He cheated on me!

[Fantasia]

I have just found out that my boyfreind of five years has been having an affair with my best freind. It's been going on for the past two years. We are due to get married at the end of February and I don't know what to do. I love him deeply and can't believe he has hurt me like this. But on the other hand I believe people make mistakes and we can rectify it. Marina, the other woman, says it was all a mistake and that she was like a moth to a flame but Darren refuses to take responsibility. He says I pushed him away and in a way hes right. I am a lawyer and I've been working very hard to help pay off the debts of our wedding. He has been working for the past few months and we have hardly seen each other. What do I do now? I need to figure it out. I love him but I don't want to get hurt. Please help!

[Tony T]

Have some self respect. This dude has a mouth. If he thought you were neglecting him, he could have told you something.

 

It's not like he slipped up once...he has been carrying this affair on for TWO YEARS,,,duh, duh, duh, WITH YOUT BEST FRIEND...uh, how about FORMER best friend...that's over 700 days. There are bank robbers that get out of jail in less time than that.

 

Yes, people do make mistakes but this was NOT A MISTAKE. This was a willful and wanton execution of disloyalty that went well beyond the legally recognized limites of a mistake. We are talking TWO YEARS. TWO YEARS of lying, deception, two=facedness, fraud, deceit...come on, you're an attorney for Pete's sake. Give me a break.

 

So you can't trust the guy...and he doesn't even have the courtesy to screw someone you don't know. Come on, girl. I know this hurts like hell...but it should make you mad as hell. I am just so sorry this happened. I don't care how busy you've been, you didn't deserve this. And what are you supposed to do, take the rest of your life off so he doesn't cheat on you again and again and again.

 

And don't you dare start trying to take responsibility for anything. If he had told you about the neglect, then you would be five percent responsible. The guy should have broken up with you...and even then, he still would have been a rotten, low class, slimey, sleezy scumbag for seeing your BEST FRIEND afterwards.

 

The marriage idea is over. Keep your credit slips for a paid up deal on the next guy. If your payments are non-transferable, chalk them up to avoiding a nightmare. This guy is sick beyond imaginate, without any morals, ethics...I mean he is the pitts of the pitts. Finding this out now has saved your life.

 

If you've already sent out invitations, follow up with a newsletter and tell people exactly what happened and tell them the whole thing's off. Truth is an absolute defense of libel

 

I hereby issue a summary judgement ordering your wedding cancelled and remand your fiance over to the court psychiatrist for examination prior to placement in an institution.

 

You may clear the courtroom!!!

[Tony T]

You know, I couldn't go back to sleep thinking about what this guy did, how horrible he treated you...and that you actually were not totally sure about whether or not to tell him to hit the road.

 

I couldn't sleep thinking about how you busted your ass to pay for these wedding expenses while he was out screwing your best friend. I got sick and took some Pepto Bismol. It is no good at all. I couldn't find the Rolaids.

 

I turned on the TV in time to see the 5a.m. EST capture of the last two Texas escapees by Colorado Springs police who found them in a room a local Holiday Inn. I thought of your fiance and how I wish he and your best friend could have been surrounded by police during their indiscretions.

 

Please tell me you won't marry this guy...a guy who did the worst thing any man could do to a woman...over and over for two years.

 

I know how painful it is for you to learn something like this about someone you loved so deeply you were planning on spending the rest of your life with him. It's almost too much to handle. If I find the Rolaids, I'll send them to you.

 

Please don't ever tell me what you decide. If you decide to marry the worthless bum anyway and make your life a living emotional hell, I'll never be able to sleep again.

[MegaB]

Why are you so emotionally involved in this site? I mean, we all are to an extent, but you have surpassed what I consider to be "normal" participation (and again, I emphasize "what I consider"). You lose sleep over thinking about this guy, you get indigestions...you aren't the one who he cheated on. I feel that this is not "empathy" with the poster, but rather rather a control issue that you have to deal with.

 

I can see why you are so controlling on this site now...and if everybody wants to flock around your almost cult like status, that's fine, but as I tried to post before, there are so many indications in your posts and attitude toward people that just makes me wonder how objective you are actually trying to be?

 

The amount of time and effort, especially emotionally, you put in this site just amazes me...or rather concerns me. But oh well, that's just my opinion.

 

Anyway, for the guy who cheated...I think you should TALK first and then see where it goes instead of just flat out dumping him. NOBODY is perfect, and we all make mistakes. If there was no forgiveness in this world each time we make a mistake...my god, I don't know why we should even continue living. Our lives never have a real answer to anything...I think the process of trying to learn and communicate with the person IS the relationships itself and it is never a black or white situation (meaning there is NOT perfect condition or answer to any relationship). So even after you try talking to him and things don't work out...then you can see where you go from there. But if he was honest and they both apologized...then I think at least he has the integrity and respect for you. Anyway, keep us posted. Good luck!

[Ed]

Marrying this guy would be a BIG mistake.

 

Hell, he's blaming you for it happening. Did you hold a gun to his head and make him do it?

 

Get out NOW!

 

If you do decide to marry him, make sure you have a prenuptial agreement. At least you won't be financially strapped after he leaves you emotionally bankrupt.

[Juds]

Fantasia,

 

The fact that you can even consider fixing this is beyond my comprehension. He has been treating you the worst - he is a dog - you are out working, and so is he by the sounds of it, but a different kind of work!!!

 

For your own sake, if you are even thinking of going ahead with this deception filled marriage, please ask yourself WHY?

 

Isn't marriage a COMMITMENT? Is it not a declaration of monogamy and faithfulness to one another? Isn't it a declaration of love, honour, respect and a long lasting love?

 

Then WHY are you even considering marrying him. He has already proven (LOWLIFE) that he is not capable of any of these things.

 

Marriage is SO MUCH more than just the ceremony, the dress, and one day of your life. It is a lifelong committment. Please just remember that. Weddings can be cancelled - stranger things have happened. No doubt it would be difficult to call off at the last minute, but it's better than a lifetime of living with a man who you can't trust to stay away from your friends.

 

I am so sorry that you have had this happen to you. I would ditch both of them. Your so called "best friend" is a good for nothing tramp. 2 years!!! God it makes me wild...they deserve each other!! This wasn't just a once-off "mistake". Mistakes can sometimes be forgiven, but outright deception and cruelty... well you think about it. Make no mistake, they DID do this on purpose. They both deliberately and wilfully snuck around behind your back.

 

I hope that you decide quickly. At least postpone the wedding, if nothing else. If you marry this guy you will be sorry.

[Tony T]

1. "Why are you so emotionally involved in this site?"

 

I am not emotionally involved in anything on the Internet. I use language as emphasis and to make a point. Nothing more. If everyone who posts here remains miserable, it doesn't affect me even slightly. I am pretty much dispassionate about my connection with the people, only passionate about the circumstances...and only for the moment I am typing.

 

2. "I mean, we all are to an extent, but you have surpassed what I consider to be "normal" participation (and again, I emphasize "what I consider")."

 

You are right in that what you consider to be normal may not be someone else's. There are many things that my friends do in excess that I consider abnormal but doing those things makes them quite happy and fulfills them in some way. But I will admit to you that not many people consider me normal...on or off the Internet.

 

3. "You lose sleep over thinking about this guy, you get indigestions...you aren't the one who he cheated on. I feel that this is not "empathy" with the poster, but rather rather a control issue that you have to deal with."

 

Didn't lose a wink of sleep. I only wrote that for dramatic purposes and I was happy I did...call it poetic license. I had to get up to use the bathroom, came to my computer for a second, saw the post, answered it, then went on to watch breaking news on television. Read some papers, did some other work, and came back to add on to my post. What this guy did rather sickened me...but, I repeat, I will never meet him or her and their lives will not affect me at all. But as a fellow human being, I think I need to be honest with her about my personal feeling on what a dog she is engaged to. I never lose sleep over anything.

 

With regard to the control issue you suggest I have, I don't even know how to use the control key on my keyboard. I haven't consulted any experts or anything but I just can't think of any way I could possibly control people in any part of the world who post here from my computer. And if my words had a controlling effect on them, they would have to have serious problems. Most people write and really appreciate the advice I give them.

 

4. "I can see why you are so controlling on this site now...and if everybody wants to flock around your almost cult like status, that's fine, but as I tried to post before, there are so many indications in your posts and attitude toward people that just makes me wonder how objective you are actually trying to be?"

 

I don't think there is a lot of about the emotion of love that can be objective. However, people who are in situations post here because they are looking for answers from different perspectives. I really don't seek to be objective as much as I try to give my feelings on their problem.

 

5. "The amount of time and effort, especially emotionally, you put in this site just amazes me...or rather concerns me. But oh well, that's just my opinion."

 

Yes, that's a good opinion. However, having been a newspaper and television reporter I read very quickly, type 80 words per minute and can answer the average post in about 90 seconds...not a whole lot of time. And you really shouldn't be amazed because there are people who think and type a lot faster than I do.

 

Now, if you are concerned, Email the site administrator and let him know your concerns. He can pull the plug on me at any second. He is in total and complete control, yep real control, of this website.

 

6. "Anyway, for the guy who cheated...I think you should TALK first and then see where it goes instead of just flat out dumping him. NOBODY is perfect, and we all make mistakes."

 

Yes, we do make mistakes. From your perspective this guy should be given another chance. From my experience if he had the gonads to cheat on this woman for two years, and with her BEST FRIEND to boot, he'll definitely do it again. But I'm definitely with you...I completely forgive him.

 

7. "I think the process of trying to learn and communicate with the person IS the relationships itself and it is never a black or white situation (meaning there is NOT perfect condition or answer to any relationship)."

 

I agree with you to a very great extent here. But a guy who cheats on his fiance with her best friend sort of steps beyond that gray area...and definitely crosses into the black and white...in my opinion. And, yes, I absolutely respect yours. If this lady choses to give the guy another chance, that's great. It's not sweat off my back but I think it would be a terrible mistake. Just my own personal opinion.

 

8. "So even after you try talking to him and things don't work out...then you can see where you go from there. But if he was honest and they both apologized...then I think at least he has the integrity and respect for you."

 

I don't think apologies in this kind of thing show integrity and respect. They mostly show embarassment for being caught, shame, guilt...that sort of thing. If he had respect and integrity, he would have maybe limited his cheating to, say, a couple of months (being sarcastic here, sorry)

 

I always think of these guys in prison, on death row, who suddenly turn to God and have all kinds of remorse for the murders they committed or whatever. When you get caught with you hands in the cookie jar, and everybody knows you love cookies, all you can do is apologize and wait for everybody to walk away...so you can sneak away with more cookies.

 

I am sorry if my participation here or its level offends you, or causes you despair and concern. Ignore my posts. You have no idea how many people ignore me in real life and they are all just fine. But at the same time, I am very flattered that my efforts get people worked up.

 

Please post often with your own views on the posts. When the webmaster finds my participation here too offensive, he will ban me and I will respect that. If you write him and make enough strong points, he will ask me to stay away and I will do so.

 

------------------------------------------------------------

[William]

You need to RESPECT YOURSELF!!! And find someone who RESPECTS YOU AS WELL!!!!

 

Sure it's hard to forget about him, but he's not the right one. Besides he'll do the same thing again with someone else. Keep in mind that you deserve more and the people who responded to you on this site have said basically the same. Be strong and look forward to a better future!! And remember, you deserve it.

[sparkle]

MegaB,

 

I have to disagree with what you wrote. I've always enjoyed reading Tony's posts and don't see the problem you're bringing up. You have to understand though, I seriously doubt he actually does the following:

I consider"). You lose sleep over thinking about this guy, you get indigestions...you aren't

Rather, he's a talented writer using language as an art to paint a picture of his thoughts on the subject, and he does a very good job at it. It doesn't mean he literally means what he says. For example, I was watching Chicken Run and seeing the poor chicken get butchered...it was so sad to see things in a different view and I told my friends "Oh NO!! I'll never be able to eat chicken again!! that's so cruel!!!" But actually, that same night I had roast chicken and enjoyed every bite. Many times, people don't literally mean what they say when they say things like that, but rather they're indirectly pointing something out or describing their feelings about a particular matter.

 

Also, he's skilled at using humor in his posts. He has me laughing out loud sometimes and many times, a laugh--or seeing the lighter side of a problem--is what you need to make things better.

 

Regarding his 'attitude, when I've asked a question, his reply has usually been straight up, matter-of-fact, and most of the time, that is what these people need to hear. Too often, people expect a person to sympathize with them and say 'aww you poor baby..you're right, they're wrong' yada yada yada...and always provide them with what they want to hear. But when they hear an objective answer, especially when it's advice that they don't agree with, they get all worked up because they can't let go of the notion that they are always right and just cause you don't like the reply means it's not right.

 

Lastly, regarding time and effort, I'm very good at managing my time wisely. In a typical day, I eat breakfast with my family, lunch with my friends, and usually go out to dinner with my bf and spend some time with him, I attend a few classes, I do my share of socializing and flirting on campus, I make a couple phone calls, I study, I goto the gym, make some time to relax, and I STILL have time to read and reply to all the posts for the day. But I choose to reply only to the ones in which I have something to say. My point is, this doesn't mean that I waste valuable time, I just know how to manage it effectively. And being the forgetful, disorganized procrastinator that I am, if I can do it, hey...anyone can (including Tony).

 

Anyways, this place is to give advice to those that asked for it, not to those that haven't. So unless Tony asks you your input on control and emotional involvement, etc, I suggest that you stay away from that subject..for your sake only..because it just makes you look bad.

 

I apologize for offending anyone, that was not my intent.

 

Just had to speak my mind.

[Tony T]

If forgot to comment on your reference that I had a cult like status on this site. I am not sure what you mean. I know Charles Manson was the head of a cult and he's serving a life sentence in a California prison for murder. He convinced his followers to kill five or six people in the Hollywood hills, including actress Sharon Tate, in 1975.

 

Rev. Jim Jones had a cult following in South America and he persuaded his hundreds of follwers to all drink poison and kill themselves in 1979. A friend of mine, Don Harris, a reporter for NBC, was shot by troops shortly after he left Jim and his followers, who were then alive.

 

At any rate, if I have a cult-like status here, it's a surprise to me. But if you really think I have that kind of power...and it makes no sense to me that I would...I urge everyone here to have a great day, pray for peace, and smile at everyone you see for the next 30 days.

 

Now, let's see just how much my fellow cult members listen to me.

[catt]

If forgot to comment on your reference that I had a cult like status on this site. I am not sure what you mean. I know Charles Manson was the head of a cult and he's serving a life sentence in a California prison for murder. He convinced his followers to kill five or six people in the Hollywood hills, including actress Sharon Tate, in 1975. Rev. Jim Jones had a cult following in South America and he persuaded his hundreds of follwers to all drink poison and kill themselves in 1979. A friend of mine, Don Harris, a reporter for NBC, was shot by troops shortly after he left Jim and his followers, who were then alive. At any rate, if I have a cult-like status here, it's a surprise to me. But if you really think I have that kind of power...and it makes no sense to me that I would...I urge everyone here to have a great day, pray for peace, and smile at everyone you see for the next 30 days.

 

Now, let's see just how much my fellow cult members listen to me.

[Rogue]

I don't have anything against Tony, but I've noticed some of things you've mentioned, mainly the sheer volume of his posts. I don't see a problem with that, since a lot of these won't be answered if Tony didn't post so much so I guess it works out, somehow.

 

Tony does rant, but you'll find similar language in many newspaper editorials where the writer has been established for some time. Don Cherry does it a lot in Hockey Night in Canada, if you watch it. Jerry Glanville and Mike Ditka rant quite a bit in their football coverage. I've posted like that here before, most recently to one of Laurynn's posts and everyone thought I was mad. Actually, I was just mildly annoyed. Rants can be entertaining, (as I meant mine to be), but they can also be mis-interpreted.

 

Anyways, I do agree with you when you say Tony is weird. I like posting here, but not everyday.There are days and weeks when the last thing I want to see is another Loveshack "Crisis". I can't imagine anybody being here , day after day, for the pleasure of it.It just doesn't seem --healthy. But his advice is free, and anybody else is welcome to post that much if they want to,so let Tony enjoy himself, even if he is strange.

[MegaB]

As you said...since this IS an advice site people seek support. Since you know Tony so well, you might get his sense of humor, or sarcasm, but for many people that might not be the case. What is wrong with giving an opinion from the other side's point of view? (the "not-buying into Tony's arrogance" attitude?)

 

In a sense you are doing the same as I am. You are objecting my opinion and saying that I look bad for doing so to Tony. What's wrong with this picture?

 

And for Tony, since you mentioned being a reporter and working in broadcasting, which explains everything for me. You have the great ability to "report" what you think, feel in a manner that comes across as the "truth", which is where the danger lies...because your opinions are far from it. It just amazes me how people buy into the "attitude".

 

But oh well, that's my opinion again.

 

And again, I wasn't "attacking" Tony, but pointing out something that I thought should be mentioned. So when he suggested that I report to the administrator of this site, I can't help but feeling his "high and mighty" attitude. Because I have no intention to do so. Why make such statements? To make me look bad in a very professional and "objective" manner? This attitude itself is what makes me always cringe when he writes. I don't feel that he really understands human relationships. And as he admitted above...apparently he doesn't. How could he when he doesn't really have human interactions? I don't even feel that he

 

understands human emotions sometimes. It is always, either seek counceling, or dump the person. Relationships are not as black or white like journalism. I wish people could see that too.

[Paulie]

Yes, Tony is weird, I agree.

 

But I am weirder. Tony and I spend probably the same amount of time on this site, but he participates more often.

 

I PREFER TO WATCH!!!!

 

Ha Ha Ha Ha

[Tony T]

Yeah, Paulie, we know you like to watch. We've seen you peeking in windows at night.

 

And I don't see that it is necessary for you to be so agreeable!!!

[Dragonflys]

You are an idiot MegaB,

 

Fair dinkum, either you do not know what love is or you are short a few bob.

 

As for Tony, his words show that he is a compassionate caring human being. I am glad there are people like him who posess the morals he does.

 

Think of this poor woman who was working her butt of for a future with this man and he turns around and shoves his thing in another woman for TWO YEARS.

 

The sooner she works his butt out the door, the better.

 

Cheating on someone is a conscious decision, and the cheater must take RESPONSIBILITY...rememeber that word?..or do you only know the term diminished responsibility???

[jenifer]

If you'd spend more time actually helping people here, responding to their posts and offering some actual advice and less time demonstrating your major jealousy of Tony, you might not be seen as nothing more than a green-eyed, obviously threatened twit. What business is it of yours how much time Tony spends here? Are you keeping track? Is it any of your business? And anyone with half a brain cell can figure out that there's a lot of humor in his responses. That's what makes them so good to read. That's why people specifically ask him for his opinion. Notice nobody ever asks you for your advice lol. The amount of time you've taken to blast tony yet again, that shows that you are really very insecure and you feel threatened easily. Tony intimidates you, whether you want to admit it or not. Your sophmoric reactions like this, which you've expressed in the past, only serve to make you look like the one with the problem. At least Tony takes the time to respond to people. A hell of a lot more than I can say for you and your nasty little flock.

 

As you said...since this IS an advice site people seek support. Since you know Tony so well, you might get his sense of humor, or sarcasm, but for many people that might not be the case. What is wrong with giving an opinion from the other side's point of view? (the "not-buying into Tony's arrogance" attitude?) In a sense you are doing the same as I am. You are objecting my opinion and saying that I look bad for doing so to Tony. What's wrong with this picture? And for Tony, since you mentioned being a reporter and working in broadcasting, which explains everything for me. You have the great ability to "report" what you think, feel in a manner that comes across as the "truth", which is where the danger lies...because your opinions are far from it. It just amazes me how people buy into the "attitude". But oh well, that's my opinion again. And again, I wasn't "attacking" Tony, but pointing out something that I thought should be mentioned. So when he suggested that I report to the administrator of this site, I can't help but feeling his "high and mighty" attitude. Because I have no intention to do so. Why make such statements? To make me look bad in a very professional and "objective" manner? This attitude itself is what makes me always cringe when he writes. I don't feel that he really understands human relationships. And as he admitted above...apparently he doesn't. How could he when he doesn't really have human interactions? I don't even feel that he understands human emotions sometimes. It is always, either seek counceling, or dump the person. Relationships are not as black or white like journalism. I wish people could see that too.

[Laurynn]

Okay, I do believe that there are people out there who cheat, who can *change*...who are truly sorry for their indiscretion, who will learn a great lesson from it....where the relationship can become even stronger after dealing with the cheating..............BUT BUT BUT.....

 

Your guy isn't even taking RESPONSIBILITY for this 2 year long affair. Not only that, he's blaming YOU. How special.

 

This is NOT a guy who is sorry for what he did.........this is a guy who really and truly doesn't know the meaning of LOVe and COMMITMENT and FAITHFULNESS...which by the way, are all crucial elements for a healthy, lasting marriage.

 

Geezus, you've been busting your ass to pay for your wedding, and this guy has been standing back watching this, yet screwing around with your best friend. This is NOT a man with one iota of integrity, respect for you, honor.

 

***2 years***...god, that is a long time. That's not a mistake, that's a conscious effort on his part, and your (ex) best friend's. That's not one of those, "oh I made a mistake, I don't know what I was thinking, it meant nothing"........

 

I can't impress upon you enough....from personal experience........this is a BIG RED WARNING FLAG. If you marry this guy, chances are he'll cheat again.......and you will have a miserable life with him......plus if you bring children into it, they too will have a miserable life...one that will most likely end in divorce.

 

You are never going to trust him again.........not the kind of trust you need to have if you are going to enter into a lifetime commitment (marriage) with him. Your hurt and anger and resentment towards him and your so-called 'best friend' will only serve to eat away at you.........

 

I know it's close to February...and the wedding date is soon........but please don't do what so many people do. Just because everything is planned and paid for, you feel guilty about calling it off...so you go through with it. I did that myself years ago. I married a guy who cheated (though I didn't know it before I married him) and smacked the crap out of me. But he could be sweet and charming too...in fact, most of the time he was this way. I loved him so very much. Even when it was 2 weeks before our wedding, and we had an argument about some of the wedding plans, and he dragged me down the hallway by my hair, threw me on the bed, pinned me down and slapped my face over and over and over .......I felt too 'pressured' to continue with the wedding. I remember the day before the wedding.......sitting on the doorstep at my parent's house....all the family from out of town were arriving, all the last minute planning was being carried out.......I'd spent so much money, my Mom and sister had helped with so much. Part of me *knew* I shouldn't marry him.........but I felt so pressured.....figured that if we got married (hey, I was 25), things would change....I could LOVE HIM INTO CHANGING.

 

NOPE. I will always regret having gone through with my wedding. There were so many big red warning flags..waving in the wind. But I would have felt so guilty....so I went against my better judgment and committed my life to a man who knew NOTHING about: respect...commitment...love.....faithfulness.....honor...integrity. For the year we WERE married, it was a nightmare. I never trusted him. I'd be working 12 hour nightshifts on the weekend, busting my a** to make a good life for us (yes, he worked too)....and the minute I'd leave for work, he was out the door....off with 'the boys', off to 'the bar' and doing God knows what til just before I'd get home at 7am.

 

He wouldn't take me out in public, because he didn't want his 'girl friends' to know he was married (we got married in another city).......there were always women phoning our house and hanging up.........there were so many signs he was cheating, everything short of me catching him in bed with someone. It was a nightmare. And I could have prevented it by STANDING MY GROUND and following my BRAIN.

 

Please think long and hard about this. You deserve so much better than this. When you have problems BEFORE a marriage, they ALWAYS get worse following the marriage. Marriage will not 'fix' problems.

 

Please dont' go through with the wedding.

 

Laurynn

[Tony T]

Ok, guys...this is the LoveShack. And we need to deal with everyone in a loving way. If someone wants to blast me or anyone else, and they do it in a constructive way, so be it. If it's not in a constructive way, well, life here may just be a mirror of the real world.

 

I have no problems with getting criticized but let's let it go.

 

Quotes I enjoy:

 

"When you sling mud, you lose ground."

 

"When you get down the the dogs, you get up with fleas"

 

"Never get in a pissin' match with a skunk."

 

and finally,

 

"Answer not a fool according to his folly, let thou also be like unto him." Proverbs 26:3-4

 

Let's all just get along and discontinue this thread. It is not doing anyone any good...and only feeding the kind of mentality we don't need here.

 

I really do appreciate the very kind comments made...and the bad ones too, but not quite as much.

 

OVER AND OUT!!!

[?]

lauryn was a little harsh but some times we need the harsh truth to set us free. to make us stop and think. its not easy to be objective when its you whose in the bad situation. why do people repeatedly come to places like this for advise if they are determined to do their own thing? if your going to do your own thing then just do it and stop wasting people's time here. lauryn made some good points and hopefuly ace will open his mind to them.

Ok, guys...this is the LoveShack. And we need to deal with everyone in a loving way. If someone wants to blast me or anyone else, and they do it in a constructive way, so be it. If it's not in a constructive way, well, life here may just be a mirror of the real world. I have no problems with getting criticized but let's let it go. Quotes I enjoy: "When you sling mud, you lose ground."

 

"When you get down the the dogs, you get up with fleas" "Never get in a pissin' match with a skunk." and finally, "Answer not a fool according to his folly, let thou also be like unto him." Proverbs 26:3-4 Let's all just get along and discontinue this thread. It is not doing anyone any good...and only feeding the kind of mentality we don't need here. I really do appreciate the very kind comments made...and the bad ones too, but not quite as much. OVER AND OUT!!!

[Laurynn]

Well hello!

 

I'm sorry but you lost me. What did *I* have to do with that thread?

 

Laurynn :-)

[Rachel]

O.K. Now, Settle down now.

 

This is too funny . I think we should all kiss and make up.

 

By the way, anyone watched any good movies recently?

[WGirl]

I know you have worked hard to pay for this wedding and all but I think you should call off the wedding and kick him and your best friend to the curb. They really are sorry excuses for a fiance and a best friend. If he was having sex with your best friend for two years right up until the wedding, he'll cheat again. How do you even know it has ended? Don't put up with this. You deserve better than this.

I have just found out that my boyfreind of five years has been having an affair with my best freind. It's been going on for the past two years. We are due to get married at the end of February and I don't know what to do. I love him deeply and can't believe he has hurt me like this. But on the other hand I believe people make mistakes and we can rectify it. Marina, the other woman, says it was all a mistake and that she was like a moth to a flame but Darren refuses to take responsibility. He says I pushed him away and in a way hes right. I am a lawyer and I've been working very hard to help pay off the debts of our wedding. He has been working for the past few months and we have hardly seen each other. What do I do now? I need to figure it out. I love him but I don't want to get hurt. Please help!

[Fantasia]

Ok, hes gone. After reading everyones replies i decided to listen to my head instead of my heart. He is out of there and so is Marina!

 

Sorry about causing a big argument between you all! TONY! YOU NEED A BIG KISS! Thanx for giving me the kick up the arse I needed. He's gone!

 

I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED!

[Tony T]

You have no idea how relieved I am. There is no way in the universe this could have ever worked out.

 

I do agree that relationships take work and I also believe in forgiveness. But I don't think you could have ever lived nicely with a man who had cheated on you with your best friend for two years. As a matter of fact, it would be hard for me to imagine the kind of feelings you had when you learned of this.

 

There are many betrayals that can be worked out and put behind us.

 

In my experience, however, in the greatest majority of cases when things go very sour in a friendship or romance they really never return to the depth and character they once were. Trust is somewhat similar to virginity in that once lost, it's terribly difficult to restore.

 

You will be spending some time healing from this. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Have patience. For a time, you probably won't trust a man if he's breathing. This will change in time. There are actually some pretty good guys out there.

 

I really don't think your busy-ness was relevant to his betrayal. In healthy relationships, when we feel we are being ignored we communicate this. And the right man for you will recognize the importance of your work and will not demand or require that you spend more time with him than you are able during these peak periods.

 

If you are busy most of the time, once you are ready you will have to find a very low maintenance guy...or one who is equally busy (but not with your best girlfriend).

 

Good luck.