He deleted me

[Still Searching]

Glad to hear you're doing well. I hope that these feelings carry you through the weekend, too. The toughest for me were Sunday afternoon and evenings, for some reason...

 

 

I agree on not deleting photos, and I've held on to cards or letters from exes, too. I just put all pictures on a flash-drive, and everything goes in a box, tucked away where I won't go looking. I actually forgot all about this stuff until recently. I looked through some things from a previous ex, and it was amazing how I was able to read through, smile and feel happiness, yet no pain or feelings of sadness, or feel like I miss her. She's doing well, as am I now, we got our closure long ago, and I hear from her maybe twice a year. Definitely not at this point with the latest ex, and even though I'm feeling good most of the time, even I question whether or not I will be completely indifferent with her.

 

 

Keep focusing on you, your new job, your own place, and regain your confidence. That's attractive in a woman, and when you're ready, I'd bet you'll have several options.

 

 

Doubt I'll make it on here over the weekend, so good luck with things!

[Trapito]

Positive steps!

 

It is very possible he wants to yank your chain some more in the future (to boost his asshat ego, to get sex, to make you feel bad so he feels good). Don't give him the sattisfaction, just block him. Block the asshat.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Positive steps!

 

It is very possible he wants to yank your chain some more in the future (to boost his asshat ego, to get sex, to make you feel bad so he feels good). Don't give him the sattisfaction, just block him. Block the asshat.

 

haha I like you. Who are you?? Male/female? What's your story? You sound very familiar with asshats. lol

[Trapito]

Thanks!

 

Female, 30 years old. Someday I will post my story of the mega asshat, for now I just want to try to help others, as this forum was really helpfull in my time of need.

 

After the breakup I was a mess for months, though I never let him see the mess I was. I was crying at my home, crying in the bus, crying in the supermarked. We lived on the same floor of the same appartmentcomplex, which didn't make it a hole lot eassier. Everytime I saw him or heard his voice, my insides would feel all weird. When I got in my appartment, I had to throw up or it would come out the other end (yuck! I know, ha!). I got there though. It took me a bloody 2 years to finally be over him.

 

You will make it through, you need to focus on yourself. Do not care about what he thinks or wants, you owe him nothing!

 

Are you maybe a bit codependent? Asshats like to use your (to) giving and caring nature. I became a doormat because of codependency issues. I found my fabulous and independent self again and I love it, it's asshat-free.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Thanks!

 

Female, 30 years old. Someday I will post my story of the mega asshat, for now I just want to try to help others, as this forum was really helpfull in my time of need.

 

After the breakup I was a mess for months, though I never let him see the mess I was. I was crying at my home, crying in the bus, crying in the supermarked. We lived on the same floor of the same appartmentcomplex, which didn't make it a hole lot eassier. Everytime I saw him or heard his voice, my insides would feel all weird. When I got in my appartment, I had to throw up or it would come out the other end (yuck! I know, ha!). I got there though. It took me a bloody 2 years to finally be over him.

 

You will make it through, you need to focus on yourself. Do not care about what he thinks or wants, you owe him nothing!

 

Are you maybe a bit codependent? Asshats like to use your (to) giving and caring nature. I became a doormat because of codependency issues. I found my fabulous and independent self again and I love it, it's asshat-free.

 

 

Was he a commitment phobe?? Did he ever come back to you?

 

I know I am codependent. I have an appt with a therapist next week. I really want to help myself and get over him. It's just so hard to let go of the attachment.

 

But staying NC has been vital to my recovery.

 

How did you get over it? Did you read any certain books or talk to a therapist?

[stillafool]

Now he just called me...

 

Cotton, didn't you block your Ex from calling you?? I'm just curious about the statement you made above. Can you explain.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Cotton, didn't you block your Ex from calling you?? I'm just curious about the statement you made above. Can you explain.

 

No, I didn't block him.

[Trapito]

He had no problems with commitment, but he had a difficult childhood and didn't get much attention from his parents. He and his sister developed an eating disorder, they both seeked treatment. He did a lot better then her, she is still in therapie and also uses her brother as a terapist (not healthy). He enables her.

 

When his grandfather died, I was there for him. Holding him, taking care of him and of course I went with him to the funeral.

 

When my dad called me to tell me the sad news that my grandfather died, suddenly my ex asshat was gone. I went to his appartment, there he was, crying on the floor. I asked what was wrong, he said: "I feel this is the beginning of the end of us. I feel we are taking eachother for granted." I had no idea what he meant. Looking back, this should be a serious red flag together with his constantly calling sister.

 

From there it went down hill. He withdraw, I clung. He gasslighted, made snidey remarks and then would be sweet. The more he pulled back, the more I pushed. I walked on eggshells and tried everything to please him, he withdrew more. I became depressed and physically ill because of the depression. He became impatient, blaming, turning things around, didn't awnser his phone (lied, sayd the battery was dead), wanted to see me less, told me he analysed me, withdrew affection, discussed a fight we had with his family while I was there, etc. He was mad when I ate the last piece of bread because now he had to go to the store again (I gues I shouldn't eat right). I think he had an emotional affair at one point.

 

He wanted a break, I gave him a break. In our week break, I didn't sleep. I googled how to react to a breakup, ex-back, how to prevent a breakup and lots more. It made me prepared. I had cried and begged enough while we were together, I wanted to gain some of myself back. I changed in this sad, weepy, obsessing little woman. I am ashamed when I look back now.

 

He broke up with me, I said "Ok". That was basicly it. We exchanged stuff. He wanted a goodbye hug, I didn't give him one (asshats don't deserve hugs). I simply walked away.

 

I blamed myself for everything for a very long time. He started dating and threw it in my face, he had women over every day. He plastered all over fb how sexual compattible he was with a specific girl (asshat behaviour). He made it a habit to walk past my door with girls (there a two entrances to our flour, one on my side and one on his). I never reacted. He wanted to become friends on fb, I just let it pending. He tried that two times.

 

Finally I had enough. I love the site Baggagereclaim (good stuff), I read 'Why men like bitches' (then I learned I had codependency issues) and 'Codependent no more'. My school offered free therapy sessions, I took them. I started running, gave up my job at a bar, learned how to meditate, learned how to be alone again. I reconnected with friends and family. I did things for me, not for the asshat. I recovered.

 

I am actually glad he broke up with me. Otherwise I still would be this shell of a person, I would never have adressed my issues (because I didn't know I had them). So I thank the asshat.

 

Being on your own is not a bad thing:

- Eat what you want, when you want, where you want. If you want to eat a pizza while sitting on the toilet, you can do it.

- Do what you want.

- Wear what you want.

- I you don't want to shave your legs, you don't have to.

- Do kareoke with a hairbrush as a microphone in your underwair in front of a mirror if you like.

 

'Codependency no more' is a very good book. By being codependent you are enabling asshat behaviour. You need to learn how to be strong, how to create boundaries.

 

So in my case, we both made mistakes. But the treatment I got from him screams ASSHAT. I was enabling it, but nobody deserves that treatment.

 

You can do this! Break free of the asshat!

 

Hehe, you just got me to write my breakup story.

Edited December 20, 2013 by Trapito

[stillafool]

No, I didn't block him.

 

Why not? I think that would really help you.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Why not? I think that would really help you.

 

I don't know why I can't.

[Simon Phoenix]

Because you want him to reach out. The problem is, the more he can contact you, the more he can weaken your resolve.

 

I think part of you fantasises that he'll turn into the boyfriend you think he should be. The problem is, he'll only be that guy just long enough to get you back in the hook, before he changes back.

 

Yep, she's holding out hope for him to say what she wants him to say for him to become the guy she wants him to be. She wants to make it easy for him to do that because deep down, there's part of her that illogically thinks that, for no reason whatsoever, he's going to turn into that perfect man. But by making it easy for him to contact her, she guarantees that he'll never transform. He probably wouldn't no matter what she does as far as blocking, but by making it easy for him to get in touch, she makes his never changing a 100 percent lock.

[KatZee]

Well, well, well....