Girlfriend of 5 years cheated

[realfriends]

Hi all,

I posted this on a different forum and realized this is the appropriate one so here it goes.

 

 

To give a bit of background, me and my ex found each other in junior year of high school. We were both each others first real serious relationship and just seemed to click so well. Even back then, we had the same morals, same goals in life, and just generally were a great match. My family ended up being hers and hers was mine as well. We ended up going to the same college together which was great. We never lived together but always got to see each other. As the years went on, and classes got more challenging and time consuming (chem major/math minor), I had less time than normal to see her and she was highly involved with the school and had less time to see me. We always spent fridays together as that was the one day we always could give to each other and we would always go out on a date. If we saw each other more during the week, it was always a blessing but we both understood the time constraints because we each saw the bigger picture in life. Im now a senior and planning on grad school which is another 6 year commitment. She is also planning on grad school however hers is only 2 years. I told he its best to do whats best for each other and go to what school is best for the individual. I knew how hard it would be and how nice it would be to go to the same grad school and live in the same house as her but I figured this was the best thing to do. Anyways, a few months later, I found out that she cheated on me. Although the cheating could be much worse than it was, I was absolutely devistated. It was someone she worked with and just killed me. No one would ever of saw this coming from her because she was such a sweet girl. Anyways, the reason she did it from what she told me is that she was feeling distant from me and doesnt know if I am the one. After 5 years, she doesnt know. Although I expect GIGS, im unsure. Anyways, I didnt handle the breakup as well as I would of liked to. Dropped 10 pounds in 2 days. Just mentally devastated. Had a hard time focusing on school work and a job and research. Just completely felt like I was knocked to my knees and couldnt get back up. I slightly begged for the first couple of days saying I know we can fix this and that things could be better. Eventually after about 2 weeks of very minimal contact, I am now in NC to heal. 30 days of NC was yesterday! and have not heard a single word from her. I have blocked all social media due to the fact that whenever I checked it, it always just hurt me so much. Now she is a very intelligent girl but I wonder why she hasnt talked to me at all. You think shes just over it like that. I mean, she obviously decided it was over when she cheated but to not contact me after this, I feel like there must be a purpose for her action. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe shes doing it to help each other heal but I have a hard time believing that.

Anyways christmas is coming up and she's spent the last few years with my family so I expect some breadcrumbs from her just as I received during Thanksgiving but dont plan on replying. Although I am feeling much better, I still wonder if shell ever talk to me again or if 5 years is just gone like that in a blink of an eye. Im scared that if she ever comes back, I wont be able to take her back because of how I feel she has handled this situation along with the affair.

The few things that she handeled wrong after the affair was pretty much telling me she didnt know if I was the one and keeping contact with the other guy even though I told her how f***** up it was and how if she was in my shoes, it would never be right and although she agreed, she still talks to him and tells me hes just a friend. Mhm. Okay.

I know I cant break NC and theres literally NO REASON for me to but I get urges every now a then and am still finding it hard to believe. I come here for support from others who have experienced this and have lived to see the light at the end of the tunnel or those who are going through something similar.

 

Thank you all

[Space Ritual]

Hi all,

I posted this on a different forum and realized this is the appropriate one so here it goes.

 

 

To give a bit of background, me and my ex found each other in junior year of high school. We were both each others first real serious relationship and just seemed to click so well. Even back then, we had the same morals, same goals in life, and just generally were a great match. My family ended up being hers and hers was mine as well. We ended up going to the same college together which was great. We never lived together but always got to see each other. As the years went on, and classes got more challenging and time consuming (chem major/math minor), I had less time than normal to see her and she was highly involved with the school and had less time to see me. We always spent fridays together as that was the one day we always could give to each other and we would always go out on a date. If we saw each other more during the week, it was always a blessing but we both understood the time constraints because we each saw the bigger picture in life. Im now a senior and planning on grad school which is another 6 year commitment. She is also planning on grad school however hers is only 2 years. I told he its best to do whats best for each other and go to what school is best for the individual. I knew how hard it would be and how nice it would be to go to the same grad school and live in the same house as her but I figured this was the best thing to do. Anyways, a few months later, I found out that she cheated on me. Although the cheating could be much worse than it was, I was absolutely devistated. It was someone she worked with and just killed me. No one would ever of saw this coming from her because she was such a sweet girl. Anyways, the reason she did it from what she told me is that she was feeling distant from me and doesnt know if I am the one. After 5 years, she doesnt know. Although I expect GIGS, im unsure. Anyways, I didnt handle the breakup as well as I would of liked to. Dropped 10 pounds in 2 days. Just mentally devastated. Had a hard time focusing on school work and a job and research. Just completely felt like I was knocked to my knees and couldnt get back up. I slightly begged for the first couple of days saying I know we can fix this and that things could be better. Eventually after about 2 weeks of very minimal contact, I am now in NC to heal. 30 days of NC was yesterday! and have not heard a single word from her. I have blocked all social media due to the fact that whenever I checked it, it always just hurt me so much. Now she is a very intelligent girl but I wonder why she hasnt talked to me at all. You think shes just over it like that. I mean, she obviously decided it was over when she cheated but to not contact me after this, I feel like there must be a purpose for her action. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe shes doing it to help each other heal but I have a hard time believing that.

Anyways christmas is coming up and she's spent the last few years with my family so I expect some breadcrumbs from her just as I received during Thanksgiving but dont plan on replying. Although I am feeling much better, I still wonder if shell ever talk to me again or if 5 years is just gone like that in a blink of an eye. Im scared that if she ever comes back, I wont be able to take her back because of how I feel she has handled this situation along with the affair.

The few things that she handeled wrong after the affair was pretty much telling me she didnt know if I was the one and keeping contact with the other guy even though I told her how f***** up it was and how if she was in my shoes, it would never be right and although she agreed, she still talks to him and tells me hes just a friend. Mhm. Okay.

I know I cant break NC and theres literally NO REASON for me to but I get urges every now a then and am still finding it hard to believe. I come here for support from others who have experienced this and have lived to see the light at the end of the tunnel or those who are going through something similar.

 

Thank you all

 

Sorry this happened to you but if I were you I would continue no contact with her. That way there will be no new things you may discover that will get you upset during the Holidays. She has shown you who she is especially with her justification for cheating so do yourself a favor and concentrate on your studies. You are doing a great job if you have already been NC a month.

 

She is doing you a favor by being NC with you....you may not see that right now but I assure you that you are farther on your path to healing than many people who arrive here are simply by remaining NO CONTACT!.

 

Good Luck...don't cave on Xmas or New Years....

[CrJsc88]

Went exactly what your going through. Was with a girl for 5 years and she cheated. Wanted to get back with her but she said she loved me but wasn't in love. It's not going to be easy man, but hang in there. DO NOT contact her, i guaranteed she will contact you in like 3-5 months. My ex wanted to make it work after 4 months. I was an idiot, I let her back in. I noticed she changed. I didn't like the person she became, she dranked way tooo much now after our break up. She F#ed up the first time, don't let her do it again.

 

She made a choice and she has to live with it. I know it sucks during the holidays. I'm going through it but the way I think about it is I need to focus on myself and let everyone do what they want. Go out occasionally and have fun. Don't dwell on something like this, you did nothing wrong. She disrespected you and broke your trust and at the end she made you look like a fool. Move on and take it day by day.

[drifter777]

Stay strong no matter what happens. The 30 days you have under your belt are very valuable as the more time you put between the last time you saw her and today the easier it gets.

 

Most romances that begin in high-school don't last. The two of you bonded during a time when you were both very vulnerable and it makes the intensity of your love seem a lot stronger than it actually is. This will pass as long as you continue NC.

[realfriends]

I hope you are right that she will eventually call and want to talk to me. I just find it hard to believe still that something we both worked so hard on is gone so quickly and the fact that I may never talk to her again.

[CrJsc88]

Believe me, I felt the same way. I couldn't believe that I had to let her go and not talk to her after 5 years. Time is your only friend right now, keep busy and try to get your mind off it. first month was really hard but after that first month you get better. If you have urges to contact her, I suggest you talk to someone or post here. Just don't look desperate, I looked like an idiot trying to make it work. She lost something good and it's her lost.

[realfriends]

I thought I was getting along pretty well in the recovery process but anytime I randomly see someone post anything on social media, my heart drops and all the butterflies come back. I instantly just block the person (unfortunate) so that it'll never happen again.

 

Thats what I find weird about this whole process. Its almost like you are taking 5 years and just sweeping everything underneath the carpet. Pretending it never existed. Its hard.

[road]

It sucks to be you.

 

 

Good news is you will heal then you will meet someone better.

 

 

So be glad she cheated now then years later after you had kids, bought a house and whole bunch more things that would make cheating and divorce a mess.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I am sorry that this has happened, but that is part of life. As Lord Tennyson said:

 

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

 

Concentrate the remainder of the school year on your studies and get into the best grad program that you can. That is really what will bring you the most reward in the future. I can not promise you, but I bet that you will find someone there that just might be a keeper for life. Hope that you have a very Merry Christmas and joyous New Year.

[crederer]

Well I was in your situation. Same amount of time. I tried giving her a second chance but that drove me nuts. It's best to just move on. You can't accept a person in your life that willingly hurt you so bad.

[realfriends]

Well I was in your situation. Same amount of time. I tried giving her a second chance but that drove me nuts. It's best to just move on. You can't accept a person in your life that willingly hurt you so bad.

 

After how long did you get back together. And what was her reasons for cheating, and how did you deal with fixing the problems?