iaa Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 I have been seeing a coworker and having sex with him for a few months now. We have been totally keeping it a secret at work. The last time we had sex was about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I'm not on birth control, and he didn't pull out. I told him he shouldn't have done that, and two weeks later I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I took a second test and it was also positive. I called him and told him I was pregnant. The next day I took another test and it was negative, so I called him and told him that I think they were false positives and I'm not pregnant. Now, we don't talk on the phone very often and I didn't call him for the next five days. On the fifth day he called me and asked me why I haven't called him. I told him he could have called me at any time. He didn't bring up the whole pregnancy thing, and he had to go saying he would call me back, but I didn't hear from him again. I texted him a few days later and asked him how he was and we texted back and forth a little bit. The next day I texted him a flirty message, which we normally don't do since we don't want evidence of our relationship. He called me a little later and asked me why I was texting him stuff like that. I told him I knew he was in the office by himself and he could just delete it. I asked him when I could see him again and he said on christmas, which is rediculous cause he knows I have a five year old son to spend time with, so I told him I couldn't see him then. He then changed to subject to work, complained about work a bit, then he got really frustrated about work and said he might quit. He then told me he was leaving the office and said he was going to let me go. I told him to hold on because I wanted him to answer my question of when I can see him, and he told me no because he is getting the hell out of the office. He basically hung up on me at that point after telling me he is going. I texted him when can I see you again, and he never responded. Is he ending this fling. I really wanna keep seeing him, and I feel kinda disappointed right now. Link to post Share on other sites
LilySun Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 Did he seem pretty freaked out by the pregnancy thing? That will make a guy be distant if it freaked him out. You have a couple options....one is to go NC and after he has time to get over it, he would likely call you. Or, you can just ask him what he is feeling about the relationship right now. If he dodges the conversation and shuts you out, dump him. If he can't discuss this with you then it means he doesn't care and you deserve better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 Your first priority should be to make sure you really had two false positive results and not a false negative. Are you out of the woods yet? If you are indeed pregnant, he'll have to talk to you. Otherwise, sounds like the threat of pregnancy has scared him off. It might be the best thing for you, if you're not ready to raise a child alone. Be glad this gave you a chance to see his true colors. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iaa Posted December 22, 2013 Author Share Posted December 22, 2013 First of all, I want to thank you for being so nice and understanding. I know how irresponsible it was not to use protection. I hadn't been with anyone for quite a while so there was no reason to be on birth control. He was fully aware of that. I did take a blood test and it came back negative. He is still talking to me in a friendly manner, as I had a question for him in a text this morning and he did respond in a text. I think I will just keep it at no contact other than friends for a while as you suggested. I just don't like feeling rejected, so I'm not going to pursue him. Maybe he will come around. I am very attracted to him, and I would like to continue the affair. I know he really liked seeing me too. I have an appointment to get some birth control in two weeks, so that problem will be resolved soon. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 Whew! Congratulations on your nonpregnancy! (and good on the birth control) I think your plan is the best way, wait and see. It is the holiday season, and people get busy. He's still talking to you, so you haven't been completely rejected. It sounds as if he sometimes gets short with you when YOU initiate the conversation, and likes to be in control. Only time will tell if it's a problematic level of control (as in control freak) or if it's just because he views you strictly as a FWB. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I would like to continue the affair Your title is "Just sex, is it over?" I'm not sure what your post is about. What advice are you seeking? You seem concerned that the sex is over, there is no mention of an emotional connection. How about concentrating on your son this Christmas... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iaa Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 Your title is "Just sex, is it over?" I'm not sure what your post is about. What advice are you seeking? You seem concerned that the sex is over, there is no mention of an emotional connection. How about concentrating on your son this Christmas... I guess I was less seeking advice and more seeking opinions. I certainly do concentrate on my son. Like I said, he suggested I see him on Christmas, which is rediculous cause I will be spending time with my son. I am very attracted to him. This is not a relationship. I do like him as a friend, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iaa Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 I texted him a question today, and he picked up the phone and called me. We chatted for about half an hour. I asked him why he hung up on me the other day. He said he was very frustrated and upset with work. I told him it seemed like he was upset with me, and he said not at all. I did not have the guts to ask him if it is over, but if it is over, I'm glad it's ending on a good note and we can still be friends. If he wants to see me again then great, but I think I've decided I want to wait until I'm on the birth control if he does. Link to post Share on other sites
Jcksparr0w Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 iaa, I'm disturbed by the unprotected sex. You wrote " I have been seeing a coworker and having sex with him for a few months now... The last time we had sex was about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I'm not on birth control, and he didn't pull out. " Its 2013, not 1946, and you shud be taking care of yourself. It wasn't necessary that you be "on birth control" (I presume you mean hormone pills ?) but you shud be using a barrier method such as condoms not just for birth control but also to avoid the spread of STIs (sexually-transmitted infections). You mentioned that you have a son; was his conception a contraceptive failure, or did you simply not take precautions ? These are rhetorical questions. I'm not judging, I've made mistakes, not having safe sex. Back when I was in my late teens I stupidly had unprotected sex, and I was fortunate that they didn't get pregnant nor were any infections transmitted. In my early 20s I had unprotected sex twice. Then in my late 20s. Then when 39. I guess I've just been lucky, but not everyone is that fortunate. Sometimes we're caught unaware that sex might be possible, but we must prepare for that possibility. I began carrying condoms all the time. My latest GF and I are not exclusive, in fact I encourage her to continue her search for a life partner as I am not totally suited to her, I admit that, she knows it. We were intimate for months (she is on birth control) and when she was planning on travelling for a date (and possible sex) I bought her a variety pack of condoms in Walmart. Its a selection of types & sizes in various packages, within a larger purse-sized box. She had the option of offering the whole box or just a pack or two or three out of the selection. (The guy who deflowered her had started off with a condom but yanked it off and came in her so she had to resort to PLAN B. After that she went on birth control.) You have other options besides intercourse, 2 of those being oral (fellatio) and a hand job. I've enjoyed handjobs as starter-sex with a number of women. It provides a emotionally & physically-stimulating experience, pleasure, and freedom from worry. The man and woman basically pleasure each other with their hands, sometimes its referred to as mutual masturbation. Body fluids are not exchanged, and both of the partners attain release. Two positions are favoured; her front against the man's back, and she reaches around his body to stroke him off. The other is face to face. In the front-against-back position his c*m can be collected in her other hand, or his hand, or just allowed to spurt on her sheets. For face to face its a good idea to use something to keep his c*m from contacting her moist genitalia. I've had sex this way with a towel or washcloth covering her labia, or she has wadded up her granny-panties and caught my c*m in those. Another option besides intercourse, fellatio, and a hand job.... is anal sex. That seems to be very popular in the younger generation and in cultures where the young woman is expected to be a virgin on her wedding night. A woman that I had known for many years wasn't sure she was protected from getting pregnant yet by menopause, so asked me to do her a$$, but I've had limited experience with that, my first wife loved it. Personally I haven't had much luck with pulling out; sometimes its just the intensity of the moment, the guy doesn't want to interrupt the good feelings, other times she may not want it interrupted, and may wrap her legs round him or otherwise hold him from being able to pull out. Some guys will say they don't like the feel of condoms, but in my experience if you put 2 or 3 drops of lubricant inside the tip of the condom before you put it on, then you can't even tell the condom is there. When you use a condom one of the partners needs to hold the condom on while the penis is withdrawn from the vagina, otherwise it may slip off and the contents drain inside the woman. In the past that has been the man's responsibility but its 2013 and the woman can do just as well, taking care of that. I've never had a condom slip off or break during sex. I think the real clue is finding the perfect size & type for the particular c*ck. That is up to the man, during self-pleasuring (masturbation). I tried several different mfgrs & types before I found the ideal one, but when you're aroused any condom is better than no condom. Its also a good idea to use a condom for oral sex in case he is carrying some sort of UTI or STI. You don't want that in your mouth or throat. The condom also avoids the question of whether you shud spit or swallow or pull him out right before he spurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Jcksparr0w Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 i guess my real point was that you don't have to wait to be on birth control, just insist that he use a condom, tell him upfront before he's with you. That lets him prepare. I think the two of you had a scare, and using condoms is the best & fastest way to avoid having the same scare again. If you make him wait weeks or months until you get your act together to be on birth control then you may lose his attention. Just my suggestion & opinion Link to post Share on other sites
Jcksparr0w Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 iaa, you said "I guess I was less seeking advice and more seeking opinions." and now I realize I don't really understand what you meant by that sentence. I'll continue to comment, for the benefit of others reading this thread, and hopefully for your benefit, too, if you're willing to take my "advice" in the spirit in which its offered Link to post Share on other sites
Author iaa Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 iaa, you said "I guess I was less seeking advice and more seeking opinions." and now I realize I don't really understand what you meant by that sentence. I'll continue to comment, for the benefit of others reading this thread, and hopefully for your benefit, too, if you're willing to take my "advice" in the spirit in which its offered That's fine. I appreciate your advice. I will consider condoms. I wouldn't want to lose his attention if he is interested in continuing this affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Jcksparr0w Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 That's good. I know a lot of people, men & women, don't like condoms, but they are inexpensive and don't require the longterm committment of using birthcontrol pills or other hormonal preventatives. Link to post Share on other sites
Jcksparr0w Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 "I have been seeing a coworker and having sex with him ... we have been totally keeping it a secret at work." Been there, done that. People will catch on anyway, its a secret that's impossible to keep. For your own safety find out what your employer's policy is; most allow it provided that one of the persons isn't working in HR. Other companies frown on it & will fire one or both. Where I work it has led to sexual harassment issues and managers getting fired even tho it was consensual sex when it started out. Just be informed, & stay careful. Just my advice ..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 It sounds like it's over ... or just a matter of time. He's unhappy in his job and you were a pleasant distraction. Now that he's taken the decision to leave (just a matter of time when he'll find something else to be able to do so), then he really won't want to hear from you as he associates you with the job. Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 First of all, I want to thank you for being so nice and understanding. I know how irresponsible it was not to use protection. I hadn't been with anyone for quite a while so there was no reason to be on birth control. <--snip--> You talk like std's don't exist.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts