Is it bad to continue being friends with an ex?

[Rockingham]

I've been dating my bf for 14 months now and what's bothering me is he is friends with this particular ex gf he met back way in his early teens years. He isn't friends with his other ex gfs, just her.

 

They broke up way back when both were 19. But damn. He's already 25. Is he going to get over her and go NC just like he did on the others.

 

Sometimes I find myself getting slightly jealous because for sure, he must be having a special place for her and something I'll never be able to give him. Will he get over her eventually?

[PegNosePete]

Why do you think he's not over her?

There is a difference between not being over someone, and being friends with them.

Don't you have any male friends?

[TaraMaiden]

Sometimes I find myself getting slightly jealous because for sure, he must be having a special place for her and something I'll never be able to give him. Will he get over her eventually?

 

Your jealousy is your problem, not his, and it's something you're going to have to deal with....

 

Remember this: She may have 'something you'll never be able to give him' but they still broke up.

And obviously, you're giving him something she can't give him....

 

What's to get over?

[GoreSP]

I love it when a man I date is friends with his ex. I think it shows emotional maturity and that he must have treated them well (so it's a good sign for me).

 

Judging by what you are telling us, you need to deal with your insecurities. Unless he is acting shady and you just aren't telling us...

[Rockingham]

Your jealousy is your problem, not his, and it's something you're going to have to deal with....

 

Remember this: She may have 'something you'll never be able to give him' but they still broke up.

And obviously, you're giving him something she can't give him....

 

What's to get over?

I guess I don't focus on my first from long ago. I've not only move on but just don't see the point in keeping exes as friends. I'm the type of person that focuses on what's happening in the present.

 

Yes, Pegnose I have several male friends but none of them are previous exes.

[GoreSP]

I guess I don't focus on my first from long ago. I've not only move on but just don't see the point in keeping exes as friends. I'm the type of person that focuses on what's happening in the present.

 

Yes, Pegnose I have several male friends but none of them are previous exes.

 

I'm like that too. But just because I see no point in being friends with my exes, doesn't mean I have to force this on everyone else.

[PegNosePete]

just don't see the point in keeping exes as friends.

Hmm, this attitude is worrying slightly to me.

Does being friends with anyone have a "point"?

So you have male friends... what is the point of having those?

 

People and relationships do not have to have a "point" other than mutual enjoyment of each other's company (whether romantic or platonic).

[InnocentMan]

If you feel it's a problem, then it's a problem. Some are ok with partners being friends with ex's. others, not so much. Only you can set your own parameters of what is acceptable to you.

 

Personally, I find it a bit creepy, and inappropriate, especially if they have lots of private contact.

[soccerrprp]

I love it when a man I date is friends with his ex. I think it shows emotional maturity and that he must have treated them well (so it's a good sign for me).

 

Really? I mean, I have a couple of friends who are exes and I would agree, but, you, as a woman, would be okay with that? I admire that. My gf thinks it odd that I have so many female friends. I do have male friends, but more female. My closest friends are male.

[Rockingham]

So you have male friends... what is the point of having those?

Those are guy friends more my workplace and a couple of them my female cousin knows. They aren't guys in my past.

[Rockingham]

Really? I mean, I have a couple of friends who are exes and I would agree, but, you, as a woman, would be okay with that? I admire that. My gf thinks it odd that I have so many female friends. I do have male friends, but more female. My closest friends are male.

What I'm trying to get is he hardly has any female friends, has gone NC with all of his exes except her. That's the only female friend he sometimes mentions to me about.

 

I would imagine that if I hardly ever had male friends and only keep in touch sometimes with my first love, I'm guessing some men would have a problem with that.

[Rockingham]

If you feel it's a problem, then it's a problem. Some are ok with partners being friends with ex's. others, not so much. Only you can set your own parameters of what is acceptable to you.

I think it would be different if he kept in contact with the other exes and not just that first gf he had.

[GoreSP]

Really? I mean, I have a couple of friends who are exes and I would agree, but, you, as a woman, would be okay with that? I admire that. My gf thinks it odd that I have so many female friends. I do have male friends, but more female. My closest friends are male.

 

Well, I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me at least a little. It does - but it comes from my own insecurities so I'm dealing with it.

I also lost two very platonic friends who were exes because of the new girlfriends and it pissed me off.

If it's good for me, it's good for everybody. I also reaaaally don't want to be this kind of girlfriend...

 

I may be too trusting, but I think that when a man chooses to be with me, it's because he wants to be with me - not his ex.

 

I think that when two exes are more than platonic friends, it shows.

 

The only time I had a real problem with an ex is the one who was so angry we were together she didn't want to meet me and didn't want to see us together. She did, however, want to see him when I was not around.

[GoreSP]

If you feel it's a problem, then it's a problem. Some are ok with partners being friends with ex's. others, not so much. Only you can set your own parameters of what is acceptable to you.

 

Personally, I find it a bit creepy, and inappropriate, especially if they have lots of private contact.

 

I somewhat agree. By all means, if it bothers you, talk about it to your significant other.

But the moment the significant other clears out that there is nothing going on between the two, then nothing is going on between the two.

 

Bonus points if he sets boundaries with the ex as far as private contacts go...

[crederer]

I can understand how you feel. It's hard to say. Generally speaking I wouldn't like it either.

 

Do they hang out 1 on 1? My ex was hanging out with her ex while we were together. They were always in groups, and didn't talk much other than what manners required. That didn;t really bother me. They broke up for very good reason and I know at least for her, she had no romantic feelings for him anymore.

 

However, if they were hanging out one on one and constantly texting or talking to eachother that would be crossing a boundary for me.

[Keke1]

OP yes it is in my experience. I won't even date you if you did. Not my thing and I surely don't have to put up with it. I don't play the X-Games

[TheGuard13]

Depends on the scenario. Unless they're banging each other or there's something amiss or one person has psychological issues causing them to need to stay in touch or something, I think staying friends with exes is generally the sign of a stable, mature human being.

 

 

I actually lived with my ex for six months while I was dating a new girl. Her new boyfriend came over and sometimes stayed the night. We still talk every so often, share details about our lives, etc. My girlfriend knows my ex, loves her, and there's no problem because we're all adults.

[Butterflying]

it always puts me on alert. First, I think we use the term "friends" too loosely. Maturity is ending previous relationships on good terms so there are no harsh feelings between you. There is no unfinished business between you. And whatever you share is dealt with responsibly so it doesn't interfere with your new mate.

 

If two people (ex's) are such good friends that they have to communicate & see each other regularly like best friends; then they are not mature because they obviously are in love. Having their (friendship) & getting involved with other people who will never share the same bond is unfair to the other people.

 

I was hurt by two ex boyfriends who had close relationships with ex's. Well, it's funny neither of them remained friends with me after we broke up, eventhough we ended on good terms. I welcomed the same kind of calls, text, & emails the other exs got. But no. The guys did to me what they claimed was impossible with the other ex's: they let me go. Needles to say, one of the guys later married one of his ex's.