My GF caught me spying on her

[Hund1976]

Last fall things were going poorly between my GF and me. She started going out with different people who it seemed she didn't want me to meet and a few things happened which caught my eye, for example we were going somewhere and her cell phone rang but she missed the call, when she picked it up and looked at the number she seemed nervous and I asked her who called and she said I don't know and started acting really nervous and trying to change the subject. Anyway it turned out that it was a guy she knew from her circle of work friends. I have been cheated on before and didn't want to be a sucker so I decided to do some spying on her. I got into her email and didn't find anything about her cheating, but I did find some flirty emails to a guy she met before she met me, but who has been overseas the entire time we've been together.

So we stayed together and our relationship got better and the last few months there had been no feelings that she was up to anything and I felt like I trusted her.

But then yesterday out of the blue the guy from overseas let her know that I had spied on her and she got really mad and upset and it looks like our relationship is close to the edge of being done.

Is there anything I should do, or just wait it out or cut my losses?

I am staying in a job and location that I don't like to be with her by the way.

[jmargel]

How would this guy from overseas know that you were spying on her?

[Merin]

 

You know it really doesn't even matter how the guy from Oversea's knew you had spied on your girl.. *Please tell me you didn't email him or something?*

 

The thing is this.. While Yes I can agree that if the first phone call she got wasn't a big deal then she shouldn't have made it such an issue.. as far as I can tell, she didn't actually do anything wrong here right? She wasn't cheating on you..

 

So you took baggage you had from previous relationships and hacked into her email.. now she's pissed (and I might add understandably so) that you invaded her privacy without IMHO any real cause except your own insecurities..

 

At this point should you cut your losses.. Only you and she know the answer to that.. are the BOTH of you willing to work on the relationship to make it better?

 

Good Luck..

[Adunaphel]

Did you just look at her e-mail or did you pose as her and write to the guy?

 

I'm wary of people who dump you only because you took a peek at their mailbox once because 'you had a wrong feeling'

(just a *very* personal point of view - I understand that it can be a deal breaker to some people...I'm obviously not one of them )

 

 

yet posing as your girlfriend to lure a friend into 'revealing' something is a totally different matter than "just" snooping.

[Hund1976]

No I sent him an anonymous email asking him what was up with him and my GF and if he knew she had a boyfriend and stuff like that. And that the person sending the anonymous email knew that they had been calling and emailing eachother. So then he started trying to find someone who would know me and him and asking my GF questions for her to ask me, I could have just played dumb but for some reason I spilled the beans and she found out that I had seen her emails.

I wasn't really worried about her cheating with the guy overseas since he was 5,000 miles away, I was more worried about what she was up to here, since at that time she started hanging out with new people I hadn't met and saying stuff like, I'm just going to stay home and chill out tonight and thengoing to a party without inviting me. As far as I know she never cheated on me. The main thing I was hoping to find out was how she really felt about me and whether I should stay in the relationship since my reason for staying in my current job and town was for her and at the time I there were opportunities for me to get a different job and move.

The worst part about this was by the end of October we started to resolve all the stuff we were fighting about and she stopped acting suspicious and everything was going great until yesterday.

[Merin]

Originally posted by Hund1976

No I sent him an anonymous email asking him what was up with him and my GF and if he knew she had a boyfriend and stuff like that. And that the person sending the anonymous email knew that they had been calling and emailing eachother. So then he started trying to find someone who would know me and him and asking my GF questions for her to ask me, I could have just played dumb but for some reason I spilled the beans and she found out that I had seen her emails.

I wasn't really worried about her cheating with the guy overseas since he was 5,000 miles away, I was more worried about what she was up to here, since at that time she started hanging out with new people I hadn't met and saying stuff like, I'm just going to stay home and chill out tonight and thengoing to a party without inviting me. As far as I know she never cheated on me. The main thing I was hoping to find out was how she really felt about me and whether I should stay in the relationship since my reason for staying in my current job and town was for her and at the time I there were opportunities for me to get a different job and move.

The worst part about this was by the end of October we started to resolve all the stuff we were fighting about and she stopped acting suspicious and everything was going great until yesterday.

 

Not to point out the obvious..

 

If you wanted to know how she felt about you and where this was all going.. wouldn't it have been easier to ask her?

[Hund1976]

I tried talking to her about how she felt about me and she would say stuff like "I think you're a great guy" and "I love you" but it didn't feel like she meant it. And now the last few months where things were going good I could tell a big difference and felt like she really did love me. Unfortuneatly it didn't happen a few months sooner before I went all Inspector Gadget on her.

[Gas 98.7]

Originally posted by Hund1976

I tried talking to her about how she felt about me and she would say stuff like "I think you're a great guy" and "I love you" but it didn't feel like she meant it. And now the last few months where things were going good I could tell a big difference and felt like she really did love me. Unfortuneatly it didn't happen a few months sooner before I went all Inspector Gadget on her.

 

youre not spying on her youre concerned for her well fare so dont be concerned

[Hund1976]

Yeah I guess so, at the time my GF was like you need to just trust me, but I had caught her lying about a few small things so it seems kind of dumb to just blindly trust someone in that situation.

[Amalphia]

If I was in your position I would tell her exactly what I had been feeling through the entire dilemma (FROM THE BEGINNING). Do NOT leave anything out. Women appreciate honesty even when it comes with a long story. Just grab her when she isnt busy and tell her you need to talk to her about soemthing important and then tell her your story. Dont forget to tell her that you are sorry and that the only reason you did it is because you didnt want to loose her or have the relationship hurt. Im not saying lie im just saying tell the ENTIRE story. GOOD LUCK!

[Hund1976]

Well we've talked about everything and I guess now the only thing to do is wait and see how it all turns out. We have some other pretty big issues too. I'm living about 2,000 miles away from all my friends and family to be with her and that is a pretty tough decision whether I would be happier being here with her or going back home.

[budd98]

I was in the same type of situation and the best thing for you to do is dump her while you still have a chance to. She will use the "invading her personal space" on you for a long time ahead and it will destroy the relationship. If you try and break it off now, she won't be thinking about these other guys because she will want what she thinks she lost, YOU! It sounds like you don't trust her and now she does'nt trust you. You need to get out now before she really hurts you. Just my opinion! Hope things work for you!