Is she cheating?

[pteromom]

I could buy that her friend just invited this guy along to make some new friends.

 

I could even buy that she didn't tell you because she didn't want you worrying about nothing.

 

But add it all up - the Googling him, texting him (and deleting the text), looking at his FB... she wouldn't do any of that if she wasn't at least intrigued by him.

 

May not be cheating, but it's SOMETHING.

 

But - people with nothing to hide hide nothing. If there was nothing to worry about, she would be able to be completely open about it. There's some reason she isn't.

[ExpatInItaly]

Could have been perfectly innocent though right? She was just obliging her weird friend to meet this guy and honestly thought he needed new friends?

 

In FantasyLand, maybe. But even then it'd be unlikely.

 

In the real world, the chances of this all being innocent are almost zero. You know this or you never would've posted here. You're trying to block the pain by rationalizing her strange behaviour. It isn't innocent.

[Try]

If she is effectively done with the relationship, why does she lie to me, maintain these pretenses, etc...? Why hope that I will do nothing? Why not just break up with me? Wouldn't she prefer that I end it?

Why? The answer is simple, you help pay bills, and until she gets to know him better, she is not going to give that financial security up.

[Try]

Could have been perfectly innocent though right? She was just obliging her weird friend to meet this guy and honestly thought he needed new friends?

If she knew in advance that the other man ("OM") was invited over to her girlfriend's house (thus is was not a "girls night"), and she was looking to be just platonic friends with this OM, why were you not also invited? The answer is she knew that she was not being introduced to the OM to be platonic friends with this OM.

 

If she tries to tell you that she did not tell you about the OM because she knew that if she told you that you would have been weird about it, tell her that she just admitted to not telling you about the other man on purpose, which means she just admitted to lying to you by omission. Also tell her that when it concerns other men, if she knows in advance that you would not like it, she should not be doing it; that is what being in an exclusive relationship is all about.

 

Demand full no contact with this OM, and demand full transpancy which includes both of you agreeing to share all passwords, and not deleting texts without offering to show the texts prior to deleting. Texts take up so little space, that years of texts would hardly be noticed with the large memory available on most phones, so there really is little reason to be deleting messages.

[bubbaganoosh]

If she is effectively done with the relationship, why does she lie to me, maintain these pretenses, etc...? Why hope that I will do nothing? Why not just break up with me? Wouldn't she prefer that I end it?

 

Because your paying for her phone bill. How many of her other bills are you paying for?

 

Her girlfriend says this guy needs a good friend. OK. So why can't her girlfriend be his "Good friend?" Why does she need your girlfriend to be the friend?

 

Why does she now have a password and cleans her phone? If she has nothing to hide she wouldn't be doing this sort of thing and who in the hell gets all made up just to make a batch of cookies?

 

Friend, she's not being honest with you and your letting her. Just ask yourself if you were doing what she's doing, would she put up with it.

Try explaining to her that you got all dressed up and went over to your buddies house and your new friend he wanted to introduce you to was a married woman who needs a "good friend" and you sat around playing video games rather then making cookies. Think it would go over real well? Then all of a sudden you put a pass word on your phone.

 

Dude, move on and let her go.

[JDPT]

If she is effectively done with the relationship, why does she lie to me, maintain these pretenses, etc...? Why hope that I will do nothing? Why not just break up with me? Wouldn't she prefer that I end it?

 

 

 

I met a woman who cheated on her husband for 15 years and apparently never got caught. Why would she go this long without simply ending it with her husband? I don't know but I can only speculate: security, kids, social status, may she just wanted to screw around and come home to a miserable marriage? It's all about the thrill going behind people's back, having a "secret" sneaking around, and so on. As stated previously, I would just play stupid and continue to gather intelligence until you have something substantial enough to throw on her face.

[lolablue17]

Based on what? It seems clear that she met this guy once and only once. He is not a handsome player type guy, I have serious doubt he could get my gf to cheat on me in one 3 hour window.

 

 

O.K, Probably she didnt sleep with him. So what?!

the main thing is - Do you wish to live in a relationship that contains deleting conversations, deleting history, phone passwords, and a free permission to lie?

[Poppygoodwill]

Whether she's cheated or not, she's given you ample cause for suspicion, which is the message to take from what people have said. You're not crazy, in other words.

 

One thing that I know, being married, is that married people do not go along to meet new friends among single people - especially single people of the opposite sex - without their spouses. The tend to socialize in mixed couples, or with same sex friends. It just doesn't happen...unless.... they are looking for some sort of action.....

 

So it seems to me that any married guy who is hanging out with single women is purposely putting himself in the position to cheat. Whether that means your GF will oblige him, who knows. But it adds to the suspicious nature of this get together.

 

Sorry. I hope I"m wrong.