marisuga Posted December 19, 2013 Share Posted December 19, 2013 Hey all, this is my first time posting and confused as heck about a situation with me and my 'bestie'. We met five years ago and became fast friends. We got really close but nothing sexual happened. It was obvious that we had feelings for each other but neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. One night he came over and while sitting on the couch he kissed me ( my first, late bloomer). Anyway fast foward a couple months we both declare our feelings, saying that we love each other but didn't know how to move forward. He said he needed time to sort out feelings from a previous relationship and I gave him that, but we still hung out constantly. Mutual friends could see that there was something between us but I gave him the space to figure things out. Fast forward again to june 2010 he tells me he is seeing someone ( guess he got too much space). It put a strain on our friendship and we hadn't talked in almost three years except when he posted on my fb messages. Earlier this year in may I had surgery, I lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion and intubation. I was out for most of the day and a few hours after I woke up he comes walking into my hospital room (total surprise). He basically apologized for hurting me and the lack of communication for the last couple years. He brought up old memories and a movie we were supposed to watch. He never broke eye contact with me; which was so intense my mom left the room He is still with his gf but we have messaged each other over the past few months. And then thanksgiving rolls around. I send him a message saying happy turkey day and we end up messaging for the entire day. I asked him about repairing the friendship and he was all for it. I asked him how and his response was "to spend time with each but i hope I don't I try to take you". Confused about the last part I asked him what he meant by trying to take me? And that's when he told me he still cared for me, I told him the same and he would make arraignments to come see me. Still confused about what he meant, a few days later I asked him what he meant when he said he still cared for me and he gave me this long text about friendship and everything but I'm not sure I buy it. I told him I still loved him and wished him well, breaking off contact. But a few days later he contacts me again. Can someone give me a clue about what's going? Signed sincerely confused. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 How old are you and him? Sounds like he doesn't want to take advantage of you because he thinks you're young and innocent. And you shouldn't let him if he's seeing other women. He could have just been leaning on you during a rough time, needing a nice ego massage like you can get from girls you know have a crush on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marisuga Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 He was 26 and I was 22 when we first met, now 31 and 26 respectively. We had gone through a lot together during our friendship and dealt with similar issues in our past that gave us deeper understanding of each other. You're right though, he has been going through a rough time personally and relationship wise. But I don't think he would use that as an opportunity to take advantage of me. I wouldn't let him as much as I care about him. I'm just curious about his feelings in regards to me because I don't think he's been completely honest. Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to be with his gf, but whenever they get into a fight or he'd mad at her he has you to fall back on. He may care about you, but only in the selfish way that he wants you around him in case **** hits the fan. You're making the right call by breaking contact; the truth of the matter is, if he had strong feelings for you (including from the beginning), you two would have been together. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 ^ I agree. It sounds like in a very roundabout way he's told you that he doesn't want to screw you over by getting romantically involved -- and that means he knows he'd do something heinous to hurt you if he did. So just don't. And it's time to move on and find someone else to focus on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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