Wife Cheated on me with friends 16 years ago

[Iguanna]

We all did some sexual stuff but it was with someone (-one being the key word ) we knew and loved at least back then. The fact that your answer was that nobody would marry such a woman says it all. Why would nobody marry her? Cause what she did is disgusting if you see it in the whole. What she did for me was even worse than being a prostitute; at least prostitutes do these things cause they are in need of money for various reasons. This woman had no excuse to do these disgusting things, and while being in a relationship with her bf's friends! I'm just disgusted.

[Fluttershy]

We all did some sexual stuff but it was with someone (-one being the key word ) we knew and loved at least back then. The fact that your answer was that nobody would marry such a woman says it all. Why would nobody marry her? Cause what she did is disgusting if you see it in the whole. What she did for me was even worse than being a prostitute; at least prostitutes do these things cause they are in need of money for various reasons. This woman had no excuse to do these disgusting things, and while being in a relationship with her bf's friends! I'm just disgusted.

 

The problem isn't him being angry... It is him holding her to a hugher standard than himself.

[lollipopspot]

I want to leave her and treat her like a piece of meat...

 

Should I keep this girl or should I treat her like a whore and pass her around then kick her to the curb?

 

Right now I feel like treating her like **it. I feel like running a train on her with other guys and treat her like trash.

 

 

F'ing whore.

 

I want to expose her so bad but I dont want to shame my family. My brothers, sisters, relatives all love her. I want to expose her on facebook and ruin her life. I want to show the world the ho she is.

 

This is the kind of thing I used to do to other girls but never would I thought it would be done to my girl. I plan on kicking this bitch to the curb. I love my boys but I cant do it.

 

I want her to feel worthless. I want her to feel like dirt. I want her to feel like a low life whore guys just use and abuse. Then I can be satisfied within my heart, that would be ultimate revenge.

 

I want to show her family that she is a slut and trash, show her current friends she is a whore and has been trained.

 

Wow, you certainly have a dichotomy between what is acceptable for you and other men and what is acceptable for women (I'm sure you love porn too where you get off on watching "whores" whom you dehumanize and think aren't good enough for you). Guess what? If you're participating in any of it, it doesn't matter what role you take, you are in it. You are just as good or bad as every single person in it. YOU DID THIS TO OTHER WOMEN. They aren't good enough for you? Well then you're not good enough for any woman who never had this done to her either.

 

That's really hypocritical. I don't feel sorry for you at all. I think she should leave YOU.

 

I'm also shocked that you have a master's degree, given the level of insight and processing here.

 

I don't understand how a man that stands in line to do a girl can call her a hoe when he's acting like a hoe himself. What puts a man above her, he's doing it too?

 

Does your wife know you used to do that?

 

I don't like the double standard that it's ok for the man but the woman is a hoe. Sounds to me like you both made the same mistake in your youth.

 

Why does your wife have to live to a higher standard than you?

 

Exactly.

 

I will answer with a question: how many men do you think would marry this woman if they knew what she did?

 

HE DID THE SAME THING TO OTHER WOMEN! Who is he to talk about this being too disgusting, when he did it himself. If he has done it to other women, he ought to accept being with women it has been done to, or he's just a hypocrite.

 

It's like guys who look at pornography and yet find the women in it "beneath" them. Well, they created this underclass of women, to reject them as being beneath them is very bad character.

Edited December 24, 2013 by lollipopspot

[peruano99]

I feel like this is just a troll thread.

[thummper]

Does kind of make you wonder.

[Oldspiceywolf]

We all did some sexual stuff but it was with someone (-one being the key word ) we knew and loved at least back then. The fact that your answer was that nobody would marry such a woman says it all. Why would nobody marry her? Cause what she did is disgusting if you see it in the whole. What she did for me was even worse than being a prostitute; at least prostitutes do these things cause they are in need of money for various reasons. This woman had no excuse to do these disgusting things, and while being in a relationship with her bf's friends! I'm just disgusted.

 

I don't think it's that serious. In my experience this behavior is normal for a small percentage of 16-17 year old girls. I discussed this situation with my wife and she agreed with me in believing that this situation has nothing to do with the current relationship, she's within the bell curve of normal and the situation under which it occurred doesn't justify his outrage. I also think OP is into this thing as a fetish.

 

Also, I could marry a woman who has been gang banged under the right circumstance(7-10 years in the past and not a fetish or desire). I don't think I have what it takes to be married to an ex porn star or stripper but if I did I would have no problem with it.

Edited December 25, 2013 by Oldspiceywolf

[theothersully]

You weren't married at the time. You were teenagers.

 

Is this the woman you love or not?

 

F*ck those other guys. What do they have to do with your life now?

 

This was a looooong time ago, bro.

[bubbaganoosh]

I will answer with a question: how many men do you think would marry this woman if they knew what she did?

 

 

How many women would marry a guy whose been in trouble with the law and was in jail?

 

I'm a man who has two daughters and gotta tell you, I would not be a happy Dad knowing that my daughter picked a guy who did jail time and would encourage her to find another guy.

 

Now to be fair, the guy paid for his wrong doings and after getting back on track, he made something out of himself and has every right to be proud of himself but he carries a record with him.

 

She on the other hand has a sexual past that a lot of people would consider over the top for what she did, but she's been with her husband for 16 years and hasn't strayed and has been a good wife and mother.

 

Both made mistakes and it was a long time ago. In all good faith he can't point a finger at her without her pointing one back. It's a draw.

[strongnrelaxed]

Let's get some things straight here:

 

1. If you were to admit to this community that YOU had been the one to have sex multiple times while she was away and trusting you, there would be a ****estorm of attacks on you for being a pig.

 

2. No matter how far in the past this goes, it will be in her mind for the rest of her life. It does not sound like rape to me the way you describe it. So the most likely outcome is it is a sexual fantasy - that time she got buck wild while you were in lockup. You have to face this reality as harsh as it may be.

 

3. Stop calling these asshats your "friends" My friends would never bang my girl - and they certainly would never pull a train on her. They are your enemies and you should treat them as such.

 

4. You are now a slave. You signed that marriage contract. This is a very common pattern - once you woman realizes that she has nearly 100% of the power in the relationship and is backed up by lawyers, police, and judges and virtually all of our society, she can admit anything to you and there is not a damned thing you can do about it.

 

If you leave her, you will look like a whiney loser who can't man up and handle his responsibilities. If you let her get away with it, she will figure out that she can do things like this again.

 

I am sorry brother. This is a harsh thing to learn. But many men here have experienced this. Pay attention to the women's responses here. Pay very close attention to how they excuse her acts as "innocent youthful indiscretions" etc. This is our culture and you are bearing the brunt of it.

 

Good luck.

[lollipopspot]

How many women would marry a guy whose been in trouble with the law and was in jail?

 

I'm a man who has two daughters and gotta tell you, I would not be a happy Dad knowing that my daughter picked a guy who did jail time and would encourage her to find another guy.

 

Now to be fair, the guy paid for his wrong doings and after getting back on track, he made something out of himself and has every right to be proud of himself but he carries a record with him.

 

She on the other hand has a sexual past that a lot of people would consider over the top for what she did, but she's been with her husband for 16 years and hasn't strayed and has been a good wife and mother.

 

Both made mistakes and it was a long time ago. In all good faith he can't point a finger at her without her pointing one back. It's a draw.

 

Don't forget that HE did the same thing to other women with his friends, and is even considering doing it to his wife now, as revenge. He doesn't have a problem with the act, when he does it. He just doesn't want his woman to do it. So he has BOTH the questionable sexual past AND the jail record.

[Cinnimon]

I'm sorry but the way he talks he sounds like a thug. I can't believe the way he is talking and the things he is saying he wants to do AND i'd be willing to bet she is afraid of him, heck I'm afraid of him and I'm behind a computer screen. I hope he does leave her for her own good.

[peruano99]

Don't you just love people who are flawed, yet want to point a judgmental finger at others?

 

I was friends with a woman who stopped talking to me because I cheated on my then boyfriend. However, she had an attached man send her a plane ticket in order to go screw him for a week.

 

Black pot meet kettle!

 

Funny how the OP never posted again. I think this was just a made up story.

[peruano99]

I don't think it's that serious. In my experience this behavior is normal for a small percentage of 16-17 year old girls. I discussed this situation with my wife and she agreed with me in believing that this situation has nothing to do with the current relationship, she's within the bell curve of normal and the situation under which it occurred doesn't justify his outrage. I also think OP is into this thing as a fetish.

 

Also, I could marry a woman who has been gang banged under the right circumstance(7-10 years in the past and not a fetish or desire). I don't think I have what it takes to be married to an ex porn star or stripper but if I did I would have no problem with it.

 

She could have gotten a gang bang, but she did it while in a relationship with OP.

[Iguanna]

Pay attention to the women's responses here. Pay very close attention to how they excuse her acts as "innocent youthful indiscretions" etc. This is our culture and you are bearing the brunt of it.

 

I'm a woman and I'm disgusted with her behavior, not only what she did sexually but the fact that she had a bf at the moment and she chose to do these disgusting things with his friends AND keep it a secret for years AND let her husband be friends with these horrible guys and them probably laughing behind his back. It's not ONLY a sexual thing that may or may not be common in these ages nowadays. Lets not forget this happened 16 years ago and it should not be dealt with today's standards.

 

I get what you are saying, he has double standards cause he did this to other girls as well but he doesn't like his wife to do the same thing. I can't blame him. I agree with the fact that women in society can't have the same standards and can't be dealt the same for the same actions as men. Women and men are equal but not the same. The standards are different. I'm sorry to say but I won't act the same to my son and to my daughter (if I have kids one day). How is it possible anyway? The woman having sex takes the risk to get pregnant, while the biggest risk a guy gets is to get STDs. When a couple gets married, the society expects from the man to work and provide for his family, while if the woman doesn't work, it will be ok. If they get a divorce, the woman will take the kids cause law says kids need their mother. There are so many differences between males and females that we accept. How can we be so hypocritical and demand same sexual standards?

 

If I learnt that a man who is happily married had done this in his youth, I'd be disgusted as well. But to learn this about a woman... I just can't take it.

[down2earth]

New Update-

 

Haven't been able to eat well as of yesterday. I tried to speak to my wife about it again but she gets very frustrated and upset whenever I bring up the subject and doesn't want to talk about it. She told me she made up the stories during sex cause she felt it turned me on. I find this hard to believe, she constantly brings this up during sex and her story is consistent and very detailed. I find it hard to make up such a story.

 

I asked her if she is OK and willing to take a lie detector test to prove her innocence, she told me she felt very insulted that I would even go that far. She got upset and left the house for her moms. She then said she would agree to take a lie detector test but and after the test it's over between me and her. Are these signs of guilt?

 

I'll admit , it turns me on during sex thinking about about other guys being with my wife past and present but thats for fun and pleasure only, fantasy but not real life.

Edited December 25, 2013 by down2earth

[lollipopspot]

I asked her if she is OK and willing to take a lie detector test to prove her innocence, she told me she felt very insulted that I would even go that far. She got upset and left the house for her moms. She then said she will agree to take the lie detector test but after the test it's over between me and her. Are these signs of guilt?

 

Nope, not a sign of guilt - she's agreeing to take the test. She's sure that she will pass the test, but it seems she didn't realize who she married. She thought you trusted her, and if you released any of the verbiage that you did here, she's probably dismayed by your hypocrisy and sexism.

[BeholdtheMan]

I was quite a bad boy when I was younger and have now changed my life and done quite well for myself and family.

 

 

If you were truly a "bad boy" in the past, now's the time to harness some of that old bad boy spirit.

 

 

You can either fully accept what your wife has done and move on, or leave her.

 

 

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be able to tolerate it. It's not just the group sex. It's the fact that's she's been keeping this from me for 15 years. She's been lying by omission every day she's been with me for the past decade and a half. You're 34 and still young. Go out there and find a woman worthy of your affection and loyalty.

[A.Moscote]

This is almost like she's creating a Catch-22 situation.

If she didn't take the test, you'll always be in doubt and can ruins your M. So she has to take it.

But if she takes it, she'd think it's insulting, and said the M will be over. So she shouldn't take it.

 

Now pray for understanding and tolerance.

[dichotomy]

I will answer with a question: how many men do you think would marry this woman if they knew what she did?

 

 

How many women do you think would marry a man who was in jail and had a criminal record?

 

Or maybe - just maybe - would they say "well you were 17....not 27"

[lollipopspot]

This is almost like she's creating a Catch-22 situation.

 

Oh, he did a little Catch-22 of his own, and that's what caught him up. She wants to please him, and he admits he likes the fantasy of her being with other guys. So she gives him the fantasy while they're having sex. Then he thinks it sounds too real, so he calls her a whore, wants to pass her around to his buddies and abuse her, and leave her.

 

Apparently it would have been better had she not catered to his fantasies.

[lollipopspot]

How many women do you think would marry a man who was in jail and had a criminal record?

 

Or maybe - just maybe - would they say "well you were 17....not 27"

 

Don't forget - he's also a guy who "pulled a train" in reality, not fantasy. His isn't in question, he admits to it. Plenty of women wouldn't find that acceptable.

[FrankieFrank]

I will answer with a question: how many men do you think would marry this woman if they knew what she did?

 

That's the thing.

 

Like I said before, mental image of having your beloved wife and mother of your kids railed by multiple thug guys in a train is one thing. Second is: why the hell didn't your wife tell you what kind of person she is, so that you could actually make an informed decision whether to get married?

 

We all know why.

 

Second one also makes counterargument "Oh, he's holding her to a higher standard than he achieves" completely ridiculous. Or maybe she thought he was going for holidays and she was just sad he didn't send her a post card?

 

This. You sound like my husband.

 

Hubbies who are secure in their manhood, do not whine about their wife's sexual history prior to marriage.

 

My husband and I are only concerned with our fidelity as spouses.

 

Have you perhaps missed that they were in a relationship when the fail-train happened?

Edited December 25, 2013 by FrankieFrank

[lollipopspot]

Interesting if it comes down to: she didn't do anything but was only trying to give you a fantasy...yet you have pulled a train in reality (the gender makes zero difference), said all kinds of really foul things about her, and been in jail.

 

I hope she takes that polygraph and follows through. The hypocrisy is astounding.

[peruano99]

New Update-

 

Haven't been able to eat well as of yesterday. I tried to speak to my wife about it again but she gets very frustrated and upset whenever I bring up the subject and doesn't want to talk about it. She told me she made up the stories during sex cause she felt it turned me on. I find this hard to believe, she constantly brings this up during sex and her story is consistent and very detailed. I find it hard to make up such a story.

 

I asked her if she is OK and willing to take a lie detector test to prove her innocence, she told me she felt very insulted that I would even go that far. She got upset and left the house for her moms. She then said she would agree to take a lie detector test but and after the test it's over between me and her. Are these signs of guilt?

 

I'll admit , it turns me on during sex thinking about about other guys being with my wife past and present but thats for fun and pleasure only, fantasy but not real life.

 

Wow, what a surprising turn of events.

[Iguanna]

She threatened that if she takes the test (regardless the result) she will leave her husband. Right. Her husband may buy it, I don't. She knows that with this condition he won't let her take the test. She's bluffing. She's guilty as hell and getting offensive.