SunsetRed Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Does anyone feel like w MM, you are always by yourself. I sure do remember feeling that way. Actually my MM and I are broken up and I had a new bf and now sadly, we are broken up too. So I a here during this holiday, alone again and reflecting on relationships in general. W my MM, I had someone, at least someone to give me stolen moments at his convenience and sex, but when push comes to shove, I was always alone. Christmas was hell, because I was alone during the last 2 weeks of Dec and the first week of Jan, waiting for him to appear. This year Im not waiting for anyone. Im just a little sad and reflective. I do have some things to look forward to though! A few months ago, I joined this organization called Meetup as in Meetup.com. Thru meetup, I have found plenty of activities and fun things to do to keep me busy and out of trouble. I may b alone again, but MM was a chain around my neck, chaining me to my aloneness, because as long as I was "with" him, I couldn't meet anyone else, but now that im 100% single again, I can. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
flowingmane Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 I felt like that the first year. Second year holidays, nights and some weekends. Third year, holidays. Holidays were hell (still are). All I can do is try to focus on all the stuff I need to do, watch tv shows or go places that I normally don't because he isn't into them, try and touch base with people I don't see often... catch up on sleep... allow myself to just "be", experiencing all the emotions I am going through. Link to post Share on other sites
heylovey22 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 It's weird, I feel extremely alone even though technically I'm not. Yes, MM isn't sharing Xmas or anything with me, it sucks, but I walked into this knowing what it would be. I have been seeing a guy for 2 months, will be seeing him on xmas, but breaking it off after the holidays. My feelings aren't growing. I do love my MM, very much infact, even though I never actually intended to. But with that being said, I dont' stop myself from meeting/seeing other guys. Eventually someone is going to come along who sweeps me off my feet (I don't actually believe this at this point, but I'm trying to be hopeful/optimistic) and it will be great. Why should I hold myself only to a man who gives me breadcrumbs when I may meet someone who gives me the world. I also figure possibly meeting someone might help me forget MM eventually, but hasn't been the case yet. Bottom line... I feel very alone. Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Listen to "Happy by Myself" by Greg Brown. The title of this post made me think of the song. Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 I remember last Xmas... 20 min phone call with mm... sick to my stomach whether he would keep his promise to leave on Jan 3rd... never believed he would after reading on here... sometimes you have to have faith Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 I remember last Xmas... 20 min phone call with mm... sick to my stomach whether he would keep his promise to leave on Jan 3rd... never believed he would after reading on here... sometimes you have to have faith Did he leave? Clay Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 This year Im not waiting for anyone ^^This is good - this is progress. Meetup is a great concept. I have found good companionship through a couple of these groups. Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Did he leave? Clay Yes he did... he got his own apartment... We've split up due to the age gap and me moving city and starting my first big job but idk how things will turn out. We are very in love- but things are tough atm. A lot of people interfering ect... I hope MM has a nice Xmas and I hope I do to... We certainly need some space- before seeing whats in our future. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Yes he did... he got his own apartment... We've split up due to the age gap and me moving city and starting my first big job but idk how things will turn out. We are very in love- but things are tough atm. A lot of people interfering ect... I hope MM has a nice Xmas and I hope I do to... We certainly need some space- before seeing whats in our future. That does not sound good. I hope it works out for you but I never really understood on building a long term relationship on a lie. I know you probably don't see it that way but honestly its like he was able to lie to the woman he was married to why would he not lie to you now. If he gets his own apartment and your not together now its probably because he is still wanting to play the field and keep his xW and you in the picture at the same time. What a better way to do it. If he has his own place it will be easier for him to sort his time and compartmentalize each relationship. I am not trying to sound negative and I hope for your case you do get a happy ending but it just does not seem all that logical. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Sunset how are you doing today? I am sorry if I hijacked your thread a little bit. I hope you are doing well. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 That does not sound good. I hope it works out for you but I never really understood on building a long term relationship on a lie. I know you probably don't see it that way but honestly its like he was able to lie to the woman he was married to why would he not lie to you now. If he gets his own apartment and your not together now its probably because he is still wanting to play the field and keep his xW and you in the picture at the same time. What a better way to do it. If he has his own place it will be easier for him to sort his time and compartmentalize each relationship. I am not trying to sound negative and I hope for your case you do get a happy ending but it just does not seem all that logical. Clay Thanks for writing Clay but it's not reflective of my situ. Mm xW has begged for him back on many occasions- I don't think he'll ever be interested in her. They just grew apart and he just waited for his kids to grow up. Mms kids even admit there parents just aren't a match. Everything mm has told me is true- I always get proof as I find it hard to trust anyway. Mm has asked me to marry him- and we have practically lived together- but it was arguments galore (lots of my own doing because other guys my age making mm jealous) and me moving. We just never knew how hard it would be. Link to post Share on other sites
synes Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 I miss-read the title, I thought it said always BE yourself. In reality we are all 'alone', whatever your relationship status. I believe it's important for everyone to learn to accept this and work on enjoying your own time, your own company. Remember the time before you dated, when you were young, you were alone then but your perspective was likely very different, you didn't 'need' someone else to fill your time, you found ways to do that by yourself and no doubt were happy until societies norms and peer pressure dictated that you couldn't be happy unless you had that SO. A SO should never be your life, they should enrich and share what you already have, and that is you, the sum of YOU your interests, hobbies, dreams and goals , for if you are not happy to be yourself and be with yourself then why would anyone else be? So back to my first sentence, which I feel much more pertinent ..who are you and why are you not happy with yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Yes you are right about knowing/enjoying your own company. But there is something to be said for someone to share it with that you enjoy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whereamigoing Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I remember the winter holidays season being a lonely time while engaged in the affair. fMM and stbxW didn't live in the same state for much of their marriage and we enjoyed a lot of freedom in communicating most of the year but the holiday season she would get a long vacation and be with her husband. Additionally, family would be around. It resulted in our free communication dwindling to a few stolen moments on the phone. Christmas and the whole season do not hold a special meaning for me but it was still a very lonely time. It was the time of year I felt most "affair-y" and it was hard. Now that the affair is over and he is nearly divorced we talk about what next year's holiday season will be like if our new relationship moves beyond friendship and lasts that long. Honestly, we will probably both be working anyway! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 'Always by Yourself"...Oh....it's not that bad. Cheer up! Feelings are transient and things will only get better. Your post reminds me of that depressing song "Alone Again, naturally" Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 How do u get proof of these things? Other than hearing it from his children and wife (that she begged for him back, that the children dont find them to be a match), how do u know its true? In depth chats with his kids, friends, everyone in his life. The fact we are so close- and the fact that it's painfully clear even by just looking at mm and the bs that there was nothing left. I also have full access to his phone, emails ect and show up at his place unannounced a lot (all my stuff will still be in my wardrobe and pics of us everywhere) Also on the few times i haven't believed him about things (usually after reading ls) I have been proved unequivocally wrong. We just have the same relationship problems that any other out in the open couple have ( mm isn't much of a cheater, our A lasted 2 months) and we just have a lot to deal with. He is no player- if anyone is a player it would be me. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Does anyone feel like w MM, you are always by yourself. I sure do remember feeling that way. Actually my MM and I are broken up and I had a new bf and now sadly, we are broken up too. So I a here during this holiday, alone again and reflecting on relationships in general. W my MM, I had someone, at least someone to give me stolen moments at his convenience and sex, but when push comes to shove, I was always alone. Christmas was hell, because I was alone during the last 2 weeks of Dec and the first week of Jan, waiting for him to appear. This year Im not waiting for anyone. Im just a little sad and reflective. I do have some things to look forward to though! A few months ago, I joined this organization called Meetup as in Meetup.com. Thru meetup, I have found plenty of activities and fun things to do to keep me busy and out of trouble. I may b alone again, but MM was a chain around my neck, chaining me to my aloneness, because as long as I was "with" him, I couldn't meet anyone else, but now that im 100% single again, I can. SunsetRed sorry you are alone at this time of year, but happy you are okay with yourself and just being you. These A relationships really do a number on ya, cheating husbands do too ( I have experienced being both a fMOW and BS). One good thing that came out of my A and being cheated on was realizing what I need and who I really am. I can be alone and love it now! Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 SunsetRed sorry you are alone at this time of year, but happy you are okay with yourself and just being you. These A relationships really do a number on ya, cheating husbands do too ( I have experienced being both a fMOW and BS). One good thing that came out of my A and being cheated on was realizing what I need and who I really am. I can be alone and love it now! Lady I think that is really the truth. Once you can find you again and be completely comfortable living on your own. This is the time I think you make the best decisions when going in a relationship. You know what you want and your willing to work to get it. You also know what your not willing to do. It keeps things upfront and honest. Its really good you found this and your life is going good. I hope you also had a very good Christmas. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
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