I sent a gift to my ex....no response...thoughts?

[Itspointless]

In my country Muslim boys have a bit of a name to use Non-Muslim girls for sex as they describe those woman as whores. They often are from Muslim cultures that are very masculine. When it comes to marriage they tend to be traditional and want a religious girl that still is a virgin: Muslim-girls sometimes even take operations to pretend to those man to still be virgins.

 

I definitely do not want to discriminate as I also know Muslim-man that married non-Muslim woman out of love! But I do know that woman have to be careful as some of these man have cultural or non-cultural double standards. I think any Muslim would agree with me - as I tried to educate myself in this religion in the past trying to understand its values and also the many cultural differences between Muslims - this kind of behaviour is NOT seen as Muslim. Many Muslims though do not know much themselves about their own religion and what is cultural and what not.

 

I am sorry you have to go through this, you are worth much better.

[d0nnivain]

@, I was warned by friends, by people, by strangers, many times not to go continuing it, not to visit him, however I believed in this illusion I met online. .

 

When 1 person in your life doesn't like your SO, that's a personality conflict. When everybody who cares about you warns you away, LISTEN.

 

I hope these last conversations with him are the last conversations. It sounds to me like you got -- or should have gotten -- some closure. You now have admissions that he's not the nice guy you thought he was. Move on.

[deponie12]

@Keepsmilling you may have taken ldr's as nothing serious, but the way they work is as if you'd be living with a person, you just arent able to touch them and all the physical stuff. But investing 2 years of life, living it with together, daily, every few hours, meeting, being intimate, it takes its toll on you just as a local relationship.

 

However. This one turned out to be a stupidity, I was warned by friends, by people, by strangers, many times not to go continuing it, not to visit him, however I believed in this illusion I met online. After meeting all changed. So whatever I did it was all out of love. Foolish stuff it makes you do. But I'm over it now. Finding out what happened now after breakup made me ralize how little it really meant to him and that he's just a cyber sex psycho. I'm at peace knowing this is not the guy I met, this is not the guy I spent time with. Something went wrong with him and whatever that was I don't know, but it woke me enough and it broke even my last ounce of hope.

 

I was in this same situation- my ex of 3 years was more interested in online girls and cyber sex I found all this out. He did these things to other women the while time we were together. I took him back twice-- ( twice too many!) this time I am DONE! I have been no contact since Nov 5th- he tries to call me everyday at work, I hear his voice on my voice mail and delete without hearing what he has to say. My favorite quote "If the past calls, don't answer it, it has nothing new to say"

[ponchsox]

I give gifts to people who want to be in a relationship with me.

[innocentbutterfly]

I was in this same situation- my ex of 3 years was more interested in online girls and cyber sex I found all this out. He did these things to other women the while time we were together. I took him back twice-- ( twice too many!) this time I am DONE! I have been no contact since Nov 5th- he tries to call me everyday at work, I hear his voice on my voice mail and delete without hearing what he has to say. My favorite quote "If the past calls, don't answer it, it has nothing new to say"

 

I'm sorry we had to go through this experience for such idiots. I hope you too weren't losing your virginity to that idiot like I was. And btw, I praise you, you are so much stronger than me. I was never able to ignore and say bye. I justified all his mistakes like it became a routine.

 

thank your everyone for your words of support. I realized how he was, but I'll need a lot of time to accept the fact that even after talking to him for the last chance he refused. He didn't say his love was gone. He refused, because of his moral (blaming me for nude pics with my online ex from the past while he got my virginity and saw my body as 1st man in reality), when he did cyber sex so many times he forgot to count, before he started with me, also had real sex(obviously) and then had cyber again after breaking up with me. OBVIOUSLY i NEVER KNEW ABOUT CYBER SEX. If I would he would go to my black list like all those idiots that do that with strangers. Irony? He said if he knew I exchanged nude pics (when I did this with only guy- ex - 3 photos) that he would never start with me, because he would never accept that somebody saw my body before him. Yes he said virtual or real it was same to him as if I would be having sex before. And even more ironic? He said he would forgive to a girl if she wasnt a virgin, because there could be various reasons why she had sex and if she only had it one time -(like there is ever really one time) and that ironically is less of a sin than my photos, like SERIOUSLY?

 

What kind of moral is that that I wasn't worth forgiving and he gets a pass because women and men arent equal to him? I felt so much worth less for that. I'm still trying to get to terms with it that there wasn't something wrong with me and with what I did, because he did so much worse (and I can't change my past, but I should never talk my past intimate life with him thinking our love was stronger and I could tell him everything without consequences - my trust meant **** there). He's a sinner compared to me and he dared to judge me and burn our love for it. But all good I said goodbye today, I said he can hang and write sometimes just to kind of help me by feeling he is still around in some way until I heal. Of course I doubt he will contact, he never does, he was always heavy chatty only when he wanted sex chat, so yeah...even said we can have it again, occassionally, but he doesn't want me back. SERIOUSLY. like I'm some kind of toy for him.

 

He even dared to give me brain on how I should search a new man saying not to start another LDR, because it will only hurt me and not to be a 'show girl' on cam, because if the guy really loves me he won't need my body for it and that I know I can make him crazy with my words, because that worked on him. Like SERIOUSLY? HE wanted all that and he lectures me what to be careful of in the future?

I told him to STFU and not try to fix me, he can't fix me. Only his love was able to and now I have to take care of myself and despite everything I wish him luck and that even if he contacts, I'll break contact as soon as I'm better and he's in new relationship, because I just couldn't handle it. He doesn't believe in friendship after breakup anyway and well me...I couldn't do it even if I wanted. He kind of does it to make me feel better I guess, but he can't really.

 

And yes, he is totally unstable. At 26 still living with parents, when in the past we had a conversation if he would move that we could be meeting or if we ever had a life together he said he would never leave parents house excusing rents are expensive. He said if you would buy apartment then we could. And not only that, he doesn't have a plan for future. He enjoys cyber sex, when I said why he did it 2 weeks after leaving me and not go out instead with a real girl and screw her. He said if he finds a right woman he will, but for now it's okay, he has no plan. He can go online and find new for cyber when he wants again. Marriage for him seems prison, he says he wants to be free, have freedom for now, for a few years. At 26 no goal in life, working at the job he began working in since he graduated, so totally immature and I thought I could actually make this immature guy serious enough to have a life with him. How pathetic. Not to mention his ego and selfishness, he doesn't really love anyone, he loves himself the most. Once he even told me a week before leaving me that sometimes he thinks 'why I'm with her, why I waste her time, I don't really want to be with anyone' and not to mention he replied to his friends when I was there with I love you baby and kisses, male friends. Saying that's how they communicate and sometimes his one best friend sleeps over. I wouldn't say anything, but I wouldn't doubt if he was a BI or gay too and he doesnt actually know it, no idea what would a friend do with him for 6 hours (once he said wait and wrote me 6 hours late saying now he went to sleep and I was up angry waiting him all night, careless or something else, go figure and I did meet those all of his friends too). What a fool I was.

Edited December 22, 2013 by innocentbutterfly

[KatZee]

I wonder why all of it?

 

(let me mention his ego is up to the roof)

 

^^^ That's why.

[innocentbutterfly]

yeah among other things, but that is the main reason for everything

[innocentbutterfly]

Just wanted to update this. Since we established contact again. He wrote me one time, I did twice, when I shouldn't even one time, but I keep jumping between stages. Though I don't know how can I still hope he will come back, hope and see some man he isn't. I feel angry with myself. Because 3 times in a row he rejected trying to forget and give it a last chance. 1st time he said he doesn't want and second time that he couldn't forget it even in 10 years and he doesnt wanna waste my time, then 3rd time, today, just point blank told me to delete him fom my life and not try anything. His words. 3 times more I got broken all over again. I know I shouldn't be asking but I was,.

 

He told me we can talk and we had a late 4 hour conversation last night talking something that I thought made him re-think when i wrote him today he was out with friends replying me 3 short replies saying he doesn't remember what we talked and to forget him. Like why would he take his sleep, spend time for me and go to work sleeping to little like old times. Was he really just hoping I'll start dirty talk and help him gef off and that's just it? Because we were jumping in a topic we had to it all the time.

 

Last night even he said at 1st that if I need sex that he is there for me, he can 'help' when actually he misses (my word, he doesnt say that, he just says with others was and is never like it was with me and that it would work on him again if we tried again) how I made him feel with my dirty talk, not me. And he dared to say we can do this and I think as if 'he's mine', but in reality it will never happen again, just play around basically have me as one of his cyber bitches when I was his everything, his girlfriend and he saw me as a wife once? he must be crazy to think that, to even say it to me, how he dares when he know's I'm still getting over him.

I don't know, but I think he's just playing a fool of me. He told me he never forgot our sexual moments and they still get him hot thinking them, but that's only what he thinks of me SEXUAL, no love, no feelings. He said love and sex are two different things now and he can do sex with me no problem, virtual of course. What a joke.

 

So I'm a fool to ever hope this man will ever come back and change, right?

I told him I won't ask again and I hope he remembers my birthday next day and that he can write sometimes as a friend as we agreed at start. It just hurts to see him on my contacts lists and coming online, but not talking to me. I have to make myself stop checking on him and just leave him there, though deep down it hurts and I know this is over, but I dont know why I keep hoping, why I can't just move on and stop loving.

Edited December 26, 2013 by innocentbutterfly

[innocentbutterfly]

today he wrote me, saying it's none of his business but asked why I'm online 24/7 on whatsapp. I asked why he asks is he checking me? and he said no, just meant to write you and saw.

 

Is he checking me? and why would he do that I dont understand.

[Emotions]

It's so much easier when you are on the outside looking in....but here's some tough love- this guy is a jerk and is never going to give you what you want. I'm still trying to get over my ex, but you are NOT trying. Geez if he writes you, ignore him! If there is anything I learned, your ignoring him will have him wondering why you are ignoring him....I know it's hard when you love someone, it's so hard, but you gotta TRY! Especially since it's about to be a new year

[BC1980]

You must go NC for good and see that there is no looking back. You are denying it because it's too painful to move forward. You are stuck because it's scary to move on. I know because I did the same thing. I was always waiting around and hoping for a second chance. I kept refusing, on some level, to believe it was over for good. I realized I was doing that because it was so painful and scary to take steps to move forward. What I didn't understand is that he had already let go of the relationship, so I was the only one left in it.

[innocentbutterfly]

Well all I wanted to try is friendship, but it's not going this way. The other day he said a friend told him I was online in some facebook app and asked me if I found any new guy yet and if I did sex chat with him, like that's what I live for!

 

He's became a total online whore. I don't even know him anymore. all he talks is sex. not to mention I just discovered how he had a whole new fb profile for a year and blocked me there when I didnt even know about it, makes me wonder what else more was a lie. that was even before I went and met him in person. Months before. Needless to say I'm shocked since that behaviour when we met doesn't match any of it. Spending money and all the stuff. Oh god. I seriously was a fool. I dont think I'd find anything new so I just let it go for now. Yes, what he is doing is his business, but I feel kind of entitled to know why having this profile for a whole year hidden from me, as that was during our relationship. However, yes, he keeps contacting me a few days apart saying if I found any new guy for sex chat. I dont know who he thinks I am, but obviously he's imagining all the bad now. He said if I find and I'm happy it'll make him happy. WTF? Is he trying to justify what he did to me by that making himself feel less guilty? He told me about his friend finding me online and he asked me if I found, like it's any of his business, Of course I wasn't direct with the answer so he can think what he wants. But weird everytime he contacts me he seems to talk about how good our sex was and about me finding other men, if I found any. I don't know what he expects from me. If I said I could try friendship that wasn't meant in it. When I said if he misses it and that it's normal process he went all attacking me in a way that he didn't say that and obviously he cant as he's finished and he can find online instantly if he wants. I seriously don't get this guy.

 

I'm discovering so many things about him and wondering what was all that a lie, a charade?

 

He wished me happy new year too. x.x like he meant any of it...

Edited January 1, 2014 by innocentbutterfly