Very confused, please help!

[re2215]

i'm extremely confused/depressed right now and want to make the best possible decision with regards to my ex g/f. we dated throughout college and broke up this past summer after graduation as we moved 3 hrs apart. i know we were both very much in love and had a great connection together. immediately after the break up she began dating someone in her city which somewhat hurt me as we were still in regular contact. she is still with this guy however she will text/e-mail/AIM me occassionally telling me she misses me. i miss her very much but sometimes i think the damage has already been done and she's too immature to know what she really wants. anyways, i finally responded around x-mas and we talked briefly. i was on such a good track before that, i missed her, but was getting over her. we spoke about getting back together and it somewhat got my hopes up as she has left her job and would consider moving to my city. within a few days of opening up and admitting i missed her too she suddenly took a different tone. she said she has maturing to do and needs to be alone so that way she can grow and mature. she also said it is unfair to tell me her "true feelings" for me b/c she is with someone else. i think it is all b/s b/c she's datings someone, which pretty much negates her discovering herself by being single. i don't know what she wants but i poured my heart out to her this last week and now i feel foolish as she is rejecting it. why would she even contact me then? what should i do now? i e-mailed her and told her that either she starts working on herself (become single) so we can reconcile in the future or i am gone for good. she never responded to the e-mail. what should i do? i am considering complete N/C and if she does AIM me i will just tell her that she "already made her choice".

[nan]

My thoughts on her not responding to your email is that she's probably not ready to lose you and is very confused right now. If you push her to make a decision, trust me you won't get the answer you are looking for. As for her dating someone else, this is kind of a blow, but are they very serious? It sounds like she's quite confused and it probably won't last anyways.

 

I know how you feel about being stuck in this weird place and just wanting answers. Is she coming back or not? This is where I am, and I still haven't gotten the answers, nor have I made a decision yet about whether to go away or not. I think if you really wanted to go away for good, you would've already, and I think there lies your answer.

 

Nan

[re2215]

yeah, i do think they are serious. i know they are sleeping together, which bothers me even more. that is kind of why we ended up taking such a long break b/c that was going on right after we split up. she lives in the same city as her family and i think they disapprove of what happened and her jumping into things right away.

 

i do agree that she is confused. before x-mas she was always giving me the "missing u" messages or e-mails. then i respond and finally open up and she backs off and now she "needs to time to be alone and grow" what i don't understand is how does she plan on developing herself while dating someone else? it's like her words and actions conflict with one another. this is why i think she is full of it and stringing me along.....which i won't allow to happen.

 

my e-mail pretty much said that i still care for her and i'm willing to give her time to grow and mature if that is what she really wants. i did say that i would not sit around and wait for her while she dates someone else but tells me she's working on herself. i told her that if she doesn't respond to my e-mail or if she continues with the same contradictions that i will assume it wasn't meant to be and i will move on with my life. she never responded to the e-mail and i intend on keeping the N/C i did before x-mas.

 

sound good???

[nan]

Well, I put a post on here asking if actions truely speak louder than words, because I don't know myself. The general concensus is that actions do speak louder than words. It's hard though to know when someone is SHOWING you that they still care and still want to be with you, but TELLING you they don't right now (this is my situation), it sounded like yours, but the email thing is throwing me a bit.

 

As for the new boyfriend or whatever he is, seriously, they CANNOT be that serious in a matter of months, PLUS the fact that she still contacts you and "misses you" she is one confused girl. I still don't get people though, I mean I would think that if they truely didn't care and wanted to move on, they just would. So why send you messages and stuff? I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt you, but she is anyways. So be strong and figure out what YOU want.

 

Keep me posted.

 

Nan

[Sharmaine]

Probably not what you want to hear, but it sounds to me as though she's keeping you on the 'back burner', incase all fails with this other guy in her life. If it does, then she has you to fall back on.

 

I do agree that she is confused. before x-mas she was always giving me the "missing u" messages or e-mails. then i respond and finally open up and she backs off

 

Sounds to me like she came 'testing the waters' before Xmas. She likely mailed you because she wants to make sure that you are still around and are still interested in her. When you replied, you gave her an assurance that you were still there for her/still interested in an R with her/that you still have feelings for her/miss her, etc, etc. She then backed off because she is assured and is now confident of your feelings for her. She will likely resurface and email again, when looking for further reassurance that you are still there for her. I wouldn't worry about her feelings for you - she obviously still has them, but is confused over what she really wants.

 

I reckon you should go NO CONTACT! Take away her 'safety net'.

It's only when she realises that if she doesn't get her act together and that she is gonna lose you for good, that she will then decide what she truly wants.