Do I still have a second chance?

[saciku]

Another update.

So i met her back on the 2nd of this month. I gave her stuff back, we had lunch and I surprised her by getting tickets to a movie she wanted to see without telling her until it was about to start.

Overall it was a good day for both of us.

On the way home we discussed a lot about where we were at the moment and we poured our hearts out but not talking about the relationship in a sentimental or emotional way. She said she felt great after having that talk.

In the discussion she mentioned she still has feelings for me but only about 10% and that she's not gonna close any doors for me to get back into a relationship with her in the future, especially if it was fate or God's will.

 

On the next day, I went on vacation with my friends and we kept daily contact and talking like we are still a couple with a few exceptions whereas we both (mostly me) have to accept that we had broken up and cant do the things we used to do.

Because I was on vacation and the lack of phone signals the daily contact was limited and she said that she missed me.

After I got back home we kept in contact and joked around, she would sometimes send me pictures saying "good night" before going to bed.

She also said that im the sweetest guy she knows and that she would like to give me a hug the next time we meet, which would be on the 20th of this month where we planned on going on a recreational area and having a picnic.

Last night she even asked me to send her a picture of me before going to bed.

 

I still feel like I should keep going because it's going pretty well so far.

But with the mixed signals, sometimes I keep falling back to question and doubt myself.

I know i said it's going pretty well so far but i also know that she wont take me back just because we're having fun again lately. I don't know maybe that's just me being pessimistic.

And even though she said she's not going to close any doors for us in the future, as of right now, besides all the fun, I still feel like she is.

I have a feeling like she's telling herself to keep a pretty good distance between us and not to let me in.

How do you guys see it at this rate?

[erklat]

Another update.

So i met her back on the 2nd of this month. I gave her stuff back, we had lunch and I surprised her by getting tickets to a movie she wanted to see without telling her until it was about to start.

Overall it was a good day for both of us.

On the way home we discussed a lot about where we were at the moment and we poured our hearts out but not talking about the relationship in a sentimental or emotional way. She said she felt great after having that talk.

In the discussion she mentioned she still has feelings for me but only about 10% and that she's not gonna close any doors for me to get back into a relationship with her in the future, especially if it was fate or God's will.

 

On the next day, I went on vacation with my friends and we kept daily contact and talking like we are still a couple with a few exceptions whereas we both (mostly me) have to accept that we had broken up and cant do the things we used to do.

Because I was on vacation and the lack of phone signals the daily contact was limited and she said that she missed me.

After I got back home we kept in contact and joked around, she would sometimes send me pictures saying "good night" before going to bed.

She also said that im the sweetest guy she knows and that she would like to give me a hug the next time we meet, which would be on the 20th of this month where we planned on going on a recreational area and having a picnic.

Last night she even asked me to send her a picture of me before going to bed.

 

I still feel like I should keep going because it's going pretty well so far.

But with the mixed signals, sometimes I keep falling back to question and doubt myself.

I know i said it's going pretty well so far but i also know that she wont take me back just because we're having fun again lately. I don't know maybe that's just me being pessimistic.

And even though she said she's not going to close any doors for us in the future, as of right now, besides all the fun, I still feel like she is.

I have a feeling like she's telling herself to keep a pretty good distance between us and not to let me in.

How do you guys see it at this rate?

 

I have the same situation to one of my friends to whom I am a breakup buddy as well, so I'll be blunt as well as I am with him :

 

I see it as you are going to get hurt. Typical NC material from the manual book. You are getting comfortzoned until someone else sparks her up and at that point she will be off as fired from a sling. Disappear from her life, make yourself scarce, offer no explanations. You are not going to get her back making yourself available. Stick to the NC. I have hard times coping but it gets better fast, believe me. Under a month you'll be thinking like when she comes back would there be a point in taking her back and wondering would she be able to spark you up again. Believe me - you are not going anywhere with this. No self improvement = no reconciliation. Self improvement takes time.

Edited January 10, 2014 by erklat

[d0cholliday]

Yep buddy, here I am Sadly Today I visited this forum for the first time, and it opened my eyes. You can't believe how our cases are similar.... I'm in shock. So from now we are going ninja mode together.... It will suck, it will hurt, it will be testing, but we will survive (as the song says). We're men, we're tough, let's go and have some ****ing fun while we still can

 

God help us xD

[saciku]

I have the same situation to one of my friends to whom I am a breakup buddy as well, so I'll be blunt as well as I am with him :

 

I see it as you are going to get hurt. Typical NC material from the manual book. You are getting comfortzoned until someone else sparks her up and at that point she will be off as fired from a sling. Disappear from her life, make yourself scarce, offer no explanations. You are not going to get her back making yourself available. Stick to the NC. I have hard times coping but it gets better fast, believe me. Under a month you'll be thinking like when she comes back would there be a point in taking her back and wondering would she be able to spark you up again. Believe me - you are not going anywhere with this. No self improvement = no reconciliation. Self improvement takes time.

 

Yep buddy, here I am Sadly Today I visited this forum for the first time, and it opened my eyes. You can't believe how our cases are similar.... I'm in shock. So from now we are going ninja mode together.... It will suck, it will hurt, it will be testing, but we will survive (as the song says). We're men, we're tough, let's go and have some ****ing fun while we still can

 

God help us xD

 

thanks for the responses, guys.

i don't know. i really am confused.

another female friend of mine tells me i can still do it but patience is key.

i really believe so but i keep getting hurt because i cant deny that i still have some expectations.

[d0cholliday]

thanks for the responses, guys.

i don't know. i really am confused.

another female friend of mine tells me i can still do it but patience is key.

i really believe so but i keep getting hurt because i cant deny that i still have some expectations.

 

Your friend is right... You need to be patitent, patient but out of her sight.

In my situation, it's been 2 months now I did everything you did. Now it's starting to take it's toll, as she is becoming colder and colder, I guarantee you will push her away, get friendzoned. If you can't control yourself, at least try not to contact her first. Try also not to meet her up, and if you do, be a man when you are together, do all the things a man should do, be always nice with a smile, always look good, that stuff works, but it won't get her back. She can't fulfill your requirements, she is looking for comfort, to ease her guilt, she is connected to you, and you are just making her easier to move on.

Believe me I tried everything, even a NC for like 3 weeks, after 10 days she started contacting me, tell me how I am rude for not contacting her, for not answering her, she tried to lure me in a manipulative way, tried to make me jelaous etc. Do I really want that kind of relationship.... NO. You go ahead with your life, she will come around, she just needs to hope that you will consider making up with her after sometime, if circumstances are good for that option.

You did what you did, you were great as I was all the way, you are a better person, and if it is the case like mine, I bet you will drive her insane.

Yes she will go date other guys, maybe have a rebound relationship, have one night stands, who cares, she had them before you, and she'll have after you.

If you want to sit at home and mope around, that's also ok, but dont initiate anything untill you are ready. You will know that you are ready when you can picture her with another man and feel nothing. Relationship is dead, and you can try again, but it will be a new relationship cause both of you will change, and a lot will happen in both of your lives.

Since I'm seeing my ex, and I bump on her almost on a daily basis, I keep my cool, I flirt with her, acting like it is the moment when we first met. Nothing else you can do. But avoid as much as you can contacting her and meeting up with her. If you want her back that bad... Know that doing NC will speed up things, rather than this **** we are doing now, being nice and everything.

I know it is hard, but nothing else to do. So you wait for her, it is OK, but have some fun while doing that. Who knows maybe you meet someone better, which is the most common case.

Since we are in the same position, instead of contacting her write me a PM, or write in this thread, I'll help as much as I can, I'm sure we all will.

 

GO TO NINJA MODE, GO NC!!!! try not to talk about her, think about her, and believe me work on yourself, hit the gym, she lost interest in you, and you need to be in top shape all the time in every aspect of your life, and when you hit that point, not only she will want you back, but you will attract other girls to, and you will have a choice. I know that in your mind is like: ok guys have a point, but I feel I need to do this my way, I have the same problem, I even passed the point where she hurts me and I just forget it, noooo, you can't forget that, so stop hurting yourself and move on.

Feel free to ask anything, write your feelings etc, but do not contact her, or meet up with her. Not easy but the only way. Also start reading books about relationships, and about dating, improve your "inner game", start dating and having fun. We are going to get trough this. It gets better. It's been 12 hours of my NC, and many more to come.

 

Good luck!