Loveless21 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Separated from husb.. Separated bc we were in a toxic relationship.. Both verbally abusive.. Never felt like he was a partner but rather a burden... However now that hes out of our house i feel soooo alone! When kids are with him i cant atand loneliness. I realize now that our entire marriage i was so busy with being wife, mom and working full time that i barely had time to get together with friends.. Now i just feel like its me against the world and its very very hard. Excrutiating even. He was always in touch with his friends, went out regiularly so just went back to that world.. Anyways when im feeling really sad i started calling him and he comes over and i just hug him and cry for hours at a time. I realize its unhealthy to be relying on him for emotional support esp when i dont think we will be getting back together... But i let my mind wonder there. A lot. Lately. But then i know i cant deal with the constant distrust, me having to be a detective to see what girls hes flirting with, talking to, etc.. I mean he was back with his ex days after separating (didnt do anything sexual according to him).. Im just lost, and afraid of meeting anyone.. I def wont now bc im still married.. But i cant see muself with anyone in the future. I see him remarrying quickly i mean he def is good at flirting, picking up woman.. And i find myself so inscure wondering what i did wrong etc so it makes me wonder if ill ever be happy.. i wonder if staying married even if were unhappy (and im constantly worried about who hes with etc) is better than starting my entire life over. Its just so scary!!!! He does have good qualities and really really cares about me but loyalty and honesty is just something he doesnt understand and that to me is soo important. What to do. What to do. I feel like its so ez when pple say "leave him" etc.. But its so much harder than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mercy88 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 I've been separated from my husband for 8 months. I used to feel the same way, and some days I still do. I would go to him or text him for emotional support. But do you know what happened when I stopped texting him and calling him? He didn't bother to text or call me. Which shows me how little he cared. It feels like the end, I know. It hurts. It almost seems worth it to go back to a broken, toxic marriage, just to rid yourself of the fear and the pain and the anxiety that you are experiencing right now. But please believe me when I tell you that it will not be worth it. With time, your pain will dull and you'll find at the end of one day, that you haven't cried at all that day. And then maybe it will be a whole week. And then you'll have a day or two, or a night or two, where you do cry yourself to sleep and that anxiety creeps back. But as long as you try to stay positive and not give in to that pain, you will teach your mind not to dwell on it. There have been weeks on end where I could barely eat. Just putting food in my mouth would make me gag. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function. I lost my job. I lost my friends. I allowed my car to fall behind and be repossessed and my power to be shut off. I hit absolute rock bottom. Over a man who doesn't and will never appreciate me. Please Please PLEASE don't do that to yourself. Please do yourself a favor and Google the name "Trent Shelton" go to his website and watch his videos. His website and his videos have helped me more than anything else in getting through my separation. Do not EVER let a man define your self worth. The second you do that you are degrading and disrespecting yourself. You can never be happy with someone unless you are first happy with yourself. So WHAT he can flirt and pick up women, a lot of men can. That's not a skill, it's pitiful if he still feels the need to do it even after he's married. The fact that he has to seek other women's approval and attention to make himself feel better and "wanted" or "attractive" just shows that he himself suffers from insecurity. Be strong! Go to that website and watch these videos, I'm telling you, they are life changing! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 I realize now that our entire marriage i was so busy with being wife, mom and working full time that i barely had time to get together with friends. . Now you have time to do that. Now you have time to get together with old friends and meet some new ones. Time to do some hobbies. Time to do things you wanted to but had kids to deal with. Time to meet people. Time to date again..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless21 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 Now you have time to do that. Now you have time to get together with old friends and meet some new ones. Time to do some hobbies. Time to do things you wanted to but had kids to deal with. Time to meet people. Time to date again..... I am trying and i am going out on my night off but its a lot of pressure.. Also i wouldnt exactly date again.. Im only separated not divorced! Link to post Share on other sites
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