AliceW Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I hope someone can give me some advice on this.... I am about to move in with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. He is sweet, kind, smart, affectionate, financially responsible, interesting...essentially everything I've ever wanted in a partner. He is in great shape, is very sexy, and is very attentive and eager to please me sexually. The sex we have is generally very good and sometimes extremely good, except for one problem: he is simply not very good at oral sex! Sometimes he gets it right, but often we both end up frustrated when he tries it, because he can't seem to figure out what works for me, and I can't seem to communicate what works for me, either. I have tried, both verbally and nonverbally, to guide him, and he really does try, but it doesn't seem to help very much. (Interestingly, he isn't a very good kisser, either...not that he kisses badly, more that he's just not very into it...it's almost like he doesn't quite "get" it...probably not a coincidence!) He is quite good at many other aspects of sex. But the problem is, I have my best orgasms from oral sex. It's not like I have to have it every night, but I do miss it if a week or two goes by without it (or without it "working," so to speak). Does anyone have any idea how I could address this without making my boyfriend feel really lame and inadequate? The thing I'd love to do would be to ask him to read this really good book on the subject I've seen around, but I have NO idea how on earth I could ever suggest such a thing without totally hurting his feelings. The one thing I thought of was to get a book about techniques of performing oral sex on men for myself AND the book on performing oral sex on women for him, and present the whole thing as both of us "learning and trying new things" (which he is generally quite open to). Or, on the other hand, I could just accept the situation and try not to worry about it...after all, our sex life is pretty good overall...any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Get a book on sex techniques for men and women and then ask him to work through it with you. Eventually he'll come to the oral sex chapter and if you make it part of the whole program, it shouldn't bother him. Bonus is that you'll both have more fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AliceW Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 That's great idea, actually! Getting a book that's not specifically about any one thing would be much less loaded with implications. I'm sure he'd be totally fine and unthreatened by that, and it *would* be fun, too! Thanks for replying! Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 show him how to use his tongue!! show him the tongue action u like down below and let him copy and do the same Link to post Share on other sites
Author AliceW Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 Hmm...I'd feel a bit shy about doing that, but you're right, that would probably help too! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t52401/?highlight=how+to+give+a+blow+job You take the lead and try some new things on him so that maybe he won't feel so shy about trying thing with you. Here is a thead with some tips on giving a good blow job, you might find something new there that you can try. Figure out what exactly it is that you like and learn how to communicate it to him. Ask him about exactly what he likes too so that he is comfortable talking about it. There are many men who do not live to give oral and do it only to please their wives/gfs. Because they don't like it they are not as good at it or as adventurous as a guy who enjoys it. That's normal no matter what the activity. It may be more of a chore to him, done out of his love for you and not for his own enjoyment. Maybe by learning exactly what you like you can tell him and it won't be such an ordeal for him and maybe he will even learn to enjoy it himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AliceW Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 Well, I do worry sometimes that he doesn't like it...it's kind of hard to tell...I mean, sometimes it will be obvious that he's very turned on while/after doing it (visually obvious, I mean), and other times not...mostly it seems to turn him on when it's working for me, and not when I get frustrated or have to keep having to give him directions (which is understandable!). I mean, I try to always be very clean and well-groomed down there, but like a lot of women I think I do always have a tiny worry that the guy isn't enjoying himself during that particular act...(Do any of the men on this board have any thoughts to share on that subject, maybe?) Also, I do put thought into my own oral sex technique (that was a good thread you directed me to), and my BF tells me I'm very good at it...and, I do enjoy doing it, and I'm sure that helps... Link to post Share on other sites
Jason 2003 Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 It helps to be shaved clean so he can see what he's doing. It also makes the whole process much more pleasant for the guy. Just tell him to lick it like he's licking a soft ice cream cone. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 It helps to be shaved clean so he can see what he's doing. It also makes the whole process much more pleasant for the guy IF the guy likes the pre-pubescent look. Some men dislike it intensely. Don't assume what your husband may or may not like - ask. Link to post Share on other sites
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