Author Ap22 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 Well apparently my wife has been trying to email them the past couple of days. I checked her email, since thats really the only way she can communicate with anyone right now, and from what she said I gather they had no clue what was going on. She just told them she cant really go in to what happened and she cant hang out with them like she used to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nabelp Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 My wifes best friend had no clue. She found after after my wife told her the day after D day. Her best friend called me up telling me how terrible she felt. On the other hand, there were numerous people that knew. I know of 4 that I would call friends of my wife and not one of them told me something so important as an affair. It was like they were all laughing behind my back. I felt embarrassed and worthless to them. Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Well apparently my wife has been trying to email them the past couple of days. I checked her email, since thats really the only way she can communicate with anyone right now, and from what she said I gather they had no clue what was going on. She just told them she cant really go in to what happened and she cant hang out with them like she used to. Is she on lockdown? Sometimes it's necessary for the WS to talk to friends, as long as they won't egg her on. One of the most helpful things for me after DDay, for getting my mind in order, was talking with one of my friends about it. On DDay, I was still in a very unrepentant mode. I went out with this friend and she just listened and asked questions. Having to explain myself to her helped me understand where I had gotten stuck in my own logical loops. Like I said, I think if I had talked about the A while it was happening, I might have come to my senses. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I told my best friend when I was knee deep in the affair. She listened and gave good advice like, "people know, don't be stupid." but shortly thereafter dropped me as a friend. I can only assume she couldn't be friends with me if my husband didn't know (and the fact that I was effing immoral!) and I don't blame her. I did end up telling my husband the truth. I wish I could tell her I finally started making the right decisions but I'm sure she doesn't want to hear from me. I also suspect she's a BS from long ago but didn't tell me. I miss her. There are so many consequences to affairs... My husband had a guys night out when he met the OW and one of these guys doesn't think they did anything wrong - of course he doesn't know the entire story. I cannot stand to be around him. Don't think they're friends anymore but he is a client of my husband's. Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I told my best friend when I was knee deep in the affair. She listened and gave good advice like, "people know, don't be stupid." but shortly thereafter dropped me as a friend. I can only assume she couldn't be friends with me if my husband didn't know (and the fact that I was effing immoral!) and I don't blame her. I did end up telling my husband the truth. I wish I could tell her I finally started making the right decisions but I'm sure she doesn't want to hear from me. I also suspect she's a BS from long ago but didn't tell me. I miss her. There are so many consequences to affairs... My husband had a guys night out when he met the OW and one of these guys doesn't think they did anything wrong - of course he doesn't know the entire story. I cannot stand to be around him. Don't think they're friends anymore but he is a client of my husband's. You should let her know and give her the chance to decide whether to be friends with you. It might've been too much for her to watch you cheat, but she may be willing to help you pick up the pieces (I'm not familiar with your story - are you in R?) Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 (edited) I told my best friend when I was knee deep in the affair. She listened and gave good advice like, "people know, don't be stupid." but shortly thereafter dropped me as a friend. I can only assume she couldn't be friends with me if my husband didn't know (and the fact that I was effing immoral!) and I don't blame her. I did end up telling my husband the truth. I wish I could tell her I finally started making the right decisions but I'm sure she doesn't want to hear from me. I also suspect she's a BS from long ago but didn't tell me. I miss her. There are so many consequences to affairs... My husband had a guys night out when he met the OW and one of these guys doesn't think they did anything wrong - of course he doesn't know the entire story. I cannot stand to be around him. Don't think they're friends anymore but he is a client of my husband's. Katie that is heartbreaking. I was so surprised at the people who remained my friend after dday and those that didn't. It was unexpected. The ones I thought would stand by me and love me didn't and those I thought would run stayed. It is always a surprise. Some people just can't handle it. I remember prior to my affair I was a very black and white person. I abhorred affairs and was so pompous and arrogant thinking I could never be a part of that. So I WAS that person - I cut off people who were in affairs - friends - I refused to do business with those I knew were in affairs. Well, life had a way of teaching lessons. Fast forward and here I was in my own - experiencing my own dday - having lifelong friends turn their backs. And really what I needed afterward ( what my husband and I both needed) was someone to just listen and love me and help me through it all. The church really turned on us - even my husband - in favor of xmom and his wife - we were thrown to the curb really - I believe in so many ways this is why my husband eventually had his own affair because there was no one that surrounded him and helped him through his grief - so sad. One of my friends was so angry she didn't hardly speak to me for two months and then finally after a long two hour conversation she saw it - she saw the grief, the hurt, the sorrow - and she has always since then loved me through it / she has been my rock - she has been firm with me when she needed to be - but always loving and never judging. (It doesn't hurt that she can't stand xmom and thinks he is a f$$kwad). I will always be forever grateful to her and so will my husband. Anyway - you just never know. You might be right - your friend might have been a BS at one time and sometimes that is so hard - helping you through it might have been too much for her. I hope their were others that appeared to help you through it. Edited December 26, 2013 by lilmisscantbewrong 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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