Does the "Text your ex back" -system work?

[somedude81]

What? Haven't you learnt to leave her alone?

I'll leave her alone for a month.

 

If by chance I still want her back a month from now, then I'll give this system a shot.

 

If it doesn't work, oh well.

[legion113]

No. Not "oh well". I expect you to be naive about some things, but I expect you to recognise a scam when you see one. This is not cool. It's pathetic and manipulative and dead set ridiculous.

 

Your ex broke up with you, which means, future decisions regarding the two of you she gets to make. Dating might be confusing, but the break up roles are clearly defined. You can't "text her back". What a thoroughly stupid notion.

 

Has everything we've said about fixing your neediness been wasted?

 

 

Wow, I seriously wonder sometimes how these kind of people make it to adulthood without having self imploded along the way. It just boggles the mind...

[somedude81]

I never said I was going to spend any money.

 

Yes my ex broke up with me. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to try and get her back.

[legion113]

I never said I was going to spend any money.

 

Yes my ex broke up with me. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to try and get her back.

 

 

Yeah but could you at least try to hang onto your balls while you're doing it? Mine are shrinking just watching this play out....

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I never said I was going to spend any money.

 

Yes my ex broke up with me. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to try and get her back.

 

Yeah it kinda does lol.

 

If she wanted you back in any form, she would contact you. Anything you do after the fact will make you look foolish VERY MUCH INCLUDING THE TEXT YOUR EX CRAP that seems to creep up on these boards once or twice a month.

 

Book leaves out the part of the other party WANTING to get back with you too. You could be Brad Pitt surrounded by puppies laying on money with a 14 inch member and NONE of it would matter unless they wanted you back.

 

it's 1000 percent up to her to contact you if that was the case.

[Shefo]

This bolded part. Like I'm reading a story with my LDR. I posted a topic here too. He also called me insane and blocked me saying that I'll never accept it's finished, but it was. Then I was stupid like you, only you want to send a text out of already hundreds sent. I did that same thing with him for a week, over 20sms, missed calls all to be ignored. Then I still didn't give up. I sent him a birthday gift (it was almost a month since breakup with NC) you here want to send her a text saying HNY, similar, mine was stupider. However, I did get response from him (after me contacting and him just unblocking and lying he did skype me saying thank you) and also found out stuff that he did 2 weeks after break up (she may already moved on and did something too already that you wont like) that I shouldn't for my own good, ended up shocked and disappointed even more, but I got my closure in a way. So I'd say do what you think it's right, but don't expect anything. Even I didn't. But let me remind you, if you end up diasappointed with a reply or not, you will fall back on day 10 at least. Like I did, every memory back, all the strength I built living without him, blocking him from my mind made me miserable again for 3 new days, couldnt eat, sleep, again dreams of him, nightmare! So be careful what ur wishing for.

 

 

 

No you didnt, trust me. When you want to be kind and still reach out you so arent over the hope, not even close. That's what I thought sending the gift and I found myself feeling down when I didnt get response from him, when I had to contact him and ask him for it. So no matter how much you think you can accept it now, you're only making yourself delusional. She doesnt care. She blocked you for a reason. She ended that part of her life with you in her mind.

My ex told me that point blank when I learned what he did in that month of NC. I said how could you. He said simple, I didn't see you as my lover anymore. I saw it as we had something and it finished. That's how they think. They move on. If they reply it's only to make them not look totally bad. Like almost out of pity. Don't torture yourself more now that you got some steps ahead in your healing. Your text won't change much, because she doesnt care anymore. Grasp it and don't waste your energy.

 

I hear ya. I wont text her. F*ck it. I just think, reading ur post, that my situation is a bit different since I was always the one "on top". The whole time we were together she was the one trying desperately to make me love her and in the end she ends up being dumped. So I shattered her self esteem and really broke her heart. So I dont mind being the one chasing now. She deserves the ego boost she is getting now from me running after her. She deserves to feel like being the chased one. But ive hurt my self too much while doing it now.. thats why I decided to go NC. To start healing my self. And Im doing pretty good although its only been 12 days now. But ur right anyways. The new years message wouldnt change anything. Other than maybe take me back and give her even more of an ego boost. I think ive gave her enough already even how bad of a bf i was. Ill stick to NC and if I still feel like it.. on february ill send her a birthday wish. It'll come as a huge surprise that by then it will be like 2 months of NC and she suddenly gets a bday wish.. she will be shocked that I even remember her birthdate. I think that will have a bigger effect on her since the time gap will be longer and the bday is more personal. That is IF i still care.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I hear ya. I wont text her. F*ck it. I just think, reading ur post, that my situation is a bit different since I was always the one "on top". The whole time we were together she was the one trying desperately to make me love her and in the end she ends up being dumped. So I shattered her self esteem and really broke her heart. So I dont mind being the one chasing now. She deserves the ego boost she is getting now from me running after her. She deserves to feel like being the chased one. But ive hurt my self too much while doing it now.. thats why I decided to go NC. To start healing my self. And Im doing pretty good although its only been 12 days now. But ur right anyways. The new years message wouldnt change anything. Other than maybe take me back and give her even more of an ego boost. I think ive gave her enough already even how bad of a bf i was. Ill stick to NC and if I still feel like it.. on february ill send her a birthday wish. It'll come as a huge surprise that by then it will be like 2 months of NC and she suddenly gets a bday wish.. she will be shocked that I even remember her birthdate. I think that will have a bigger effect on her since the time gap will be longer and the bday is more personal. That is IF i still care.

 

I'm sorry dude. That bolded part up there: WHAT?!?!?!

 

Are you kidding me with this?? She DESERVES to be chased?!? What kind of thinking is that??

 

So, she wants to be loved by you, feelings change and YOU break up with her, so now its her "reward" by you chasing her?

 

Holy s*** on a stick Batman DONT DO THAT!!!

 

What she deserves is to be left alone...which is what she wanted. Quit trying to psychoanalyze her and what she is thinking. Honestly, you have NO idea what she is thinking. You could imagine that "she would be shocked that I even remembered her birthday" OR think you are weird for sending that, mad because she doesnt want to hear from you, annoyed because you arent going out anymore so she doesnt need a wish from you, etc etc etc.

 

You already created a thread about being whiny, clingy, and whatever else by doing the exact same things you are planning on doing.

Edited December 24, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[RDawg]

Ag shame man don't be so hard on ol' Shefo and the other dude. Let them harass their exes a bit if they want to.

 

We can't all be no contact heroes..

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Ag shame man don't be so hard on ol' Shefo and the other dude. Let them harass their exes a bit if they want to.

 

We can't all be no contact heroes..

 

This is an open thread. Shefo came on here asking for advice, he got it. We were never mean nor anywhere near hard on either of the two.

 

No one EVER said they were "no contact heroes" or whatever. Just letting him know our opinions of his thought process.

[RDawg]

Sorry Confused.. a momentary lapse of reason on my part.

 

Shefo: go full metal jacket no contact, delete her on social media, focus on yourself and move on. Do 50 push ups every time you think of her!

[Shefo]

I'm sorry dude. That bolded part up there: WHAT?!?!?!

 

Are you kidding me with this?? She DESERVES to be chased?!? What kind of thinking is that??

 

So, she wants to be loved by you, feelings change and YOU break up with her, so now its her "reward" by you chasing her?

 

Holy s*** on a stick Batman DONT DO THAT!!!

 

What she deserves is to be left alone...which is what she wanted. Quit trying to psychoanalyze her and what she is thinking. Honestly, you have NO idea what she is thinking. You could imagine that "she would be shocked that I even remembered her birthday" OR think you are weird for sending that, mad because she doesnt want to hear from you, annoyed because you arent going out anymore so she doesnt need a wish from you, etc etc etc.

 

You already created a thread about being whiny, clingy, and whatever else by doing the exact same things you are planning on doin.

 

Or what if she'll be happy to get birthday wish from a man she loved? A man who dumped her and went then so humble that start begging for forgiveness? A man who she still may have feelings for? How would I know if I dont give it a shot after 2 months of NC? Its just a happy birthday wish its being polite and showing the person who i was shi*ty to, that I still remember her birthdate and that would mean a lot to her. Cause not in a million years would she ever think that Id remember her birthdate. That lousy of a bf i was. Well, anyways.. i probably wont even do it. Cause by then I really wouldnt care anymore. Or maybe thats exactly the reason I will do it. Cause ill be so over her that id send it purly out of friendly reasons. She never hurt me in anyway, never disrespected me and never did anything bad. She sticked by my side till the end eventho she shouldve left a long time ago cause of the way I treated her. The only one who hurt me was my self, by chasing her and asking for forgiveness. But its not her fault. I totally understand why she didnt forgive me and why she didnt take me back. I wouldntve taken my self back if i were in her shoes. But I do realize now that Im not entirely cool about the break up yet. Ur right. NC is for me. Too heal me. No new years message for sure. I burried that idea. Thank you Loveshack.. u delivered once again.

[RDawg]

It's a pleasure Shefo. Good luck with no contact. I was only kidding about the push ups.

 

I guess now we'll never know if the 'text your ex back' system works...(sigh)

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Or what if she'll be happy to get birthday wish from a man she loved? A man who dumped her and went then so humble that start begging for forgiveness? A man who she still may have feelings for? How would I know if I dont give it a shot after 2 months of NC? Its just a happy birthday wish its being polite and showing the person who i was shi*ty to, that I still remember her birthdate and that would mean a lot to her. Cause not in a million years would she ever think that Id remember her birthdate. That lousy of a bf i was. Well, anyways.. i probably wont even do it. Cause by then I really wouldnt care anymore. Or maybe thats exactly the reason I will do it. Cause ill be so over her that id send it purly out of friendly reasons. She never hurt me in anyway, never disrespected me and never did anything bad. She sticked by my side till the end eventho she shouldve left a long time ago cause of the way I treated her. The only one who hurt me was my self, by chasing her and asking for forgiveness. But its not her fault. I totally understand why she didnt forgive me and why she didnt take me back. I wouldntve taken my self back if i were in her shoes. But I do realize now that Im not entirely cool about the break up yet. Ur right. NC is for me. Too heal me. No new years message for sure. I burried that idea. Thank you Loveshack.. u delivered once again.

 

She might have been happy to get a birthday message from her BF at the time, not really the man who broke up with her.

 

Look, you broke up with her. You told her you wanted another shot and she said no. IF you really love her like you SAY you do, then listen to her wishes and leave her alone. Thats what she wants now, not the exact opposite which is texting her.

 

If you really feel that way about yourself and what you did, then you will just have to realize your mistakes and move on from there. You made them and it happens. Life does that at times. All you can really do from go by her wishes and dont contact her. Yeah, it's hard. We learn lessons from this.

[rosedl]

The problem with these systems is that they are a game.

 

Some of the basic foundational advice is common sense type of stuff. Beyond that, it is a bunch of mind games and strategies.

 

If someone is truly done with the relationship, nothing is going to work to bring that person back. I have broken up with men who were never going to get me back. And, if that is the case, it is just a way to keep torturing yourself.

 

Also, I would advise any man who breaks up and then wants to chase, what are you going to do with her after you catch her. My ex broke up with me and then we reconciled and he was going to win my love and earn my trust...yada yada yada. Pulled out all the stops.

 

Six months later. He caught me, he had me...then....

 

I think I made the wrong choice.

 

Now, we are broken up again although he would say....oh, just need space. Five months of adulation and romance novel type romance then the rejection starts again.

 

I am an idiot. I agreed to go to couple's counseling with him in a month or so, but I don't think I will. He has long standing issues with women where he repeats this cycle and couple's therapy won't be enough to cure it. He would need individual therapy to address issues outside of us, and I don't believe he has either the interest or motivation to do that type of work.

 

So, I am just sitting here working every day to get stronger and stronger and not go back to him.

 

I am not going to contact him to initiate the therapy. He wanted me to call and make an appointment in a few weeks. Nope. I am not doing anything, anymore.

 

I am basically going to write him an email after the holidays to tell him that after our last conversation, I realized that the things I heard convinced me that this is not feasible and I am not going to pursue therapy with him. If he is interested in addressing his issues that make him pursue this pattern, he should do it with an individual therapist who can help him sort this stuff out. I know he won't do that...especially because he blames me for the way he behaves. And, just let him know I am done with the relationship and cut the last frayed strings. And, then, NC.

 

It is ridiculous. We have basically been broken up since the first week in November with his space game.

 

I need to start to be open to dating other guys, and stopping this stupid game.

 

How about this for a rule of thumb....no more vesting in relationships where the person is not walking towards you with their arms wide open

[deathandtaxes]

How about this for a rule of thumb....no more vesting in relationships where the person is not walking towards you with their arms wide open

 

 

Dang right! No push. No pull.

[mysteriouschic]

I was one of this people who tried these get your ex things for a while but t I didn't do it properly as I caved around day 25 when he texted me. To be honest this made me take way longer to heal as I had a mindset that I wanted him back an I kept in my mind that we were going to get back together ,my reasons for NC was to get him back I was counting the days to the day I could contact him. After I was intending to do those 30day no contact thing again , after a while I decided it wasn't worth it as moving was better an any messages, that it was just going to end up with stupid games going in circles . After I went strict NC is when I started to move on an get over the guy. You'll end up with a mindset that you will get back with her even when you convince yourself that might not happen. You don't really want any messages from the ex either it just sends you into confusion mode making you backwards with healing. It's best to move on as fast as you can it's harder the longer you take to start moving on. Just leave it they left you, you didn't leave them so just let them go...don't set a timeframe for NC and just move on , do the things you enjoy doing .

[Simon Phoenix]

Or what if she'll be happy to get birthday wish from a man she loved? A man who dumped her and went then so humble that start begging for forgiveness? A man who she still may have feelings for? How would I know if I dont give it a shot after 2 months of NC? Its just a happy birthday wish its being polite and showing the person who i was shi*ty to, that I still remember her birthdate and that would mean a lot to her. Cause not in a million years would she ever think that Id remember her birthdate. That lousy of a bf i was. Well, anyways.. i probably wont even do it. Cause by then I really wouldnt care anymore. Or maybe thats exactly the reason I will do it. Cause ill be so over her that id send it purly out of friendly reasons. She never hurt me in anyway, never disrespected me and never did anything bad. She sticked by my side till the end eventho she shouldve left a long time ago cause of the way I treated her. The only one who hurt me was my self, by chasing her and asking for forgiveness. But its not her fault. I totally understand why she didnt forgive me and why she didnt take me back. I wouldntve taken my self back if i were in her shoes. But I do realize now that Im not entirely cool about the break up yet. Ur right. NC is for me. Too heal me. No new years message for sure. I burried that idea. Thank you Loveshack.. u delivered once again.

 

No New Year's message, no birthday message, just step back and stayed stepped back. I mean, you are doing so many mental gymnastics to try to rationalize contact right now. If you did contact, be it at New Year's or on her birthday, you'd unleash the crazy. If she sent you anything back, you'd blow up her phone in excitement and make her feel uncomfortable. If she didn't, you'd either a) blow up her phone in anger or b) be so depressed that you'd be back at square one. Please, stop trying to make up fictional situations to justify you being crazy.

 

And somedude81, you promised your ex that you'd leave her alone if she gave you answers about why she left you. Please be a man of your word and keep it and don't be a needy, untrustworthy weakling.

[treezy]

No, it doesn't. I used the system. My ex totally saw through it. Asking you to go NC for just one month is already the major flaw in the book. You'll definitely need more than one month of NC to shift the focus back to yourself. I've been on NC since July now, except from this one time he texted me in September regarding some money matters where I had no choice but to respond, and am only starting to see progress.

[deathandtaxes]

Just ask yourself why you want to get back with your ex? Is it your ex you miss? Or is it just the feelings that she aroused? Was it really that happy rose **** you think you experienced?

 

 

OP, you are not doing your ex any favors if you contact her by any means if you are the one that broke up with her. The only reason you should is if you were serious about making a commitment to her. Any other message will just hurt her very deeply. DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EX.

[Shefo]

Wow. What a night. Bumped into my ex in a club. It ended up pretty bad. She's soooo bitter for all she had to put with the whole time we were together. She was so cold and mean. Yet she stayed and talked with me. I was drunk and i didnt care about anything. Told her everything, how i still love her and what hell ive been thru in the past months.. she didnt care. I tried and i tried but she didnt take anything from me. I mean I knew she was angry but jeeez man, I really did screw things up badly. We argued pretty hard and I left. Later on I saw her sitting on some guys lap. That changed everything. Everything! I couldnt believe it. I mean I just told her how much i still love her and want her back and minutes later..

 

but Im happy I saw that. Cause now I feel angry. Im so dissapointed at her. The hell with her. She saw that I saw her. That changed the whole story. F*ck the new yrs messages, f*ck the birthday wishes.. f*ck everything. What a fool ive been. This was definitely a closure. And I put her on this pedestal for the 4 months we've been broken up! She wasnt even as pretty as I remembered! Of course I feel sad but I feel more angry than sad. Even wrote her a txt after. Telling her Im happy that we met and Im happy that I saw what I saw. Cause now I can seriously move on!

 

NC forever starts now.

[radiodarcy]

Wow. What a night. Bumped into my ex in a club. It ended up pretty bad. She's soooo bitter for all she had to put with the whole time we were together. She was so cold and mean. Yet she stayed and talked with me. I was drunk and i didnt care about anything. Told her everything, how i still love her and what hell ive been thru in the past months.. she didnt care. I tried and i tried but she didnt take anything from me. I mean I knew she was angry but jeeez man, I really did screw things up badly. We argued pretty hard and I left. Later on I saw her sitting on some guys lap. That changed everything. Everything! I couldnt believe it. I mean I just told her how much i still love her and want her back and minutes later..

 

but Im happy I saw that. Cause now I feel angry. Im so dissapointed at her. The hell with her. She saw that I saw her. That changed the whole story. F*ck the new yrs messages, f*ck the birthday wishes.. f*ck everything. What a fool ive been. This was definitely a closure. And I put her on this pedestal for the 4 months we've been broken up! She wasnt even as pretty as I remembered! Of course I feel sad but I feel more angry than sad. Even wrote her a txt after. Telling her Im happy that we met and Im happy that I saw what I saw. Cause now I can seriously move on!

 

NC forever starts now.

 

well - - at least now you know. You've seen with your own eyes that she's moved on. Anger can be a powerful agent of change. So do your best to channel it into staying NC.

 

That's what I did when my ex dumped me via a really nasty email. Whenever I had the urge to reach out after that, I just reminded myself of all the mean things he said to me, got mad all over again and changed my mind.

[Shefo]

well - - at least now you know. You've seen with your own eyes that she's moved on. Anger can be a powerful agent of change. So do your best to channel it into staying NC.

 

That's what I did when my ex dumped me via a really nasty email. Whenever I had the urge to reach out after that, I just reminded myself of all the mean things he said to me, got mad all over again and changed my mind.

 

Now when I think about it, she hasnt done anything wrong. She moved on. Thats it. I cant blame her. I brought this all to my self. I cant expect her to care anymore about how I feel and what I say. We broke up months ago. Now it will just be easier for me to stick with NC knowing that she definitely has moved on.

 

Im just very very dissapointed. Ive made a complete fool out of my self. I think now will start the hardest part which is forgiving my self. I shouldntve talked to her yesterday. Just say hi and keep on walking. It was the mix of drugs and alcohol that made me act purly out of emotion, again. Begging and pleading, again. Only to see her with another man at the end. Now the true healing will begin cause now I know there is no hope. Till yesterday there was this tiny piece of hope inside my head, but now.. its game over. Im a total loser in her eyes now but I guess its just something I have to live with. Its time to man up and move on. Aint gonna be an easy road but here we go.. Im just mentally so exhausted now.

[Confused_1997]

I've been searching and searching online for real answers towards the text your ex back "system." All I've been getting are these positive reviews about how great this system is, how tiny messages push her hot buttons, etc. It actually seemed credible for a while... But basically this system won't work whatsoever if your ex has no means of reconciliation? I've been in NC for over a week now and I stumbled across this "system" and actually felt like giving it a try. Still don't know whether or not I should try it...

[treezy]

I'll admit there are indeed some truths in the book such as getting yourself back first and evaluating if the relationship is indeed worthy for you to fight for. You can try the system out of course but in any case, always be prepared to risk pushing your ex further away. All the best.

[somedude81]

I'll admit there are indeed some truths in the book such as getting yourself back first and evaluating if the relationship is indeed worthy for you to fight for. You can try the system out of course but in any case, always be prepared to risk pushing your ex further away. All the best.

I've never understood pushing your ex further away.

 

A while ago I was asking my ex some questions over text and then she actually said "The more you text me and bug me about stuff the more annoyed I get. You've got to learn how to deal with it on your own. You can't keep texting me"

 

And I'm thinking in my head, who cares if you get annoyed, you already dumped me

 

If there is no chance of getting back together, why should you care if your ex hates you?