Am i paranoid

[biddyb0p]

Ok so long story short, my SO had a female friend that he had a crush on and would talk to all the time...

 

Over the course of our relationship/marriage i will admit that curiosity got the best of me and i have snooped through his phone...I KNOW its wrong But lets face it.. when that slamming pain in your gut tells you something, you go with it. Now what seemed as harmless conversation about tv shows, guy drama (on her end) it seemed pretty innocent.. Until around the time i started seeing my SO... Saying things like shes pretty, basically anything to boost her ego... Then came that smack in the mouth comment (from his end) ...he said and i quote "If it wasnt for you i wouldnt be able to have feelings for her, youve shown me that there is hope" ............... SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

 

So now adding insult to injury about him complimenting her in ways no man should compliment ANY woman while being in a relationship.. Now i learned that SO only has feelings for me because another woman opened his eyes?? Talk about a slap in the mouth! OUCH* Also through out massive texts between them both she was asking him for relationship advice and tells him how she feels down on herself a lot and has bad luck with men... He reassures her that she is BEAUTIFUL and AWESOME and that she needs a HARRY in her life.. (Harry is not my husbands name just changed it for the post). And shes all like awww heehee... Now lets be realistic here im faaaar from a prude, I understand men will be men.. men WILL find women attractive blah blah... What hurts is that he didnt keep his little crush in his mind.. and saying things outloud DIRECTLY to the woman hes crushing on makes it seem like hes trying to accomplish something..(or am i paranoid?)

 

 

 

My anger is more towards him... but also to her.. i cannot wrap my head around a woman who would accept such compliments from a man who is engaged and having a baby...

 

when i found all of this i brought it to his attention he said he meant nothing by it and that its just friends being friends ...and i said well now id appreciate you telling her you guys cant be friends because that type of talk from both of you is not something i was going to accept ... we wound up arguing because he said no and then said *i shouldve been with her instead of you* ......... he immediately apologized and said he just said it to shut me up... ***********Another stabbing my pain to my gut*** he said he would stop talking to her and that she text him here and there and he wouldnt respond to it...

 

 

 

Now this I just found out about a week ago but happned a little over a month ago my husband is the type of person who wont tell me things unless i ask him about it:

 

Recently he made an IG account and she found him and started follwing him. he blocked her and said Listen i cant be friends with you my wife thinks i have feelings for you ..and its hurting us... she replied with *i think shes overreacting* ... thats all he remembers from the conversation because he deleted those specific texts from his phone and i saw it on the bill ... a total of 26 messages ...15 of them being from her and thats all he remembers?*******YEA OKKKKK**** So i said did you explain why I dont want you guys to be friends? Did you tell her oh hey maybe my wife isnt overreacting because i said things to you i shouldnt have... or in the middle of an argument i said i shouldve been with you instead of my wife??? He basically made me look like i was the crazy wife because he couldnt own up to being the bad guy!!! so i said listen text her clear it up because i refuse to look like a villan at your expense... HE REFUSED and has BEEN REFUSINGand said that i shouldnt care about what she thinks because i dont think much of her myself.

 

Ladies Am i crazy?! Its no doubt that i dont like this woman and i never met her before... But why should i have to look bad... This man has never outright said I'm sorry youre right.. Im going to fix it... Even if he doesn't text her and correct it... Why not apologize??

[d0nnivain]

I'm not sure I follow.

 

 

I think I understood you to be saying that he learned to love -- and loves you -- because she taught him about relationships. That sounds like a strong thing in favor of his fidelity to you.

 

 

Does your husband compliment you? If so, downshift about his compliments to her. If he doesn't tell you that you are beautiful, then there is something to get upset about him saying it to her.

 

 

He's also been straight with her -- that you are his wife and his priority. I don't think you can ask more of him. Her following him around is not his fault.

 

 

His comment that he should have been with her was unfortunate, but I also understood your post to mean that he said it in the heat of the moment & has since told you he only did so out of anger.

 

 

While your gut had an initial reason to be suspicious, at this point, you need to hang on to the fact that your husband married you & is doing everything in his power to disentangle him from his interactions with her.

 

 

A bunch of people are going to tell you he had an emotional affair with her. That may be true, but I think he was trying for a friendship & he has been backing off once you got upset. That tells me he's picking you, so pick him back & work toward strengthening your relationship through communication. I see this bump in the road as a way to strengthen your trust not end your marriage.