help again please!!!

[MaGz]

ok this time i was wondering, cuz b4 u said i should end it cuz its codependant...ive bin thinking alot about that lately and ow im thinking maybe im making a mistake being with him, and that its for all the wrong reasons now...i love him and i knwo this, and everything fits, why am i second guessing myself when i know its real true love??? is this normal???

 

Thank You

[Tony T]

We love people for many reasons, sometimes those reasons are sick and unhealthy, but we still get those feelings of security or longing.

 

Once you have identified and healed all the issues you must deal with personally, it is highly unlikely you will even like this guy.

 

Love is very state-specific. That is, we will love someone as long as we are generally in the same mind state as we were when we began to love them. If we evolve emotionally or intellectually at a greater rate than our partner, that love will diminish.

 

If two alcholics are madly in love and one goes into recovery, 99 percent of the time there will be a break up if the recovery of the one person progresses satisfactorily.

 

A codependent relationship is not a healthy one and exists for all the wrong reasons. However it can feel good and be quite satisfactory until healing processes take place in one or both of those involved. When mind states change, it's likely that one or both will no longer find the relationship to serve its original purpose because wants, needs, goals, etc. will have dramatically changed.

 

Very often, there are posts here in which a partner will talk about how their partner has changed, improved, gotten better, doesn't drink, lie, cheat anymore, how they've turned to God, etc. but somehow they've lost it and don't want the relationship...even after the other person has busted their but to please them.

 

This is because the sick love originally ensued out of the person's need to change someone, help save someone, etc. Once the doctor has operated successfully, he is off and away!!!