FWB - Please share your situations so I can understand what I am doing!

[RoxStar]

For those with FWB situations - can you share with me some of what your situations are? I am getting to a point that I am not sure I want to keep doing this. I love him dearly but this past weekend just sorta started me thinking that maybe I should be doing some other things.

 

1) How long have you been in your current FWB situation?

2) When do you decide to move on with the FWB sitiation?

3) Do you stay friends with your FWB - afterall we were friends to begin with?

4) How do you tell your FWB that its time to make changes and move on?

5) Anyone have a FWB situatin that is exclusive and what makes that much different then a regular relationship?

 

See for me my FWB situation fills a need (nonsexual) and I like that part of the relationship. My FWB is a very emotionally unstable person to a degree. He is very depressed, has a lot of social anxiety and when things are bad he turns to me for help, for a confidant and I dont want that part to stop because I like being able to help him when needed. But I think I want to branch out and try dating. Its been a long time. My FWB situation is somewhat exclusive which isnt typical from what I have read - the only outside people we do stuff with is within our threesomes. In anyevent. I just have really been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching (maybe its because its a New Year and I always feel like I have a clean slate in January to set the tone for the rest of the year). So feedback would be great. None of my friends have had situations quite like mine and every relationship is different but I just need to hear from people that are in a similar boat... Thanks!

[blind_otter]

You don't have a FWB. You have a committment-phobic man who gets to have his cake and eat it too.

 

I have a good friend that I sleep with occassionally. We are close and talk every few days, but with FWB you HAVE to enforce strict emotional boundaries or you end up in a quasi-relationship that is ultimately unsatisfying.

 

I've seen you write about a lack of self esteem, confusion about this FWB thing...you need to stop the sex BS, deal with your emotional issues, and THEN try to enter into an emotionally healthy relationship with a mentally stable person. Seriously. I'm not trying to be mean. I've been in your position, not literally, but with the self esteem, betrayal issues, confusing emotions about someone emotionally unavailable. You deserve more, but you won't get it until you demand it.

[RoxStar]

SO what is the difference between FWB and Lovers or Quasi Relationships etc??? The responses I got last time were basically that what difference does the definition mean because to everyone its different. I dont think you are being mean at all. I truly appreciate all feedback.

 

So if I am in a quasi relationship what does that mean... I love him - am I in love with him? Not sure but I have feelings for him and he has said he has feelings for me too. I do have some issues that are in my head - self esteem, trust etc. He has a lot of issues also which prevent him from having a real relationship and at the time he and I got together I was in a mental state that I didnt want a real relationship and this was going to be a no strings thing and fun and it developed on both sides into feelings and stuff. I just dont want to not be his friend but I dont know what type of friendship we would or could have because the attraction between us is undeniable. He has gotten jealous from time to time of me talking to other guys and we have talked about the fact that this is a somewhat exclusive situation but we dont talk everyday. We dont go out to dinner. We dont go to the movies. We didnt hang out on New Years Eve. I guess I am just really confused.

 

I also know that I couldnt be with him in a regular relationship because for one thing we are both insecure and I know that there are things he does that would piss me off if he were my boyfriend and make me insanly jealous (one of our best friends is also a woman and married but he talks to her more often then he talks to me and hangs out with her more often it seems but not intimately and part of that is because he is best friends with her husband - he and I actually met at their wedding a few years ago and the attraction was instant - sorry for the tangent) but I look at things like we are both allowed to do what we want if we want. So anyway - what is this situation I am in????

 

Friends? Friends with Benefits? Lovers? QuasiRelationship? Relationship? F'ed up?

 

I dont even really know what I want but something is telling me maybe its time to move on and find something more healthy and something with potential.

 

THANKS - Please keep the responses coming!

[GoodLittleGirl]

Hey Rox. Re-read blind otter's post, it is truly enlightening.

 

I don't know why you care so much about categorising this relationship. Who cares whether this is a FWB or a quasi-relationship? You're not happy, and that's the bottom line. I have never met a woman who has been happy having sex with a guy without some kind of commitment (unless she's getting that commitment from someone else). I've tried the whole casual relationship thing myself and despite best intentions, it only ever ends in tears. I know you value this person and want him in your life. Unfortunately, you've crossed a boundary and your relationship with him will never be the same.

 

My advice to you (even though I know you won't take it) is to remove this toxic man from your life and start concentrating on getting yourself in a more stable emotional state to enter into a healthy relationship. For how much longer are you going to continue rescuing him without getting anything in return? You need to start no contact and stick with it, otherwise you will be languishing in this mess for a very long time.

[Sharmaine]

You need to start no contact and stick with it, otherwise you will be languishing in this mess for a very long time.

 

I agree. I was stuck in this kind of relationship for nine l-o-n-g years. That was a huge part of my life wasted on a guy who wouldn't committ to me, who didn't want the full package, but there were things about the package he liked and wanted........ie: sex!!. It was hard to break away because I was totally in love with him (we did have a stable relationship, previous to it turning 'quasi'), so it was hard for me to switch off and let go completely of him.

 

I eventually and after a long time, came to my senses, realised there was no future with this guy and I put an end to it - else it would have likely still been going on, lol!!

 

Shortly afterwards, I met another guy who later went on to become my husband

[iceisles]

Originally posted by GoodLittleGirl

My advice to you (even though I know you won't take it) is to remove this toxic man from your life and start concentrating on getting yourself in a more stable emotional state to enter into a healthy relationship.

 

I'm going to side with GoodLittleGirl. With your situation, it's time to jump ship and look for something more stable. FWB can be great, but if you are just generally unhappy, you need to turn things around. Do you feel like you will be able to remove this toxic man (to steal her nice description) from your life?