Could 'late bloomer = never being a father?

[iplaymybassinthesun]

I've always been too afraid of rejection and insecure about sexuality to approach women in a non-platonic way. At 31 I have no less anxiety about it than I did when I was 15, which is why I have no more experience with any level of relationship at 31 than I did when I was 15.

 

I was reading a random article about the experiences of fatherhood and it dawned on me that I'm already older than many of these guys. I realized how fast time flies, that although it's not a contest with some end game, at the rate I'm going I may never become a parent. I'm still at day one, I sometimes feel asexual even though I know I'm not. I suppose I can accept that possibility as a consequence of my self esteem and just take it one day at a time, but the article still depressed me.

 

Also recent news, as my younger brother, who is married, confided that he and his wife plan to have children starting next year. Makes me feel even more bizarre. I wish I could afford a therapist who I can sit down with and work through all of my issues with anxious, insecure attachment.

[Lobouspo]

Not necessarily, although as somewhat of a "late bloomer" myself, I learned some things about relationships and women in my late 20's and early 30's that I wish I could have learned in my teens and early 20's. No worries though. I have been blessed, and at 39 wiser and and able to navigate the red flags and B.S. that I was largely naive to in my 20's. Remember as difficult as dating is, it only takes one. My dad got married at 38 and had me at 40. First marriage, first child, and 42 years later still with my mom. Life is short enjoy the moment.

[Mrlonelyone]

What lobouspo says may well be true. However let me say that I am unable to sing on totally due to the story of my own father.

 

He met my mother at age 33 ish. And they were on and off until age 38 when he married her. Like them it's been about 40 years of them together.

 

I thought the same about my father. Then we found that he had at least two illegitimate children when he was in college. These young white women didn't tell him about their kids until years latter. One simply adopted out the baby. The other kept the baby. He's a great grandfather to people he's never met and will never meet.

 

Odds are that experience with women, as non-ideal as it was did play a role in him eventually being a husband.

 

That sounds awful but the truth is that your luck with women is not all about you. I'm sure there have been women who were into you even if you never approached them. Perhaps if the type that is ever into you was more aggressive you'd have more to report.

 

It takes two, so it's not all your fault. Keep the faith.

[d0nnivain]

Men can father a child well into their 70s. Address whatever is holding you back. I think you have plenty of time to be a dad

[iplaymybassinthesun]

Thanks guys. I believe in my gut I have it in me to be a loving family man WHEN the time comes and I'm ready.

 

I truly do think I need to address my anxiety and shyness over forming close relationships, even if its just friends or a not serious relationship etc, and build a healthy life separate from them

 

A big part of it is my folks divorced and I lost my mom young, and I think I might have abandonment issues from that too

 

So its a push pull. I want to connect. But I'm frightened of it at the same time, which causes unecessary worry and stress. What is to heal hasn't yet