Misfit Love Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 (edited) Hey, all! I'm new to the forums here and I wanted to post about an issue I'm having. I have a friend with benefits at my college (actually, he lives near my college, but doesn't go there). We met up as a one-night stand but we talked a lot and hit it off. Since then he'll pick me up 1-2 times a week, we hang out in his car, chat, he'll buy me food, we'll watch TV and joke about football, and usually hook up. One time he didn't even want to hook up and was just looking to hang out with me. We text a few times a week when he isn't busy and we talk a bit on the phone now that I'm back home for winter break. Last night we talked on the phone for two whole hours. I always told myself not to get attached, but what do you know...I fell for him. I don't know why or how, but I did. We started to cuddle after sex and we even spent the night once...I woke up to him spooning me and holding me tight. I turned over and we looked into each other's eyes for a bit and he kissed my forehead. I thought he actually was starting to get feelings for me. So last week, once I got home from school, I called him on the phone and we talked for a while about life. Then I told him that I really liked him, and I don't know how he feels, but I do honestly like him a lot. He said he thinks I'm a great friend, I'm funny, great to hang out with, attractive, etc. But he's not ready for or looking for a relationship right now. Last night he confessed that he still has feelings for his ex, but would never take her back because she cheated on him and he's too prideful to give in to her again. All he says he wants right now is a friend to chill with, go out with, and have sex with...and I'm that friend. And now that I'm at home for a month and he's there, he'll probably be hooking up randomly with other girls on the weekends. I noticed that whenever I'm at school though he doesn't even really think of other girls or hooks up with them, and expresses interest in taking me to his parties and drinking with me. In fact, when he was drunk, he texted me saying that he wished I were there with him, that I'm beautiful, that he would date me, that he "kind of really likes" me... And last night he told me he doesn't remember saying any of that. And I'm the only person he's told about still having feelings for his ex. I'm so confused...I like him and he knows it, but he's still not over his ex. I still want him in my life and think about him a lot. He sends me mixed signals! He'll take me out to dinner, talk my ear off on the phone, cuddle with me and never pressures me to have sex with him, listens to me when I vent, sends me 4-page long texts, says my name a lot in our casual conversations and tells me about his personal life...but says he isn't ready for a relationship now. What gives? I have a whole month before I'm back at school and see him again. What should I do? Give him space? Just stick to calling him once a week? Get him a small Christmas present? I'm lost. Edited December 20, 2013 by Misfit Love Link to post Share on other sites
iaa Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 My son's dad calls me constantly, and always wants to hang out with me. We used to have great sex when we were together, but I will not have sex with him now cause he is a total deadbeat, and I can have sex with a guy without getting attached. He doesn't just wanna see his son; he really wants to come spend time with me. Still, he just wants to use me. Guys can want to hang out and spend time with someone and still just use them. It happens. I'm sorry you are going through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emva07 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 (edited) yeah....unfortunately I don't see much of mixed signals here, they are pretty clear....he's not into you like that. Were he still not into his ex? Maybe. But there's no way to know. The nice thing about friends with benefits is that they are FRIENDS...with benefits, so it doesn't feel as just a random person using you for sex, there is the added bonus that they care for us as people, friends, companions on lonely nights, cuddle buddies and vise versa, but it's just sex and much needed affection nonetheless. Edited December 30, 2013 by emva07 Link to post Share on other sites
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