Should I just file?

[jc63]

It's been almost two months of separation. Last week she told me she was not coming back and that she was planning to file after the first of the year. Over the weekend, she came to the house and packed her stuff. Things she is planning to take with her on her nursing trip in one pile, things she's sending with her family in another. She piled all her stuff in one room and just threw my **** in another. And then she had the gall to leave all the wedding stuff with me; not going to happen.

 

Now she told me a few days ago that she wasn't going to file until she returns (april). A HUGE part of me is hoping that she pulls her head out of her ass while she's in Florida and realized the grass in not greener and the single life is not all it's cracked up to be. However, another part of me is wishing we could just get it over with so I can really move on.

 

Her mom even came over the other day and said that if there's any hope at all, it's to not chase her. However, I haven't chased her at all this entire time and there's no change. She told me she doesn't miss me, doesn't love me, and didn't love me when she married me. What kind of a person says this? I feel like a pathetic moron who's been living a lie for the past 2 years. But a part of me doesn't believe her and even her own family tells me not to believe it. Mentally, she's just off her damn rocker and going through an extremely selfish phase.

 

I'm getting angrier by the day, annoyed by the thought of her, and I'm remember more and more bad things about her. I know I wasn't the most attentive husband, but I'm a good person and did not deserve to love someone who did not love me.

 

Everyone's telling me that I didn't do as much wrong as I think I did. I may have not always been there but I was good to her and I love her with every fiber of my being.

 

Now, I feel like I'm her "plan B". If things don't work out in Florida and she realizes it's not as good as she thought to be single, then she knows I'll be there. But I don't want to be anyone's Plan B, she's been my Plan A for years and I deserve the same.

 

Should I file when I get the money or should I still have some hope? I do have some hope that she comes back to me but if she does, it's going to take a lot of work on her part to get through the things she's said to me.

[RightThere]

She told me she doesn't miss me, doesn't love me, and didn't love me when she married me. What kind of a person says this?

 

They often say this. Mine did too. It's because they've re-written history in their own head that they were never in love with you so it makes what they do easier in their own mind. Don't believe it for a second.

 

Now, I feel like I'm her "plan B".

 

You are her Plan "B". So don't let her control your life for one more second. File so that she knows you are't going to be her doormat. Otherwise she'll think you're sitting around pining for her. And when she returns, broke, you'll take her back.

 

File and it will be the best (and probably the worst) day of your life.

[Yarrow]

If she came back tomorrow, told you she had made a huge mistake, and asked you to take her back, would you?

 

If no, then go ahead and file.

 

If yes, wait a little to see how your feelings change over time. Then when you get to the point where you wouldn't take her back no matter what she promised, go ahead and file.

 

I'd say just get it out of the way and file, but sometimes people have to go through the grieving process before they can feel comfortable about it. She seems in no hurry either way, so if you want to take a month or two to figure out where you are at, that's ok. Just don't use that time to figure out where she is at, because that's a losing game.

[dumped2013]

So she is going to Florida to explore new possibilities. Another words finding herself and banging new guys with a tan. With what I just read from your post I would tell her good luck and file. When my ex told me those words I WAS DONE. She did not want to be with me anymore. I tried for 2 days and if a woman tells me that I was done. I filed 1 week later. 20 years down the drain.

[rach63]

Was 2013 better for you financially than 2012? If she doesn't love you, never loved you, and wants no memory of your marriage then why would she wait until next year?

[oldshirt]

 

 

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Should I file when I get the money or should I still have some hope?

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I don't recommend filing when you get the money. I recommend taking out a loan if you have to so you can do it now.