Just need to get this out

[monkeyduck]

I'll start this with a little back ground info just need to get this off my chest and written down. If any one has any advise or words please go ahead as I would really appreciate it.

 

So my husband and I lived in different towns for a couple years and only saw each other a few times each week until I decided to get a transfer in my job and move to his town.

We still lived separately for another year then we moved in together.

We got engaged after 4 years and then we got married after almost 6 years together.

 

During the time between meeting and getting married we had a few problems but we worked through them. Problems such as I found pictures of his Ex on his phone, he had pictures of my so called friend on his phone [rude ones she had sent him] and was texting her [stupidly we had a threesome which I always regretted and this occured after that]

I forgave him for all this and we continued to get married and were very happy or so I thought.

 

After being married for about 6 months he started staying out late, not spending time with me, not wanting to go on dates or do anything together and finally not wanting to be intimate with me.

 

After being married for 11 months I found pictures of a 'friend' [different one to the previous woman mentioned] on his phone I confronted him straight away as I honestly thought that now we were married and after the last time he wouldn't do that to me again. I also found a condom wrapper in his jeans and condoms had gone missing from our bedroom drawer which he denied he took and the one in his pocket he just apparantley had no clue as to where it was from.....

 

after I confront him, He told me he didn't know what he wanted anymore and needed space so I went to stay with friends for the weekend.

 

On returning home 3 days later while he was at work I discovered our home was suspiciously tidy, wedding photographs had been taken off the walls and I was immediatley suspicious. I'm ashamed to say I went through all the bins and searched the whole house and then after a while searching I found used condoms, receipts for a bouquet and a love letter written by him to her and more pictures on his computer.

I went mental at him and he admitted it straight away although he says that was the first time they slept togther.

I was so hurt and angry that it had taken place in our home.

I ended it there and then and moved out.

 

I now have my own apartment and I'm trying to get on with my life but i feel so betrayed and alone.

 

We were together 7 years but only married for 11 months.

 

I feel like such a failure and have sunk in to depression which I suffered from previously but thought I had overcome.

 

He still sees her he says they are now just friends but I've snuck back to the house we shared together and he has pictures of her and him, more love letters, he's redecorated the house and every trace of me is gone.

 

He says he still loves me but he knows we can't be together anymore which I know we cant because there is no trust and the fact he still sees her etc..It hurts so much

 

I have now applied for a divorce filed under adultery

 

I just needed to get this out and have a little rant

 

thanks for reading

Edited December 22, 2013 by monkeyduck

[revitup]

So sorry for your situation,

 

At the same time it's a blessing to know for sure and you have made every right move you could in a situation like this.

 

Stay strong and keep updating.

 

REVITUP

[Yarrow]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

 

For what it's worth, I think you are making the right decision. Better after 1 year and 1 affair than to stick around for him to figure out what he wants and split up 5 years and 3 affairs later. Whatever it is he wants, it's obviously not you, or he wouldn't be taking down the wedding photos and carrying on with another woman. You aren't a failure. He is. He couldn't live up to his vows, so it's time to just call him the oath breaker that he is and make the split official. That is not a moral failing on your part.

[Elisabeth4]

I can understand your feelings of failure in terms of length of marriage, only because I am right there with you. This is a time, though, that you need to forget the public eye and take care of yourself. You are worthy of more than that. Make this one life you were given everything it possibly can be. You. Deserve. More. & I would be gone...no doubt.

 

Xo

[monkeyduck]

thankyou to the people that responded to this

I survived the holidays on my own for the first time

I still feel sad but I am beginning to accept it a little

[justnotmeanymore]

Wow.... You're stronger than you think and I don't think you give yourself enough credit for it.

It's hard to get past a cheating spouse. Mine cheated 5 months into our marriage. I still cannot get past it and that was 11 months ago. Mind you, he did it again 5 months later.... so.... I should have left the first time. I was stupid to think he would change.

You've done well in what you could handle.

Goodluck.