Calling all introverted men. What kind of things attract your attention in a woman?

[Targetlock]

they've got to have that certain special 'something' or quality that makes me want to take the effort to meet them.

 

P.S and yes i am a classic introverted male, and a nerdy socially awkward one as well

[salparadise]

I must admit to being curious why you'd say I should only consider INTJ's.

 

Obviously (or maybe not), I was being flippant with this post. I don't think there are many absolutes generally, and especially not when it comes to matters of the heart. The nuances of how two individuals (of any type) mesh are probably an order of magnitude greater than anyone's ability to predict outcomes based on a classification system. I am INTJ (soft T), and as such I recognize the often overlooked potential. We are often stereotyped as purely logical nerds with zero social skills and no access to feelings. A woman with the insight to see beneath the surface will find a lot to love, along with desire and ability to reciprocate.

 

I definitely have appreciation for well conceived systems, and could talk about interesting theories for hours.

 

Ah yes, that would be an attractive quality in a woman. Never again do I want to have my abstract thoughts contaminated by someone upset, ranting and raving about water spots on glasses...

 

5) finding creative ways to this, so that he knows I'm interested enough to be worth expending the energy of pursuing, yet still having him think it was all his idea in the first place would indeed be the basic topic of this thread, yes. :-p

 

Honestly, I think if you just give up on the notion that he needs to think it was all his idea it will be much easier and probably more effective. I'm not saying you need to overtly pursue; just use your charm to let him know you're interested and you're not going to shoot him down. One of the best ways to do this would be to indicate that you are attuned to his intrinsic value... that which lies beneath the surface.

[salparadise]

1. Please elaborate. I am an INFJ, and always find it to be a hurdle to walk up to a guy myself. I love getting chased by a guy since it makes me feel desirable. But what signs do I give an introverted person? Besides oogling at them. How does one communicate to an introverted person that they're more than welcome to approach? How do I encourage that?

 

Pretty easy actually... you don't need to ogle but eye contact combined with a subtle smile would be a clear indication. If he finds you attractive and has the gonads to make a cold approach this should get him moving. I had this happen in a grocery store not too long ago, and it took me a few minutes to decide that I'd be a damn fool to let this opportunity get away. So I circled back around and found her by the eggs. She was expecting me. I struck up a little conversation and asked her if she'd be interested in going for coffee. She said she had a boyfriend. I said, well ok, but are you interested in going for coffee? She said she'd really like to but just couldn't. Perhaps that smile was purely spontaneous but it looked like a clear signal and I responded. Women don't do that by mistake. Several factors combined... the confident smile with no perceived ambivalence, her amazing attractiveness, the opportunity to speak to her with privacy, the feeling that it was about me and she wasn't the type to be hitting on random guys.

 

I don't know if I misread the signal, if I didn't push enough, she changed her mind, or if she only wanted affirmation that her feminine wiles were working... but she definitely got me motivated. At least she was nice and affirmed the attraction. I left feeling good about the interaction even though I didn't really understand why it went south.

 

2. I respectfully disagree. Silences aren't always awkward and I've found that extroverts tend to drive me nuts.

 

I do alright with extroverts as long as they aren't overly dramatic, and have the ability to be introspective when appropriate. I do appreciate what you're saying though. Someone who just can't quit talking after they've worn me out, or is perpetually bubbly... makes it hard to be at ease around them.

[emva07]

But what happens when said girl gives these super obvious signs that she's into the introvert guy and he's not into her?....then she just makes a fool of herself and eventually told to stop trying?

[salparadise]

But what happens when said girl gives these super obvious signs that she's into the introvert guy and he's not into her?....then she just makes a fool of herself and eventually told to stop trying?

 

That's only true if that's the way you perceive it. Flashing a smile at someone doesn't make you a fool... you could just as easily think if it as, I gave him an opening and he didn't have the courage to move his feet and talk to me. Or even if for some unknown reason it wasn't about courage, you still haven't lost anything by giving him a little flirt. You're risking a whole lot less than a guy does when he tries a cold approach with no reason to believe she has any interest whatsoever. Sometimes women are cruel and will even publicly humiliate a guy. The introvert probably won't take that risk, so you just have to give him a little bit of encouragement... take a tiny risk yourself to let him know it's ok to take the bigger risk.

 

But I really don't see it as a risk at all on the woman's part because smiles can be purely spontaneous, or friendly, or have no meaning at all. In fact, to an introverted guy you're really putting the pressure on him... once he's received the signal he's the one who looks like a fool if he doesn't respond.

 

One thing guys do is to try and make eye contact first, and then if it's acknowledged appreciatively... make an approach. There's really only one type of guy who will approach women without any encouragement at all, but that's not who we're talking about here.

[emva07]

That's only true if that's the way you perceive it. Flashing a smile at someone doesn't make you a fool... you could just as easily think if it as, I gave him an opening and he didn't have the courage to move his feet and talk to me. Or even if for some unknown reason it wasn't about courage, you still haven't lost anything by giving him a little flirt. You're risking a whole lot less than a guy does when he tries a cold approach with no reason to believe she has any interest whatsoever. Sometimes women are cruel and will even publicly humiliate a guy. The introvert probably won't take that risk, so you just have to give him a little bit of encouragement... take a tiny risk yourself to let him know it's ok to take the bigger risk.

 

But I really don't see it as a risk at all on the woman's part because smiles can be purely spontaneous, or friendly, or have no meaning at all. In fact, to an introverted guy you're really putting the pressure on him... once he's received the signal he's the one who looks like a fool if he doesn't respond.

 

One thing guys do is to try and make eye contact first, and then if it's acknowledged appreciatively... make an approach. There's really only one type of guy who will approach women without any encouragement at all, but that's not who we're talking about here.

 

All very true points!

 

I will try this at the NYE party I'm going to!

[salparadise]

All very true points!

I will try this at the NYE party I'm going to!

 

Ah perfect, the New Year's Eve party... every introverted guy in the room will be hoping for something magical before the stroke of midnight. If you're not already paired up beforehand, flash that smile at two minutes til and walk toward him... as the clock strikes 12:00 pucker up! And if he still hasn't gotten the idea, whisper in his ear... kiss me!

[emva07]

Ah perfect, the New Year's Eve party... every introverted guy in the room will be hoping for something magical before the stroke of midnight. If you're not already paired up beforehand, flash that smile at two minutes til and walk toward him... as the clock strikes 12:00 pucker up! And if he still hasn't gotten the idea, whisper in his ear... kiss me!

 

Oh, no I am not that bold. Be turned down then meet the new year crying in the bathroom lol.

[EnigmaWolf92]

Introverted guy here.

 

I tend to go for:

 

Nerdy - has interest in science, history, reading, comics, sci-fi. Movies...Any of those

Intelligent.

Funny - speaks fluent sarcasm

Kind and positive minded.

Is kind of a goof at times.

Can tease me at times. Bust my chops when I deserve it.

 

I like shy girls who are still confident with themselves to be their own person.

 

I like when girls make the first move but in an upfront but subtle way - I don't like it when they're way over the top about it, as I feel sketched out and like it's a scam.

 

Doesn't get hung up over the little things in life.

 

Is passionate about things in her life (travel, books, family, etc)

Is sensual.

 

I like curvy girls, who dress somewhat preppy, cute, nerdy.

 

Pretty much agree with all that was said Introverted guy as well I think I tend to fall under the INTJ type. I'm normally at home or the library. I like my music and don't really open up to people until I get to know them. I like to be real with people and the small talk is just draining. It's like tell me something your passionate about what makes you tick. I've super organized and professional/ serious a lot and when I need to be but I can be fun as well. I feel like I'm missing out at times but I know what I want in a relationship and I know the feeling of lost energy when it don't work out. I'm generally a sucker for a pretty smile and a positive personality in general thought. I could go on but I'll try to stay on topic.

Edited December 31, 2013 by EnigmaWolf92