DinNJ Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 my story is a lil' different... I was friends with my girl for almost 7 years. She moved away almost 4 years ago to be with some guy. Keeping in contact with me almost everyday... mostly complaining about this other guy. Basically, contacting me to get what she was missing in her relationship. This time last year, I knew she had feelings for me, as I did her, so I confessed. She also confessed, but then turned around and gave him another chance. In the beginning of the summer she contacted me again... expressed more feelings, got my hopes up and again went back to him, cutting me off. In september, out the blue, she traveled to see her family in PA. Stopped by to see me, first time in 4 years. Crying, upset that she had married this guy and a month after her marriage, he hit her son. (he's not the father) She told me again, now that we were face to face, that her feelings for me were stronger then ever... she was done with her husband and wanted to keep me in her life forever. Eventually, she made her way back to Florida... got her own apartment and continued a phone relationship with me for 3 months, begging me to come see her. Finally I did.... Spent 4 days at her apartment and then I took her and her son to Disney for a couple days for his birthday. It was magical... A lot of affection.. a lot of communication. According to her it was everything she hoped for and more. Some of her words to me... Soulmates... nothing would ever break us again... I told her I was in love with her... she confessed she had "the same feelings"... promised me a divorce from her husband... etc. My head was completely filled with our hopes and dreams. At the same time, I could tell it was a little awkard for her seeing her son hangin' around with a new guy. Felt bad for her, cause I could tell it bothered her a bit. In a good way, but also bad. The last night I was there she said..."Nothing will ever break us or keep us apart... I think we're the real deal... soulmates" The next morning I drove 700 miles back to my area.... by the time I got home, her attitude with me on the phone was different....distant. She ignored me throughout my first week back from seeing her. I questioned, she played the "Confused" girl... Two days later, I received an email that she wanted to make things better once again, with her ex because he was in a major car accident and she felt she was obligated to take care of him. She stated in her email that everything she felt and said to me was sincere, but "unrealistic". She said she only felt guilt while with me, not loving feelings. Basically her email totally contradicted everything she told me and felt while I was there with her. The email was short, very insincere and explained nothing. I responded to her email with alot of anger...probably shouldn't have, but I think she knows I was upset. Not necessarily putting her down, but trying to get her to "see the light" and to stop putting her hands back in the fire.... ya know? Needless to say, I haven't got a response from her first "Im sorry" email in three weeks. She totally cut me off again. Sorry about the length... But it was a bit of a long story... and that was actually only a small portion of it.... but it gives you an idea... The fact is... this girl had feelings for me since the day I met her seven years ago. She told me she was in love with me numerous times recently throughout the year and NOT in love with her husband. Most of her excuses for going back to him are because of friends/family influences... and her son needs a "Daddy" and a "stable house" ... I'm not sure what to believe... a part of me believes that she's afraid of change... starting over... so she's settling for what she already knows... When I was with her, I noticed she lost her confidence, self asteem and was very insecure. Probably because of her failing relationship with him. Then again, maybe it is what it is.... and maybe I'm just her crutch? Her fall back guy... security blanket if you will... Im not sure. It just hurts cause I went out of my way to see her... 700 miles to tell her face to face that I was in love with her.... she returned the feelings to me and then returned back to him the day I left. That's just crazy... Not to mention I paid for the whole friggn' trip to Disney for her and her son and the ex ends up getting the girl. Any advice as to what this girl maybe going through??? Any woman already found themselves in this situation or have done this to someone in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 No way of knowing what she is going through. Sounds like she could be codependent? Maybe she is afraid of this other guy? Sometimes people who have been abused will go back to their abuser. It's a twisted way of looking at love. She sounds like she has a lot of issues and is not dealing with them very well. Or she just could be really selfish and has manufactured "true love" feelings for you when it was convenient for her to do so. I feel sorry for her son too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DinNJ Posted January 4, 2005 Author Share Posted January 4, 2005 besides myself.... the son is the only one I feel sorry for.... 3 months ago, she claimed she wanted stability for her son, which is why she got her own apartment... Then turned around and moved him back. Pretty stable move that was huh? Don't think she's involved with an abuser.... at least not physical, cause she's WAY to too tough to put up with that. It might be more like mental abuse.... he's very, very manipulative. Always making her for sorry for him... always telling her he'll change for her. And then when he doesn't, she finds a way to contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
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