The chunk of the story that's missing on fiancé that is too physical with niece

[Run50]

I appreciate all the points of view. I'm trying to understand the man that says he wants to marry me. We have been together two years. Before we met when Cindy came to town, she would bring her best friend holly. My bf would take them out to eat, and shopping. They would link arms. The 3 of them. It is common to take them to Victoria's Secret and spend upwards of 200.00 on them each. Cindy was 16 and holly 18 on this trip to the mall. I met them for the first time right after this shopping trip. At his house that evening the horseplay began. I sat in a chair across the room from him while he sat on the couch with the two girls. His neice cuddled with him like I do when we are spending an evening together. We were watching the hangover. With all the crude takeouts at the end. I was uncomfortable. I don't watch sexually oriented movies with my daughter.......????? Or my nephew. I can't imagine taking my nephew to buy 200.00 worth of underwear then cuddling with him on the couch watching the hangover with my bf across the room. Fast forward 8 months. We go see a family member in the hospital. The wrestling began. She slaps him in the head, and he puts her in a head lock. A nurse had to tell them not to do this in the hall. Holly got right under his chin and said mark needed to stay with get and Cindy forever. He said "what?" And she said" you need to stay with me and Cindy forever" she asked him to come to an up coming party- but he told her we had a trip planned- to which she said he ought to cancel because her birthday was more important. He gave her 300.00 for her birthday. The next time we saw them, they lamented that he should have taken them on that trip instead of me. Holly kept saying" Mark loves me!" And she asked him ( not us ) to go to an upcoming concert with them and 3 other girls. This is the ocassion he held her across his back because she came up from behind in the short strapless dress and put her arms around his neck. I think that since I've moved in, and he has asked me to marry him- their behavior should change. He gave Cindy a 2010 truck. Has not bought her brothers a vehicle. And as I said- he does not act this way with his nephews or their friends. The last time we were all together, wed been watching tv for hours. And he got up, walked to Cindy and gave her a big kiss on the forehead. And left the room. ????

Edited December 20, 2013 by Run50
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[GoreSP]

What I'm picking up from this is that your values are far different from his family's as far as family relations go.

 

I just don't think this kind of behaviour warrants an incest accusation especially since it's so in plain sight. The problem here is that it's making you uncomfortable.

 

There aren't 46 000 solutions. If you told him it's making you uncomfortable, but he's still doing it when you are there, perhaps he doesn't deserve the title 'fiancé' and you need to be with someone who will either respect your values or have the same as yours.

 

To be honest, if I was sitting alone on a chair while my boyfriend is cuddling with a family member, I wouldn't like it either.

[PegNosePete]

WTF. This is seriously weird behaviour.

 

Expecting him to change is unrealistic, especially after marriage. What is the old saying... women marry men hoping they'll change, men marry women hoping they never will, invariably both are disappointed?

 

You can't make him change. He will either change because he wants to, or he won't. Have you told him that you think his behaviour is childish and disrespectful? What does he say?

[Run50]

He told me that the girls aren't disrespecting me. He has said I'm just a jealous woman. And I am not thinking incest in the first place. Not at all . But would some one address how he treats her so much better than her brothers? He had a Christmas list made out. Next to each name he had a gift written. By Cindy it said girlfriend necklace.

[PegNosePete]

The girls disrespecting you isn't the issue. They are not the ones who are engaged to marry you. HE is. HE is disrespecting you by carrying on in an immature and inappropriate manner.

 

It sounds like he is never going to change. If I were you I would be bailing out of this relationship. He has an unhealthy obsession with his nieces. Whether it's incest or not, it's not good, it's not healthy, and it is not good for your relationship. It's not going to get better on its own, and it's not going to disappear when he gets married.

[emva07]

he's a perv who isn't screwing her but masturbates to the thought of her in VS. It's a forbidden relationship so they do as much as they can without having to cross that line.

 

Seems like the family is in it too, bc the mom seems to think her brother buying her daughter AND HER FRIEND (which is dangerous bc i'm sure the friends mother would go nuts) lingerie is not disgusting and wrong. The family must know that there is something there but don't say anything because they are all secretly praying to God that you will be able to change it, but....this seems like it won't change....he is already pulling the "you're being a crazy jealous psycho" card on you that is sign #1 that this is something he won't change. And she has the balls to tell him straight up to not go with you on a vacation and take her??? What a little slut! She wants her uncles dick so bad and if it weren't incestuous I'm sure he would.

 

So you either live with the haunting thought of possibly finding them (or with any of her friends) in bed one day, leave him, or YOU change and let it be and turn a blind eye to it.

 

I mean come on, even I get turned on and I'm a 26 yr old female. It's like the setup to a good porn.

Edited December 20, 2013 by emva07

[InnocentMan]

He told me that the girls aren't disrespecting me. He has said I'm just a jealous woman. And I am not thinking incest in the first place. Not at all . But would some one address how he treats her so much better than her brothers? He had a Christmas list made out. Next to each name he had a gift written. By Cindy it said girlfriend necklace.

 

You must be trolling. If not, wtf.

[emva07]

he may not be having sex with her....but do realize he has a thing for 18 year olds.....and I'm guessing you are not 18......

[stillafool]

He most definitely has a thing for teenage girls. It is completely inappropriate for him to take teenage girls on a shopping trip to VSC. My dad would never even do that with me. If I needed underwear and told him I needed them he would give me the money to go buy what I needed and he wouldn't want to see them. He should have given them, you or the girls mom the money to shop for underwear. He was getting off on teenage girls strutting around in VSC underwear. They probably showed it to him (on them!). I think this guy is using you as a beard but he is not to be trusted.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Run50...

 

 

are you of childbearing age????

 

 

If so, just imagine what may be in store...

[CrystalCastles]

My dad would never even do that with me. If I needed underwear and told him I needed them he would give me the money to go buy what I needed and he wouldn't want to see them. He should have given them, you or the girls mom the money to shop for underwear..

 

I second this. Especially since recently I did need money for new underwear and told my dad. He said sure, I can give you money and you can go with your mom to buy underwear.

 

What on earth is a 45 yr old man doing in VS with an 18 and 16 yr old?! Gross! Has your fiance ever exhibited this kind of behaviour before? It seems to have come up now but surely there were perhaps subtle signs earlier?

[Run50]

I am 45. My kid is grown. The first woman he married was 17 years older than him. He was with her 15 years. She passed away. I am a personal trainer and I look younger than him. I don't know what trolling means.his best friend is married to a woman 20 years older than him.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, it's very strange. He's not only doing this with his niece, but also her best friend? What do her parents say about a creepy older man buying their teenaged daughter lingerie?! Think about it from their perspective - this has NOTHING to do with jealousy and everything to do with him being a creep.

 

If this is indeed a real post, your finace's behaviour with teenagers is inappropriate and you shouldn't be expected to tolerate that.

[stillafool]

You aren't going to marry this creep are you?????????

[crederer]

I don't think this required a new thread. Answers are going to be the same. Guy is acting shady, and don't let people tell you otherwise simply based on the fact that they're related.

 

This has red flags all over it.

[stillafool]

Isn't this the same thread as the other one? What is the "chunk" of the story that was missing? It says the same thing as the other one.

[CA2TN4Love]

This story saddens and disgusts me. OP, if I were you, I'd have to let the guy go. He has questionable motives for taking teenage girls to VS to purchase lingerie. He has questionable motives when his idea of a Christmas gift for his niece is a "girlfriend necklace". He has questionable motives when he snuggles and wrestles with his niece to the point of making you uncomfortable.

 

I have a family member who was molested by her mother's boyfriend for years. Although she was much younger than your fiance's niece, she acted much in the same way. She thought of him as her own boyfriend and would get jealous whenever he was with her mother (much like the niece in regards to the vacation). He would buy her special gifts, while her brother got nothing. We, as a family, thought the behavior was suspect and questioned the mother; however, she was in denial and thought it was good that she had a male influence in her life. When the molestation was revealed, we all felt guilt for not doing more.

 

I'm not saying that your fiancé has molested his niece in the past. I'm also not saying that he is currently having an incestuous relationship with her. What I am saying is that his and her behavior is abnormal and should be thoroughly questioned. I would talk to her mother, her grandmother, her friends and everyone else who would listen. In the end, I'd walk. Your instincts are telling you that there is something inappropriate going on. Listen to them. Don't ignore them until you have a daughter with this creep and you begin to question their relationship.

[emva07]

This story saddens and disgusts me. OP, if I were you, I'd have to let the guy go. He has questionable motives for taking teenage girls to VS to purchase lingerie. He has questionable motives when his idea of a Christmas gift for his niece is a "girlfriend necklace". He has questionable motives when he snuggles and wrestles with his niece to the point of making you uncomfortable.

 

I have a family member who was molested by her mother's boyfriend for years. Although she was much younger than your fiance's niece, she acted much in the same way. She thought of him as her own boyfriend and would get jealous whenever he was with her mother (much like the niece in regards to the vacation). He would buy her special gifts, while her brother got nothing. We, as a family, thought the behavior was suspect and questioned the mother; however, she was in denial and thought it was good that she had a male influence in her life. When the molestation was revealed, we all felt guilt for not doing more.

 

I'm not saying that your fiancé has molested his niece in the past. I'm also not saying that he is currently having an incestuous relationship with her. What I am saying is that his and her behavior is abnormal and should be thoroughly questioned. I would talk to her mother, her grandmother, her friends and everyone else who would listen. In the end, I'd walk. Your instincts are telling you that there is something inappropriate going on. Listen to them. Don't ignore them until you have a daughter with this creep and you begin to question their relationship.

 

since the beginning, when I read this I couldn't help but think of this as a possibility. A lot of times this is how people react to being molested as a child...with this kind of behavior towards the molester.