Having sex after a breakup

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I think this is part of the breakup... Our feelings are all over the place...

 

Of course they are. And so are my hormones.

 

So, I shouldn't have sex then? How long do I wait?

[Haydn]

So glad i am not your ex. Horrible stuff you are coming out with,You looking for validation? Listen to an REM song instead.

 

 

Rich...I just thought I'd state that he was...idk. I don't normally go for rich guys, but it's a plus I guess.

 

And his penis is big enough. lol

 

And this guy is not relationship material. It would just be meaningless fun.

 

I guess, deep down inside, I want to have rebound to let go of my ex and because I know he is sleeping with other people (since he said he is looking for tight pussies). I think it would hurt me less if I slept with other people too. I mean, not other people, just one guy. I'm a horny girl and I have my needs, why not go back to an old flame??

 

There are several reasons why I want to have sex with this guy. Sex is just sex, right?

[Haydn]

Well now your making me....Thats another forum........

 

 

 

Revenge? He would never know I had sex with this guy. I would never let him know, I'm not looking to make him jealous or to hurt him. The sex would be for me. And we aren't ever getting back together, so it doesn't matter what my ex thinks of me.

 

Haydn...oh haydn...I don't understand you.

 

I'll think about it first. I just want to get over him is all...and I know he is going to sleep with other girls and that hurts me...I guess I want to be able to move on like he is.

 

Plus, have I said that I'm horny?!?

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

So glad i am not your ex. Horrible stuff you are coming out with,You looking for validation? Listen to an REM song instead.

 

A lot of your anger is probably stemmed from your own issues with your own ex. What's your deal? Did your ex sleep with someone else after you two broke up?

 

Horrible stuff? Why is it horrible to want to sleep with someone else? Why is it so horrible to want to move on? Why does it matter to you what I do? It's not like I'm taking dirty pictures of me sleeping with a guy and sending it to him...that would be horrible. Horrible isn't posting on a forum asking for advice on what I should do BEFORE I do it. Get a grip.

 

How do you block people on here?

[devastated777]

If you can do it and sleep at night, then go for it! I wish I could. I had one "one night stand" since I was dumped and although I made the best of it. Ugh. It made me miss my ex even more. And when I felt his package, I was very very disappointed. He has since said that he would love to come over again but I just cant do it. that was my first one night stand. Saw him out last week and we hung out. We still message very now and then. Maybe I will find one that does it for me and has as beautiful penis as my ex. He had the most beautiful, perfect penis. Oh how I miss him. Jerk

[Zoe Lilith]

I might sound a bit old fashioned, but I don't think that having sex with someone few days after the break up is the best idea. Then again, we all think differently and have different ways of dealing with the pain

[Simon Phoenix]

Rich...I just thought I'd state that he was...idk. I don't normally go for rich guys, but it's a plus I guess.

 

And his penis is big enough. lol

 

And this guy is not relationship material. It would just be meaningless fun.

 

I guess, deep down inside, I want to have rebound to let go of my ex and because I know he is sleeping with other people (since he said he is looking for tight pussies). I think it would hurt me less if I slept with other people too. I mean, not other people, just one guy. I'm a horny girl and I have my needs, why not go back to an old flame??

 

There are several reasons why I want to have sex with this guy. Sex is just sex, right?

 

It doesn't seem like you are viewing it as just sex. You are viewing it as you have to keep up with your ex, like there's some scoreboard. Because of that, I'd say don't do it. I'm sure you can manually get pleasure until you are ready to have sex for the right reasons.

 

I had a binge after my ex broke up with me to try to mask my pain and feel like "more of a man". Didn't go so well.

[Chi townD]

Of course they are. And so are my hormones.

 

So, I shouldn't have sex then? How long do I wait?

 

 

Until you're ready. And, from what you're writing, I can tell you're not ready. Your Ex said some pretty hurtful thing to you going out the door that made you devalue yourself. He put your self esteem and self worth down the toilet and it WOULD be revenge sex. Just a revenge sex he wouldn't know about. You would know and you want to say to yourself, "Look, I'm a desirable woman too. And I can get a man to hook up with as well!" Thing is, for a woman to hook up with a guy is any great feat. You would be hard pressed to find a young heterosexual male to turn IT down.

 

If you're looking for someone to love, then love yourself first! You can be a desirable woman AND hold onto your self respect. Look, I know your horny, but I think you might be more interested in validation as a desirable woman.

 

Look, this is an advice forum and you're going to do what you want. We're not the law here. BUT! you don't know this guy from Adam, you don't know if this guy is caring diseases. Condoms are not 100% affective against STD'S. He could have a herpes lesion over his pubic bone and if he touches it against your vulva, take a scientific wild ass guess what you're going to catch! Then there's hepatitis and, God forbid, HIV. So, random "hook ups" are a scary thing.

 

So, my advice is to buy a BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) and wait until your ready to enter into a relationship with a guy that you've gotten to know and care about.

 

And will you women stop lying to us about size doesn't matter! I mean, really?!?!? A dude can have a big unit, but half the time he doesn't know how to use it! And I'm not saying I'm small, I'm a good size, but I'm not King Kong either!!

[seekingpeaceinlove]

People react differently in break ups..we all know that. Some jump into dating and/or sex to cope and other shun it...there's nothing wrong with either. I represent the latter. People should do what feels right for them.

 

I was actually disgusted by men for the first few months after the break up..I would get angry and disgusted when a guy would hit on me. It's 4.5 months since then and my sexual needs are skyrocketing but I haven't been intimate with anyone. I can't imagine myself with anyone other than ex and clearly I'm not ready to date yet. I crave ex like mad even though I would never want a relationship with him again.

 

So...I'm kind of stuck. Strange thing is when I was single before I met my ex I had no problems with FWBs. Now, I'm not into that.. oh how things change.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

It doesn't seem like you are viewing it as just sex. You are viewing it as you have to keep up with your ex, like there's some scoreboard. Because of that, I'd say don't do it. I'm sure you can manually get pleasure until you are ready to have sex for the right reasons.

 

I had a binge after my ex broke up with me to try to mask my pain and feel like "more of a man". Didn't go so well.

 

I really take your advice seriously. Thank you. You are right.

 

I won't have sex with this guy. I thought about it at lunch and I could see how it might end up hurting me worse.

 

Sorry my emotions are all over the place. I'm just trying to find the quickest route to recovery! It's helpless.

[Zoe Lilith]

People react differently in break ups..we all know that. Some jump into dating and/or sex to cope and other shun it...there's nothing wrong with either. I represent the latter. People should do what feels right for them.

 

I was actually disgusted by men for the first few months after the break up..I would get angry and disgusted when a guy would hit on me. It's 4.5 months since then and my sexual needs are skyrocketing but I haven't been intimate with anyone. I can't imagine myself with anyone other than ex and clearly I'm not ready to date yet. I crave ex like mad even though I would never want a relationship with him again.

So...I'm kind of stuck. Strange thing is when I was single before I met my ex I had no problems with FWBs. Now, I'm not into that.. oh how things change.

 

 

This is exactly how I feel. Even though I don't want the relationship with my ex, but I can't see myself being with anyone else either. It's weired. I am glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way..

[Iguanna]

He has ........ a BIG... ;-)

 

This is what you should have said firstly!

 

Yeah why not, go for it. Take care and have fun

[Why so consistent]

A lot of your anger is probably stemmed from your own issues with your own ex. What's your deal? Did your ex sleep with someone else after you two broke up?

 

Horrible stuff? Why is it horrible to want to sleep with someone else? Why is it so horrible to want to move on? Why does it matter to you what I do? It's not like I'm taking dirty pictures of me sleeping with a guy and sending it to him...that would be horrible. Horrible isn't posting on a forum asking for advice on what I should do BEFORE I do it. Get a grip.

 

How do you block people on here?

 

Well indeed your life your call but do u really have to sleep around to fill up for happiness or just feel lonely? Maybe u just wanna have a good time , I just got dumped by my 1st girl friend and I'm still a Virgin because I haven't seen her since she's planning to visit me but canceled due to my stupid issue , I feel like end of the world and miss her everyday but I love myself more . I don't think I will have a problem to sleep around but I choose to not because I love myself and I think u should too cotton .

 

 

People here just trying to help u but if u feel happy what u do why not ? But remember love yourself more

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Thanks Chi. Guess I get to go shopping for my "BOB" this weekend. Best thing about it is I can pick the size!!! MMMMMM....

 

Thanks for helping me everyone for making the right decision. I know I post a lot but it's because I'm so weak right now, but I really value the advice of everyone so that's why I ask before I act.

 

I probably just avoided a huge mistake.

 

I will love myself instead... :-)

 

Until you're ready. And, from what you're writing, I can tell you're not ready. Your Ex said some pretty hurtful thing to you going out the door that made you devalue yourself. He put your self esteem and self worth down the toilet and it WOULD be revenge sex. Just a revenge sex he wouldn't know about. You would know and you want to say to yourself, "Look, I'm a desirable woman too. And I can get a man to hook up with as well!" Thing is, for a woman to hook up with a guy is any great feat. You would be hard pressed to find a young heterosexual male to turn IT down.

 

If you're looking for someone to love, then love yourself first! You can be a desirable woman AND hold onto your self respect. Look, I know your horny, but I think you might be more interested in validation as a desirable woman.

 

Look, this is an advice forum and you're going to do what you want. We're not the law here. BUT! you don't know this guy from Adam, you don't know if this guy is caring diseases. Condoms are not 100% affective against STD'S. He could have a herpes lesion over his pubic bone and if he touches it against your vulva, take a scientific wild ass guess what you're going to catch! Then there's hepatitis and, God forbid, HIV. So, random "hook ups" are a scary thing.

 

So, my advice is to buy a BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) and wait until your ready to enter into a relationship with a guy that you've gotten to know and care about.

 

And will you women stop lying to us about size doesn't matter! I mean, really?!?!? A dude can have a big unit, but half the time he doesn't know how to use it! And I'm not saying I'm small, I'm a good size, but I'm not King Kong either!!

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

This is so hard for me. My emotions are everywhere and I think it's because it's that time of the month...

 

I don't know. Plus it's dark and cloudy outside.

 

I just miss him exceptionally today. Wondering if he does too...

 

I feel bad now for even thinking about sleeping with someone else. How awful of me. I abandoned him, ignored him and was about to sleep with someone else.

 

I am no good. MY self esteem is rock bottom today.

[Why so consistent]

This is so hard for me. My emotions are everywhere and I think it's because it's that time of the month...

 

I don't know. Plus it's dark and cloudy outside.

 

I just miss him exceptionally today. Wondering if he does too...

 

I feel bad now for even thinking about sleeping with someone else. How awful of me. I abandoned him, ignored him and was about to sleep with someone else.

 

I am no good. MY self esteem is rock bottom today.

 

Im in the same situation like u but instead of going to sleep with someone else, but remember maybe he does miss you or maybe he don't still your body your life . I can't imagine if I sleep with someone I have no feeling with it just so wrong and yes I have old mind , I think sex is good with the one u love that's y I still have my virgin even I'm 28 years old .

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I hope you do the right thing

[Zoe Lilith]

Until you're ready. And, from what you're writing, I can tell you're not ready. Your Ex said some pretty hurtful thing to you going out the door that made you devalue yourself. He put your self esteem and self worth down the toilet and it WOULD be revenge sex. Just a revenge sex he wouldn't know about. You would know and you want to say to yourself, "Look, I'm a desirable woman too. And I can get a man to hook up with as well!" Thing is, for a woman to hook up with a guy is any great feat. You would be hard pressed to find a young heterosexual male to turn IT down.

 

If you're looking for someone to love, then love yourself first! You can be a desirable woman AND hold onto your self respect. Look, I know your horny, but I think you might be more interested in validation as a desirable woman.

 

Look, this is an advice forum and you're going to do what you want. We're not the law here. BUT! you don't know this guy from Adam, you don't know if this guy is caring diseases. Condoms are not 100% affective against STD'S. He could have a herpes lesion over his pubic bone and if he touches it against your vulva, take a scientific wild ass guess what you're going to catch! Then there's hepatitis and, God forbid, HIV. So, random "hook ups" are a scary thing.

 

So, my advice is to buy a BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend) and wait until your ready to enter into a relationship with a guy that you've gotten to know and care about.

 

And will you women stop lying to us about size doesn't matter! I mean, really?!?!? A dude can have a big unit, but half the time he doesn't know how to use it! And I'm not saying I'm small, I'm a good size, but I'm not King Kong either!!

 

 

Although important part in a relationship, I don't base my RS purely on sex. I always believed and still believe that everything else in the relationship influences the sex life, sex is just a fragmet that makes a relationship complete. I am not playing a saint here, I am faaar from it,I'm just saying how I feel about that..

[Zoe Lilith]

My problem always was that I get emotionally attached to a guy I had sex with..I hate that about me! I see my friends having fun with "no strings attached" relationships. I really envy them.

[Why so consistent]

My problem always was that I get emotionally attached to a guy I had sex with..I hate that about me! I see my friends having fun with "no strings attached" relationships. I really envy them.

 

Why u envy something that other don't have and u do ? Is you that being you not other , I have a lot of friend sleep around all the time and they envy about me because that I can have a normal relationship because once u did something other people just know it . Especially bad thing

[Zoe Lilith]

Why u envy something that other don't have and u do ? Is you that being you not other , I have a lot of friend sleep around all the time and they envy about me because that I can have a normal relationship because once u did something other people just know it . Especially bad thing

 

Good point. They do seem to have more fun and are less frustrated tho... :)

[Why so consistent]

Good point. They do seem to have more fun and are less frustrated tho... :)

 

Yep they seem "for you" but is that really fun ? No one know maybe that why they sleep around but Zoe u have something they don't which is u love and respect yourself .

[happydate]

This is so hard for me. My emotions are everywhere and I think it's because it's that time of the month...

 

I don't know. Plus it's dark and cloudy outside.

 

I just miss him exceptionally today. Wondering if he does too...

 

I feel bad now for even thinking about sleeping with someone else. How awful of me. I abandoned him, ignored him and was about to sleep with someone else.

 

I am no good. MY self esteem is rock bottom today.

 

I would deeply look at your relationship with your father and is usually a tell-tale sign of why you are doing this to yourself.

 

What I see here is that you are looking for validation. You are a little girl that's looking for a daddy figure or just a manly figure for some sort of attention and validation. To give you a pat in the back you so yearned for so so long. Perhaps your own daddy didn't do as much as you would have liked?!? Someone who would respect you, cherish you like a beautiful human being and cares for you despite the physical attributes that you have. Did you daddy did all that?

Instead, when you are now grown up, you hooked up with men who sole focus are on physical attributes and physical senses. Like you don't have a tight pussy or that you don't have much worldly possessions, so you would want to hook up with men who are well off than you and have a bigger stick down below. These men had convinced you are not worthy of yourself. That's always their plan, so they know you're going to prove they are wrong by having sex with them. Your current emotional attachment to this guy is simple. You are just simply looking for him to say you're a good girl after he came inside of you. But then, you will be dissappointed, because you won't find it in him. And no, you won't find it in all the men you will be sleeping or plan to sleep with, because the problem is not with them, it is with you.

 

That does not mean these men you slept with does not have problems. Guess what? They have the same problem like you, except it is the woman figure that they lacked acknowledgement. Usually, they lack the motherly love when they were younger and now date women like yourself to see love when in fact, it is the void of love in their heart that now judges women only by the size of their boobs, their vaginas and their figures. Physical attributes rarely satisfy anyone -- you will keep looking for the ultimate vagina, ultimate boobs etc.. But you will not find it.

 

But when you find how to love yourself, then you will find physical attributes and size of the man's wand does not matter. Men who think their size of wand does matter needs to re-assess his own self-esteem. When people think they don't have what it takes to make love, that's a sign of low self-esteem.

 

I have met men who are on wheel chairs, bounded and have mobility issues and have 2 to 3 kids, gorgeous wives and happy sex lives. Made me feel shameful that if these guys are disabled, why then they have great lives and wonderful wives when I can walk and run without a wheelchair!!

 

Reassess who you are, be alone and heal and love yourself, before you can love someone.

 

When you love yourself and then have someone who is on your same level, the sex will be much more satisfying. It's not the size of the equipment you've got that makes great sex. It's the size of your heart that MATTERS!

 

Take care.

Edited December 20, 2013 by happydate

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Okay lets clear some things up "happy date" lol

 

I do not have daddy issues. My dad was great to me when I was a child and still is.

 

My ex had a very nice penis, I miss it. And I know I have a tight vagina also. There is nothing wrong with my vagina. He just said he was going to go look for other tight pussies bc he was mad that I said I wanted to see other people.. Nothing to do with my vagina. Anyways...now that we have that cleared up...

 

Of course, I like big penis. But it's not like I line men up and say "drop em!" and pick the biggest one.

 

I have been with partners who had "smaller" than what I am used to, and it actually was better!

 

I don't understand your post, but thanks for trying.

 

My issue is codependency and self esteem. My first appt with a therapist is this Thursday.

 

And I would never seek validation from a horny man. And I don't like this part: You are just simply looking for him to say you're a good girl after he came inside of you.

 

That's sick. and so wrong.

[happydate]

Okay lets clear some things up "happy date" lol

 

I do not have daddy issues. My dad was great to me when I was a child and still is.

 

My ex had a very nice penis, I miss it. And I know I have a tight vagina also. There is nothing wrong with my vagina. He just said he was going to go look for other tight pussies bc he was mad that I said I wanted to see other people.. Nothing to do with my vagina. Anyways...now that we have that cleared up...

 

Of course, I like big penis. But it's not like I line men up and say "drop em!" and pick the biggest one.

 

I have been with partners who had "smaller" than what I am used to, and it actually was better!

 

I don't understand your post, but thanks for trying.

 

My issue is codependency and self esteem. My first appt with a therapist is this Thursday.

 

And I would never seek validation from a horny man. And I don't like this part: You are just simply looking for him to say you're a good girl after he came inside of you.

 

That's sick. and so wrong.

 

Perhaps you don't want to understand my post because I'm telling the truth. The truth is sometimes so hard to accept!

 

Did you know how I turned around like the men you slept with? You had no idea that I was like the men who you had slept with. It's funny how quickly you judged I had no clue.

 

Did you also know how I snapped out of it. Because I met a guy who happened to be disabled, happy and joyful and have 3 beautiful little girls and a beautiful wife. What's interesting was that, he was the one who helped me heal. I went for theraphy and he was there helping me. There were other men there --been there done that experience.

 

My post is not meant to belittle you. You are always a beautiful person who people should respect and care for. It is meant as a wake up call.

 

A good healthy male who loves himself will not put a huge emphasis on SEX as his main course while pursuing the relationship. His action would be this. Since I'm happy, a woman in my life is to make me even HAPPIER.

Those are the men I am friends with and they always have great relationships with their children, wives and friends. No power play, no equipment comparisons etc... They seek growth through relationships and greater bonding. Does this sound anything remotely similar to your quest?

 

Anyone will say that they have a great relationship with their parents and there is no doubt there is. But that's in the eyes of you. You are comfortable with this relationship and you naturally seek men who would provide the exact comfort as you would expect in a father daughter relationship. This is only natural.

 

What becomes unnatural is when you describe your relationship with men to us and that we find it unnatural, because it is in our views. Some of us lived through this and learned. Some of us have happy healthy respectful relationships with our parents and then will find your relationship with men (because we tend to date our parents) unhealthy. It is not a loving relationship. It's just physical and you are rewarding your men with what they want, so you got used to it. Being horny and having a high sex drive meant you are only happy because of the high you get from sex. Same with the high that people get from taking drugs. But do you take drugs to be happy living in this world? No. Then isn't this a normal healthy attitude to keep thinking about sex and that if you don't have sex, you aren't happy and healthy? Doesn't this bother you?

Edited December 20, 2013 by happydate