son's home and family, his son's well being, and willing to use this prostitute and take advantage of her messed up psyche and messed up life. It's all about what HE wants, and what makes HIM feel good. Make no mistake about that. The lack of caring shown here is sociopathic.

[whatamidoing101]

no, that's not true. i am trying to help her and of course that means not whoring herself. what she needs is a lot of therapy and religion. it's obvious. i have offered to buy her therapy and we plan to visit some Buddhist centres together.

 

yes, my behaviour is entirely selfishly driven. since my wife left i have suffered an acute attack of separation anxiety. i didn't know it was going to happen. it's exactly how i felt when my ex-wife left me. it's completely irrational.

[whatamidoing101]

it is true that for every man there are multiple archetypal women in his mind. the women he marries can NEVER be all these women. he must sacrifice these women to be faithful. it would be nice to have these multiple women - there are 3 or 4. or have at least 2 and get away with it. unfortunately that's probably not possible. it would be interesting to find out how many affairs go undetected.

 

if you think i don't love my wife you're wrong. but she has been a mixture of two of these women before she became pregnant. when she is a mother she will become 1 woman - the mother of my son. i want her to be the mother of my son above anything else to me. that is right.

 

perhaps for women it is also true that they have multiple 'men' in their minds. i can't comment much on that.

 

maybe monogamy is wrong?

[whatamidoing101]

i managed no contact with the damsel prostitute from 3.30pm yesterday until 11.30am today and then i gave in, and the texts started again.

 

she says she has something 'deep' with me and that she wants me in her life. but although she didn't say it, i know she's not in love with me. she's in love with this ex of hers - the Hollywood producer.

 

yes yes, i know, this could all be deceitful clever lies she's telling me and it is purely about money.

[Shepp]

Unfortunately, some people are only concerned with their own kicks in life. They don't really care about what they are doing to their partner, or the... It's all about what HE wants, and what makes HIM feel good. Make no mistake about that.

 

This is the bit I cant fathom though! I cant understand how someone could want to cheat, how they could get a kick out of that.

The thought of cheating on my girlfriend - it makes me wanna throw up. Regardless of whether she ever knew.......in fact I think her not knowing would be worse in a way, if that's possible. Her still liking me when she should be hating my guts - that'd be hard to take. But its not even really about her - id hate my guts for doing it, I couldn't sleep at night or look the man in the mirror in the eye. I don't know how people do it!

 

I dunno......I just don't understand the desire!

[whatamidoing101]

yes i understand what you mean but i don't feel it. maybe it is something missing in me. the thought of her finding out makes me feel sick and the hurt i would cause. but my selfishness overides it and the obsessiveness with this other woman or the missing women. i know how it feels to be cheated on too - i found it crippling. i had obsessive morbid jealously but i didn't blame her really, that was my ex-wife. i was a **** husband and i deserved it.

 

i never cheated before with this woman. 8yrs i was faithful.

 

my father always had other women. maybe that's something to do with it. my mother only found out about 1, it really hurt her but they are still together.

 

there are worse things you can do to your partner than cheating. physical abuse for a start.

[Shepp]

since my wife left i have suffered an acute attack of separation anxiety.

Urgh, c'mon mate! You chose to do it because you wated!! Excuses like above are just pathetic - at least live and die by your sword!

 

it is true that for every man there are multiple archetypal women in his mind. the women he marries can NEVER be all these women. he must sacrifice these women to be faithful. it would be nice to have these multiple women - there are 3 or 4. or have at least 2 and get away with it. unfortunately that's probably not possible.

....

maybe monogamy is wrong?

 

WHAT!!!???

 

I'm a man aren't I?? Sure was last time I checked!!

Are you seriously telling me I think like this??

 

Because I don't!!!

My girlfriend is everything I want! I don't want 2 or 3 or 4! I don't want anyone but her!!

 

As easily as you can say monogamy is wrong I can tell you that its not just possible its easy! It's the most natural thing I've done!

[whatamidoing101]

See Freud and Jung. It's not my idea!

[whatamidoing101]

i would also add that statistically, do you know at which time the greatest chance of cheating occurs? yes, first born child.

 

also only about half of relationships in the west remain healthy once children come along.

[experiencethedevine]

yes i understand what you mean but i don't feel it. maybe it is something missing in me. the thought of her finding out makes me feel sick and the hurt i would cause. but my selfishness overides it and the obsessiveness with this other woman or the missing women. i know how it feels to be cheated on too - i found it crippling. i had obsessive morbid jealously but i didn't blame her really, that was my ex-wife. i was a **** husband and i deserved it.

 

i never cheated before with this woman. 8yrs i was faithful.

 

my father always had other women. maybe that's something to do with it. my mother only found out about 1, it really hurt her but they are still together.

 

there are worse things you can do to your partner than cheating. physical abuse for a start.

 

 

REALLY???.............................................................

 

 

Psychological abuse does untold and perpetual damage. Can you imagine how your wife would behave if you continue this vile behaviour? Knowing deep in her intuitive gut through your 'changed' behaviours (and yes, she would sense it) that there was something wrong and living with that in her head until she found out what it was that made her think she was going mad???

 

 

Your intent and cruelty would destroy another human being. Are you REALLY happy with that??...............................

[experiencethedevine]

Actually, just get out of your marriage and do what the hell you like. You have no respect for your wife or your unborn son. Leave them to find someone who will so that you can carry on behaving like this until you are no longer capable, with nobody to be beholden to, that way you do not have the responsibility for all that you put at risk except your son. Just have a good story ready when he is old enough to ask.......................

[whatamidoing101]

i'm not trying to upset anyone here. you are getting upset. i am sharing my situation, my motives and trying to do the right thing for all parties including myself.

 

actually, i am looking forward to seeing my wife very soon and i will be affectionate to her. last time i visited her i was also affectionate but got very anxious at times because of what i had just started at that time.

[sweet_pea]

Stop spending money on a prostitute that could be going toward your family. Seriously. Stop giving her money in general and see how she is towards you. If you want to cheat, at least let your wife know so she can decide what she wants for her life. Let her find someone who will cherish her, respect her and love her authentically, cause that isn't you at the moment. She deserves that, at least.

[AutumnMoon]

I don't think monogamy is natural for humans either.. I know it's an unpopular opinion here but I've always felt that way.

[Shepp]

the thought of her finding out makes me feel sick and the hurt i would cause

But regardless of whether she finds out - you know!

 

i had obsessive morbid jealously but i didn't blame her really, that was my ex-wife. i was a **** husband and i deserved it.

You should of - stabbing someone in the back is always a cowards way. If you have a problem with someone at least have the balls to deal with it head on. She took the cowards way.

 

there are worse things you can do to your partner than cheating. physical abuse for a start.

There are worse things you can do to people than kidnapping them and holding them hostage - doesn't mean its okay!

[Shepp]

actually, i am looking forward to seeing my wife very soon and i will be affectionate to her. last time i visited her i was also affectionate but got very anxious at times because of what i had just started at that time.

 

wow - so your gonna look her straight in the eyes! Wow!

[Shepp]

I don't think monogamy is natural for humans either.. I know it's an unpopular opinion here but I've always felt that way.

 

I don't understand how people can make statements like this!!

 

I know my own mind don't I? And I can tell you for me its as natural as breathing!

To cheat would be as hard as stopping breathing!

 

So me, being a human, scuppers that theory, no?

[AutumnMoon]

I don't understand how people can make statements like this!!

 

I know my own mind don't I? And I can tell you for me its as natural as breathing!

To cheat would be as hard as stopping breathing!

 

So me, being a human, scuppers that theory, no?

 

I don't mean it can't be easy for some people. I just don't think it's a given natural feeling for human beings, it's something a lot of people have to work at.

[whatamidoing101]

I don't think it's natural because there are multiple women in a man's mind. over the yrs he yearns for each one. for raising children, there has to be that marriage contract. that's what marriage is for.

 

regarding my ex-wife. no, i was a total swine. she became very unhappy and another man was there for her. i totally understand it. it was my fault.

[Shepp]

I don't mean it can't be easy for some people. I just don't think it's a given natural feeling for human beings, it's something a lot of people have to work at.

I know what you meant, I'm just saying there's no way that it isn't natural to humans anymore than its natural to all humans.

 

Peoples heads are wired differently but theres a hell of a lot of people out there who will find monogamy the easiest thing in the world!!

 

 

See Freud and Jung. It's not my idea!

 

Doesn't really matter! They can have as many letters after their names as they want and it wont change that their wrong!

 

I don't think it's natural because there are multiple women in a man's mind. over the yrs he yearns for each one. for raising children, there has to be that marriage contract. that's what marriage is for.

That might be in your head! but that's yours! Not men in general! Theres only one woman in mine - shes been the only one in mine since I was 15!!

[AlwaysGrowing]

I don't think monogamy is natural for humans either.. I know it's an unpopular opinion here but I've always felt that way.

 

 

 

And you are free to feel and live your life that way.

 

Your spouse....also has the right to live as they see fit as well.

 

Unfortunately, too many WS feel they have the RIGHT to take choice away from another.

 

I also, question...how deep that belief is..when one is not strong enough to stand up for that belief..and openly choose an open relationship.

[Journee]

I don't think it's natural because there are multiple women in a man's mind. over the yrs he yearns for each one. for raising children, there has to be that marriage contract. that's what marriage is for.

 

regarding my ex-wife. no, i was a total swine. she became very unhappy and another man was there for her. i totally understand it. it was my fault.

 

 

 

What kind. of man are you being to your current wife? Are you of the swine variety this time around too? Sounds like it.

 

I think adults should do what it is they like. If sex with a prostitute does it for you then so be it. Why not let your wife be with someone else? Like a previous cheating poster said, you can still be a good father and such. You cannot be a good husband or wife while cheating. I don't care what people tell themselves.

 

If you think women don't have temptation throughout their lives as a man does, you are nuts. Lots of people experience temptation. I'd venture to say everyone... so men are not holding the monopoly on that one. If anything women are overloaded with suitors.

 

It sounded like you turned a corner but not so much now. It's too bad you only want to excuse your behavior.

 

Also, one doesn't have to be cheated on to see that this is abhorrent behavior. Posters here are from all over the world and yet can still see how this is cruel and destructive. Own your decisions. You don't need cheerleading from the active cheaters here. They will not face your consequences or live your life. Just as the other posters won't. Do what you want but don't expect pats on the back at every turn.

 

What a sad world we live in.

[RightThere]

This thread is total bogus and we should stop feeding the troll.