if you still love her, wish her Merry Christmas.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

...hope!! Which is a good thing, but not in this case because it's a "false hope", more like a denial!

 

I'm meaning if he is going to make the mistake of contacting her, at least make it worth it. What good is him saying Merry Christmas going to do? If she writes back doesn't mean "Oh I want you back" haha. Who knows

[Zoe Lilith]

I'm meaning if he is going to make the mistake of contacting her, at least make it worth it. What good is him saying Merry Christmas going to do? If she writes back doesn't mean "Oh I want you back" haha. Who knows

 

He is desperately trying to find a reson to contact her...He thinks that all he needs to do is, make that first step...That is wrong and a waste of time.

[Zoe Lilith]

..if you think that contacting her will make you feel better, do it! Be aware that you might not get a resopnse back.

Make it a New Year's resolution, never to contact her again!

[Vicente]

do you guys listen to me? i said i don't expect anything from her, but i just want to let her know i'm hopping on the good foot and squashing the beef we have.

[Stncldgent]

After about 2.5 years I sent my ex a quick happy holidays message on facebook, told her that I hope that she and her family are doing well.

 

Really the only reason is that I already know what my new years resolution is and that is get rid of my negative energies and stupid grudges and mend fences with with people I have wronged and forgive my enemies. Figured it being Christmas and all might as well start today. with her as well as my father who I have not spoken to for close to 10 years, (I'll make my way down the list as the end of the year gets closer)

 

I never expected anything back from her but it was a way for me to cleanse my karma and reach out to someone that until now I considered an enemy.

 

To my surprise I got an answer back from her wishing me a Merry Christmas and that she "thinks about me often" and hopes that I am doing well.

 

That message has no effect on me, I don't see it as breadcrumbs or anything other than her responding to something I wrote her, but I made right a grudge that I held on to for quite some time. That is what matters to me.

 

OP if she doesn't message you back then move on and leave her be. Most of us on this site have been in your shoes, Make sure you are happy with who you are, because in the end that is what matters.

 

Edit: My father on the other hand still refuses to speak to me

[Vicente]

After about 2.5 years I sent my ex a quick happy holidays message on facebook, told her that I hope that she and her family are doing well.

 

Really the only reason is that I already know what my new years resolution is and that is get rid of my negative energies and stupid grudges and mend fences with with people I have wronged and forgive my enemies. Figured it being Christmas and all might as well start today. with her as well as my father who I have not spoken to for close to 10 years, (I'll make my way down the list as the end of the year gets closer)

 

I never expected anything back from her but it was a way for me to cleanse my karma and reach out to someone that until now I considered an enemy.

 

To my surprise I got an answer back from her wishing me a Merry Christmas and that she "thinks about me often" and hopes that I am doing well.

 

That message has no effect on me, I don't see it as breadcrumbs or anything other than her responding to something I wrote her, but I made right a grudge that I held on to for quite some time. That is what matters to me.

 

OP if she doesn't message you back then move on and leave her be. Most of us on this site have been in your shoes, Make sure you are happy with who you are, because in the end that is what matters.

 

Edit: My father on the other hand still refuses to speak to me

 

exactly my mindset. i don't want us both holding grudges toward each other and not talking for years. i just want to leave her with a positive image if we should part ways for good. this is just something that will bug me if i don't do it.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

do you guys listen to me? i said i don't expect anything from her, but i just want to let her know i'm hopping on the good foot and squashing the beef we have.

 

Sending a Marry Christmas text doesnt do a damn thing. Its a incredibly small gesture of good will. I say Merry Christmas to my landlord and we fight all the f***ing time. It wont make her be like "Oh, I'm cool with him now." It honestly wont do a THING. I can see you saying Merry Christmas and this:

 

1. She doesnt respond so you send another text asking why or just trying to keep the convo going

 

2. She writes back something like "Thanks you too." Then, you get all excited and start writing back more until she gets annoyed and it makes things worse. You then send messages to try and mend this "beef" before even trying to mend "other beef"

 

Its a VERY bad slippery slope and we have 1000000 people telling you texting her is a bad idea. JUST saying "Merry Christmas" is even worse and isnt even anything.

 

Again,you wont listen so I mean do with what you feel. You remind me so much of Vinsanity its unreal.....

[Zoe Lilith]

Sending a Marry Christmas text doesnt do a damn thing. Its a incredibly small gesture of good will. I say Merry Christmas to my landlord and we fight all the f***ing time. It wont make her be like "Oh, I'm cool with him now." It honestly wont do a THING. I can see you saying Merry Christmas and this:

1. She doesnt respond so you send another text asking why or just trying to keep the convo going

 

2. She writes back something like "Thanks you too." Then, you get all excited and start writing back more until she gets annoyed and it makes things worse. You then send messages to try and mend this "beef" before even trying to mend "other beef"

Its a VERY bad slippery slope and we have 1000000 people telling you texting her is a bad idea. JUST saying "Merry Christmas" is even worse and isnt even anything.

 

Again,you wont listen so I mean do with what you feel. You remind me so much of Vinsanity its unreal.....

 

 

That is exactly how I felt few months ago...I just couldn't stop with the messaging, he never responded to any of them. Althogught I didn't expect him to answer, I was even mader that he didn't give a sh*t about what I am saying or expressing,so I kept going on and on and on... I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

[Vicente]

Sending a Marry Christmas text doesnt do a damn thing. Its a incredibly small gesture of good will. I say Merry Christmas to my landlord and we fight all the f***ing time. It wont make her be like "Oh, I'm cool with him now." It honestly wont do a THING. I can see you saying Merry Christmas and this:

 

1. She doesnt respond so you send another text asking why or just trying to keep the convo going

 

2. She writes back something like "Thanks you too." Then, you get all excited and start writing back more until she gets annoyed and it makes things worse. You then send messages to try and mend this "beef" before even trying to mend "other beef"

 

Its a VERY bad slippery slope and we have 1000000 people telling you texting her is a bad idea. JUST saying "Merry Christmas" is even worse and isnt even anything.

 

Again,you wont listen so I mean do with what you feel. You remind me so much of Vinsanity its unreal.....

 

don't worry about it bro, its my problem not yours.

 

i'm not this "vinsanity" just because i have a similar name. i read his threads, he's got way more issues than me.

 

if she responds i'm not going to go overboard, if she says "thanks you too" i'll leave it at that!!! i promise!

[Simon Phoenix]

do you guys listen to me? i said i don't expect anything from her, but i just want to let her know i'm hopping on the good foot and squashing the beef we have.

 

We are listening to you. The problem is, you aren't listening to us. This is a really bad plan you have here. Like facepalm, cringing bad. The best apology you could give is to leave her the hell alone. She realizes that you were emotional and over time, she'll forgive you on your own. You clumsily initiating contact isn't going to have the effect you want it to have.

 

That being said, this thread is on page 8 and you are still fighting common sense, so you might as well do it. It's obvious that you think running into brick walls is preferable to using a door knob to open a door, so have fun with it.

[lostsoul4286]

We are listening to you. The problem is, you aren't listening to us. This is a really bad plan you have here. Like facepalm, cringing bad. The best apology you could give is to leave her the hell alone. She realizes that you were emotional and over time, she'll forgive you on your own. You clumsily initiating contact isn't going to have the effect you want it to have.

 

That being said, this thread is on page 8 and you are still fighting common sense, so you might as well do it. It's obvious that you think running into brick walls is preferable to using a door knob to open a door, so have fun with it.

 

Don't do it!!! Take this from a guy who's repeatedly walked in and out of women's lives before. The best thing to do is give it time. Life of course caught up to me and lost my first love recently. She wished me happy holidays yesterday, but before that wish, she took stabs, and told me I needed to emotionally grow up... she's the one self medicating and with severe issues when it comes to stress. I didn't wish her anything, though I love her, its time for the healing process to begin.

[reddragon588]

smh... 8 pages of no, only listens to the one post of yes. Good luck my friend.

[reddragon588]

Yeah, where is Vinsanity? Vincent isn't the same person, is he?

 

I heard from Vinsanity, he is getting some help and should be doing better.

[L1ght]

That is exactly how I felt few months ago...I just couldn't stop with the messaging, he never responded to any of them. Althogught I didn't expect him to answer, I was even mader that he didn't give a sh*t about what I am saying or expressing,so I kept going on and on and on... I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Honestly the desperation that you showed while he constantly ignored you should be taken as a lesson to never make the same mistakes again in future (been there, done that and don't intend to ever make that mistake again). So if you find yourself in that position again don't get suckered into reaching out and acting all desperate.....if someone fails to acknowledge the efforts you are making and ignores you then just ignore them right back otherwise they will just make you feel as bad then as you do now. If it's the end of the relationship and they don't reach out to you then so be it but at least you will be able to hold your head high and say you didn't let them sucker you into such a vulnerable position this time.

Most important thing is to MAKE THEM COME TO YOU, NEVER GO TO THEM FIRST otherwise you will regret it.

P.S. Merry Christmas and good luck.

[SameOldFear]

I hope neither of them contacted their exes. I haven't read through every page to know the full stories, but I'm fighting the urge to contact my ex right now. In the end, I know if he wanted to talk to me on Christmas he would've. Additionally, it's so predictable of me. I don't know what goes through his head, but I do know he's probably at least a little surprised I haven't contacted him for so long, and I'm not doing it on Christmas either. There's two possibilities, on the ex's ends here:

1. They're waiting to be contacted by you. Not in a good, "they want to get back together" way, but in a they want to have power back over you. The ego is bruising and they want to know that you're still hooked on them and can't stand not talking to them. They'll feed off of your weakness. In this case, they might throw you breadcrumbs or ignore you to keep the power.

2. They don't care and haven't thought about it. They might not respond, or will with a simple "You too." This isn't good for you either.

 

^ Neither of those situations are good. If your ex wanted you back, they'd get you back.

[L1ght]

To the OP. Don't do it. Silence is the only answer now. Simple.

[StyleOnEm]

Send it already!!! I'm curious to know what happens next. *Grabs popcorn*

[mtnbiker3000]

I heard from Vinsanity, he is getting some help and should be doing better.

 

That's a relief. Hope he works through some of his issues and feels better soon

[David87]

Vincente you are at page 8 of the thread, and the debate is : to send or not a text mesage containing Merry Christmas. Does that sound normal to you, don't you see that this is not natural.

[melell]

People need to chill.

 

I think it is pretty clear that op's intentions are emotionally charged, but I also think there is some decency there.

 

If someone broke up with me, and I was hurtful in how I spoke to them, I would apologize, even if they hurt me a million times more- because I do think it is important to do what is right.

 

If you feel bad about something, then go ahead, apologize. Even if it hurts like a bitch, and ****s with you, if you believe it is the right thing to do then do it. Tit for tat is nothing.

 

Everyone is commenting in a really caring way-obviously no contact is the best for you. But if you think apologizing is the right thing to do, then do it.

 

Save that merry christmas bs though- flat out apologize, say the truth and then leave it alone for good.

[billyjotomas]

Why would you do such a thing?

 

 

tyler could u look at my sistuation i posted on the 8 year breakup thread

[Zoe Lilith]

Don't beat yourself up about it. Honestly the desperation that you showed while he constantly ignored you should be taken as a lesson to never make the same mistakes again in future (been there, done that and don't intend to ever make that mistake again). So if you find yourself in that position again don't get suckered into reaching out and acting all desperate.....if someone fails to acknowledge the efforts you are making and ignores you then just ignore them right back otherwise they will just make you feel as bad then as you do now. If it's the end of the relationship and they don't reach out to you then so be it but at least you will be able to hold your head high and say you didn't let them sucker you into such a vulnerable position this time.

Most important thing is to MAKE THEM COME TO YOU, NEVER GO TO THEM FIRST otherwise you will regret it.

P.S. Merry Christmas and good luck.

 

Thank you L1ght,

 

Oh I learned my lesson, I just wished that I didn't done that. That's exactly what I am trying to tell the OP...I hope that he didn't and won't do it. Thank you for your post Happy Holidays.

[L1ght]

Thank you L1ght,

 

Oh I learned my lesson, I just wished that I didn't done that. That's exactly what I am trying to tell the OP...I hope that he didn't and won't do it. Thank you for your post Happy Holidays.

Yeah...wishing you didn't make the mistake, that's understandable but from my perspective its been over a year since I made the same mistake as you and the time/reflection of events has helped me grow a lot. I look back and I realise that I could have kept "the power" in the relationship if I'd just been a little more disciplined and strong willed yet like you I fell in to that trap. It's a game, it really is and once your partner tries to throw the silent treatment on you the best strategy is to go completely silent back and look towards your other options (i.e. look towards other potential lovers as a threat and to prove you aren't worthless) then I pretty much guarantee your partner will regret the decision they made and will come back but only if you throw the silent treatment back sharply and swiftly. Keep your cards close to your chest and don't give them any indication of how you feel at that moment in time emotionally....that's where me and you lost the game before. Lets not allow it to happen again.

Edited December 27, 2013 by L1ght

[chris21422]

So where are you vicente?? Give us an update :laugh:

[L1ght]

Its a complicated issue....I mean how can you expect someone to have your best interests at heart when they have forgotten how to love themselves?

If someone can't even find the will to respond to you and defensively ignores you then you really cant trust them anymore. They are ignoring you because they are scared and don't know what else to do......so just do it right back and beat them at their own game. You will definitely see what they are made of once they reach out to you after this point. (Like I say, notice the signs early and ignore the motherf*cker back quickly and sharply before their actions gain enough momentum to put you in a vulnerable position).....otherwise you may as well kiss holding any kind of relevant status in the relationship goodbye.