innocentbutterfly Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Hello everyone! I'm new here and i hope you can help me. So we had a long distance relationship. Quite bumpy, many fights, He broke up with me because of a small online thing from my past and because of his doubts if he can be with me (family approving-hes muslim) however, they day he broke up with me he blocked me on whatsapp and facebook. I spent a week texting/calling him numerous times, only to be ignored. So either way, 3 weeks passed, It was very hard but I can say I got over crying stage and I just didn0t want to seem like the evil one so I send him a birthday gift. Red roses in a vase and a teddy bear saying he may forget me and all but i didnt. Maybe if he tried harder we could try again and that I hope I hear from him. However, he received the gift today, accepted it from the delivery vehicle too. However, he didnt write me or unblock me. I dont know, I was expecting he wouldnt, but I was still disappointed seeing how much I loved him that 2 years meant nothing to him. We met once for 10 days in summer and 3 months after it all ended. But later today I noticed something weird. I had a routine to check daily just to see if he unblocked me and he did, on facebook. Not on whatsapp, but facebook. WHY? why today? why accepting a gift if he doesnt care anymore(or he does?), why unblock me if he didnt want to even write a thank you for me remembering his birthdaY? (let me mention his ego is up to the roof) I just can't understand it. I thought at first that maybe he went and checked my profile and cant block me for next 48 hours(fb policy) but I don't know, second is I'm guessing he did it to expect I will contact him? When if anything he should be contacting me thanking me for a gift? I dont understand him. A part of me still loves him and misses him, but I'm just too hurt to consider anything if I even saw he still cares. Why you think would he do that? It just doesn't make sense. And what should I do? he still keeps all my posts on his facebook wall and photos, he even kept my brother on his friend list, I wonder why all of it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 19, 2013 Author Share Posted December 19, 2013 well I know, but I didn't want to be like I'm the bad one. I just wanted to be nice, Make him see after all I still remembered it and remembered him. I loved him way too much. Maybe I really am reading into it too much, but wouldn't you want to at least understand why all of it, all that behaviour? Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 19, 2013 Author Share Posted December 19, 2013 yeah I thought that I should not be doing any contact since he's the dumper too. The way I know him, so ego driven he will never reach out though. Because even in our fights before I was always the one initiating contact and making up first. I just can't let go of this annyoing thought why do it, why unblock and if he really hates me so much he could simply reject the gift. I just don't understand where is all the hate coming from. I know if an ex so fresh would send me a gift and I would be the dumpee still I would thank out of politeness, but make it clear there is no new hope or something Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 19, 2013 Author Share Posted December 19, 2013 well, you got a point there. But isn't is what love is about, trying to patch up at rough times if the other side isn't brave enough/has too much ego? In 2 years I've given up many of my principles for this guy just to make it work. I was sure for the 1st time in my life, he was my first and I gave him my virginity which later he didnt value much as 3 months after he broke up. I will not contact him anymore, I was already decided for that, after seeing how he just ignored the gift I am even more. But sometimes one has to do a little sacrificing for love, sadly, I did a major part here and if he's gonna want me back he will do the contact despite all the ego and other stuff right. The only thing here is I wanted to understand, why unblock me at one place, but not make contact and why after gift. That's all that bothered me here Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 19, 2013 Author Share Posted December 19, 2013 What you would do, is not what others would do. I would not acknowledge a gift from an ex that had wronged me either. I would ignore it too. maybe. but I'm one to actually think ignoring and blocking is for the weak, you have to face a problem, ignoring and blocking isnt solving anything. And if you are angry I still think you should keep your manners, for the sake of good times at least. It's not hard saying thank you, your tongue would still be in one piece. But then again, that's just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 well, you got a point there. But isn't is what love is about, trying to patch up at rough times if the other side isn't brave enough/has too much ego? In 2 years I've given up many of my principles for this guy just to make it work. I was sure for the 1st time in my life, he was my first and I gave him my virginity which later he didnt value much as 3 months after he broke up. I will not contact him anymore, I was already decided for that, after seeing how he just ignored the gift I am even more. But sometimes one has to do a little sacrificing for love, sadly, I did a major part here and if he's gonna want me back he will do the contact despite all the ego and other stuff right. The only thing here is I wanted to understand, why unblock me at one place, but not make contact and why after gift. That's all that bothered me here If the other side isn't brave enough or has too much ego, then they don't value you enough to try to save things. You've done your part (too much actually, sending the gift was a really bad idea), it's time for you to back off. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 well, you got a point there. But isn't is what love is about, trying to patch up at rough times if the other side isn't brave enough/has too much ego? In 2 years I've given up many of my principles for this guy just to make it work. I was sure for the 1st time in my life, he was my first and I gave him my virginity which later he didnt value much as 3 months after he broke up. I will not contact him anymore, I was already decided for that, after seeing how he just ignored the gift I am even more. But sometimes one has to do a little sacrificing for love, sadly, I did a major part here and if he's gonna want me back he will do the contact despite all the ego and other stuff right. The only thing here is I wanted to understand, why unblock me at one place, but not make contact and why after gift. That's all that bothered me here You shouldn't have to give up any principles in a relationship to make it work! If you do, then he's not the right guy for you. Don't check his fb. Don't read in to everything. He's not contacting you after the gift bc he DUMPED you and foes not want the gift. Does any of this make sense to you??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 well, you got a point there. But isn't is what love is about, trying to patch up at rough times if the other side isn't brave enough/has too much ego? No, love is about two equals working together, it should never be one-sided. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Innocent Butterfly His lack of response when you tried to contact him was the message. He wants to stay broken up. Yes it was very nice of you to send a b-day gift but it was a wasted effort. I don't know why he unblocked you on FB but in the end that shouldn't matter. FB is not real life & nothing that happens there matters. Yes, when you are in love you may sacrifice for your partner but those are little things. For example, I will sacrifice one evening next month to go to event I don't want to attend because it will make my husband happy. I'm not giving up a piece of my soul or changing my value system for him. Do you understand the difference? You said it yourself. You had many fights & the relationship was bumpy. That's a problem. Let it go. The relationship is over & it's time for you to focus on you, start healing & move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 well guys I actually got contact from him today. He said that he sent me a message, but I didn't get any (pathological liar much?) However, I made a call and he picked up, unknowingly it was me I'm guessing and then I texted hope his birthday was okay and gift too and that he should keep me blocked if he didn't like it and talk to me. He said thanks I liked it, you are really nice. LOL! and then all hell unleashed. He had the nerve to talk to me like normal. Like he said that we won't talk past and feelings and then began to ask me about my sex life, how it was these days if I did any cyber sex and he admitted he did, 2 weeks after he broke up with me! I told him how much he disgusts me. I was shocked and just beyond belief what did just happen. It all seemed so easy to hims saying when he wants it he will do it again. And apologizing because he ruined my life that maybe it gets better. Even encouraged me to have cyber sex after he learned I was miserable thinking of him and I didn't do what he did. He even dared to ask if we can talk this stuff and when I have a new man if he does it better than him that he will envy him (is he sick in the brain?) Imagine that. He left me for same thing from my past and he went do it 2 weeks later? what a joke! He exccused that with I told you women and men are never the same. Give me a break. And miserable poor me, I cried, I was hoping he thought of me at least once, that he had an ounce of regret and I find out he was ****ing with girls on cam. I'm angered and disgusted beyond belief. Like it's a shock, I don't know what I'm feeling, but I feel like a giant hole has just opened below my feet and I'm about to fall in it. I can't begin to believe this is the man I actually loved. The man I though of as my future husband, talked kids with him. It's a disaster. Just had to vent. And I wish you all guys out there be careful. If this guy could play 2 years it means there's very good actors out there when it comes to men searching girls online. Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 No response IS a response. A response saying "I want nothing to do with you". Harsh, but true. take a hint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 well @Ordinaryday if you have read what I wrote last you would see the response was beyond my belief. Shaken me up. My healing process is taking too long and today actually I cried when I didn't in 2 weeks before. Like pouring salt on old open wound all over again. I don't know in what sick reality my heart still doesn't hate him. I just can't believe myself. I'm too shaken. Link to post Share on other sites
reddragon588 Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 well guys I actually got contact from him today. He said that he sent me a message, but I didn't get any (pathological liar much?) However, I made a call and he picked up, unknowingly it was me I'm guessing and then I texted hope his birthday was okay and gift too and that he should keep me blocked if he didn't like it and talk to me. He said thanks I liked it, you are really nice. LOL! and then all hell unleashed. He had the nerve to talk to me like normal. Like he said that we won't talk past and feelings and then began to ask me about my sex life, how it was these days if I did any cyber sex and he admitted he did, 2 weeks after he broke up with me! I told him how much he disgusts me. I was shocked and just beyond belief what did just happen. It all seemed so easy to hims saying when he wants it he will do it again. And apologizing because he ruined my life that maybe it gets better. Even encouraged me to have cyber sex after he learned I was miserable thinking of him and I didn't do what he did. He even dared to ask if we can talk this stuff and when I have a new man if he does it better than him that he will envy him (is he sick in the brain?) Imagine that. He left me for same thing from my past and he went do it 2 weeks later? what a joke! He exccused that with I told you women and men are never the same. Give me a break. And miserable poor me, I cried, I was hoping he thought of me at least once, that he had an ounce of regret and I find out he was ****ing with girls on cam. I'm angered and disgusted beyond belief. Like it's a shock, I don't know what I'm feeling, but I feel like a giant hole has just opened below my feet and I'm about to fall in it. I can't begin to believe this is the man I actually loved. The man I though of as my future husband, talked kids with him. It's a disaster. Just had to vent. And I wish you all guys out there be careful. If this guy could play 2 years it means there's very good actors out there when it comes to men searching girls online. You need to stop talking to this guy, or engaging him in any way. This is a toxic relationship that is providing zero value to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 thank you guys. actually your words help a lot. well he kept me on his whatsapp and I'm guessing he wants to keep talking because he said that, but I won't give him the fun to bring me down anymore. He can talk to himself. What a piece of rubbish of a man would want to keep knowing an ex woman's sex life and saying he will envy them if they do it better than he did. Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 I would tell him a peanut does it better than him, that should take his ego down a notch... Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 When you have a dog, and it shows bad behaviour, you ignore the dog or punnish the dog. You do NOT reward the dogs bad behavior by giving it a snack and say: "Nice dog, here you have a snack for biting me in the ass." Treat him like the bad dog he is. Ignore him, don't reward him for his bad behaviour. This dog will have to do a lot of tricks and sucking up before you ever reward it by responding to it ever again. IF EVER. He is not worth your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Oh, and block this dog from contacting you in every way: FB, Whatsapp, phone, smoke signals, etc. That after his insults you still have him on Whatsapp tells him he can abuse you some more when he feels the need for an egoboost. DO NOT LET HIM. You seem like a nice girl, don't let your ex change you into an insecure doormat. Be strong! BLOCK THE DOG! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 Thank you @Trapito I will just ignore it alltogether. He did this so well a whole week after leaving me and me begging with countless sms and messages right? He's just an immature boy thinking sex is the reason for living (and he turned that after I gave him my virginity - he didnt have sex 3 years before). If I knew it before I wouldn't start a relationship with a low ass human like he proved to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 I would tell him a peanut does it better than him, that should take his ego down a notch... haha I know right, why would he even remotely think he can still be in the know of my sex life and why envy, I dont get it, he must be sick in the head Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Guy sounds like a real perv....I'm sure he uses prostitutes too Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) @legion113 this guy that I met, he used to be a good guy, different, didnt drink, didnt party. A year in he started acting bad, like I was the one begging for him to love me. I thought visit would strenghten us, then 3 months later he broke up saying it was my fault we went so far, That he just wanted to learn english at first. And he was the one telling me how much he loves me and bla bla. After visit he became even colder, the last day there he wanted to breakup because of distance and just day by day went colder, wanted even groupies in his cyber sex that we had. It started being worse and went to the worsest. This is not the guy I met. Something terribly wrong happened with him in those 2 years or he was just a really good actor, because that love when we met seemed genuine. You see I gave him sex, my virginity, that feeling back after 3 years not getting any I guess made him insane sex beast now, just pathetic and disgusting. selfish to the point that he said only sex was really good with me, different than with anyone before. aying he's not emotional, he doesnt want me back, but sex was really something different and that was a best part of being with me. I dont know if I should feel pathetic or what for that Edited December 20, 2013 by innocentbutterfly Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Forget love. This guy doesn't even respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innocentbutterfly Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 @Keepsmilling you may have taken ldr's as nothing serious, but the way they work is as if you'd be living with a person, you just arent able to touch them and all the physical stuff. But investing 2 years of life, living it with together, daily, every few hours, meeting, being intimate, it takes its toll on you just as a local relationship. However. This one turned out to be a stupidity, I was warned by friends, by people, by strangers, many times not to go continuing it, not to visit him, however I believed in this illusion I met online. After meeting all changed. So whatever I did it was all out of love. Foolish stuff it makes you do. But I'm over it now. Finding out what happened now after breakup made me ralize how little it really meant to him and that he's just a cyber sex psycho. I'm at peace knowing this is not the guy I met, this is not the guy I spent time with. Something went wrong with him and whatever that was I don't know, but it woke me enough and it broke even my last ounce of hope. Link to post Share on other sites
legion113 Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Ummmmm, wow, boy was this guy a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Could be worse, you could have married him and had kids. I would stop all contact with him, he seems unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 Asking the WHY questions is like spinning your wheels when you are stuck in the mud.. You go nowhere, and just get more stuck Link to post Share on other sites
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