bullsiv Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Hello im new to the forum, nice to meet you all. Ill be right into the subject, im 22 years old and meet this girl and she's pretty much everything i could wish for i was a virgin by option till we first started ( yes.. im a boy). She has problems with a sexuality and cant open up to me most due to what she has been thought in a her life so right now she has problems in starting a relation and most of the times she just cant do it. When e do it its good really good, she says she's more than happy with everything, but its just hard to initiate. I have no problem with that, but one time we were talking and she shared some stuff from her past with me, the most disturbing for me is the story were she was drunk and entered in her sisters room she was with her bf/**** budy whatever, at the time and she joined in and said it was very good sharing him, also latter she was with that guy on a trip to a surfing spot and she did a blowjob while he was driving almost crashing the mini van and guetting them killed ( and laughed after telling that ) and then they jumped on the back of the van and she said she was the first having sex with him there and was pretty proud of it. She has got a STD ( non-fatal ) and herpes and as you may guess that just makes me go crazy as i have none and i know were it came from. I have no idea what to do, i wasn't with her at the time but she did those things and she's proud of but she cant do anything remotely close to me ( we are together for 6 month's and she never did oral on me cause she says she cant open that much.. and then boom those story's come right in my head ). I understand everything, just not how she can be like that and still be so light talking on those subjects, she stopped now because i said that those story's hurt me. She say's she loves me she wasn't like this in the past and that she wants to be able to open totally to me. Im really having a thought time here, sorry if it seems immature, it probably is, but i have no clue how to deal with it i cant seem to let it go all the times, some times i just get suck up in those thought's. Thank you in advance, hope i haven't said anything inappropriate if i did my apologies just give me a poke ill edit right away. Link to post Share on other sites
FrankieFrank Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 I think she's just not as attracted to you as she was to that guy. Do with that information what you will, but I would break up with her. Add STD as icing on the (crap) cake and overall picture certainly doesn't look amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Lot's of people have a past. But there's something fishy here. She's proud of her past behaviors including a threesome, incest & getting an STD but she can't have fulfilling sex with you. That doesn't make sense Link to post Share on other sites
Author bullsiv Posted December 21, 2013 Author Share Posted December 21, 2013 thank of the the awnser´s. well she says she and her sister didnt touch, not sure how much better that makes it but yeah no incest atleast that she would admit to me :/. Yeah well she´s from a place were her actions are not even close to that of other´s, believe me.. they açç have been with each other there.. she´s like a saint if we compare to the rest of the people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bullsiv Posted December 21, 2013 Author Share Posted December 21, 2013 Oh, and the STD she supposedly got it from her ex that cheated on her ( nothing hard to believe i know the guy ), not sure if i believe it or not, honestly she told me thing´s that i know by a fact she told him too ( good thing´s and stuff, bed .. you know ) Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 There's two kinds of women I am ok being in a relationship with. The first group is women who value their sexuality and value special relationships and save their sexuality for a very limited few people with whom they are involved in ongoing, serious and exclusive relationships with but when they are in that serious, special and exclusive relationship, they are able to function and express themselves sexually without difficulty. I am also OK with women who much of the world views as "promiscuous" but they also value their sexuality and value themselves but are comfortable and ok in being sexual with people that they may not be in a serious relationship with, but still demand respect and compassion and treat their partners with the same. I am OK with either one of those groups of women because their common trait is that they value themselves, value their sexualities and are able to relate to people and connect with them in a healthy, respectfull and responsible manner. They only differ in the depth of the relationships and in the number. The women I have absolutely no time for are women who are damaged goods and have multiple issues and will gladly get drunk and blow A-holes in bars and in cars in the parking lots and who will screw whatever douchebag that comes along that treats them like a street ho, but are dysfunctional and unable to relate to and be intimate with a decent guy who treats them with dignity and respect. How these women differ from the first two groups is that are only attracted to men that use and then abandon them and are only sexually functional in relationships that are exploitive and toxic. They aren't able to function in a close and healthy relationship. This gal is clearly and indisputably in this 3rd category. She is damaged goods. She is a disease-ridden, rode hard and hung up wet skank that gets off on the thrill of getting attention from playa's and douchebags but is unable to relate to and get close with a decent guy that treats her with dignity and respect. She is uncomfortable being treated with respect because she knows she doesn't deserve it. she may be cute and she may be sexy and she may talk to you, but she isn't attracted to you and she isn't able to relate to you intimately. You two have completely different value systems and mores. You are a mismatch. The best that you can hope for here is that you can transform yourself into a douchebag playa' that treats people like sperm recepticles. Your prize for doing that is that you too will be able to get a blow job in the car going down the road from a diseased, damaged, skanky ho that is blowing and banging every other douchebag playa out there. That's a lot of work for a pretty pathetic prize don'tcha think? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 (edited) bullsiv, I don't know what world you're from, but a threesome with a sibling is incest. You seem to be in trapped in the twilight zone or some bizarre la-la-denial-land. You claim to understand everything. But you don't, you really don't, and you've even asked her to stop telling stories when she clearly had more. It isn't immature or judgmental to be freaked the **** out by what she's said. You aren't obligated to put with something that you're unequipped to handle. Take a good long moment to think this through. Edited December 21, 2013 by ThatMan Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Lot's of people have a past. But there's something fishy here. She's proud of her past behaviors including a threesome, incest & getting an STD but she can't have fulfilling sex with you. That doesn't make sense Unfortunately it makes perfect sense. She has a broken 'Love-Map.' For whatever reason she the part of her that relates sexually with other people is damaged. Whether that was through abuse, extreme neglect, molestation or whatever, the part of us that makes us relate sexually with people we feel close to and safe with and treated well by, is broken in her. She only relates sexually within toxic and dysfunctional relationships where she is used and exploited by people who are only out to dump their loads into her. When she encounters a decent person who treats her with common human dignity and respect it makes her uncomfortable and insecure and she feels no attraction or desire for them. The therapists probably have some long, psychological term for this. The street slang for it is "skanky ho." She is incapable of a healthy, mutually supportive relationship with a person who isn't using and exploiting her. She is damaged goods. The only way to get this gal's attraction and desire is be a douchebag A-hole and treat her like trash. The catch is the second you let down the douchebag act and treat her well, she'll lose interest and will be blowing the next douchebag out in the parking lot of the bar. and there are a million other douchebags just waiting for their turn. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 I understand everything, . No you really don't. She is another species from another planet from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bullsiv Posted December 21, 2013 Author Share Posted December 21, 2013 Thank you a lot for the awnser´s, i love her so much. I consider she might have evoled but we discussed last night ( main reason why i posted this ) and she said she was i honestly dont know the world in english but it stands for "nostalgic person who keeps reviving the good things in the past" so she doesnt regret having done it cause she never regrets things she has done because she was certain of them, then she said she was certain she wanted to be with me and would do everything in her power to get better and give herself fully ( what you need to understand is that she´s in a ****ed up situation there´s no one else that can help her, and she is emotionally stressed and of that i know ), Im reading back all ive writen and honestly if i read it i would think "this guy is so naive just drop her", but i cant seem to accept it well Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 , just not how she can be like that and still be so light talking on those subjects, . It's because her value systems and morals etc are completely different from your own. In your world relationships and sexuality are something special that is to be shared only between two people that care for and cherish each other and is sacred force that reinforces that bond. In her world giving a blow job to a stranger in the bathroom stall of a bar gets her a free drink and a few minutes of attention and being told how cute she is. Sexuality is game and a cheap and abundant resource for her to get attention and validation. She is using you. She is using you as a shoulder to cry on and to tell her that she is good and have someone that isn't exploiting her for their own pleasure. But she isn't in love with you, isn't attracted to you and doesn't desire you. She CAN'T do those things because her love/attraction and desire centers in her brain, heart and soul are broken and damaged. You can't fix this. You can't "rescue" her from this. You can't ride up on a white horse free her from the dark castle from this. And you absolutely, positively can not love her enough to fill the void and the darkness in her soul. She is damaged. She is broken. She is diseased. She is dysfunctional. Only she with a lot of work, a lot of time and a very competent and skilled therapist can fix her and it has to be something that she herself is highly motivated to do. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Thank you a lot for the awnser´s, i love her so much. In time you won't. Eventually you will figure out that you just have the hots for what she is portraying to you. She won't be able to keep the act up for long and when you are able to peel the layers back you will see her for what she really is. If you get out now before she burns you, you won't hold any grudges, bitterness, resentments or more importantly - self doubts and blows to your own esteem. If you stick with this and continue to invest your heart into this, it WILL get broken. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 ( what you need to understand is that she´s in a ****ed up situation there´s no one else that can help her Yes. I told you that. The point I'm not sure you're getting is that YOU can't help her either. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Im reading back all ive writen and honestly if i read it i would think "this guy is so naive just drop her", but i cant seem to accept it well Stick with this and you won't be naïve for long. Get involved with this chick and you too can become a bitter, damaged misogynist too in a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
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