Uwaae Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Something personally bad could have went wrong that he doesnt want to share with you. Call him Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Eh, he knew he'd already invited you to dinner. He completely bailed by not at least texting or - gasp!- calling. Is his sore throat so horrible that his fingers don't work well enough to push buttons on his phone? I think not. What would've happened if you hadn't texted him? You could've been waiting days to find out where he'd disappeared to. Bottom line is that you were not in his mind. Sure, we all get sick, but it speaks volume about his character to not even contact you and cancel. I don't buy it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
experiencethedevine Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 C, you have contacted him now, leave the rest to him. If he is worth his salt, then he will be in touch again with apologies when he is feeling better. If he does not contact you within the next week, put it down to experience and you will be a little wiser from it. Men are not so good at the communication thing as women. We have a camaraderie that they often find unfathomable! Let him woo you if he will...................................... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Well that does show a lack of sensitivity. A sore throat doesnt end the ability to use you fingers to at least tell you. Why do people play these types of games? I dont do that because I like to treat people like they are important and valued and I can't wrap my head around those that do things like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 C, you have contacted him now, leave the rest to him. If he is worth his salt, then he will be in touch again with apologies when he is feeling better. If he does not contact you within the next week, put it down to experience and you will be a little wiser from it. Men are not so good at the communication thing as women. We have a camaraderie that they often find unfathomable! Let him woo you if he will...................................... This is what I away thinking... Leave it be now and see if he contacts you and if he does and you decide to continue seeing him I would watch for more signs of flakiness I know that sucks...and I totally understand how that would be a trigger...remember you are worthy of being a priority..not an option!! ( thanks @violet1 ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Oh goodness me. How many dates? How much time? How much analysing can you do? He sounds nice. His friends came from out of town and then he was unwell. How on earth does that reflect on you? Please don't try to understand it all... you have a chance at a normal relationship. Don't bring your affair baggage into it. Wish it was me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Sorry things are tough for you right now. Like WWIU said, you are not over your xMM yet, so this may be too soon. An incident like this will definitely turn into a massive trigger in your case. Maybe give yourself some more time to heal? Before dating I mean? Regarding the guy, it sounds like he involved you in his life pretty quickly - it seems - and it probably scared him and he pulled back. I wouldn't call or text him if I were you. Let him have space and if he is still interested he will get in touch with you. The question is, will you still be interested enough to care? As long as you understand that you are hyper-sensitive due to being in the affair then you can pull back and manage your reactions to situations like this. Good luck and (((hugs))). I know it's hard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 So sorry. That wasn't a considerate thing he did. But some guys "close off" when sick and want to be left alone. Women too. Here is what I'd do. Now that you've communicated, I'd do nothing. Write him a pass bc he's sick. If it should happen again, tell him you don't like this sort of treatment and expect some consideration, and talk about it. Happens again? I would walk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I had surgery recently. After surgery, when I came to and was able to speak, be alert and eat, I sent a mass text to those that I knew needed to know how I was doing. It doesn't take much of anything to send a text. He made plans then disregarded you, disrespected your time because he had a sore throat. God forbid if he gets the full blown flu. Don't reach out anymore. This one is smelling fishy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I would say, if he is an overall good guy (you said he introduced you to his son, sounds like he sees you seriously) let this pass for one time. Do not contact him again and see how he reacts. If he doesn't call or text in like 2 days, it means he wants to be left alone. Just don't delete him yet, give him 2 days to see what he will do, just for the sake of it. But if he calls and you see him again, tell him you didn't like that he didn't even notify you for the change of plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinnimon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 In case I haven't told you guys, I think your all awesome!!! Thank you for being here.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 See, I feel like that's a total sign of disrespect. I'm fairly sure I will NEVER put up with that again if I have another relationship after this A. Hell, I don't put up with it now. LOL Not without a GREAT excuse. (I.e even when he's been in the hospital with an emergency 2 different times, he has texted me every day.) Unless you are on your death bed or your arms don't work, you can find 5 seconds to text "I'm sick in bed, will contact when I'm better." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I don't know that is pretty bad excuse for not notifying when you had concrete plans. But, in reality, you probably should have texted him when you were waiting around and asked - are we on tonight or what time are we getting together. In case he fell asleep or something. Still poor excuse. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinnimon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 You see, I'm afraid that I'm going to get myself into a bad situation by overlooking the " red flags". But I'm also afraid that because of my experience with my A and mm, I might be looking for "red flags". Is this a red flag? Or is it a checkered flag ? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ZMM Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 You see, I'm afraid that I'm going to get myself into a bad situation by overlooking the " red flags". But I'm also afraid that because of my experience with my A and mm, I might be looking for "red flags". Is this a red flag? Or is it a checkered flag ? Yes, I guess I would consider that somewhat of a RED FLAG. That is definitely something I would never do. If I were you, I would be upfront and say, what was up the other night? I thought we had plans and I was waiting around for you to call me. I understand you weren't feeling well, but how come you didn't let me know? Then, by his answer you might be able to judge it better. I mean, that is pretty damn inconsiderate. If he says, well I was feeling so bad and I laid down and fell asleep and by the time I woke up, it was too late to call. And at that point, I was a bit leery because I knew I messed up - Then, maybe you could let it go. JMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Admittedly I am extremely paranoid now, but this kind of thing makes me think that he may be married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinnimon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Admittedly I am extremely paranoid now, but this kind of thing makes me think that he may be married. OMG Popsicle!!! Are ya trying to kill me?!?! Lol 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinnimon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Now I want to call him and say hey do you always get amnesia when your sick?!?! Guhhhhhh!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 OMG Popsicle!!! Are ya trying to kill me?!?! Lol Well after rereading your first post, you've been to his house and met his son so I doubt he is married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElectricTangerine Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Lol Cinnimon, just take it easy. I would consider that a chequered flag. Just ask him casually what was up with him not letting you know that the plans were off and that you would appreciate it if he could inform you next time. Don't freak out about it so much. Tell him what's bothering you and see how he responds. If he's worth your time, he will understand your position and apologize. It was probably just a honest mistake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 I would say, if he is an overall good guy (you said he introduced you to his son, sounds like he sees you seriously) let this pass for one time. Do not contact him again and see how he reacts. If he doesn't call or text in like 2 days, it means he wants to be left alone. Just don't delete him yet, give him 2 days to see what he will do, just for the sake of it. But if he calls and you see him again, tell him you didn't like that he didn't even notify you for the change of plans. I have to say the generalization that people with kids that introduce them to you doesn't always indicate how serious they are about you. Especially seeing that his kid isn't little, some don't see that as an issue. Dad's dating. I' dated two guys with kids and they didn't see the issue about introducing someone they were recently seeing, eventhough I had an issue with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinnimon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Okay Electric , I will chill for now, see if it was an honest mistake. But if it was a dishonest mistake I'll still be nice, maybe I'll make him some Christmas fudge with some ex lax in it Jingle bells, batman smells Sorry, I'm goofy. Just trying to keep a sense of humor Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 Maybe you should date more than one man while trying to go through the loss of the one you really loved? At least that way you could have lots of men spoiling you and wanting your attention. Nothing wrong with being spoiled right? Clay 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cinnimon Posted December 23, 2013 Author Share Posted December 23, 2013 Maybe you should date more than one man while trying to go through the loss of the one you really loved? At least that way you could have lots of men spoiling you and wanting your attention. Nothing wrong with being spoiled right? Clay Clay, I like the way you think Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 23, 2013 Share Posted December 23, 2013 So do you buy that guys reasoning for not calling you and bailing on your date? Just was curious Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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