He deleted me

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I was on my gmail account today and on my chat list I always had my ex on there. I can usually see when he is online or not.

 

I kept him there because it didn't really bother me, well maybe it did, but still I wasn't ready to make that step yet.

 

Anyways, I had just went through my phone and deleted him off my contact list because I didn't want to accidentally call him or text him. Plus, just to get him off of my phone was a step I needed to make.

 

Well then I look up and see that he is gone from my chat list on gmail. It says I would have to invite him to join again which means he deleted me the same time I deleted his number.

 

My heart sunk and I got this cold rush through my body. It really made me sad. I don't understand and I feel like crying. I know this is what needs to happen, but gosh, it hurts so bad.

 

Why did he block me? I have done nothing wrong.

[Still Searching]

This is one of those instances where I don't think it pays to ask questions, especially those you'll likely not get an answer to. If you do, you likely won't like what you hear anyway. It's not easy, but sometimes having the mindset of "it is what it is" is helpful. Even if there's something you can/could say or do to change this, would you really even want to? What would be the point? It wouldn't change anything in the long run. You're correct in that it needs to happen. It's just another step in the right direction to detach from the relationship.

 

 

Lots of us have been there, and yes, it's not easy to deal with. Chin up, one foot in front of the other, girl. You'll get past this.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

This is one of those instances where I don't think it pays to ask questions, especially those you'll likely not get an answer to. If you do, you likely won't like what you hear anyway. It's not easy, but sometimes having the mindset of "it is what it is" is helpful. Even if there's something you can/could say or do to change this, would you really even want to? What would be the point? It wouldn't change anything in the long run. You're correct in that it needs to happen. It's just another step in the right direction to detach from the relationship.

 

 

Lots of us have been there, and yes, it's not easy to deal with. Chin up, one foot in front of the other, girl. You'll get past this.

 

I understand. I didn't do anything to him. I didn't bother him or text him, so why does HE have to delete me! I should have deleted him first....Now, I really won't text him or call him because deleting me means you don't want me in your life.

 

I was okay till this happened, and now I can't stop crying.

 

I hate rejection.

[Clay]

Maybe he felt he had to delete you to help himself get passed the sadness.

 

You said you were ok seeing his name on the list. It might have been to painful for him.

 

Clay

[Zahara]

This is why it's best to delete them from everything so nothing triggers you. We still keep little doors of hope open here and there because it's too difficult to deal with the finality of it all. With that comes the chance of us getting hurt because when they decide to remove you, that little bit of hope crashes and accepting the end is near at hand. That is why you are hurt.

 

Cotton, this is a blessing to you. You may not see it now, but it is. The why and how does not matter anymore because none of that changes the fact that it was time to go and time to end it all.

 

You didn't do anything to him. Maybe this is his way of cutting the cord for himself, as well. Dumpers need to find their own closure as well. He doesn't have to remove you from gchat to let you know he wanted you out of his life. He already did that when he dumped you and mistreated you.

 

Rejection is very difficult to accept. But you will, in time.

[radiodarcy]

I understand how much it hurts. But remember he had already told you he was no longer in love with you; and kept you around (physically at least) for solely selfish reasons. You definitetly don't want to be in his life on those terms.

 

So he beat you to the punch on deleting you. Yeah - - it's annoying. But it's done now and at least it's one less tie that you don't have to worry about severing...

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Maybe he felt he had to delete you to help himself get passed the sadness.

 

You said you were ok seeing his name on the list. It might have been to painful for him.

 

Clay

 

Well now that he is passed the sadness, I am sad now.

 

It just means it's really over. This is it. He deleted me. I bet you he blocked me on his phone too. Who knows.

 

You swear I'll get over this? I feel like I'll never let him go. '

 

Why do the dumpers delete their ex if they aren't in love with them?

[reddragon588]

This is great news. Ideally, you would have been the one to delete him, but it achieves the same end. If there are any other channels you still have him on, go ahead and delete him now.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

This is great news. Ideally, you would have been the one to delete him, but it achieves the same end. If there are any other channels you still have him on, go ahead and delete him now.

 

Oh he is deleted. All the voice mails, pictures, phone numbers...everything.

 

It just seems so final. And the pain that comes with it is really difficult to bare with.

 

3 years...gone.

[Still Searching]

Well now that he is passed the sadness, I am sad now.

 

It just means it's really over. This is it. He deleted me. I bet you he blocked me on his phone too. Who knows.

 

You swear I'll get over this? I feel like I'll never let him go. '

 

Why do the dumpers delete their ex if they aren't in love with them?

 

 

 

Who knows, and who cares? If you had no intention of contacting him, it doesn't matter if he blocked you.

 

 

You'll get over it, and let him go. Years from now, or even months, you'll look back at everything, and you won't see it being any other way. You'll be happy with yourself, and eventually also with a partner. Every one of us has felt the same thing, like we'd never love again, or as strong, but we all do, eventually. Some a lot quicker than others, that's all.

 

 

Answering your last question, why wouldn't they? Regardless of who dumped who, the reality is one or both parties have chosen to cut ties. Why keep someone who you'll likely not contact again, and aren't in love with? I view it the same as someone dying. I had a good friend die two years ago. It took me a while to delete him from my phone, but I realized he wasn't ever going to call again. Treat this the same way. You're not going to call him, and even if he tries calling you, you won't answer, right? It sounds harsh, but at least for now, he's dead to you. His problems and feelings aren't your concern, and vice versa.

[Clay]

It takes time for people to heal. Some people don't heal fast and others do. You are probably much better off now anyhow.

 

Just give yourself some time and go out and have fun.

 

Clay

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I guess, to be honest, I wanted to hear "oh it was too painful for him to see you" or "he misses you so much, he had to delete you" or "his temptation to contact you were so great that he had to be strong and erase all temptation" Something to get my power back, now I just feel weak again. Like I lost all my power. He had the last word/action.

 

I guess I wanted something to lift my spirits. Not really to hear "it's over, he is dead to you, you are dead to him, we will never talk again" It's heartbreaking.

 

It's just part of the healing process I guess...accepting what we can't change.

 

I'm not mad at the honest answers, but you were right, we never hear what we want to hear.

[KS11]

Hi Bless,

 

Really sorry to hear your pain! The whole social media thing is something that i've really struggled with too! I recently had to ended things with my ex (not my choice..3 years too) and this time I made sure I deleted/blocked all social media avenues before she did. Not in an attempt to 'get one over on her' but because I knew I couldn't handle her doing it to me first, or worse seeing how great her life is without me. Theres things like twitter where I'm waiting for her to 'unfollow' and even though we don't use it much it will still hurt a whole lot when she does. I've also decided as my phone contract runs out in a couple of weeks to change my number, again purely as a way to try and get myself to accept things are over.

 

I totally get what you mean about the finality of it all. I figured though, as the BU is so raw, why not get it all done now, deal with all the pain at once.

The other obvious feelings are that she would find it hurtful to know i've done it, but like has been said before, it's not about them it's about us! They left us and however much we want to try and ignore that the sooner we can take control of all these little loose ends, the better.

 

I probably sound pretty emotionless about it all, which I can assure you is not the case, but I promise as others have said this is a good thing!!

[Zahara]

You have to be realistic. I know you are emotional but step back and think. Think. A man that told you he would wait to see you crawl back and that he would be out looking for tight pussy doesn't translate into a man that was suffering in pain, or missed you so much he had to delete you. Giving you that would have fed your hope. I'm being honest and harsh but you have to get realistic as to who and what this guy is. You are projecting your emotions on him hoping he feels the same way you do. And the answers that you wanted, wouldn't have given you power, it would have just fueled your emotions.

 

You got your power back when you walked out of that house, stayed NC even when he contacted you. You got your power back when you said enough is enough. Deleting this gmail stuff is child's play. The crucial and empowering step that you took was when you walked away. It wasn't easy what you did but you did it. Can't say much of us would have done the same. Take pride in that and let that empower you.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Thanks KS11

 

He has just hurt me so much and to hurt me again, just sucks. I think he is mad that I moved out like I did and ignored him. Maybe he felt like he needed to get me back...

 

Who knows. I can't let this get in my way of healing. Stillsearching, like you said, it is what it is.

 

I have to keep moving forward. It's just more of initiative to not reach out to him.

 

Hi Bless,

 

Really sorry to hear your pain! The whole social media thing is something that i've really struggled with too! I recently had to ended things with my ex (not my choice..3 years too) and this time I made sure I deleted/blocked all social media avenues before she did. Not in an attempt to 'get one over on her' but because I knew I couldn't handle her doing it to me first, or worse seeing how great her life is without me. Theres things like twitter where I'm waiting for her to 'unfollow' and even though we don't use it much it will still hurt a whole lot when she does. I've also decided as my phone contract runs out in a couple of weeks to change my number, again purely as a way to try and get myself to accept things are over.

 

I totally get what you mean about the finality of it all. I figured though, as the BU is so raw, why not get it all done now, deal with all the pain at once.

The other obvious feelings are that she would find it hurtful to know i've done it, but like has been said before, it's not about them it's about us! They left us and however much we want to try and ignore that the sooner we can take control of all these little loose ends, the better.

 

I probably sound pretty emotionless about it all, which I can assure you is not the case, but I promise as others have said this is a good thing!!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

You have to be realistic. I know you are emotional but step back and think. Think. A man that told you he would wait to see you crawl back and that he would be out looking for tight pussy doesn't translate into a man that was suffering in pain, or missed you so much he had to delete you. Giving you that would have fed your hope. I'm being honest and harsh but you have to get realistic as to who and what this guy is. You are projecting your emotions on him hoping he feels the same way you do. And the answers that you wanted, wouldn't have given you power, it would have just fueled your emotions.

 

You got your power back when you walked out of that house, stayed NC even when he contacted you. You got your power back when you said enough is enough. Deleting this gmail stuff is child's play. The crucial and empowering step that you took was when you walked away. It wasn't easy what you did but you did it. Can't say much of us would have done the same. Take pride in that and let that empower you.

 

Thanks. Time to go buy my big girl panties.

 

He may have got to delete me from gmail chat, but I won't show him I know about it or that it has affected me. I could have texted him, "why did you do that?! ;-( " But instead, I'm staying strong.

 

I'll go cry and feel sad for awhile, but in the end, I'm glad this happened. It needed to happen. Now when I log onto Gmail, I won't ever see his name there again. That's a good thing. He was able to do what I couldn't.

[Zahara]

Thanks. Time to go buy my big girl panties.

 

He may have got to delete me from gmail chat, but I won't show him I know about it or that it has affected me. I could have texted him, "why did you do that?! ;-( " But instead, I'm staying strong.

 

I'll go cry and feel sad for awhile, but in the end, I'm glad this happened. It needed to happen. Now when I log onto Gmail, I won't ever see his name there again. That's a good thing. He was able to do what I couldn't.

 

Get the cute big girl panties and put them on! Not that you need them because you're doing exceptionally well. It's normal for you to fall and get back up and fall and get back up. Part and parcel of the grieving and healing process.

 

Cry as much as you want. Get it all out. It's healing for the soul when you purge it all out.

 

You're doing great!

[Elliotte]

Am I missing something here? You were about to delete him from one contact list...great. He deletes you from another contact list...that must mean he is being malicious, not that he's also ready to delete you and move on too?

 

This seems to speak to a bigger overarching story of pain between the two of you. It appears you're taking what he did incredibly personally, but really, it seems like it was definitely time for both of you to get rid of any avenues of contact and concentrate on healing yourselves. Thinking "he got the final one over on me" is holding you back from moving on from him, you need to start coming up with ways to learn from the past and take the lessons it taught you, without holding on to all the grief. See a therapist, read some books on the subject, confide in a friend or family member who you know will empathize with you, etc (and hopefully this thread helps you move forward too! )

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Yes, the finality of a break up is like a death. Allow yourself to grieve.

 

The situation has not changed for you since you found out about him deleting you off gchat. You two are still not together.

 

The situation is still the same.

 

Your relationship is over and it has been for some time. I'm pretty sure your ex is thinking about you and grieving the relationship as well....but what does that matter? Nothing. You two aren't right together and you just need to be selfish and focus only on you now.

 

What he does/think/say is no longer your concern. Empower yourself and change your prospective. You moved out, you will not allow yourself to give anymore of your precious heart and energy to this person.

 

Accept, grieve and focus on healing. You will get to the point where nothing he does will affect you.

 

Baby steps...

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Am I missing something here? You were about to delete him from one contact list...great. He deletes you from another contact list...that must mean he is being malicious, not that he's also ready to delete you and move on too?

 

This seems to speak to a bigger overarching story of pain between the two of you. It appears you're taking what he did incredibly personally, but really, it seems like it was definitely time for both of you to get rid of any avenues of contact and concentrate on healing yourselves. Thinking "he got the final one over on me" is holding you back from moving on from him, you need to start coming up with ways to learn from the past and take the lessons it taught you, without holding on to all the grief. See a therapist, read some books on the subject, confide in a friend or family member who you know will empathize with you, etc (and hopefully this thread helps you move forward too! )

 

I know him better...he did this because I would notice it and he knew it would tempt me to call him/text him. I was with the guy for 3 years, I know the games he plays. Like he said before, "I always come crawling back" He knows my pattern just as well as I know his.

 

He once referred to us as having "cancer". You know what I said? I said, "well, we're in remission"

 

But if he wasn't really trying to play games, then that's great he took this step. At least I would know there is some good in him to give me the respect and decency to let me move on and NOT play games and give me mixed signals. At least I won't have to expect any texts/call/emails from him with this attitude he has rolling. So if that IS the case, GREAT!

 

Thanks for the reply, but this just happened to me 4 days ago. It's gonna take a while for me to have that full blown positive attitude about having my heart broken. I am seeing a therapist, on medication, spending a BUNCH of time with friends and family and I'm doing what I can.

 

But I fall sometimes.

[reddragon588]

Oh he is deleted. All the voice mails, pictures, phone numbers...everything.

 

It just seems so final. And the pain that comes with it is really difficult to bare with.

 

3 years...gone.

 

It's already final.

[Never Again]

A man that told you he would wait to see you crawl back and that he would be out looking for tight pussy doesn't translate into a man that was suffering in pain, or missed you so much he had to delete you. Giving you that would have fed your hope. I'm being honest and harsh but you have to get realistic as to who and what this guy is. You are projecting your emotions on him hoping he feels the same way you do. And the answers that you wanted, wouldn't have given you power, it would have just fueled your emotions.

 

Cotton, what Zahara says really is to the point.

 

Think of this as an awful blessing.

 

Firstly, by being a total asshat, he's allowing you to disconnect. Do not reset your healing by giving him any sort of benefit of the doubt.

 

Consider yourself lucky. Some of us were dumped in a way that was painfully considerate to our feelings - our dumpers covered us in bubble wrap, thinking they were doing us a service. These dumpers leave the door open, are empathetic enough to be just as upset as the dumpees, remain civil and kind, and recite platitudes of "you never know what the future will bring". It takes a long time for that miserable hope to fade when that crap happens, and I can personally attest to that.

 

Secondly, you hurt this douchebag's pride. He pushed you around, mistreated you and took advantage of your feelings for him, and thought you'd just sit around and take it. Hell, for awhile you gave every sign that you WERE going to just sit around and take it. And then you left. You vanished and wouldn't respond to his breadcrumbs. You rejected HIM, and now he's pulling a temper tantrum over it. It's not that he misses you, it's that he's an angry, self-centered dickface that didn't ever truly take you into consideration.

 

This is fuel to move forward, and should be seen as validation that you did the right thing.

[ponchsox]

People take this deleting crap way too seriously.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

 

Think of this as an awful blessing.

 

Secondly, you hurt this douchebag's pride. He pushed you around, mistreated you and took advantage of your feelings for him, and thought you'd just sit around and take it. Hell, for awhile you gave every sign that you WERE going to just sit around and take it. And then you left. You vanished and wouldn't respond to his breadcrumbs. You rejected HIM, and now he's pulling a temper tantrum over it. It's not that he misses you, it's that he's an angry, self-centered dickface that didn't ever truly take you into consideration.

 

This is fuel to move forward, and should be seen as validation that you did the right thing.

 

THIS! Thank you. This is exactly how he thinks, I know his games. He did it to try to get a reaction out of me, but no, no! I'm not letting go of my pride, dignity and respect for myself. He doesn't have to know that I know about him deleting me. He probably is just waiting for me to call...HAHA

 

You're right...this did give me more fuel and validation to move forward. Thanks :-)

 

You are single right, Phxfire?

[Simon Phoenix]

It could be worse, he could have tried to message you and manipulate you in that way. It's definitely a shot to the ego, and that's what you are feeling right now. You wanted to be the one to make that call and beat him to the punch. But he unwittingly is helping your recovery, but only if you resist the temptation to ask him about it, which you seem to be doing right now. It's another step forward for you, which is a good thing.