Are we automatically 'sluts'?

[goodyblue]

I truly wonder. I don't think that I was/am a slut, but according to my guys ex wife, I am a slut. Don't worry that I have sexually been with far less people than she. I'm still a slut. Do BS's really think this or is it just a jab?

[wanting more]

Jab or not. I do not consider myself a slut. I know xMM BW called me that. That's her right to call or say anything she wanted to me back then. And she can think anything now she wants to about me.

 

I know who I am. And that's what matters.

[CrystalCastles]

Well the thing is, you're a slut to people who you have brought pain. They name-call because they're hurt.

 

I met a friend of mine today and she told me her dad is a serial cheater (she found out a few weeks ago). She called the OW every name in the book (the nicest were "homewrecker" and "b*tch". I understand her pain because the man doing this to her family was her father (and even though she's disgusted, she still loves him and doesn't want to consider him the guilty party). It's always easier to name-call someone you don't know, like the OW, and label her as the slut. It's a person's pain speaking, which is something you should try to understand.

[OldRover]

Yea, agreed that someone can call you anything they want.

 

Slut? Perhaps not... but depends on the motives. If the OW and MM is just looking for a quick hop in the sack with no other reason... that could be.

 

If the marriage is broken and the MM just hasn't got out, yet, the OW could be a great thing. However, one must realize the risks and benefits. As for a slut..... no way.

[threelaurels]

No, I don't think OW are sluts. I have heard people call specific OWs sluts, but not OW as a whole. Heck, not all OW are even in PAs with their MM.

 

I'm on the B side of this situation, and I would qualify as a slut by anyone's standards. I've been around the block more than once, and I've been called everything from a slut to the human carousel in my lifetime. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed about my sexuality. I don't see "slut" as an insult, and I don't like it when people use the word slut in an insulting way.

 

I think it's pretty clear that the BS in your situation is only calling you that name because she's hurting and wants to hurt you in return. I don't think she means it literally. Also, it's kinda creepy that you know how many people the BS has slept with

[Popsicle]

I truly wonder. I don't think that I was/am a slut, but according to my guys ex wife, I am a slut. Don't worry that I have sexually been with far less people than she. I'm still a slut. Do BS's really think this or is it just a jab?

 

Yes they do think that and yes it's also a jab. You don't expect her to like you or think you're a good person, do you? But what's more important is, does your MM think you're a slut?

[Cinnimon]

I know I'm not a slut. But if the BS thinks I'm a slut then she also must believe that she married one.

[goodyblue]

No, I don't think OW are sluts. I have heard people call specific OWs sluts, but not OW as a whole. Heck, not all OW are even in PAs with their MM.

 

I'm on the B side of this situation, and I would qualify as a slut by anyone's standards. I've been around the block more than once, and I've been called everything from a slut to the human carousel in my lifetime. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed about my sexuality. I don't see "slut" as an insult, and I don't like it when people use the word slut in an insulting way.

 

I think it's pretty clear that the BS in your situation is only calling you that name because she's hurting and wants to hurt you in return. I don't think she means it literally. Also, it's kinda creepy that you know how many people the BS has slept with

 

Actually I don't know exactly. I just know that she slept with several people in her younger years. Sorry if it creeps you out.

[Journee]

I know I'm not a slut. But if the BS thinks I'm a slut then she also must believe that she married one.

 

This is where I'm at in my thinking. Most of the women I know who have been cheated on were having regular sex with their partner during the A. Which means the wayward was entering two women pretty well simultaneously.

 

If anything the wayward has questionable sexual integrity. Not because of sex with more than one person but without the knowledge of one or both women.

[threelaurels]

Actually I don't know exactly. I just know that she slept with several people in her younger years. Sorry if it creeps you out.

 

That's less creepy than MM sharing intimate details about the BS with you, but still kinda weird. I mean, I'm very open, but it's one thing for me to tell people that kind of information and another for an ex to share that kind of info with their current partner. I just don't understand why or how that sort of thing would come up in a conversation. I tend to avoid talking about my exes in general with my partners though, so maybe it's me

[MuddyFootprints]

I truly wonder. I don't think that I was/am a slut, but according to my guys ex wife, I am a slut. Don't worry that I have sexually been with far less people than she. I'm still a slut. Do BS's really think this or is it just a jab?

 

Yes, to some we are. And to others, we are much, much worse.

 

There was a time when the name calling, the venomous hatred, and the open, outright suggestion that I should just kill myself made me seriously question my worth to humanity.

 

Slunt, skank, slut, and the myriad of other creative slurs are being spewed in pain and with ignorance. (It has been medically confirmed that I do not have Satan's tail protruding from my back.)

 

I paid for my indiscretion with my heart and soul and I'm about as far from whore-ible as you can get.

 

Learning that it is none of my business what other people think of me has been a difficult, but most liberating realization.

[Got it]

I truly wonder. I don't think that I was/am a slut, but according to my guys ex wife, I am a slut. Don't worry that I have sexually been with far less people than she. I'm still a slut. Do BS's really think this or is it just a jab?

 

In all honesty who cares? Why do you care what she thinks about you? Her opinion is her opinion. It has no more power or authenticity than you allow it.

 

I am sure his ex wife thinks many unflattering things of me. On one hand I easily see why she has these thoughts, on the other she too is in her own little glass house (she had an affair as well). But I am not naive enough to think that would stop her from her opinion.

 

So, again, why should you care?

[D-Lish]

It's just a jab. I thought a lot terrible things about the woman my husband was having an affair with. I focused my anger on her because she was an obvious and easy target. I didn't know much about her, and I hadn't met her.

 

Once the smoke cleared, and I divorced my husband, he went on to marry and have three kids with this woman. I ran into them once in a mall a few years after we divorced. She was nothing like the terrible person I'd pictured her to be. She was actually quite pleasant.

 

In the end, I blame my husband for having the affair, because he was the one that broke his commitment to me.

[rumbleseat]

It depends upon someone's personal set of character definitions. To some, knowingly engaging in sexual intercourse or becoming involved with a married person makes someone a slut ( male or female, doesn't matter). Others may have different views, each based upon their own set of values, background and beliefs.

 

The thing is that naming something (or someone) doesn't change who or what they are. A rose called stink weed will still smell nice, and the opposite can be said as well.

 

The exact name used is perhaps irrelevant, it's the meaning behind it. While ow (or om) may not fit the dictionary definition of "slut", does it mater if they do or not? Perhaps the best measure is to examine the motive behind the name, and simply dismissing it by chalking it up to the bs's "pain" is a smokescreen. Yes, some ow or om engage in behaviour that many would term "slutty", while others do not. Each situation is different. Just as it would be wrong to say that all om or ow are sluts, it is just as wrong to say none are.

[Eggplant]

"Slut" is a made-up concept. You're taking words too literally.

[ZMM]

Nope.

 

The definition of slut is - a woman who has many casual sexual partners, according to the dictionary. It has nothing to do with being involved with a MM.

[Eggplant]

Nope.

 

The definition of slut is - a woman who has many casual sexual partners, according to the dictionary. It has nothing to do with being involved with a MM.

There is an extremely derogatory connotation that goes with the word slut. So your dictionary definition isn't adequate.

[MissBee]

I truly wonder. I don't think that I was/am a slut, but according to my guys ex wife, I am a slut. Don't worry that I have sexually been with far less people than she. I'm still a slut. Do BS's really think this or is it just a jab?

 

I think slut means different things to people. For some it means promiscuous: lots of partners. For some it means indiscriminate sex and for some "immoral sex" i.e. with someone married. Whichever way it is, it is meant to be an insult and an understandable one coming from the person's spouse you're sleeping with.

 

You don't need to accept them calling you a slut but I do think it's understandable why in their position they would call you that. I don't think someone sits around and thinks hard about it but it's more or less a knee-jerk response to the situation.

[MissBee]

In all honesty who cares? Why do you care what she thinks about you? Her opinion is her opinion. It has no more power or authenticity than you allow it.

 

I am sure his ex wife thinks many unflattering things of me. On one hand I easily see why she has these thoughts, on the other she too is in her own little glass house (she had an affair as well). But I am not naive enough to think that would stop her from her opinion.

 

So, again, why should you care?

 

I agree.

 

Realistically, if you're sleeping with someone's spouse they're not gonna think nice things about you. That's just how it is. So at that point I wouldn't bother to worry about if they think I'm a slut or not.

[waterwoman]

Slut has two definitions in the OED. The second is a woman with low standards of cleanliness. Perhaps she doesn't approve of your housekeeping ?

 

As insults go it seems pretty tame really and I honestly wouldn't let it bother you.

[ComingInHot]

So I tend to look at "names/words" within their Actual definition. Makes for much more fun and debate really (should have heard my son ask his teacher if she wanted to come over and pet his bitch... yikes, when explaining the true definition of the word & how MEN twisted it*)

 

Anyway by definition "SLUT" is someone who has many casual sexual partners, has loose morals and is "unclean" (don't quite get that last one).

Do you fit any of these?

For some OW probably not is my thinking. ..

 

So what then "are you" in terms of Sleeping with another woman's H??

 

I can only say for me that I called BOTH My H & exOW Bitches & Skanks!! LMAO** (only funny if you read first paragraph w/my son)*

[aliveagain]

A slut is someone you bang but would never marry, it's more important to know what your guy thinks, not his ex. She will never like you and will do everything she can to get people in her circle of friends to believe your a home wrecker and a slut. Unfortunately some of these people are most likely in your guy's circle of friends too.

[Fluttershy]

Words evolve. Originaly te word "slut" was to describe the slovenly woman. In the 20th centurary it was used to describe a hyper sexual woman because a woman wanting lots of sex was still considered not the norm. As women emeaced their sexuality the word still ha negative conotation so it became reserved for women who had multiple partners. now that women

Having as many partners as men isn't considered a bad thing on the large picture I think for many it is women who are indiscriminate in their partners and will sleep with anyone includin someone who is in a committed relationship.

 

Instead of defending yourself against someone else's label I think OW/OM should ask themselves why they choose such a dangerous path. Why do tey let "love" control them and why do they do things that will hurt a woman and her children to the core. They can't control their MM but they can control themselves.

[ZMM]

There is an extremely derogatory connotation that goes with the word slut. So your dictionary definition isn't adequate.

 

I don't use the word myself. But, I guess when I hear someone called a slut, I think of a woman who basically sleeps with just about anybody.

 

I never really connected it with sleeping with a MM. But, I think a BS may call an OW a slut, just because they are angry and that's what they think of as a putdown. Anyway, when someone is angry and probably pretty much hates you, you can't really take what they say literally.

[experiencethedevine]

There is an extremely derogatory connotation that goes with the word slut. So your dictionary definition isn't adequate.

 

 

 

Actually, the original definition of the word means a woman with poor standards of cleanliness!.................................