if you still love her, wish her Merry Christmas.

[Vicente]

wow, so here's what happened, i said "merry x-mas, hope all is well." then she responds later in the night saying:

 

"We can go back and remind ourselves why our relationship did not work, so I want to focus on the post relationship. I can take this time to talk about why I get frustrated, angry, and upset with your actions, but I have already expressed that. I am not going to apologize for anything I have said, but I will apologize for how I have delivered it.. I am sorry.

 

During this break up, I have come to realize that I have the choice to leave and be a stranger to you, but I have chosen to stick around longer than I have should. I am the one that let you push my buttons and let you still be in contact with me. I am the one that let you push me to my boiling point. So I can keep telling you to leave me alone or stop talking to me, but I will still let opportunities of conversation to happen. Why is that?

 

It is because I still care for your growth and I wanted to be there for you. That is who I am. As long as the person is learning and growing, I will let myself stay in situations that are not healthy for me. When you bring up your depression or when you break down, I get suckered into the sadness and end up wanting to help you. Moreover, when you say hurtful things to upset me, I want to correct you and teach you why it is wrong so you can learn. No matter how much I know it is affecting me and how abusive it is, I still stick around. However, it is time that I full let you go now. There is so much I can do, and this is just as tiring as being in a relationship with you. I cannot do this anymore.

 

I just want you to grow and learn more about yourself. I want you to find strength and learn what your worth is. I hope that you will accept what you can and cannot control, distinguish what your mind thinks and what your heart feels, and separate what is wrong and right. I want you to understand that life can be unfair, but it is worth the experience. Every moment is a learning opportunity; whether it is a lesson or a blessing.

 

this was a meaningful relationship we had. but every relationship will teach you more about yourself and you will get closer and closer to the relationship you deserve. You will meet the true one for you that will love you the way I could not. She will be that perfect woman in your eyes.

 

I understand how much I mean to you.. and I appreciate that care, but if you love me like you say you do, then you would want me to be happy. I really need this time and space to heal and forgive. I cannot fully do it when you still try to rush this process. There is a higher chance of losing me and becoming strangers by forcing things to happen than respecting the space I need and letting things happen on its own.

 

I do not know what else I need say to stress how I feel and where I stand.. I hope you understand and forgive me one day for this break up. Thank you for taking the time to read this.. Take care Vic."

 

well that's that.

Edited December 27, 2013 by Vicente

[LoveShook]

Thats quite a lecture from her. The good part is she didnt simply respond with a "thank you, you too". That would leave you to wonder. She expressed herself and left you nothing to wonder about with her response. So be thankful she did do that.

 

I dont know exactly what went on between you two. No one here truly will know, but hopefully that response will make it easier to move on from her.

[JDPT]

Sounds pretty stand up and your ex is trying to make this transition as "painless" as possible for the both of you. As I read this I wished my ex had said something along the lines of this rather than disappearing on me. Love and learn, if I were you I would push forward, there isn't anything more to say.

[organizedchaos]

In other words, it's all your fault and she is blameless. Is that accurate? Did you get what you want now?

[FloridaKeys]

You were supposed to apologize to get that off your chest, and wish her luck (ie. say good-bye), no?

 

Now, she took total power and basically handed your $ss to you. And, you didn't get your apology in - but I guess that really wasn't the point, was it.

[whichwayisup]

As a matter of fact she did, said "please forgive me for leaving you. i'm sorry you're in pain, but its no easy for me to do this. i no longer can put effort into this relationship. i'm sorry and thank you for everything Vic."

 

when she was trying to be civil i lashed out because i was emotional.

 

Then write her a note and say that you want peace, that you forgive her. Wish her well and move on with your life. Do this to set yourself free, not to try to woo her back. If she comes looking for you in the future, then possibly you two can date again, slowly start and rebuild a new relationship. But, until that happens, IF it happens, go on with your life. Grieve this loss and let go of her.

[vassilbg]

... and THIS my friends, is the EXACT reason why don't reach out to your ex and stay NC

 

Don't chase, replace. I respond if engaged, but I refuse to engage exactly because I LIKE having the power post BU.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, hopefully this gets the need to contact her out of your head. That's why you don't do what you did, because it's like running into a buzzsaw. Her buzzsaw was more powerful than most.

[Vicente]

i don't know what to say if i did respond.

 

this sucks, she's cutting me off. i tried to be civil, make amends and she overreacts like this.

[BC1980]

Hopefully, this will teach you a lesson. I was taught a lesson after I had my *ss handed to me the last time I broke NC. I kept in LC with my ex after the breakup, and, when I went NC, I broke it after 3 months. When talking to him, I kept putting my foot in my mouth and continued to look weak and pathetic. It was like I couldn't help myself when I spoke to him. I had to go and say something emotional or just stupid.

 

It just needs to stop, which is why people advocate NC. You are really protecting yourself. Like someone else said, why devote page after page asking to text someone Merry Christmas. It isn't worth all of that. Sometimes the path of least resistance (NC) is the best.

[Jord11]

Exactly why I didn't say one word to my ex on Christmas, why go through that hurt again because I know saying anything won't change a damn thing, nc it is! She doesn't deserve anything from me

[Simon Phoenix]

i don't know what to say if i did respond.

 

this sucks, she's cutting me off. i tried to be civil, make amends and she overreacts like this.

 

What you should have said before -- not a god damn thing.

[pickflicker]

i don't know what to say if i did respond.

 

this sucks, she's cutting me off. i tried to be civil, make amends and she overreacts like this.

 

In her mind, the relationship is over. It's not an overreaction, things have simply come to a natural conclusion.

 

I hope you get the closure you're looking for from emailing her and can now move on. Good luck.

[melell]

F that was patronizing, wow.

 

You know what, I really do believe people who patronize have a very unique way of belittling others- I hope this bu doesn't mess with your confidence, and I hope it doesn't leave you with a warped view of yourself.

[WhiteTan]

Not trying to be rude but I think I can see why she broke up with you based off of your demeanor in this thread.

 

You should take some time to really put things into perspective instead of just seeing everything the way you want to see it. On top of that, you may want to reevaluate how you communicate with others because blowing up at somebody is never a healthy way to express yourself.

 

Thing is, you took the initiative to make this thread and ask for advice .. but then literally ignored all ten pages of it and did what you wanted to do anyway. very stubborn, sir! i have a feeling your stubbornness played a role in this break up but it doesn't matter anymore either way. you texted her, she asked you to stop, and now it's time to leave things where they are before she gets a restraining order.

 

good luck

Edited December 28, 2013 by WhiteTan

[headinthecloud]

i don't know what to say if i did respond.

 

this sucks, she's cutting me off. i tried to be civil, make amends and she overreacts like this.

 

Try looking at it from another perspective. She respected you enough to put in the time and effort to give you closure. You're never going to get anything more than this - its clear, honest, and direct. There should be no questions now. She doesn't sound like a terrible person but rather that she's trying to move on and you hanging on for closure is frustrating her. She just wants you to stop holding on to the past.

 

The hard part is just accepting that the RS is over...done...finito. There is no chance for reconciliation or friendship at this time. If you want to respond, which I don't recommend, then simply say, "I wish you joy and happiness for you in your life. Be well." don't say thank you or any acknowledgement of what was said. Be thankful that the RS happened and have faith in what will be.

[pickflicker]

Try looking at it from another perspective. She respected you enough to put in the time and effort to give you closure. You're never going to get anything more than this - its clear, honest, and direct. There should be no questions now. She doesn't sound like a terrible person but rather that she's trying to move on and you hanging on for closure is frustrating her. She just wants you to stop holding on to the past.

 

The hard part is just accepting that the RS is over...done...finito. There is no chance for reconciliation or friendship at this time. If you want to respond, which I don't recommend, then simply say, "I wish you joy and happiness for you in your life. Be well." don't say thank you or any acknowledgement of what was said. Be thankful that the RS happened and have faith in what will be.

 

She would have been completely justified in ignoring him (in fact, I probably would have).

 

I'm kind of in awe of her. If that was her genuine response, good for her.

[lauri]

Judging from how your ex wrote, you sound like you pushed her away to the point of almost no return. Good news is you have the chance to avoid all this unnessary pain by staying NC from now.

 

Your ex also mentioned something very important: "some other girl will make you very happy". In her mind she can already accept you being with someone else. This means her interest level is so low in you that there is almost no point of return. I dont think you can raise it back up because the traits that caused this breakup are stored in her brain forever.

 

Its done. Finito.

 

Take all the mistakes you made from this relationship, past and present, and write them down on a piece of paper. Learn from them so when the next girl who comes along will be impressed by the new you .

Edited December 28, 2013 by lauri

[movingonnow1]

Judging from how your ex wrote, you sound like you pushed her away to the point of almost no return. Good news is you have the chance to avoid all this unnecessary pain by staying NC from now.

 

Your ex also mentioned something very important: "some other girl will make you very happy". In her mind she can already accept you being with someone else. This means her interest level is so low in you that there is almost no point of return. I dont think you can raise it back up because the traits that caused this breakup are stored in her brain forever.

 

Its done. Finito.

 

Take all the mistakes you made from this relationship, past and present, and write them down on a piece of paper. Learn from them so when the next girl who comes along will be impressed by the new you .

 

I hope you read this post and realise everything that was said here...

 

She isn't into you anymore and there is no coming back. I hope you eliminate any hope you have of getting with her and think it is her loss!!! You will find someone more suitable for you that will make you smile and not hurt you like you are now...keep strong my friend...be wise and listen to peoples advice rather then searching for the advice you wish was true.