TimL Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 Hey everyone, I posted a while ago about my cheating ex: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/412583-can-t-seem-let-go-unanswered-questions I finally got the truth that she had also been cheating with the 'new' boyfriend from my college. Not sure for how long but I can imagine worst case scenario... The word 'closure' makes me sick, however in a way I have got it. Having said that, I am furious at this guy, he knew me and we were acquainted. He shook my hand knowing what he had done. Call it ego, or call it being hurt, I am furious and whilst I have a sense of an ending, my feelings are back just as when I first found out. There are probably thousands of posts asking how you get over it, but my experience seems so extreme. 8 months have not made a dramatic difference and this revelation has brought it all back. Not trying to feel sorry for myself but I am in need of some encouragement from those who have felt the same...! Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 Anger is one of the 5 stages of grief. You are making progress even if it doesn't feel like it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 22, 2013 Share Posted December 22, 2013 The great statesman, Winston Churchill once said during one of England's darkest moments, "If you're going through hell, keep going." TimL there is only one way through this and that's to go through it, time will be your friend. Every time you start feeling the anger just change your thought process, just think how lucky you are that you found out, you dodged a bullet. It could be way worse, you could still be with her cheating ass and never meet the true woman your supposed to be with. She was just a little bump on your road to an amazing life, one she will regret f**king up. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Hey Tim. I read your other thread and our situations are basically identical. Fwiw, i am 14 months post break up after kicking the cheating whore into touch but it still angers me when i let it. Thats the key though, when you LET it. You gotta just force it out of your mind man. She's a dirty little tramp, a Sociopathic, selfish unrepenting slag. You will never get those answers you crave, neither will I. They have moved on, we are letting them dictate our minds. Time to flush that floating turd mate. Good luck, and me too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TimL Posted January 20, 2014 Author Share Posted January 20, 2014 And does nobody else find this anger manifests in a strong desire for revenge on all involved? If time heals all wounds why do I still feel so bad about the whole thing. Appreciate the responses so far. Link to post Share on other sites
damien201 Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 (edited) And does nobody else find this anger manifests in a strong desire for revenge on all involved? If time heals all wounds why do I still feel so bad about the whole thing. Appreciate the responses so far. It just takes a long time, longer than you'd like or expect. Eventually you just get tired of thinking about it and enjoy whatever new action you're getting. Edited January 21, 2014 by damien201 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Make this experience work to your benefit, understand that not everything is what it seems. You have dodged a bullet and in time you will see that it was best this way. Hang in there friend, don't allow anger to consume you, it's only detrimental to YOU and no one else. Link to post Share on other sites
VeronicaRoss Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Totally can relate to the desire for revenge. Yes, it's justified. But chances are it will only hurt you more if it backfires, you do something illegal, get caught, you feel ashamed of yourself for the rest of your life somehow. Whatever you do to hurt them back will only drag you down to their level in everyone else's eyes and eventually yours too. Take the higher road. In the long run you will thank yourself over and over again. And it will keep your life a lot less complicated in the meantime. And give you more energy to create a life that will leave them both envious! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 And does nobody else find this anger manifests in a strong desire for revenge on all involved? If time heals all wounds why do I still feel so bad about the whole thing. Appreciate the responses so far. This why people need a year before they are ready to be in another relationship. You have not had the time to let them memories fade. I said be happy. You choose not to. So is this because you would rather of married her then find out she cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 This why people need a year before they are ready to be in another relationship. You have not had the time to let them memories fade. I said be happy. You choose not to. So is this because you would rather of married her then find out she cheated? I believe the anger stems from the rejection and betrayal felt from the idea he had of the woman. It was clearly 2 seperate people, and being betrayed by someone you love cuts the heart very very deep. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TimL Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 It's not the girl/end of the relationship that bothers me, it's the betrayal, embarrassment, other people, anger etc associated with what happened. I am glad I found out but such an extensive web of lies is hard to process and move on from. Letting go doesn't seem to be quite as simple as...well, letting go! Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 It's not the girl/end of the relationship that bothers me, it's the betrayal, embarrassment, other people, anger etc associated with what happened. I am glad I found out but such an extensive web of lies is hard to process and move on from. Letting go doesn't seem to be quite as simple as...well, letting go! No one will think poorly of you, you have nothing to be embarrassed about, she is the cheater and the one people will not trust. No one will fault you for being swindled in love, just tell people the truth. She is the one that will have to live with shame. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TimL Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 The anger finally went away but I have found myself with the same agonizing question. How long did they cheat for? I have tried hard to let go of this episode but it's still a struggle even though it happened nearly a year ago. Any other words of wisdom?? Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 There are people who are sensitive and with good heart, not thinking only of them self. on the other side there are the serial cheater, constant liars, ect... You probably belong to the first group. well, you are a good man, and good and sensitive suffer more than the others. this is your destiny, I hope you will never change. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Dude, you knew all of this since before the holidays., Like, this is a big revelation to you? Let's break this down: She was cheating on you and all the while seeing her ex boyfriend who didn't even know about you. And both confirmed about some dude she was kissing up on in the club. Now, she left you for new guy and you just discovered that she was cheating on you......but, you knew this in October.... Is it fair to say that....well, this isn't the kind of girl you want to bring home to mom? Okay, so you found out she's a serial cheater! Not the kind of girl you want! Time to heal and move on! You have been festering with this for months now. Time to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TimL Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 Just to clarify, she didn't leave me for another guy, I broke up with her and the nature of a cheater means there is always a back stop. "Time to let go" is a statement I agree with. Easier said than done. What does letting go involve? Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Just to clarify, she didn't leave me for another guy, I broke up with her and the nature of a cheater means there is always a back stop. "Time to let go" is a statement I agree with. Easier said than done. What does letting go involve? Accepting the fact that you can't change what happened, but you can grow and learn from it and quit being so bitter about it. **** happened. Sorry man. Pick your jockstrap up off the ground, the game is still going on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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