The Lost Guide to No Contact V4

[DinNJ]

Do you think you would have ever gotten a response if you'd just turned and walked away going immediately to no contact and never pursuing at all? Or maybe a faster response?

 

Good question... not sure... I would actually think that pursuing initially after a break up fills the *dumper* head up with attention... then the draw back of NC, makes em' wonder.... "Where's that attention I was getting??? I must've gone too far this time... hmmm he really was a nice guy... maybe I was wrong for leaving him?? Maybe I should call him and apologize..."

 

Now without pursuing at all, they may say to themselves...." Damn, he didn't even put up a fight, he must not love me... I guess I made the right decision...." maybe??? I'm really not sure of the answer... I think it all depends on the situation at hand... the emotional involvement and time invested in the relationship. If it's a clear cut break off with NO answers and NO explanations whatsoever for the dumpee... then chances are, the dumper has some serious issues going on their head, whether it be... fear, guilt, fear of change, fear of rejection....etc... It's my opinion that dumpers such as these are the one who come back after some time.

 

hell, the girl that wrecked my world has told me over and over that she's intimidated by me...whatever that means... always putting herself down, pickin' her self apart about weight, skin, face... I can't figure it out cause she's beautiful.

[lost_in_chgo]

mine said "you make me feel bad about myself", and "I could never live up to your standards"

 

I never set standards or tried to make her live up to anything. She was going thru a divorce and I tried to be supportive whenever possible. I didn't get it.

 

She said alot of other things, but she later took them all back and said that she was just upset etc..

 

Then I read about insecurity and everything started to make sense.

 

And a friend of hers told me that it was socio-economic differences. She wasn't used to stand up guys. She was used to always living large with nothing to show for it and it was fear of success or fear of not being able to live like she really wanted to live.

[lost_in_chgo]

I heard a commercial today. Somethings along the lines of my friends have dreams, I have goals. Maybe that's the difference, perpetual dreamer vs. goal setter. But I've seen her set goals for herself and acheive them. Maybe it's just divorce psychosis, like I keep telling myself.

 

Anyway, I've been emailing back and forth with her. Giving her career advice. She complains non stop about her job. I make recommendations, but it's as if she doesn't even hear them. So last email I said, "do you even read this stuff?". And "You aren't talking about any of this, just complaints about the coworkers, so maybe I should just assume you aren't really interested in any of this unless you tell me different." I actually got a response answering a question about a link, but nothing on point.

 

Not sure what is going on now. She is responding regularly, but is not really engaging me in conversation, more just complaining to the world. Every once in awhile something slips in that is a little more personal. Prior to this, she'd email once or twice an then disappear for a month or two. Something has changed, but I've no idea what.

 

I've been telling her all sorts of things, but not making any overtures at all.

[DinNJ]

I don't think I have a chance in hell with my situation.... seperated and thinking of working things out with her ex-husband... the best I can hope for is that she feels totally guilty about what she did to me and takes her time before rushing back to her marriage.... in fact, that would be the best thing for her really.

[lost_in_chgo]

yeah the ex husband throws a monkey wrench into the works.

You can't really fault her for that if he wasn't abusing her or a complete ass.

[SoleMate]

I agree that flowers are OK. A well chosen bouquet - something she likes. Or possibly chocolates. When I object to "gifts", meant things like jewelry, watches, expensive gadgets, etc. The point would be to have the item offered evoke a reaction of "How sweet, he remembered" rather than "Wow, how much did that cost?"

[DinNJ]

yeah the ex husband throws a monkey wrench into the works.

You can't really fault her for that if he wasn't abusing her or a complete ass.

 

Well, according to her, he locked himself and HER son in a relatives bedroom for twenty minutes.... the boy (seven years old) was heard screaming at the top of his lungs, and admitted later that her husband hit him. Relatives had to find a key in order to get in the room. That was tip of the iceberg... aside from verbal abuse, controlling attitude... "you can't wear this or that, people will stare... You can't wear a bikini to the beach, put on a one piece or I'll never talk to you again..... If you take your son to see his biological dad, then I want a divorce...." Never takes her dancing, which she loves... ignores her and her son for two weeks in the same house during Cat 4 hurricanes... Never once in 4 years cooked her dinner.... Hates her family, doesn't like her relatives... get's jealous when her cousins wanna take her out for drinks.... Yea, this is only some of what I heard about him over the past four years....

 

So, other then that... he's a swell guy. And this is the person she went back to for the 3rd time... so maybe NONE of it is actually true and she was just making things up looking for sympathy from me. Likely so....

 

And to think, she had the nerve to make a pros/cons list about me... cons list consisted of coffee and cigarettes.... thanks for that. And he gets her back.

[lost_in_chgo]

Sounds like she's spinning tales. "according to her" would sound about right.

People often lie about their ex's to elicit sympathy from those around them.

Sounds like she's been lying to you for 4 years.

[lost_in_chgo]

Got some after hours communication out of the ex today.

Still compartmentalizing me into work talk for the most part.

 

Should I continue this? Try to make her comfortable with talking to me?

Tell her off? Go back to NC?

 

It looks like she isn't anywhere near ready for a real talk yet.

[ex]

Lost in chgo:

 

A female perspective for what it's worth: you say you've been giving her career advice... one of the classic communication challenges between men and women is that men assume that if a woman is griping, that advice is being requested and he wants to help. In contrast, women often just want to vent, and are not necessarily looking for advice, furthermore they sometimes feel condescended to when advice is offered.

[lost_in_chgo]

thanks ex,

 

I thought of that, so I asked her straight out if she was venting about the boss, wanted to leave there or something else.

 

She said, "Honestly, Im in a pretty good spot. I guess im really just venting. I really can't stand her. She is a back stabbing bitch. No one I know likes her."

 

So, what, just let her continue to use me to vent and sympathize with her?

I do the same thing, but when I do, she perceives it as me being angry.

 

I want to help it's true, and she doesn't really want the help. So it's just about getting it out of her system.

Should I take her wanting to talk at all as a good sign?

 

I'm so tempted to escalate the conversation a bit, but I can tell she's still drawing lines in her head.

I tell her how my day went and ask about hers and she says, "I have a normal day"

 

So I guess I just agree with her while she vents. The email equivalent of patting her hand and saying it will be ok.

 

Or I go back to no contact.

 

I don't feel like we are really communicating yet.

[ex]

lost,

 

why do you feel used because she vents to you? is it just that you want more intimate conversation, or are you actually not too interested in what she's saying? if you aren't interested, are you sure you sincerely still love her? or do you still want her only because she once filled your emptiness?

 

good signs, bad signs... on the one hand, I think the simple truth is that her issues at work are what are preoccupying her mind right now. And if she enjoys talking to you about what's consuming her now, chances are she's appreciative of you as a good listener. Can't speak for all women, but for me, that's a critical trait in a mate. Doesn't mean that excellent listening skills alone make me want a man, but it's necessary for attraction to happen at all. I need to feel he is interested in me and my life. Doesn't everyone? So again (and now on the other hand), if you aren't really listening and really interested, and it doesn't seem like she's genuinely listening and interested in your life, I'm a little suspicious of why you want her back.

 

The NC stuff you posted was great and really interesting, and I believe very valid functionally, but I think that we all probably have a tendency to focus on the parts that can be used to manipulative ends. We want the quick fix. When really the wisest part of NC theory seems to be about taking a time out to reassess and nurture one's self and true needs. Too many of us on these boards seem to forget that WE should be more important to ourselves than our exes.

 

Over my 4.5 yr relationship, there were lots of breakups, and we always got back together after doing what I'll call very short and incomplete NCs (though I wasn't ever aware of the concept before very recently). I wandered over to this website while I was still devastated about the last breakup 5 wks ago, wanting to nurture fantasies about getting my ex back again. As dumpee, I too was crushed and had stopped eating and sleeping, crying all the time, shrink and meds, the works. But after just 4 weeks of NC on my end (he's sent a couple presents to which I have refrained from even sending the briefest of "thank you's"), I'm really starting to believe that despite our having been the loves of each other's lives, it's probable we were expecting too little for ourselves. I'm starting to feel relieved that it's over! People here had advised me to send the thanks because it would be rude otherwise, that NC shouldn't be taken so literally. But you know what, in all likelihood, the presents didn't mean "I want you back," they just meant "thinking of you." And he knows me and will understand I am not being hostile, that I'm just protecting myself. Most importantly, I realized that NC is helping ME, and what is not helping ME is to worry about what he's thinking.

 

So you're at "persist or NC?" And IMHO, you do have a good chance if your persist (and are really really really patient), the friendly good listener thing has always worked for me, in this relationship as well as others. But while I can't regret spending so much time with this last one (I still love him), it's becoming apparent to me that that's a lot of years I could have had with someone more right for me. So not that I really really know your deal, but I'd bet that back to NC, and even more strict NC, is your healthiest option. I'm not family or a friend, but I think it sounds like you truly deserve someone better.

[lost_in_chgo]

ex

First off I really appreciate the perspective here.

 

why do you feel used because she vents to you? is it just that you want more intimate conversation, or are you actually not too interested in what she's saying? if you aren't interested, are you sure you sincerely still love her? or do you still want her only because she once filled your emptiness?

Nope, still want her. I feel used because she talks to me, but plays it like my side of the conversation is meaningless. After awhile, she makes a comment about being glad I had fun on vacation or something like that. But it's more like she's trying to fill a need that she has and that I could be anyone in the world for all she cares. Not that that is really true. But I don't want to be just a guy she can complain to.

 

good signs, bad signs... on the one hand, I think the simple truth is that her issues at work are what are preoccupying her mind right now.

my impression is more that she just likes to complain about her boss. Not as a way of life, but in particular this boss. She never did that with the last one. She knows I can't do anything about it and she argues with my analysis (which is fine, I argue with hers too), but it's the same thing over and over. When I try to expand the conversation I get one liners or the comments are ignored.

 

And if she enjoys talking to you about what's consuming her now, chances are she's appreciative of you as a good listener. Can't speak for all women, but for me, that's a critical trait in a mate.

Ahh, but does she enjoy it? A part of me thinks that she only talks to me because she is worried that she might have to work with me and doesn't want a sudden encounter.

 

you aren't really listening and really interested, and it doesn't seem like she's genuinely listening and interested in your life, I'm a little suspicious of why you want her back.

Well, I am very interested in her and her life and all, but really, how many time can you listen to the same song or watch the same show before you want to change channels? I'm bored of the topic, not the girl.

 

What you said about griping and wanting advice kinda hit the nail on the head. But beyond saying all I can say and speculating on any new info, I'm kinda at a brick wall on this particular topic. If she won't talk about anything else, then what?

 

Early Decemeber I sent her a card and sent a happy holidays email to her mother who is very religious. She was very supportive of both of us during the breakup. She really was just wonderful to me. Not taking sides and not meddling, just supportive. That was over last xmas. So this year I got to thinking about that and felt I should send a hello. Nothing more. Just well wishes and got the same in return.

 

Today her mother emailed me. Looking for me to help out a friend and started asking me some questions about how I am doing etc. We traded quite a few mails. I get it light and she told me to email her whenever I wanted to chat or if I needed anything. I told her that I didn't want to the ex to think I was trying to manipulate her thru her mother, so I was hesitant to email her.

 

 

The NC stuff you posted was great and really interesting, and I believe very valid functionally, but I think that we all probably have a tendency to focus on the parts that can be used to manipulative ends. We want the quick fix. When really the wisest part of NC theory seems to be about taking a time out to reassess and nurture one's self and true needs. Too many of us on these boards seem to forget that WE should be more important to ourselves than our exes.

 

This is true, but despite the way people posture, people do find happiness thru other people. They acheive their goals thru other people. They have fun thru other people. People are social animals and the idea that someone achieves happiness independent of any other person is for the most part misguided.

 

I'm a very independent person. I've been called loner and pariah and asocial and antisocial. I don't talk to people much. If I want love I need someone. If I want companionship, I need someone. If I want kids I need someone.

(maybe Halle Barry doesn't, but I do).

 

And IMHO, you do have a good chance if your persist (and are really really really patient), the friendly good listener thing has always worked for me, in this relationship as well as others. But while I can't regret spending so much time with this last one (I still love him), it's becoming apparent to me that that's a lot of years I could have had with someone more right for me.

 

There you have a big factor in all of this. How long is it going to take.

 

The fact of the matter is I would probably have given up and written it off to a bad play on her part, but the divorce stress thing just has me thinking that she might come around. My big dilema is whether being the supportive hang around guy is stressful and might just lock me into that role. Whereas the disappearing remembered guy isn't locked in, and might get a phone call out of the blue. Am I being supportive or heping her to change her image of me?

 

I'm not family or a friend, but I think it sounds like you truly deserve someone better.

My best friend is a bit tired of listening to all of this. So we don't talk about it much anymore. But he basically said sooner or later she will reconsider, but it could take forever. My family has said don't pine for her, it may take years, get under someone else, it'll all work out etc. Mostly platitudes.

 

The work friends started with the speech about what she is going thru and that I shouldn't wait. I have no clue what the reality is there. One of them encouraged me to get involved with her, may have encouraged her to break up with me, and now encourages me to move on. It's a game for them I think. The other just says she is a flake and she is amazed I went anywhere near her. They both think that I never even thought about her kids.

 

All in all family has been supportive, but useless otherwise. Friends have been neutral or negative while playing at being supportive and she's just been gone.

 

I don't see her as a bad person. I see her as someone overwhelmed by her life. Certainly I deserve better treatment. But I don't see her doing anything vindictive or petty. If someone else had come along in the last 6 months that I was interested in, I would've taken a shot, but that hasn't happened. I've tried to force myself a couple times, but that's a bad idea.

 

Frankly I know that the gods are toying with me and the day after I find someone she is going to call me. Then one faction or another is going to lose alot of money on that bet.

[ex]

plays it like my side of the conversation is meaningless. After awhile, she makes a comment about being glad I had fun on vacation or something like that. But it's more like she's trying to fill a need that she has and that I could be anyone in the world for all she cares. Not that that is really true. But I don't want to be just a guy she can complain to.

 

When I try to expand the conversation I get one liners or the comments are ignored.

 

sooner or later she will reconsider, but it could take forever.

 

Yep, see, I think you deserve better precisely because you aren't getting YOUR wants/needs met. Again, I'm not friend or family, so I don't know that you are a wonderful guy. (You do seem really caring, evolved and sharp.) But I think everyone should be with someone that thinks of them, responds to them, cares about them. Maybe she was loving to you once, but she isn't anymore. In the present, she isn't meeting your needs. And while she probably will reconsider, what if you miss finding someone you could love even more while you're involved again with your ex?

 

Ahh, but does she enjoy it?

 

Well, I am very interested in her and her life and all, but really, how many time can you listen to the same song or watch the same show before you want to change channels? I'm bored of the topic, not the girl.

 

If she won't talk about anything else, then what?

 

Like I said before, the boss seems to be her central preoccupation right now, and for a lot of women, it's really nice to have someone they're comfortable venting to. I had a boss who drove me crazy for awhile. And it's true that I'd want to talk about him with anyone who'd be interested (mostly co-workers, who were equally obsessed with how awful he was). But I wouldn't have been comfortable going on and on about it with my friends - I was well aware that the topic was not that interesting in and of itself. The ex was fabulous at listening to this crap, very interested because it was what I was preoccupied with at the time, and that's a big part of why I fell so hard for him. On the other hand, it certainly wasn't all that we were talking about, and I'm sure I was just as attentive to issues in his life...

 

But it's not like her preoccupation will go on forever. If it's really so bad, I'm sure she'll get herself out of the situation somehow, again a matter of time, though. I ended up quitting my job after 2 years and moving to be with the ex. Side note: over a year later, as we were coming out of the honeymoon phase, he was actually wistful about those boss-complaining conversations we'd had when the relationship was long distance. After a year and a half of spending 24/7 together, there was much less to talk about at the end of each day.

 

I told her that I didn't want to the ex to think I was trying to manipulate her thru her mother, so I was hesitant to email her.

 

This was smart.

 

This is true, but despite the way people posture, people do find happiness thru other people. They acheive their goals thru other people. They have fun thru other people. People are social animals and the idea that someone achieves happiness independent of any other person is for the most part misguided.

 

Ah so, that's a really really good point. I know I'll be chewing on it awhile.

 

My big dilema is whether being the supportive hang around guy is stressful and might just lock me into that role.

 

Yeah, so even while we are social animals that need others and some of us probably won't achieve deep happiness without a mate (myself included), it IS still true that a mate's commitment should not be contingent upon some expensive self-sacrifice. This is precisely the realization that tripped me into wanting to move on. Until after the relationship was actually over, I wasn't even aware of how many of my needs and how much of my identity I had given up for being with the ex. (Sheesh, and I used to think I had great self-awareness.) And even after the epiphany, it took me weeks to actually WANT better for myself. (Man, I really hope I've learned my lesson and never have such a self-esteem crisis ever again.)

 

 

The work friends started with the speech about what she is going thru and that I shouldn't wait.

 

Sorry, but isn't that kind of a big red flag? If they are offering all that up (I'm assuming they are closer to her than to you), that would make me really insecure about the chances. Eh, on the other hand, I tend to be too insecure about these matters.

 

I don't see her as a bad person. I see her as someone overwhelmed by her life.

 

Very smart. That's how come you seem so evolved. I try teally hard to extend this kind of understanding to everyone, even really mean people, even that boss that drove me crazy. But even if there is no such thing as bad people, you still have to determine whether it's worth your while to deal with the consequences of their life challenges. Like, once I found out that my difficult boss had bipolar disorder, I looked up the condition and so much of his behavior started to make sense. I went from extreme dislike to feeling sincere compassion. But I still needed to quit, and to this day have absolutely no regrets about walking away from a pretty fancy job and salary, in a recession, for the most modest of lifestyles. The stress just wasn't worth it.

 

My best friend is a bit tired of listening to all of this. So we don't talk about it much anymore.

 

Ooh that blows. I found my way to this forum when I needed more support without overtaxing my fantastic friends. (They're still willing to chat for hours at a time, but I completely understand that they've got busy lives.) I'd say pm me, but I'm not registered. But if you want to keep posting in this thread, I'll try to keep checking in on you. In fact, I've become kind of curious on the details of your breakup (how long did you go out, when did you breakup, who dumped who, how long NC, how old are you and your ex), and will try to look up what else you have posted.

 

Frankly I know that the gods are toying with me and the day after I find someone she is going to call me.

 

I know exactly what you mean! That is so f'ed up, isn't it?! I don't believe in fate or destiny or anything resembling such. But I would definitely bet everything I own that he will always love me at least as a person and will call within a few months. And once that happens, I even think there's a good chance I could get him back if I really wanted. (Eh, maybe it's not true, but I'm basing it on many many specifics of our past.) But I think what is most likely is that I'll have moved on by the time he starts to seriously question whether we ought to have stayed together. It's like a tragicomedy. And it sucks because all my convictions make moving on right now somehow harder. Would be easier to believe in fate and think in terms of "well, if it were meant to be..."

[lost_in_chgo]

Yep, see, I think you deserve better precisely because you aren't getting YOUR wants/needs met.

You know I took Yahoo's relationship thing and found myself answering questions about how our relationship was and suddenly realizing that it was more one-sided than I thought. She was being abnormally selfish (divorce) and I knew that, and thought it was temporary. I didn't really realize the extent of it untime I started answering specific questions.

 

In the present, she isn't meeting your needs.

Certainly true.

 

And while she probably will reconsider

Hmmm ?

 

what if you miss finding someone you could love even more while you're involved again with your ex?

Worth the risk if she does reconsider, I will take that chance. Bird in the hand and all.

But not now. If I find someone else, I won't put that aside. I did in the first 6 months because I was not ready, but I am ready now.

 

the boss seems to be her central preoccupation right now....But it's not like her preoccupation will go on forever

Well it could go on for years. But once she is more comfortable, I expect that the topics will change. She's drifted at times over the last few weeks, and seems to be deliberately limiting topics. I'm unsure of the motivation for that. Whether it is to be kind, to keep me in the dark, or because she is trying to control herself.

 

The work friends started with the speech about what she is going thru and that I shouldn't wait. ....Sorry, but isn't that kind of a big red flag? If they are offering all that up (I'm assuming they are closer to her than to you),

Well, they've done that from the start. Kinda a policy statement rather than an insider's analysis of the situation. They just didn't think I should take the chance on her if it wasn't a sure thing.

 

But even if there is no such thing as bad people..

oh, there are bad people. Just like there is such a thing as evil. But your point about sometimes people aren't being evil they are just at odds with each other. Often during this last year, people have attributed my ex's actions to her just being vindictive or a nasty person or evil. She's none of that. She's just focusing on herself.

 

I've been called alot of names as a manager over the years. Many people just hate authority. Many managers just treat their workers as cattle. Many workers expect their coworkers to do their jobs. People are at oddds for alot of reasons.

 

And the bottom line of all of that, is that no matter what you do or say, there are always going to be some people who just don't like you. You can't take it personally. You have to do what is best for you. I walked away from that job for nothing and was employed at a higher rate with a few months. But I have sideline work that allows me to do that. I left to try and develop that so that the ex could leave and run the sideline while I went back to work. That would allow her to stay at home with her kids like she wants to. But in the middle of that, she bailed.

 

 

 

... and then after several days of no emails. The work friend emails to tell me that the ex is living with a guy she met online who relocated from out of state and that they hope to marry one day.

 

I believe this has been the case for some time, perhaps months. Not sure why she emailed to tell me this suddenly. But it was the day after I heard from the ex's mother. Interesting "coincidence" that. Not sure if I was being delivered a message or not.

 

I listened to the work friends about all that divorce stress stuff. But I really believe that she felt that I wasn't going to commit to her and panicked. She was wrong. Here we are a year later and me still wanting her back.

 

This could end up being the failed relationship that makes her reconsider, or the start of a long marriage, or the start of failed marriage #2. Time will tell on that one. Their both 30ish, she has 5 kids, he's single. That's alot for a single guy to take on. I hope when he moves on she isn't too destroyed by it.

 

Her only emailing me from work...or from home on specific nights. Is that "coincidence" or is she only emailing me then because the boyfriend in not around?

 

Too much analysis, too many questions, too little support from the friends to be able to get a clear picture. Time will answer all of this.

 

or not

 

 

as I mentioned in another thread. I am no longer leaving communication up to her. I will continue to email her regularly to try to get her more comfortable. But in the meantime, I'm shopping around.

[ex]

Yikes lost,

 

I looked up your previous posts, and could only get through a fraction... but it seems that you've been at this for a really really really long time.

 

Have to say that I don't get it! Really hard to understand why/how you keep holding on, especially after receiving such discouraging signals... You're the NC Authority, man! You're the pro! So what's up?!!

 

It seems like everyone's already told you anything I might think to say, so I'm just going to leave you with "Good Luck." I truly wish you a new healthy happy relationship.

 

ex

[ReluctantRomeo]

I wish I had read all this 1 week ago.... would have saved me a LOT of pain and confusion, and I think I'd have got much better results with my newly ex-girlfriend

 

"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever

as effective as a rightly timed pause."

-- Mark Twain, on speaking of bringing forth nothing

[lost_in_chgo]

So after several weeks of regular email communication,

I got tired of her one line responses and stopped emailing her.

 

After ten days I got an email from her.

Lots of lines this time.

 

She's asking for advice on some new project she has that she might be doing if she can figure it out.

Wants my help because I've already done it.

 

So now she's getting one line reponses, no more than once a day, from me.

 

turnabout

[Nick14]

I would give it up man. It sounds like she just needs buisness help like any other co-worker would ask for. Not trying to be blunt, but its just buisness.

[cg9328]

Ok I bought my ex a valentines day gift before we broke up. Which was Feb 1st. I have read other parts of this forum say gifts were ok but no jewelry or any thing expensive. I hope I didn't push her away any thoughts. But I'm doing the NC approach. ...any thoughts??

[lost_in_chgo]

Well, still not emailing the ex.

Couple weeks, nothing, then another short email asking a question if I had a part she needs for her computer.

 

My reply:

"Nope"

[Iwishiknewthen]

shes looking for excuses to talk to you now methinks.

 

but mostly she is (and i quote this famous writer who gives excellent advise that gave me strength tonight) ......she is scouting!

 

 

i had a boyscout myself. but i will always remember your words, in a sense, this is war. not the kind that attacks, but that protects and preserves. they put us in the position to protect our hearts.

 

so please look before you leap.

.......................................................................................................................

 

how happy is the blameless vestals lot

the world forgetting by the world forgot

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

each pray'r accepted and

each wish resign'd.

alexander pope

 

Ps..........how are you doing by the way? its may now

[queenie01]

I need some advice from an outsider who has been in

> this situation... since

> I have last posted we have had no contact at

> all... no email, phone

> calls or text, its officially been 13 days : (

> Anyways 2 weeks from yesterday he text me with his

> great idea he had to

> keep my stuff and we could get together in a couple

> weeks to talk and see

> how we feel....he felt that was the best approach. I

> agreed.

> Since that text 2 weeks has passed no contact

> besides one email

> conversation.

> I have seen him around work a couple times but he

> never says hi or even

> looks at me...it kills me! We used to both workout

> at 11 everyday and when

> we broke up for the past 2 weeks he started going at

> 12 and it was great

> because i didnt have to see him...now after 10 days

> of no contact this week

> he is going at 11 again and its hard seeing him

> everyday.

> I dont know what approach to take, he hasnt iniated

> any contact regarding

> my stuff but honestly I am going to need it back.

> Friday will be 3 weeks

> since we have been broken up, what amount of time do

> you think it would

> take him to realize he really misses me and what do

> you think i should do

> about this situation???

> Please help!!

>

[ErinErinErin]

Hey Queenie...you must be so heartbroken over this guy...but my best advice to you is to take the advice that the others have given you on the many other threads you have posted on...

 

The advice you have be given is not likely to change...you need to be strong and have some NC with this guy for a while...don't look desperate, this is the worst thing you could do...Just keep your head up when you see him and let him wonder what you are thinking and feeling...

 

Try this for a few days...I'm sure it will confuse him...

[lost_in_chgo]

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