Exhusband says I won't find a nice guy like him. True or false?

[beyondcrushed]

My exhusband and I met when we were 15 years old and became best friends. Only he felt more for me and always loved and wanted to be in a relationship with me. But I didn't. We were the best of friends instead. He was always there for me, supporting me, through tough times with friends and bullies in high school. He did everything for me. He was very caring and selfless, thoughtful, curteous. Was always able to lift my spirits. He was kind and gentle. One day in our early 20s, we both ended long term relationships with other people and were dating other people casually. And we started hanging out more. Then we decided to date because of what wonderful people we were and our strong bond. He did many thoughtful, sentimental, romantic things/gestures for me. We were so affectionate and loving. Example: he'd drive far and wide to be with me and give me a kiss on the first snow fall of the winter; he cleans my car off of snow in the winter; he left me and our friends at the campfire at night in the forest to drive to town 20 minutes away to get me candy cause I was craving it; rose petals/candles during lovemaking; soup brought to me when sick; the list goes on and on. He always told me how much he loved me and listed all the ways I was a wonderful a person in his eyes. We got married. During the marriage he had the same qualities. Loved me to death. Sacrificed and was usually willing to sacrifice a lot for me. We had 3 girls together who are the love of our lives. Domestic life was stressful on our marriage and we also neglectied our relationship for the kids. Plus, for all the good in him, there was bad. He was insecure, controlling and aggressive, and sometimes violent if I pushed an issue with him. We divorced after 13 years. The last year we tried counseling and didn't help. He felt he didn't need to change. And I couldn't continue as we had been so I initiated the divorce. He says that I'll never find anyone as good as him, or anyone who will love me as much as him, and that I will regret it. Then I have a rebound relationship with a whirlwind courtship. Lots of passion. Amazing. But I kept comparing him to the good qualities in my exhusband. He didn't measure up. And after 6 months we broke up. Now I wonder, is my exhusband right?

 

Will I never find someone like him who will be just as in love with me and be just as good and nice to me?

 

Are there men out there like him, who have the same good qualities and will treat a woman like that? Or are they all taken? or jaded?

[beyondcrushed]

I don't know if this forum is the right one for my questions but I appreciate anyone's help. I figured, those who are dating have met many people and would perhaps know who or what kind of people are out there. Thanks.

[FortunateSon]

A rebound relationship typically will not stand the test of time. It is easy to get caught up in comparing the qualities of an ex to the rebound companion and often time the ex "wins" the comparisons, it is just the nature of a rebound. Having said that, as good as an ex was in certain areas, there is likely someone out there who is a better overall fit, some who has the good qualities of the ex without the bad ones or baggage.

[Onethirtyeight]

No one can say but I will say he kind of sounds like he was your bitch. I don't know if that's how he always was but it sounds like he really sucked up a lot.

[beyondcrushed]

No one can say but I will say he kind of sounds like he was your bitch. I don't know if that's how he always was but it sounds like he really sucked up a lot.

 

Sure, he sounds like he was my bitch. I was just as loving and giving to him. I was just trying to describe the kind of person he was in the relationship. I want to now if I will ever find someone who would be as nice as him.

[beyondcrushed]

A rebound relationship typically will not stand the test of time. It is easy to get caught up in comparing the qualities of an ex to the rebound companion and often time the ex "wins" the comparisons, it is just the nature of a rebound.

 

I sure found that out the hard way.

 

Having said that, as good as an ex was in certain areas, there is likely someone out there who is a better overall fit, some who has the good qualities of the ex without the bad ones or baggage.

 

I hope you are right. Thanks.

[Mariposa10]

My ex told me the same thing. He said that I was never gonna find someone as good as him. Well I just did haha not really. I don't really know the answer to this question, but what I do know is that it's worth taking the risk. If you were unhappy, I'm glad you were proactive about your situation.

 

Sometimes I don't know if I will ever find someone who loved me as much as my ex did, or if I will ever love someone as much as I ever loved him. But overall, it's worth taking the risk.

 

I would wait before you decide to start dating otherwise, you'll just compare your ex to your new partner.

[Eivuwan]

controlling, aggressive, and violent behaviors when he doesn't get his way doesn't sound very loving.

[nescafe1982]

controlling, aggressive, and violent behaviors when he doesn't get his way doesn't sound very loving.

 

I agree. Are you really asking if you can find a man out there who will do nice things for you and NOT yell/hit/get violent or mean with you? Because that describes 90 % of the single men out there.

 

Exes tend to say stuff like "you'll never do better than me." Especially the abusive ones. It's nothing more than a nasty comment... please don't take it to heart.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Will I never find someone like him who will be just as in love with me and be just as good and nice to me?

Are there men out there like him, who have the same good qualities and will treat a woman like that? Or are they all taken? or jaded?

 

It doesn't matter.

 

Most likely you can and will find someone that fits you better. Constantly looking back will prevent you from moving forward. Your ex knows this, which is why he said that.

 

You have to be able to look him in the eye and tell him that maybe he is right, but his flaws were too much and you have hope for the future.

[FrankieFrank]

No nice guy would ever said that. Your ex-husband is a "nice guy" in quotation marks - aka passive-aggressive self centered d-bag who pretends that niceness is source of all his problems.

[ponchsox]

My exhusband and I met when we were 15 years old and became best friends. Only he felt more for me and always loved and wanted to be in a relationship with me. But I didn't. We were the best of friends instead. He was always there for me, supporting me, through tough times with friends and bullies in high school. He did everything for me. He was very caring and selfless, thoughtful, curteous. Was always able to lift my spirits. He was kind and gentle. One day in our early 20s, we both ended long term relationships with other people and were dating other people casually. And we started hanging out more. Then we decided to date because of what wonderful people we were and our strong bond. He did many thoughtful, sentimental, romantic things/gestures for me. We were so affectionate and loving. Example: he'd drive far and wide to be with me and give me a kiss on the first snow fall of the winter; he cleans my car off of snow in the winter; he left me and our friends at the campfire at night in the forest to drive to town 20 minutes away to get me candy cause I was craving it; rose petals/candles during lovemaking; soup brought to me when sick; the list goes on and on. He always told me how much he loved me and listed all the ways I was a wonderful a person in his eyes. We got married. During the marriage he had the same qualities. Loved me to death. Sacrificed and was usually willing to sacrifice a lot for me. We had 3 girls together who are the love of our lives. Domestic life was stressful on our marriage and we also neglectied our relationship for the kids. Plus, for all the good in him, there was bad. He was insecure, controlling and aggressive, and sometimes violent if I pushed an issue with him. We divorced after 13 years. The last year we tried counseling and didn't help. He felt he didn't need to change. And I couldn't continue as we had been so I initiated the divorce. He says that I'll never find anyone as good as him, or anyone who will love me as much as him, and that I will regret it. Then I have a rebound relationship with a whirlwind courtship. Lots of passion. Amazing. But I kept comparing him to the good qualities in my exhusband. He didn't measure up. And after 6 months we broke up. Now I wonder, is my exhusband right?

 

Will I never find someone like him who will be just as in love with me and be just as good and nice to me?

 

Are there men out there like him, who have the same good qualities and will treat a woman like that? Or are they all taken? or jaded?

 

I bet the first new guy you meet will be better than him.

[Delilah1623]

One of my exes told me I will never find another guy like him and he was right...

 

It's almost impossible to find a pathologically lying, abusive sociopath with a tiny penis who is a three time convicted felon and now in prison awaiting trial for 17 more felonies..... but.... I think I'll be ok without him.

[NYWoman]

bc

 

 

When I met my first husband I was only19, he was a decade older than me, and quite the player, in fact it was me who propositioned him, and he turned me down. He told me to come back when I grew up. To be honest I was quite good looking and had my choice of men, and that he would turn his back on me, made him even more desirable, and I was determined to win him over.

 

 

Three years later, we married, and what surprised me the most was how he changed from a bad boy player, into the most romantic, affectionate man I have ever known, as I was going to be the mother of his children. On Saturday mornings, I liked to sleep late, he would be up, cleaning the apartment, doing laundry and would serve me breakfast in bed.

 

For some reason this change caught me off guard, and I began seeing him, with the help of my male co-workers as insecure, clingy, and as the relationship began to worsen, as aggressive, demanding, and a control freak. And also extremely violent, when I pushed things to an extreme and he caught me in the arms of another man. We were out of reach so he couldn't get to us

 

 

I now see that I was in the process of destroying his and our dream, so it was only natural that he would act out of character.

 

 

We are have been divorced for several decades, I have since remarried, had a family with the second husband and divorced a second time. And like you I was constantly comparing what I had with what I had thrown away and lost.

 

 

I was married to an All Star Hall of Famer, and in the thirty plus years later, nobody has come even close to what I threw away.

 

 

Rose petals and candles during love making. Without you suggesting if has any other man thought of that? Let me guess. Zero!

 

 

Mine, used to also bring, a pitcher of cold water and expensive, but oh so delicious chocolates to the bed side.

 

 

I never got a second chance. He dated for awhile, but would have nothing to do with me. There has been no contact for the past quarter century. He doesn't know that I have since moved back to the city were we met. Every once in while I will see him out shopping, with this absolutely gorgeous woman. They have been together for over 20 years, and he still holds her hand and opens the car door for her.

[rocketman122]

people here are very quick to take the OP side. but she gave very little information and no one knows how it really was.

 

its possible youll find someone who was like him without the bad habits he had. but the chance youll do will have you going through a lot of work trying to find that person. it may be quick and youll have luck, but I think it will be a long time till you do.

 

I know my ex wont find someone like me. because I know the men here and their mentality. no one will love her like I did. it wont happen. she knows it too. I broke it off btw.

[xxoo]

Which would be "better"?:

 

An equally over-the-top romantic AND violent man

 

or

 

A more balanced man, who is loyal, loving, supportive and would never hurt you, but doesn't do the over-the-top romantic stuff

 

Which is "nicer"?

[soccerrprp]

"Ex-husband says I won't find a nice guy like him. True or false?"

 

Very pissed-off, vindictive, disappointed people say things like this. Obviously, right? Some are saying it b/c they have a legit beef and was on the receiving end of a partner who took them for granted or worse, others, of course, say it with venom, to make the other feeling more insecure.

 

I think there's only one reasonable answer to your question- Who knows for certain? But, one thing is clear, that there are other potential partners that will be and are better than what you had. The very difficult part is finding him/her and making it last.

Edited December 20, 2013 by soccerrprp

[rocketman122]

"Ex-husband says I won't find a nice guy like him. True or false?"

 

Very pissed-off, vindictive, disappointed people say things like this. Obviously, right? Some are saying it b/c they have a legit beef and was on the receiving end of a partner who took them for granted or worse, others, of course, say it with venom, to make the other feeling more insecure.

 

I think there's only one reasonable answer to your question- Who knows for certain? But, one thing is clear, that there are other potential partners that will be and are better than what you had. The very difficult part is finding him/her and making it last.

 

yep. exactly. she will realize it though over time. I think she did take him for granted and wasnt appreciated. It was obvious he was the giver.

[fortyninethousand322]

True and false.

 

There are no nice men. Including your ex. They just don't exist...

[soccerrprp]

true and false.

 

There are no nice men. Including your ex. They just don't exist...

 

 

booooooo! Hissssss! Booooooo!

[GoreSP]

Eww. I call those the 'good bad guys'.

 

They are soooooo nice until something doesn't go their way - then they become manipulative and like to remind you how good you had it with them.

This is the kind of manipulation you see from a man beating his partner. He basically wants you to make you believe no one wants to be with you but him, so you'll be left with no other choice than to get back together with him.

 

 

So to answer your question, there are definitely enough real good guys out there. Much. Better. Guys.

[GoreSP]

One of my exes told me I will never find another guy like him and he was right...

 

It's almost impossible to find a pathologically lying, abusive sociopath with a tiny penis who is a three time convicted felon and now in prison awaiting trial for 17 more felonies..... but.... I think I'll be ok without him.

 

When my ex told me that, I answered 'yeah I really hope so'

lol

[GoreSP]

people here are very quick to take the OP side. but she gave very little information and no one knows how it really was.

 

its possible youll find someone who was like him without the bad habits he had. but the chance youll do will have you going through a lot of work trying to find that person. it may be quick and youll have luck, but I think it will be a long time till you do.

 

I know my ex wont find someone like me. because I know the men here and their mentality. no one will love her like I did. it wont happen. she knows it too. I broke it off btw.

 

You need to stop saying this. Seriously.

 

I realize she may have been a total bitch but it's no reason to turn into this kind of manipulative, self-assured behaviour

 

Real good guys would say : Hey, this isn't working out for me but good luck with everything.

[rocketman122]

You need to stop saying this. Seriously.

 

I realize she may have been a total bitch but it's no reason to turn into this kind of manipulative, self-assured behaviour

 

Real good guys would say : Hey, this isn't working out for me but good luck with everything.

 

I dont think she was a bitch. no where did I get that she was a bitch. I did get that she was a user and a taker. and what about you? youre comparing this situation to yours as well so dont be a hypocrite. FO.

the truth is hard to hear. there are no good guys, didnt you read th comment?

 

its women like you that make us so called "good" men be bad men to others. Im not going to be good to any women anymore. I will be ataker like most. and since youre talking about it you must still have an issue with your ex just like me..so like I said, dont be a hypocrite.

Edited December 20, 2013 by rocketman122

[GoreSP]

I dont think she was a bitch. no where did I get that she was a bitch. I did get that she was a user and a taker. and what about you? youre comparing this situation to yours as well so dont be a hypocrite. FO.

the truth is hard to hear. there are no good guys, didnt you read th comment?

 

its women like you that make us so called "good" men be bad men to others. Im not going to be good to any women anymore. I will be ataker like most. and since youre talking about it you must still have an issue with your ex just like me..so like I said, dont be a hypocrite.

 

LOL how on earth did you come up with all this crap?