Friend neglection due to Relationship.

[preraph]

^ I agree with much of what you said. She probably was too invested in him compared to his investment in her. But you know what? Rarely are relationships of any type equally balanced. My little insight after too many years of trying too hard to maintain these type things is if you have to be the one who puts in all the effort, it's probably doomed anyway. It has to be two way to some degree or it's not going to last. Good time to cut him loose and move on. Look around and see if anyone has been watching from the wings who might be interested in you but thought you were tied up with him.

[rockmanmegaman]

It's funny you mention How I Met Your Mother, actually... because that dynamic is what I was thinking about too. Only I wasn't thinking of Lily and Robin... I was thinking of Ted and Robin. A too-close, somewhat codependent relationship that interferes with one's ability to make new romantic connections.

 

I was thinking of How I Met You Mother too. However, I view them as more of Ted and Marshal.

Edited December 25, 2013 by rockmanmegaman

[justinewong]

It's funny you mention How I Met Your Mother, actually... because that dynamic is what I was thinking about too. Only I wasn't thinking of Lily and Robin... I was thinking of Ted and Robin. A too-close, somewhat codependent relationship that interferes with one's ability to make new romantic connections.

 

It stinks that he blew off so many events with you. But by my count, if he really blew all these off in two weeks time, you had him almost completely booked up! There's something off about that, for starters. And when a friend establishes a new romance, you kind of have to "make room" for her. All you seem to be doing is competing with her.

 

Which will only make matters worse. Especially if she picks up on the fact that you're not supportive of their relationship. It's going to make her wonder why.

 

Now, he hasn't been an angel (some of the events he blew off he really shouldn't have), but you seem WAY too upset about a friend getting a new GF. Which makes me wonder what kind of void he's been filling for you in the time before he met her.

 

The events were planned before. Only 3 of the events have happened. This is the 3rd week btw. Anyway, the rest of the events still haven't happened but planned earlier before. In fact, most of the events were HIS idea. Anyawy, I know it may seem like I dont extend my inviation to her, but I really did. It's just that I haevn't post it up or type it down because I was just upset with him specifically, and thought it was off topic (sure I don't like the girl, but she doesn't affect me that much).

 

Just that whenever I invite her to places she'll make smug and selfish comments. Here's some example of the smug comment she makes: "You expect me to pay for it?", "I'm really really really busy, I have a job (wtf? I have a job as well, and I earn more money than you, bitch)", "Yeah, I wouldn't be caught doing that", etc. I even tell my friend that she really likes you, and I'm happy for them. In every hangout, I told him to get his gf out as well. That was even when I found out that they were bitching about me.

 

Ofcourse he meant a lot to me. I've known him for 7 years, we were really close (not in love), but really close. But I'm a person who would just let a friend go if I feel they are taking me for granted. However, like I said before, I've knwon him for a long time we hang out a lot, like him or hate him, it's really difficult to just leave him. I'll get use to it sooner or later.

 

Anyway, everything's too late now. I already blocked him and stuff, if he wants to be friend he would've contact me by now. Oh well.

 

Anyway,

[stillafool]

I've blocked him because I couldn't take it anymore. I was dealing with a friend who died, and he wasn't doing anything to help me get pass it. But honestly, I wanted to see his reaction because it means he still value me as a friend, but he didn't. In addition, I've also sent him a message before blocking him saying something like "My friend died, you couldn't spare not even 2 minutes to help me get through this? I want to be happy about ur new relationship but ur really not giving me any reason to do so. I don't wanna a friend who just constantly ditch me."

 

He didn't message me, he never facebook back, and he didn't even call me or try to contact me afterwards. So there we have it.

 

Could you talk to any of your other friends about this friends death? Your friend with the new gf is acting somewhat normal for a guy who has fallen head over heels in love with a girl. They need time to cultivate the relationship so they want to be alone with each other alot. I've had friends react this way when they fall in love and I just moved on and hung out with my other friends who weren't in relationships. I really don't understand why this particular friend upsets you so much when you have others. TBPH, from the look of events that were planned it seems much more fun and interesting to hang out with a new love. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, he's just in love.

[rockmanmegaman]

The events were planned before. Only 3 of the events have happened. This is the 3rd week btw. Anyway, the rest of the events still haven't happened but planned earlier before. In fact, most of the events were HIS idea. Anyawy, I know it may seem like I dont extend my inviation to her, but I really did. It's just that I haevn't post it up or type it down because I was just upset with him specifically, and thought it was off topic (sure I don't like the girl, but she doesn't affect me that much).

 

Just that whenever I invite her to places she'll make smug and selfish comments. Here's some example of the smug comment she makes: "You expect me to pay for it?", "I'm really really really busy, I have a job (wtf? I have a job as well, and I earn more money than you, bitch)", "Yeah, I wouldn't be caught doing that", etc. I even tell my friend that she really likes you, and I'm happy for them. In every hangout, I told him to get his gf out as well. That was even when I found out that they were bitching about me.

 

Ofcourse he meant a lot to me. I've known him for 7 years, we were really close (not in love), but really close. But I'm a person who would just let a friend go if I feel they are taking me for granted. However, like I said before, I've knwon him for a long time we hang out a lot, like him or hate him, it's really difficult to just leave him. I'll get use to it sooner or later.

 

Anyway, everything's too late now. I already blocked him and stuff, if he wants to be friend he would've contact me by now. Oh well.

 

Anyway,

 

I know how you feel, I have a close friend like that too. He's 4 years younger than me so I knew the friendship wouldn't last because the age gap is just too big. When he got his first girl friend, I was sad. and cut contact with him because it was the only way I can get over it.

[justinewong]

Could you talk to any of your other friends about this friends death? Your friend with the new gf is acting somewhat normal for a guy who has fallen head over heels in love with a girl. They need time to cultivate the relationship so they want to be alone with each other alot. I've had friends react this way when they fall in love and I just moved on and hung out with my other friends who weren't in relationships. I really don't understand why this particular friend upsets you so much when you have others. TBPH, from the look of events that were planned it seems much more fun and interesting to hang out with a new love. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you, he's just in love.

 

Well whether he meant to or not trying to hurt me doesn't mean anything anymore. Like I've said, when I sent him that message, if he wants to remain friends, he would've contacted me by now.