Calling all introverted men. What kind of things attract your attention in a woman?

[AnyaNova]

So this thread idea started wih someone's joke (apologies, I have forgotten who now, if you recognize yourself, please give yourself credit!) that if I wanted to attract introvert men, I should leave a pile of books and some candy as a lure.

 

But seriously,

 

What kind of things get your attention in a woman. What things have women done to get your attention that succeeded?

 

Where am I likely to find you guys, since I have figured out that I'm not going to be able to do so from inside my comfortable, pretty, and safe apartment.

 

I've tried coffee shops, but people to in groups and libraries, I never want to disturb anyone.

 

But that is really a sub question. My main one is how introverted women have managed to catch your attention and caused you to want to pursues them enough that instead of actually thinking abou it, you actually do it?

[somedude81]

I honestly can't remember a woman ever trying to get my attention. So yeah...

 

Are you sure you want to meet introverted guys?

 

As for where to meet guys, you could try some hobbies that men and women do together and where interaction happens naturally. You need to put yourself out there.

 

For me, I believe the keys to getting a guy interested are, be attractive, be friendly, show interest in him.

 

I'm going to say that looks are the number one most important things that guys consider. We don't need model looks, but a girl has to look nice.

[jba10582]

I am not sure we would have the same idea as to what an introvert actually means. The more I think about the term, the more I think a person can be both introverted and extroverted. There are places people will feel more extroverted and comfortable, and, other places people will feel more introverted and less comfortable.

 

I'll give an example, that really has nothing to do with me. A teaching assistant might be very comfortable and extroverted teaching a small group setting in class and may be also be very introverted speaking at a business conference with a lot of professionals. So, it may depend on each particular person's comfort zone, which is helpful to get out of every once in a while anyway.

 

So, this is a really tough question to answer, as, your shy guy may not be very shy at all in some situations and very shy in others.

 

Have you considered looking in places where you would have similar interest rather than limiting yourself to just a completely introverted type guy?

Edited December 24, 2013 by jba10582

[FrankieFrank]

Personal charm, inner warmth and openness in interactions.

[salparadise]

My main [question] is how introverted women have managed to catch your attention and caused you to want to pursue them enough that instead of actually thinking abou it, you actually do it?

 

1) we're not as likely to pursue, certainly not without encouragement and reason to believe she's itching to be caught... plan on meeting us half way and holding up your end of this pursuit.

 

2) So you're an introverted woman and you're looking for an introverted man? Why? Introverts and extroverts typically match up pretty well together. Extroverts can clash and drive each other nuts, two introverts can sit in silence, each doing their own thing all day, but with an introvert and an extrovert you have both a performance and an audience.

 

3) How to attract an introverted guy, specifically an INTJ, which is only one you'd really want... show him that there's more going on inside your head than is coming out of your mouth. Communicate with your eyes. Be idealistic and theoretical. Show appropriate appreciation for patterns, systems, the big picture. Do something rational. Put your sh*t back where it's supposed to be. Don't sweat the small stuff, no bitching.

 

4) Nice boobs and teeth, minimal makeup, excellent diction and enunciation. No frilly designs on the fingernails; that is so irrational.

 

5) Just let it be known from the git-go, in case he hasn't picked up on it, that you're interested in gettin' naked with him.

[AnyaNova]

I honestly can't remember a woman ever trying to get my attention. So yeah...

 

Are you sure you want to meet introverted guys?

 

As for where to meet guys, you could try some hobbies that men and women do together and where interaction happens naturally. You need to put yourself out there.

 

For me, I believe the keys to getting a guy interested are, be attractive, be friendly, show interest in him.

 

I'm going to say that looks are the number one most important things that guys consider. We don't need model looks, but a girl has to look nice.

 

I actually do. I mean, if I meet an extraverted in real life and it seems to work, ill to with it, but I really want the power and the depth two introvert minds can achieve together (as well as with my HSP, needing someone who understands after a long week with people and overstimulation, I may not want to go out and party for hours with him).

 

See the delicate trick for a woman, is finding ways to communicate to introvert men that they are interested, without ever crossing into pursuit mode. Since that is some big men tend to enjoy, even introverted men.

 

So I guess I was asking if your ever had any women doing particularly creative things that achieved to above goal, and if so, what they were.

[AnyaNova]

I am not sure we would have the same idea as to what an introvert actually means. The more I think about the term, the more I think a person can be both introverted and extroverted. There are places people will feel more extroverted and comfortable, and, other places people will feel more introverted and less comfortable.

 

I'll give an example, that really has nothing to do with me. A teaching assistant might be very comfortable and extroverted teaching a small group setting in class and may be also be very introverted speaking at a business conference with a lot of professionals. So, it may depend on each particular person's comfort zone, which is helpful to get out of every once in a while anyway.

 

So, this is a really tough question to answer, as, your shy guy may not be very shy at all in some situations and very shy in others.

 

Have you considered looking in places where you would have similar interest rather than limiting yourself to just a completely introverted type guy?

 

Appearing outgoing and extroversion are not the same thing. It is a matter of whether you get energy from being with people or from being alone.

 

So us introverts when we get comfortable with particular people may find ourselves volubly sharing all sorts of viewpoints et cetera. And we can often be exceptionally good public speakers with very organized and thoughtful presentations.

 

Also, shy and introverted are not synonymous, but I do find both qualities attractive.

 

I might try some common interest groups, though being in grad school my time is quite limited. Though I might spend more Ind on the top floor of our library studying this semester (every once in a while extroverts will have a study session up there), but mostly it is where the introverts hang, and as long as its relatively uncrossed I can actually accomplish real study there.

 

But what kinds of things? Smiles? Eye contact? And the big question that haunts me, how do you tell the taken ones so you don expend unnecessary time and energy on them?

[AnyaNova]

Honestly just when they pay attention to me and talk to me like they really are interested. It's hard to star and continue on conversations when you are an introvert so if you do most of the work in that department, smile, be cute, I'll hand over my credit cards and sign over the house. Kind of sad really.

 

Yeah. That's the problem though. I'm an introvert as well. So the same thing is difficult for me, too. Though, if their in a career or study path that they are highly interested in, I have figured out that getting hem talking about hat can work well.

[AnyaNova]

1) we're not as likely to pursue, certainly not without encouragement and reason to believe she's itching to be caught... plan on meeting us half way and holding up your end of this pursuit.

 

2) So you're an introverted woman and you're looking for an introverted man? Why? Introverts and extroverts typically match up pretty well together. Extroverts can clash and drive each other nuts, two introverts can sit in silence, each doing their own thing all day, but with an introvert and an extrovert you have both a performance and an audience.

 

3) How to attract an introverted guy, specifically an INTJ, which is only one you'd really want... show him that there's more going on inside your head than is coming out of your mouth. Communicate with your eyes. Be idealistic and theoretical. Show appropriate appreciation for patterns, systems, the big picture. Do something rational. Put your sh*t back where it's supposed to be. Don't sweat the small stuff, no bitching.

 

4) Nice boobs and teeth, minimal makeup, excellent diction and enunciation. No frilly designs on the fingernails; that is so irrational.

 

5) Just let it be known from the git-go, in case he hasn't picked up on it, that you're interested in gettin' naked with him.

 

1) I am more than unusually aware of this phenomenon. Hence the question. :-)

 

2) sounds like paradise (sitting in silence, working on our own things, coming together when we so choose). I just do not find myself attracted to extroverts.

 

3) INTJ is definitely a type I am willing to consider. Having grown up with several, things certainly are efficiently managed, until and unless their is disagreement on the most effective course of action, or what constitutes effective in that particular instance.

 

I have found good effects with INTP's with a pretty high amount of tertiary Fe, comparatively. But I don think I'd be unwilling to consider an INFJ or a very mature INFP (immature INFP's are so ruled by their feelings that a) I want to clay my eyes out and b) their feelings get to rule every interaction , and that kind of under the table control bugs the heck out of me).

 

I must admit to being curious why you'd say I should only consider INTJ's.

 

I definitely have appreciation for well conceived systems, and could talk about interesting theories for hours.

 

4) Nice breasts. Check. Good teeth, check (though irritatingly, to keep them white I can't drink coffee or tea). Looks. I'm definitely pretty.

 

5) finding creative ways to this, so that he knows I'm interested enough to be worth expending the energy of pursuing, yet still having him think it was all his idea in the first place would indeed be the basic topic of this thread, yes.

 

:-p

Edited December 24, 2013 by AnyaNova
Autocorrect again.

[Harradin]

I'm pretty shy and introverted so I can help you out. I tend to get comfortable (chatting etc) with someone about 10-20 minutes of them talking to me.

 

If I meet them doing my sports, I tend to be quite extroverted as adrenaline seems to make me cocky and confident so its a lot easier for me to chat away!

 

But if not at a sport:

 

She'd have to look nice (I'm not really fussed tbh as long as I find her attractive.)

 

I've found that if a girl likes me, she'd start taking an interest in me and start arranging to try see me more, start trying to touch me and ask a lot of questions about myself to try get me to talk, and she'd trust me and confide in me (I personally really like it when a girl trusts and confides in me.)

 

Although I've been told that I'm pretty blind to when a girl likes me, so I can never tell until she makes a move on me. I remember my last ex telling me that she was trying to show me that she liked me subtly but I wasn't catching onto her hints, so she just made a move on me and that worked!

 

Hope I make sense, I'm terrible at explaining things

[Disillusioned]

You people hit the nail on the head.

 

The more people wise up and defect from OLD to meetups, it's introverted people who are really losing out. If they're going to make it, they're going to need to get over their anxieties and start going to those groups.

[carhill]

What kind of things get your attention in a woman. What things have women done to get your attention that succeeded?

 

Generally, one aspect would be respect for my desire to occasionally do 'quiet' things as a couple, as opposed to 'social' things, meaning those involving large groups of people. An example might be going for a walk in a quiet place, like along the beach or in a park, versus going to a football game.

 

Another aspect would be to respect and facilitate my preference to 'recharge' in quiet space, especially after long and noisy stimulation in group activities, perhaps respecting her need/want/desire to 'energize' from such activities/groups.

 

Where am I likely to find you guys, since I have figured out that I'm not going to be able to do so from inside my comfortable, pretty, and safe apartment.

 

Mutual interests would be one potential. You'd find me at a vintage car show, showing one of my cars, at an outdoor shooting range, staying proficient with weapons, on the tractor, or camping at the beach, as I'm doing right now. As example, I walked the beach into town yesterday with my best friend, we had lunch and walked back and met dozens of people along the way. I often meet women that way; I'm always friendly and open, so the rest is up to them.

 

Good luck.

[Iguanna]

Being an introvert myself, what I like to do (if not staying at home) would be to be in a cafe reading or observing people, go to the theater or to the swimming pool. In the majority of the times I don't want to be disturbed. There are really few times when I initiate conversation with someone, but only if I'm sure I will be able to stop it or leave if I want to. Interaction with other people costs me energy. So what you should do is comment on something they are reading or someone the seem to observe. I like to observe young people's behavior and just remember when I was a teenager. You can sit close to him and laugh at something you see he observes and create some small talk regarding this issue. But be careful. I'm sure you know it yourself. Introverts hate small talk. The most frustrating period of meeting new people are the questions "what do you do?", "how old are you?", "do you have brothers and sisters?" etc, all these questions that people ask to get to know other people. I hate them. I will become really interested if they ask a strange question instead, and the conversation would go like this for example: "I'm reading here that a woman won X amount and didn't even know it for a year. I can't imagine what I would do with this kind of money! What would you do?". If I were in the mood, I would get on with this conversation. You have to really observe and see if he is in the mood to talk or if he just wants to go on reading his book or looking at his laptop. But you can give it a try.

[M30USA]

I'm an introvert according to the Kiersey Temperament Sorter exam. I am attracted to the following things in women:

 

1) She doesn't sheepishly follow the opinions of society. This alone rules out at least 2/3 of women (probably men too).

 

2) She doesn't gossip, even to her closest family and friends. I want to know that what I tell her isn't automatically public knowledge.

 

3) She is not motivated by money.

 

4) She defers to the Word of God as supreme authority.

 

5) She has a gentle spirit and isn't prone to argument or combativeness.

Edited December 24, 2013 by M30USA

[Els]

Depends on the type of introverted man, I'd wager.

 

Many of the introverted guys I know have a thing for geek girls, or girls who share their geeky hobbies. It's a pretty natural way for introverts to meet, too.

[pulsar]

Like some mentioned, coffee shops would work. Find a shop your comfortable with and visit it often. There are multiple benefits: (a) It could be a cozy sanctuary, (b) you might run across men who frequent it and if you both become aware of each others presence, it is easier to approach and talk, and (c ) introverted men might be inclined to approach you first!

 

As an introvert, I would be a bit more inclined to approach and talk to a woman to whose presence I grown comfortable with. Since I'm also attracted to introverted women, nothing would get my attention more than to see one be a bit mysterious and reading something of her interest or working on some project…now thats sexy!!

[Aquanut]

My fiancée and I were part of mutual interest group. We are both introverted. She got me to ask her out by sending me a message telling me she would like to get to know me better. The old board upside the head technique. :-)

[Khyla]

1) we're not as likely to pursue, certainly not without encouragement and reason to believe she's itching to be caught... plan on meeting us half way and holding up your end of this pursuit.

...

3) How to attract an introverted guy, specifically an INTJ, which is only one you'd really want... show him that there's more going on inside your head than is coming out of your mouth. Communicate with your eyes. Be idealistic and theoretical. Show appropriate appreciation for patterns, systems, the big picture. Do something rational. Put your sh*t back where it's supposed to be. Don't sweat the small stuff, no bitching.

 

4) Nice boobs and teeth, minimal makeup, excellent diction and enunciation. No frilly designs on the fingernails; that is so irrational.

 

5) Just let it be known from the git-go, in case he hasn't picked up on it, that you're interested in gettin' naked with him.

 

and just how does one go about doing that without scaring him away because you're being too forward?(referring to the bolded)

 

Everything else All Good!

 

But what's an INTJ ("which is only one you'd really want...") ?

[Els]

and just how does one go about doing that without scaring him away because you're being too forward?(referring to the bolded)

 

Everything else All Good!

 

But what's an INTJ ("which is only one you'd really want...") ?

 

INTJ is one of the personality types on the Myers-Briggs test.

 

I have to attest that salparadise doesn't speak for all INTJs though.

 

My SO is an INTJ and courted me without me pursuing or 'making it clear that I want to get nekkid with him' in the initial stages. I think he'd be put off by women who do, frankly.

 

I've found that despite being insightful in general (and a fairly good indication for career choice), Myers-Briggs is not a great way to determine what sort of partners someone would like or be compatible with, because relationships are way more complex than that. Don't bother about all that, just be yourself and seek those who are compatible with you, IMO.

[Antares]

Introverted guy here.

 

I tend to go for:

 

Nerdy - has interest in science, history, reading, comics, sci-fi. Movies...Any of those

Intelligent.

Funny - speaks fluent sarcasm

Kind and positive minded.

Is kind of a goof at times.

Can tease me at times. Bust my chops when I deserve it.

 

I like shy girls who are still confident with themselves to be their own person.

 

I like when girls make the first move but in an upfront but subtle way - I don't like it when they're way over the top about it, as I feel sketched out and like it's a scam.

 

Doesn't get hung up over the little things in life.

 

Is passionate about things in her life (travel, books, family, etc)

Is sensual.

 

I like curvy girls, who dress somewhat preppy, cute, nerdy.

[nerd]

MBTI is one of those things that is nice for explaining why someone might have done something, but not really predicting what you're going to do. Frex, there are INTJs who are athletes (Ivan Lendl supposedly), actors, etc - you might not predict that an INTJ would be one of those things, but you can certainly rationalize why an INTJ would be good in those fields.

 

I personally feel like giving up. I meet someone and after a few minutes of conversation (this was not in a place where it's likely I'll run into her again) I ask for her number, and she gives it to me (yay!) and then when i call tell me she is casually seeing someone so dinner isn't a good idea (then why did you give me your number exactly?). And then another tells me she has a b/f, and as we all know, lots of women use that as the line to let someone down 'gracefully' so i really have no idea whether she has one or not - all i know is that she's not interested.

[Antares]

I personally feel like giving up. I meet someone and after a few minutes of conversation (this was not in a place where it's likely I'll run into her again) I ask for her number, and she gives it to me (yay!) and then when i call tell me she is casually seeing someone so dinner isn't a good idea (then why did you give me your number exactly?). And then another tells me she has a b/f, and as we all know, lots of women use that as the line to let someone down 'gracefully' so i really have no idea whether she has one or not - all i know is that she's not interested.

 

Anytime a girl 'flakes' on me, especially during the initial stages, I usually just playfully throw it back to them. Instead of taking everything at face value..and with a big smile of my face, I'll say something like... Ohhhh, gee...that's funny. I didn't peg you for one of those flakey girls. Too bad"

 

A couple of months ago I called up a girl after texting her a couple of times, to ask her out. We made a date and then the day before she texted me saying that 'something' came up. I just knew right away. So I used that line, in a very playful way, and next thing she says to me is ... "Wait...no, you're right" And then I'll push it further and say something like... "No no...you're totally flaking on me right now. Again, with a big smile on my face, which will force my tone of voice to be playful and relaxed. You don't want to come across as mean. You need to be almost making fun of her for trying to flake. Next thing this girl said was..."No wait...I was just nervous. And I've been trying to get myself out there a bit more. Let's meet up tomorrow as planned." And I'll say "Great! Looking forward to it".

 

It may be a line, and I hate using lines and games, but it's worked in the past. It's sorta just having a light and playful attitude. Doesn't always work though of course. Sometimes a girl just really doesn't want to go out or has a legit reason. A no is always a no. If it still is a no go, just accept it and walk away. Some things weren't meant to be.

Edited December 27, 2013 by Antares

[Khyla]

...

I've found that despite being insightful in general (and a fairly good indication for career choice), Myers-Briggs is not a great way to determine what sort of partners someone would like or be compatible with, because relationships are way more complex than that. Don't bother about all that, just be yourself and seek those who are compatible with you, IMO.

I wholly agree.

[Keenly]

I like when a woman shows obvious interest in me yet at the same time she still makes me work for it . She doesn't play games but isn't afraid to tell me she's into me. She also doesn't get to force me into social situations I'm not comfortable with . ( hey Lets meet my grandparents on the third date kind of thing )

[CrystalCastles]

1) we're not as likely to pursue, certainly not without encouragement and reason to believe she's itching to be caught... plan on meeting us half way and holding up your end of this pursuit.

 

2) So you're an introverted woman and you're looking for an introverted man? Why? Introverts and extroverts typically match up pretty well together. Extroverts can clash and drive each other nuts, two introverts can sit in silence, each doing their own thing all day, but with an introvert and an extrovert you have both a performance and an audience.

 

3) How to attract an introverted guy, specifically an INTJ, which is only one you'd really want... show him that there's more going on inside your head than is coming out of your mouth. Communicate with your eyes. Be idealistic and theoretical. Show appropriate appreciation for patterns, systems, the big picture. Do something rational. Put your sh*t back where it's supposed to be. Don't sweat the small stuff, no bitching.

 

4) Nice boobs and teeth, minimal makeup, excellent diction and enunciation. No frilly designs on the fingernails; that is so irrational.

 

5) Just let it be known from the git-go, in case he hasn't picked up on it, that you're interested in gettin' naked with him.

 

1. Please elaborate. I am an INFJ, and always find it to be a hurdle to walk up to a guy myself. I love getting chased by a guy since it makes me feel desirable. But what signs do I give an introverted person? Besides oogling at them. How does one communicate to an introverted person that they're more than welcome to approach? How do I encourage that?

 

2. I respectfully disagree. Silences aren't always awkward and I've found that extroverts tend to drive me nuts.

 

3. Love this.

 

4. Love this.

 

5. So love this.