StillHurtin Posted January 4, 2005 Share Posted January 4, 2005 I will not bash you for having an A w/ a MM. Even though I am the W whose H had an A I am not going to bash you for being involved w/ a MM. I don't agree w/ it, but in away, I do know how you feel. I was an OW many years ago to a man who was in a serious relationship (married her shortly after I ended it). I know the pain, how lonely you are, wanting and waiting for your MM to leave his W so you can be 2gether. It isn't easy, it is miserable. I feel bad for what I did, being the OW, but at the time I didn't care. I wanted to convince myself that it wasn't as serious as it was b/c if it were, he wouldn't of been sleeping w/ me. Boy, was I young, and dumb! I was just his side dish. When his GF wasn't around he wanted me. Like the old saying, when the cat's away, the mice will play. Anyhow, been there, done that, and never want to be there again. The only OW I am going to bash is the OW that was involved w/ my H. I know her, know what she is like, ect. She hurt me more than another other woman has. She caused me the pain and I will lash out on her. The OW here weren't the one's that hurt me, so there is no reason to sit here and bash you. However, I will bash if I see any post were an OW is proud she is having an A w/ a MM. Who doesn't care if she gets hurt, if he gets hurt, if the W gets hurt, if the children get hurt. I have yet to see a post here from a OW stating that she is proud she can take a MM away from his W and have an A w/ him. I have yet to see an OW here that is actually happy w/ her relationship w/ the MM. The reason why I can't stand an OW who has this attitude (being proud) is b/c the OW in my H's A had the same attitude. She didn't care who she hurt, the W, the MM, the children of the MM, as long as she was getting great sex, money, or attention. If it made her feel good about herself then she was going to have an A. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 I used to believe (and to an extent still do in CERTAIN not ALL situations) that "OW" in the A's are purely in it for the "pumped up esteem" they get from knowing they're taking some other woman's man...and because they think anything "THEY" want they "SHOULD" and "WILL" get.... BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT (before bashing me durn it read on)..... After reading posts on here and getting to know some "OW" I no longer harbor this belief about all "A's" and the people involved, it's clear that good people sometimes get themselves into these situations as well..and don't get out before it goes too far..... I too disagree with Affairs in general but I try and refrain from being mean or bashing, and I really DO TRY and give advice to the Individual POSTER and NOT just spit generic advice because she's an "OW" Great post by the way! Link to post Share on other sites
Author StillHurtin Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 Thanks Barby, and no bashing b/c I agree w/ your comment: "I used to believe (and to an extent still do in CERTAIN not ALL situations) that "OW" in the A's are purely in it for the "pumped up esteem" they get from knowing they're taking some other woman's man...and because they think anything "THEY" want they "SHOULD" and "WILL" get.... " The OW involved w/ my H's A had the same attitude. She said that she had such low self-esteem in the past and now she didn't so she was going to be outgoing and flirt w/ any MM she pleased. She didn't care. Flirting is different than an actual A, I agree, but 9 x's out of 10 her flirting has gone too far. H wasn't her first MM and I am sure he wont be her last. I will never forget when she told me that she can't walk into a store w/o some woman glaring at her b/c they thought she was trying to steal her H. She laughed about it. I told her it wasn't funny. Of course her reply was, " I think it is." She is a slut! One of these days I wish she would get hers. Everyone says she will but I want to see it!!! She is happily involved w/ yet another co-worker (not married). I want to see her in pain. Link to post Share on other sites
beanie Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 It aint no fun being the o/w I fell into my situation and before I knew it we were in love we spent part of every weekend together spoke 3 times a day sent emails and messages all the time, it was wonderful and amazing and fun. I did actually think he would leave because it was so good between us. He explained about his child and how he could never leave him. His W found out and made him promise to stop having anything to do with me and seeking counselling he has agreed to this and to putting 100% into his marriage. He is trying to stay away from me but when we talk he slips into the old pet name and I hear how torn he is becoming and I should leave him alone but I miss him and everything we had together, I know I should back of to give him every chance of making this work with his wife but I cant because I wont him as well. Is it wrong of me to think that if she had put a little more effort into her marriage with him and looked after him and his needs he wouldnt have had a need for me. How do I back of and leave him alone. When I love him so. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Originally posted by beanie It aint no fun being the o/w I fell into my situation and before I knew it we were in love we spent part of every weekend together spoke 3 times a day sent emails and messages all the time, it was wonderful and amazing and fun. I did actually think he would leave because it was so good between us. He explained about his child and how he could never leave him. His W found out and made him promise to stop having anything to do with me and seeking counselling he has agreed to this and to putting 100% into his marriage. He is trying to stay away from me but when we talk he slips into the old pet name and I hear how torn he is becoming and I should leave him alone but I miss him and everything we had together, I know I should back of to give him every chance of making this work with his wife but I cant because I wont him as well. Is it wrong of me to think that if she had put a little more effort into her marriage with him and looked after him and his needs he wouldnt have had a need for me. How do I back of and leave him alone. When I love him so. This should probably have been put in another thread...you're kind of Hijacking a thread here! But since you asked I will respond! Is it wrong of me to think that if she had put a little more effort into her marriage with him and looked after him and his needs he wouldnt have had a need for me. How do I back of and leave him alone. When I love him so. How do you know she DIDN'T put HER everything into "looking after him and his "needs"??? I assume he told you that... And you'd believe someone who's cheating on his wife because....?? He is the one to blame for NOT leaving her, he could still see his child, if your love was so strong and pure he would have left her (not the child) to be with you. He asked you to leave him be so he can put 100% into his marriage, you need to respect his wishes and cease contact. Honestly if he loves you a lot and wants to be with you the way you think he does then NC with you will drive him out of his marriage and right back into your arms. Link to post Share on other sites
beanie Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Sorry for hi-jacking thanks you are right and i am trying to back of for his sake and it will prove if he really did love me as much as he claimed Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Originally posted by beanie Sorry for hi-jacking thanks you are right and i am trying to back of for his sake and it will prove if he really did love me as much as he claimed Don't look at it as "for his sake" it should be for YOUR sake and piece of mind knowing you allowed him (honestly) to work on his marriage without your interferance...and as you say too....If you back off and leave him alone it will show how much motivation he actually has to be with YOU and how true his love really is...if he doesn't end his marriage then I think it will show you right there...to each is own of course but it's probably not a good idea to stay with him unless you're content being the "stored away side" woman forever... Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Originally posted by Barby Don't look at it as "for his sake" it should be for YOUR sake and piece of mind knowing you allowed him (honestly) to work on his marriage without your interferance...and as you say too....If you back off and leave him alone it will show how much motivation he actually has to be with YOU and how true his love really is...if he doesn't end his marriage then I think it will show you right there...to each is own of course but it's probably not a good idea to stay with him unless you're content being the "stored away side" woman forever... Barby, I have recorded what you wrote. Thank you, how true and insightful. Link to post Share on other sites
beanie Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 Hey Barbie thankyou for what you said I apreciate the way you said it as well I am backing of for everyone's sake - mine included Link to post Share on other sites
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