Girlfriend is getting cold with me

[Daniel111]

hey guys,

 

we are together almost 4 years, she always was more active and even ready for marriage, month ago she told me that she is confused, she cannot see future of us, than after 1 week break we met each other and she told me that let's try to be together because she misses me. but now 3 days has gone and we are like together but she is cold, sometimes close to me sometimes very far, without attention, but we are talking about things like we are together and about future/new years plans.

please advise your opinions

[PegNosePete]

"Confused" almost always means there is someone else in the picture.

Seems like she dumped you to give it a go with the other guy, it didn't work out, so she came back to you.

Now she is feeling guilt which is why she is acting cold.

[Pistol pete]

I can tell you from experience (this has happened to me more than once), when they have these sorts of feelings, they will return again... could be a month, could be a year.

 

It's usually because they want to venture out and try something different after a long relationship, however sometimes they initially will come back to you because of guilt/missing you or just because they have doubts about stepping out into that world again on their own.

[crederer]

I gotta say, it doesn't look good.

 

I'd suggest breaking it off with her, even if you REALLY want to make it work.

 

Reasoning behind it is that she's having second thoughts about the relationship for one reason or the other. It may be that another guy is in the picture, it may be that there isn't but she wants to see what else is out there. Any time she backs off and goes hunting for someone else, and you accept it then take her back at her beckoning call, the more rope you're giving her to act that way.

 

If you step away from it, first of all, it's easier on you psycholigically to be the dumper rather than the dumpee, second she sees that you're not just a passenger in her life or simply an option as if you're a product in a grocery store (should I get coke or pepsi?).

 

I promise you that if you break up with her, and she comes back on her own (without you coercion) she'll be yours. If you break up with her and she doesn't come back it was not meant to be.

 

I know it goes against your primal feelings, and it's hard to do that when all you want to do is be with her. But I'm telling you, this is what you gotta do.

[AlphaC]

hey guys,

 

we are together almost 4 years, she always was more active and even ready for marriage, month ago she told me that she is confused, she cannot see future of us, than after 1 week break we met each other and she told me that let's try to be together because she misses me. but now 3 days has gone and we are like together but she is cold, sometimes close to me sometimes very far, without attention, but we are talking about things like we are together and about future/new years plans.

please advise your opinions

 

Damn, I'm in the same boat. I dated this girl for over a year, the last month of our relationship she started acting cold. Her girlfriend moved in with her (temporarily) and they started hanging out more and more. She started to pick fights over dumb stuff, I was miserable because I wanted to marry her, treated her like a queen. I took her out, dancing, dinner, we were so strong up until that last month. Then in the middle of September she got really cold and dropped the bomb that she was "confused and needed time" via text while I was at work. I texted her back asking her to reconsider but she persisted and then i told her " take all the time you need." I saw her two days later for lunch and that was it, she called me the day after lunch and asked me to call her back, I didn't because I was so hurt. A couple of days later I called her and she didn't seem interested in me anymore so i left her alone. No communication except for one instance where I asked about money she owed me from a trip we didn't take.

 

If she is confused leave her alone, if she wants to be with another man walk away with your dignity, don't contact her whatsoever and be very careful with breadcrumbs, DO NOT and I mean DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY of her messages absent her crying and begging for another chance. You don't need a woman that won't commit to you, you deserve to be treated like a king. Women are strange, give yourself a month or two and start dating other women, that's what I did and I'm feeling so much better. You can't put your life on hold for her while she goes out and does "her thing" she is enjoying herself while you sit around and mope, the day the tables turn you will have the last laugh.

[Iguanna]

"Being confused means the glass has been broken and she wants out, but she wants to keep you on hold in case anything new she will go for doesn't succeed. You should be a man and tell her that you don't think she is 100% into the relationship so you will leave her alone to decide whether she wants to totally dedicate herself in your relationship or she wants to move on. Set a deadline and go NC for this period. After this period is done, ask her about her decision, if she wants to come back give her a trial period but if she continues being cold, break it up. Good luck.

[emva07]

"Confused" almost always means there is someone else in the picture.

Seems like she dumped you to give it a go with the other guy, it didn't work out, so she came back to you.

Now she is feeling guilt which is why she is acting cold.

 

I agree with this, but in the last sentence I'd put "it didn't work out, now she came back to you, but she's pissed it didn't work out and is now back to the same ole' same ole'

[Kayla7]

Who's talking about and making the future plans? You or her? Being confused is never a good sign. Even if she said she misses you, that doesn't automatically mean she wants to get back together permanently. I think you both need to have a serious talk, and be assertive with her. Tell her what you want and if she doesn't want those things (marriage, kids, etc.) she needs to be honest with you.

 

She could be seeing someone like others have suggested, but don't point fingers right off the bat.

[Spectre]

Talk to her about why she was confused, definitely find out if there was another dude in the picture. If she decided to take this break with you just to test drive another dude then she is just trash so move on with your life. If she has just been with you a long time and maybe does want to marry you, but felt she hadn't been with enough people yet so she broke it off a bit to indulge..again I say "she is trash then".

 

Also I can see being confused in a relationship, but I think if you get to the point where you are saying you are "ready for marriage" then any type of "confusion" should of been cleared up long before making such a declaration. Being ready for marriage tends to mean you aren't confused.

Edited December 22, 2013 by Spectre