Snide remarks

[leftfordead2]

Well, I've always been on the receiving end of getting snide remarks from my relatives and family members. For example, "you're getting too fat", "why don't you try losing some weight?", "wow you have gained quite a lot of weight", "have you seen a doc for the acne on your face?". I tried to not let it get to me.

 

However, I just heard that one of my relatives said this to my sister: "You don't need to go for any matchmaking sessions to look for a partner, they are plenty around who will go after you. Your sister (referring to me) is the one who needs matchmaking sessions instead."

 

I don't know why I let this one get to me. Seems to affect me down to my very soul when I heard that. I'm not gonna let my tears flow in front of my family members. I just went through a rough period of work and was just starting to feel better about my body and myself when this happened. Now I'm not sure whether I'll be able to get over this.

[Elias33]

It really doesn't matter what other people say. It is up to you to make your self happy, not up to others. It is also not your job to make other people happy. If you are happy with yourself, then that's all you need to know. Get rid of people who make you feel bad. Being family is not a free pass to be an ass. People treat you the way you allow them to. I hope with this perspective, you may feel better. Merry Christmas.

[Eggplant]

Your relative is really a witch saying something like that to your sister that obviously is going to get back to you. It is not up to this person to decide your fate or where you stand in the dating world or even to suppose that you need help. You can do without that person in your life.

[Tayla]

A few tips:

1: If they are acknowledging a health issue, then own up to it with a simple: Yes I could lose a few pounds, thanks for your concern. Then toss back to them an area of imperfection they need reminded of. ( rather unkind yet puts them in the light of their own imperfections)

2: Separate yourself from their "opinions". People may have the right to have them, they don't always gain the right to express them in a rude manner. Stop the bullet before it gets out of the chamber.

3: A therepist I had said, next time an insult comes your way....grab a pen and pad, write it down in front of the person and then dummy yourself down and slowly go...How do I spell " insert negative words" , I want to consider this something to learn from!. 99% of the time when folks see that you took their comment seriously and then wrote it down...it makes them uneasy. It has worked for me 100% of the time....I even pull out the small notepad to peruse thru when they later on in time decide to make the snide comment. I go...wait a sec...I think I wrote this same remark down on blah blah date and time.

[Eggplant]

A few tips:

1: If they are acknowledging a health issue, then own up to it with a simple: Yes I could lose a few pounds, thanks for your concern. Then toss back to them an area of imperfection they need reminded of. ( rather unkind yet puts them in the light of their own imperfections)

2: Separate yourself from their "opinions". People may have the right to have them, they don't always gain the right to express them in a rude manner. Stop the bullet before it gets out of the chamber.

3: A therepist I had said, next time an insult comes your way....grab a pen and pad, write it down in front of the person and then dummy yourself down and slowly go...How do I spell " insert negative words" , I want to consider this something to learn from!. 99% of the time when folks see that you took their comment seriously and then wrote it down...it makes them uneasy. It has worked for me 100% of the time....I even pull out the small notepad to peruse thru when they later on in time decide to make the snide comment. I go...wait a sec...I think I wrote this same remark down on blah blah date and time.

 

 

This is perfect. Your therapist is brilliant.

[John316C]

you need to accept that your relatives are mean people for some reason (idk what they are) maybe thats how they were treated growing up and so they think thats normal, but you know its not. either seperate yourself completely from them or accept that thats who they are, you must accept the situation in the present moment.. now that your ideals do not cloud your judgement.. see its your ideal.. your need to see things the way they should be that is causing you pain. you must first accept and then you can do something about the situation. i recommend doing the best thing possible - looking at your situation as objectivly as possible and growing a thick skin. its the only way these things will never hurt you ever again. as long as you live in the fantasy of "it should be" it wont, until you accept things are they really are.

 

you can try changing them obviously, but dont trust that they will change. you have to trust yourself above all others.

[nescafe1982]

3: A therepist I had said, next time an insult comes your way....grab a pen and pad, write it down in front of the person and then dummy yourself down and slowly go...How do I spell " insert negative words" , I want to consider this something to learn from!.

 

HA! I love it! Sounds very effective... I'll have to try it sometime.