Wife is pregnant with my best friends baby!

[swordfly]

I have been with my wife for 7 years, married for 2. We have 2 beautiful daughters, aged 3 and 1. Our marriage was perfect, and about a year ago I joined the army to build a better future for my family.

 

My wife I think got a little bored, and upset about the lack off attention I was giving her and how often I was away. She started seeing my good friend constantly, going to his room, having dinner together, she even lied about going on holiday with our daughters and actually went to his home town to see him (and his fiance).

 

After her telling me I was just jealous for months, and I wasn't trusting her we separated. She told me she was pregnant with my baby a couple of weeks later, assuring me she never cheated and it was mine. I found out a couple of days later she was pregnant with my friends baby.

 

She then went on to clear all my bank accounts, and start moving all of our stuff to another state behind my back - she has never worked our entire relationship. I went to the house to talk to her, and we had a good chat. I went to the house the next day to pick up some clothes, and police were waiting for me, apparently she had called and said I had assaulted her, and was not allowed to see my kids.

 

Now I don't have a wife, can't see my kids, my accounts are drained and all my stuff is taken away and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I should of done different and if i should try and fix this.

[tiredofitall2]

There is nothing to fix. Get a very aggressive lawyer that will make sure your rights as a father are protected and divorce her ASAP. Tell everyone what she has done. Her family, your family and his family. Expose the A to everyone.

 

Go complete NC (No contact) unless something related to the children. No emails, no text or anything she could later use as against you.

 

Good luck

[Speakingofwhich]

swordfly, as devastating as this is for you, and I can't imagine what you must be going through, realize that you are very fortunate to be getting away from this confused and dysfunctional person fairly early in your life.

 

When you have begun to heal you'll have an opportunity to find someone to have a better life with.

 

There is little you could have done to prevent this debacle, most probably. Your ex is deceitful and in order to have a healthy relationship two people must be honest with each other.

 

Can you go to a therapist to process this extreme adjustment you are going through?

[theothersully]

Very typical female behavior these days. After reading this forum, I think you just have to plan on this happening eventually, no matter who you are.

 

My picture perfect marriage ended the same way. Minus the kids and best friend.

 

Women seem to have the attention span of a gnat these days. And you wonder why guys get controlling. 5 minutes alone and you take all the money from our joint accounts and vanish.

 

Exactly the same as my 10 year marriage ended.

 

There is nothing to fix. Your ex, like so many people out there, is a terrible, manipulative person who used you. She pretended to be whoever you thought she was this whole time. Now, the real her is out and you can see.

 

Get the upper hand on the paperwork to protect your stuff.

 

I have been with my wife for 7 years, married for 2. We have 2 beautiful daughters, aged 3 and 1. Our marriage was perfect, and about a year ago I joined the army to build a better future for my family.

 

My wife I think got a little bored, and upset about the lack off attention I was giving her and how often I was away. She started seeing my good friend constantly, going to his room, having dinner together, she even lied about going on holiday with our daughters and actually went to his home town to see him (and his fiance).

 

After her telling me I was just jealous for months, and I wasn't trusting her we separated. She told me she was pregnant with my baby a couple of weeks later, assuring me she never cheated and it was mine. I found out a couple of days later she was pregnant with my friends baby.

 

She then went on to clear all my bank accounts, and start moving all of our stuff to another state behind my back - she has never worked our entire relationship. I went to the house to talk to her, and we had a good chat. I went to the house the next day to pick up some clothes, and police were waiting for me, apparently she had called and said I had assaulted her, and was not allowed to see my kids.

 

Now I don't have a wife, can't see my kids, my accounts are drained and all my stuff is taken away and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I should of done different and if i should try and fix this.

[peruano99]

Get a good lawyer and do what needs to be done. Make sure to get your money back as well.

[tiredofitall2]

One thing I forgot to add and I do it as I realize my post may sound somewhat lacking emotions.

 

I know it is a difficult time for you and you are completely emotional now. Probably don't understand how a person you loved so much could have done something like this to you and your family.

 

All I can advise you to do is not to dwell on her actions. Concentrate on your children and forgiving her. Why? Because if you don't you can and will be miserable and bitter and your children will suffer the consequences. Like others have said move on to find a person that can truly love you.

 

How do you forgive, well, realize that her selfish behavior is a flaw in her personality and human condition. We all display this, fortunately not all in this way. But we all make mistakes. One day she will realize what she has done and life itself will teach her a valuable lesson.

 

For you what is important is to move forward as soon as possible, grieve as necessary and move forward.

 

Know that the most important thing is to be a father to those children. You will find someone to share your life with you and you will be OK. Time heals all wounds. You will be OK.

[ThatMan]

I want to wholeheartedly thank you for your service before adding anything.

 

Please on about calling your state's bar association and ask about the lawyer referral service. You have rights.

[aliveagain]

Please talk to a lawyer, an affair child is in the mix. You are still married to her, you are deemed to be the father and responsible for her child until legal age. Keep account of all monies she has taken, you are entitled to 50% of all marital assets. File immediately, sounds like you were more of a meal ticket than a husband, protect your children because she doesn't sound stable. The military may be able to help you with legal advice as well as counselling, please talk to a Superior for advice on the best way to access their services. None of this is your fault, she is broken. You need to act fast, expose the affair to his fiance. She needs to know the mess she is about to marry into. He was never your friend, a friend would never destroy your family.

[M30USA]

Honestly, I'd be more pissed at my best friend than my wife. Men naturally know what honor is. To women it's a foreign idea. Your best friend is a loser. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

[bubbaganoosh]

Seems to me she was a little more than bored. Your good friend isn't a good friend.

 

Does your friends fiance know about his cheating and the baby? If not it would be a good idea to let her know.

 

I agree with everyone else. Get a good lawyer and let him do what he does best. Your entitled to 50% of the assets and I would go after it.

 

I would also get your other children DNA tested to see if they are yours too. This is a woman who has no morals. Good luck.

[aliveagain]

Just another point, no in person contact with her unless you have a witness with you and carry a VAR(voice activated recorder)on you at all times. I wouldn't be surprised if it was your ex friend that gave her the idea to charge you with assault. You have rights to your children, find out from a lawyer if she can move them out of state without your approval. Demand a DNA test, you need to make it known that you question the paternity of her new baby. The worst thing you can do is nothing, take action and protect your young children because they can't do it for themselves.

[Fluttershy]

I agree with aliveagain. No action is the worst descision. This won't just go away. Fight for your daughters. I know of a man who didn't and now his adult daughter hates him because she thinks he must not have loved her because he didn't push for his custody rights when she was small.

 

Also, to the two very sexists posts. This behaviour isn't just "women" behaviour. If you really read all the stories here you'd know that men can also have the attention span of a gnat. Why don't you go check out the OW/OM board and see how many women are involved with MM breaking their vows? Or in your mind is the behaviour not as disgusting in men and it is always the woman's fault whether she is an OW or WW?

 

Think before you post.

[harrybrown]

Have you exposed the affair to your "good" friends SO?

 

expose the affair and get a good lawyer quickly.

[Steen719]

Honestly, I'd be more pissed at my best friend than my wife. Men naturally know what honor is. To women it's a foreign idea. Your best friend is a loser. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

 

Really? Really? We are not all your XW. Most women have more chances to cheat than you can shake a stick at and many of us, myself included, never have. I know just what honor, faithfulness and loyalty are. You bet ya!

[silicone]

Unfortunately, some male LS members have allowed their bad choices in women to change their perception of all females. These types tend to forget just how awful men can be to perfectly decent women. I grew up seeing infidelity. It was ALWAYS husbands proudly stepping out on their wives.

 

A real man doesn't need to control a woman because he fears that she "has no honor" or "has the attention span of a gnat."

 

I know I can't be the only wife who is not unfaithful or selfish. When men hit on me, I always tell my husband so that we can have a good laugh. My husband gets a kick out of idiots who think they can have his wife.

 

Women like you are becoming a rarity, I feel.

[whichwayisup]

I have been with my wife for 7 years, married for 2. We have 2 beautiful daughters, aged 3 and 1. Our marriage was perfect, and about a year ago I joined the army to build a better future for my family.

 

My wife I think got a little bored, and upset about the lack off attention I was giving her and how often I was away. She started seeing my good friend constantly, going to his room, having dinner together, she even lied about going on holiday with our daughters and actually went to his home town to see him (and his fiance).

 

After her telling me I was just jealous for months, and I wasn't trusting her we separated. She told me she was pregnant with my baby a couple of weeks later, assuring me she never cheated and it was mine. I found out a couple of days later she was pregnant with my friends baby.

 

She then went on to clear all my bank accounts, and start moving all of our stuff to another state behind my back - she has never worked our entire relationship. I went to the house to talk to her, and we had a good chat. I went to the house the next day to pick up some clothes, and police were waiting for me, apparently she had called and said I had assaulted her, and was not allowed to see my kids.

 

Now I don't have a wife, can't see my kids, my accounts are drained and all my stuff is taken away and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I should of done different and if i should try and fix this.

 

If this child is your so called best friends baby, tell the cops exactly what has happened and for a paternity test to be done. that you NEVER hit your wife or anything, she made it up to screw you over.

 

Your wife is NOT the woman you married, she's really sick in the head to do this to you.

 

Get a lawyer, go public, DO something and fight for your kids. Why haven't the cops investigated this further?

[M30USA]

Really? Really? We are not all your XW. Most women have more chances to cheat than you can shake a stick at and many of us, myself included, never have. I know just what honor, faithfulness and loyalty are. You bet ya!

 

Sorry, if you want I can quote women who say this. I'm sure you have honor. All I'm saying is the idea doesn't come naturally to women. It usually comes from proper upbringing, parenting, and--most likely--a good father.

[Eggplant]

Sorry, if you want I can quote women who say this. I'm sure you have honor. All I'm saying is the idea doesn't come naturally to women. It usually comes from proper upbringing, parenting, and--most likely--a good father.

M30USA, there are bad PEOPLE in the world, of both genders, for whom the idea of honor doesn't come naturally.

[Woggle]

I don't agree with the generalizing but the man in this thread are hurting and it is understandable to sort of lash out. Women in pain say similar things about men. Please try to understand that.

[Eggplant]

OP, your wife sounds like a sociopath. The fact that she would stoop so low as to falsely accuse you of assault and steal all your money, after betraying you ... you are NOT dealing with a normal person with a sense of shame or empathy. She's probably actually a psycho. You just keep your cool, document your case carefully. Sooner or later, she will mess up, and she will fall on her own sword. People like this build a reputation.

 

I am very worried about your children. Sociopaths are terrible mothers.

 

You need counselling with a very qualified professional. That person will help you know how to protect yourself and your children.

[M30USA]

M30USA, there are bad PEOPLE in the world, of both genders, for whom the idea of honor doesn't come naturally.

 

True statement. But both sexes have their respective predispositions for certain...inadequacies.

[peruano99]

Sorry, if you want I can quote women who say this. I'm sure you have honor. All I'm saying is the idea doesn't come naturally to women. It usually comes from proper upbringing, parenting, and--most likely--a good father.

 

Both his wife and her lover are to blame. They both knew what they were doing before having sex. Both men and women can do wrong.

[theothersully]

I agree with aliveagain. No action is the worst descision. This won't just go away. Fight for your daughters. I know of a man who didn't and now his adult daughter hates him because she thinks he must not have loved her because he didn't push for his custody rights when she was small.

 

Also, to the two very sexists posts. This behaviour isn't just "women" behaviour. If you really read all the stories here you'd know that men can also have the attention span of a gnat. Why don't you go check out the OW/OM board and see how many women are involved with MM breaking their vows? Or in your mind is the behaviour not as disgusting in men and it is always the woman's fault whether she is an OW or WW?

 

Think before you post.

 

I disagree.

 

There is one hell of a trend on this board of this exact situation happening.

 

I am around women all the time. I have zero male friends, about 50 pretty close female friends and read this board avidly.

 

You might know yourself, but I know more women more closely in all likelihood.

 

I am speaking from direct observation. The majority of women I know and that are reported on this board cheat like crazy and cannot be trusted if you have to go away for work and they are left on their own for a bit. Same when they are out drinking without you.

 

I could type up scores of real life examples and link to possibly hundreds of topics here, vs less of men straying/dumping/cheating.

 

All fact. Not sexist. Just realist. Direct personal observation. Regarding the board specifically, I do not look into any forum. I look at "new posts" which shows an actual, time sensitive trend and there are far more females straying in the new posts than males straying. I can go and count both sides later on when i have time if you would like.

 

PS.... the "friend" here is a complete p.o.s., of course, but the theme of this thread goes on and on and on... on this board.

Edited December 23, 2013 by theothersully

[Steen719]

I don't agree with the generalizing but the man in this thread are hurting and it is understandable to sort of lash out. Women in pain say similar things about men. Please try to understand that.

 

I understand that, I do, but I DO NOT generalize about men on here, even though my XH was a low-down dirty piece of crap - so see what I mean? I have "met" some lovely men on here - men who have given their all to make their marriage work, men who are considerate, loving, caring, etc. Some men are here have helped me tremendously with what happened in my life (and they did not have to and may not even know they did); Kidd, Steadfast, Andy, Choosetruth, Debtman, 96Noles and many more. I would not sully their names by putting them in a general group - and that is what I mean. I don't like it when men are cast in a bad light any more than I do women and maybe I was taught right from wrong, but so were they, then. This innate "goodness" in one sex or another is crap. Not mad, not trying to be inflammatory; just stating my opinion.

 

There - off the soapbox!

 

OP, sorry to t/j...really. I'm sincerely sorry for your pain.

Edited December 23, 2013 by Steen719
apologize to OP for t/j

[TheBladeRunner]

Hi OP, is your buddy in the service as well? If he is that could create a real problem for him. When I was in years ago it was really frowned upon and could lead to serious consequences. Like the others said, GET A LAWYER! Also, I agree with NC/LC as well; if you do have to speak to her treat EVERY conversation as if it's recorded and as far as text or e-mail, be very careful.