11 Years gone - 16 Years Old to 27 Years old -

[chris21422]

Things get better man, Just need time to heal.. Don't rush on dating woman bro if you are not ready..

 

You can simply change your priorities.. ex: making your financial better.

 

You will get past through it bro.. your only 27.. people in there 30's and 40's go through break up too..

 

so don't think of it like you wasted time in your life take it as a learning experience so the next one you don't make the same mistakes..

 

good luck bro.

 

 

thanks guys - Just an update ( i feel better after i write it down. dot know why)

 

Perhaps been a few days since my last post. Have been eating well, nothing processed as mentioned before. I do exercise, and i train hard so im tired when i need to sleep. Im tired but cannot sleep. I think its just going to take time.

 

So its been nearly a month NC, and about a month and a half since i last saw her. We have one or two mutual friends, that are actually my friends from varsity. Jamie is seeing these people, and its hard for me to deal with. I would love it if she made her own god damn friends and spent time with them, but once again, everything she has, and the good people she has met is because of me. I wont do anything about it, ill just block and delete, and i just don't want to know. I want no contact, i want absolutely nothing to come back to me. Its to hard to deal with.

 

I have found another lady, we just friends for now but i know she wants more. I have told her the truth regarding my psychological mess ( in less gory details obviously) so that helps. It eats up allot of time and if i feel like going for dinner, there is someone that will want to do so with me, however it just isn't the same, not in the slightest. I understand its a healthy thing to do, but i know im still not in the right place for it. Wow - this sucks actually... Not what i planned for my life

 

She has asked me to come over to her place a few times, not sure if i can at this moment. Just not ready for that, not sure when i will be.

 

So Jamie has not contacted me in way or mean since it has been over. I see mistakes that i had made very clearly now, and i think its because i felt content with life, and let go a little. I now understand that one should never let go, and its probably best if you stay on your toes when in a relationship. Pretend everyday with your partner is like the first month of a relationship. Keep things spicy, and always try new things in the bedroom (healthy things)

 

Perhaps the stress of the marriage, and the financial burden of everything caused me to become complaisant. Will never make that mistake again. NEVER

 

Anyways guys, regardless if this is a little disjointed, but it honestly helps a bit when putting it down on paper. Perhaps in years to come it may help somebody else.

 

If everyone took and eye for an eye, we would all be blind - Ghandi

[barky2]

Felt the need to chime in on this since I was with my ex from 15-25.

 

I'm about 2 years post bu so I wanted to give you maybe a glimmer of hope and how I got through it.

 

First off you're going to have ok days and really bad ones, but I encourage you deeply to fight thru the bad ones, go to sleep early if you have to.

 

Constantly be out with friends.

 

You haven't had "you" time in a long ass time.

 

Go be single.

 

Date.

 

Hookup.

 

Travel.

 

Do whatever the hell you want to do!

 

Keep fightig though.

 

Leave her the hell alone.

 

If she writes or calls, post here, we have a great community who will lead you in the right direction.

 

Mine came back, plenty of times.

 

Most of it was to dangle the carrot, to see if I was still there.

 

Finally she moved mountains for me, and I accepted.

 

But in the time we were apart, I grew.

 

THATS what I want you to do.

 

GROW.

 

Take a breath, I promise everything will be fine.

 

At the end of the day, it didn't work out with us, but that was my choice.

 

And I moved on and found someone new, and I've never been happier.

 

Keep fighting thru, pm me if you need to, different circumstances, but I've been right where you are, almost same time frame and all.

 

If you continue to fight, you'll be happily rewarded, one way or another.

 

That's my promise.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[julzfromsa]

Felt the need to chime in on this since I was with my ex from 15-25.

 

I'm about 2 years post bu so I wanted to give you maybe a glimmer of hope and how I got through it.

 

First off you're going to have ok days and really bad ones, but I encourage you deeply to fight thru the bad ones, go to sleep early if you have to.

 

Constantly be out with friends.

 

You haven't had "you" time in a long ass time.

 

Go be single.

 

Date.

 

Hookup.

 

Travel.

 

Do whatever the hell you want to do!

 

Keep fightig though.

 

Leave her the hell alone.

 

If she writes or calls, post here, we have a great community who will lead you in the right direction.

 

Mine came back, plenty of times.

 

Most of it was to dangle the carrot, to see if I was still there.

 

Finally she moved mountains for me, and I accepted.

 

But in the time we were apart, I grew.

 

THATS what I want you to do.

 

GROW.

 

Take a breath, I promise everything will be fine.

 

At the end of the day, it didn't work out with us, but that was my choice.

 

And I moved on and found someone new, and I've never been happier.

 

Keep fighting thru, pm me if you need to, different circumstances, but I've been right where you are, almost same time frame and all.

 

If you continue to fight, you'll be happily rewarded, one way or another.

 

That's my promise.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Thank you for this Barky - You have no idea how this encourages me and helps me. I know so many people are going through this and i honestly wish them all well. I just want to say thank you to the community, this is probably the best tool in the world for this type of pain. I love you guys..

 

So a quick update. Im still seeing this girl. Taking it slow, very slow. Helps to go watch a movie here and there and im deeply greatful for the role she is playing in my healing process. I have been 100 percent honest with her so the situation in concentual.

 

I got a Message from the X this morning. She is vlocked so it came from a family member on her behalf. It went as such. "Hi Julz, tried callining many times but i cannot get through to you. Just would like to know when will you be coming to fetch your furniture and drop off the phone? I can see that you are doing very well!!!!!!

 

Obviously she has been snooping around my Facebook.

 

I responded.

 

Will arrange with Granddad to drop the phone off and pick up the furniture tomorrow.

 

I don't think her message means anything at all really. Just a little stab at the fact i have not rolled over and died. Anyways, i expect nothing more.

 

Hope you are all well peeps.

 

Julz

[julzfromsa]

Hi there guys.

 

I have been keeping myself very busy these last few days, spending allot of time with friends, going out etc etc. I was actually feeling fine for a while until i got a message from her grandmother - (from the x). She used her grandmothers phone to contact me as she is blocked. She is upset that my stuff is still in the house, and basically told me that she wants it gone as she wants to move on. Allot of the message she sent was rather rude. She says she doesn't understand why i have blocked her from all social media and that it is so immature. If i don't get the stuff out this week she will leave it outside in the rain. (i don't deserve this, if you read my story, i have never been rude or angry or abusive). I get a feeling that she is RATHER upset about the NC thing from me. I have not once tried to be interested (not for one second) at how her life is. I do not need or want to hear it. I know her and this bugs her allot. Besides that, Guys i will stay strict NC forever. She is still cold, rude, and particularly angry for no reason?? Guys what should i make of it. Perhaps nothing, and just move the F$#% on.. Still it sets me back a step..

 

My Response was professional and collected. It went as such. Jamie, i cannot get the furniture out the house this week as it is the festive season and the movers do not go back to work until the 6th of Jan 2014. I have spoken to Granddad and have organised that my stuff will be fetched by this coming weekend. There is absolutely no reason for this to get out of hand as it is most certainly not what i want. Regarding my phone (gift from her), i will return it as the way it was given to me. Regardless of what you may think, i am still an honorable man and will collect only what is mine and fair.

[mantlefan]

I find myself at the age of 27, and my life is upside down. I moved back into my parents place for now with hardly any close friends and a broken heart. I was ready to start a family 2 months ago, now I have to get back in the saddle and meet new people of which i am not motivated to do. I have lost my partner and my best friend, and probably the reason why I was breathing for 11 years of my life. I know how unhealthy that is and that that kind of love is wrong, none the less it is how I felt.

 

I don't know what to say from here or what I am going to do. I have never been a quitter so I will not start quitting now. I'm doing all the healthy things I should be doing like training, speaking to friends, going out, been positive etc but the pangs of grief consume me. I have not contacted or spoken to her since the breakup as I know with no uncertainty that it is over and nothing I do or say will bring her back to me. I love her so deeply that I am willing to let her go. I'm just scared of what will happen to me, will I become lonely and ugly? Will someone love me the way I love them. Will I find someone as beautiful as I thought she was?

 

 

This is the essence of my life right now too. To feel like you love someone so much you just want them to be happy, but once you let them go you have no idea what to do. I want to be angry at her, I look for excuses to hate her, but I know that deep down inside we are both scared kids who loved each other too much for how young we were.

 

 

I am right here with you.

[julzfromsa]

I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling, but if there is 1 peace of advice i can give you, its that you have to love yourself enough to improve. There is nothing that will heal our hearts in a better way than loving yourself. Its not going to be easy for neither of us and all those heartbroken people out there but i know deep down inside, WHEN I AM HEALED, ILL BE BETTER FOR IT. Ill be stronger, and a well improved Julian 2.0!

 

I am having a bad day today, and i accept that, but i know that this pain will end!

 

Julz

[mantlefan]

Julian 2.0...

 

 

I think that's a really good way of looking at it.

 

 

If anything, I think this might help me love with less attachment in the future. The harder you grasp at it, the more liquid or broken in becomes.

 

 

It's really great we found this site. I guess the internet isn't so bad after all...

[julzfromsa]

i have learnt a very hard lesson - im sure you have read my thread. It is ok and natural to love with all your heart, but never LOVE with all that you ARE. There are parts of yourself that should be reserved for you. When you give someone everything, absolutely everything, you loose a bit of yourself and that love often is not reciprocated.

 

Its a hard lesson to learn, it sucks, and it HURTS, but with time we will be ok. And go all out in improving yourself. You deserve it

[julzfromsa]

Ok Guys - She contacted me today. She has been trying to for a while and this is the amazing email i received from her. Bear in mind that i have not contacted her once for nearly 2 months. Not a sliver.. Here Goes:

 

Julian, I just cant believe that you are doing this to me!!

 

You tell me not to be friends with your friends, but then you go out and do it to me. Point proven, congratulations!!

 

You know what, screw you and all your two faced friends!! I know that you were cheating on me !! thank your friend for that!! Im sure you know who i am talking about.. I cant believe you. You tried to put all this guilt on me and for what, to make yourself look like a saint!! Just stay the hell away from me and my family.

 

End of email

 

ok, No1 - I have not contact with her and her family for nearly 2 months.. I have stayed away.

 

No 2. The person she is talking about is a friend from varsity. Known her for 4 years straight and i had no idea they were spending time together. Its not like they were her friends in the first place. We went once with a group of architect friends of mine away for a weekend and this girl was there.. We had a get together and my mate invited her because we are friends from way back.

 

No 3 - the guilt thing??? how can i put guilt on anyone with communicating that to them, remember NC for nearly 2 months..lol?????

 

No 4 - Cheating. Really, she went to Panama for 10 days and met a guy for 2 days with whom she slept with. 11 years gone. Besides that I am a good man and in 11 years never have even considered been unfaithful.

 

 

Ok - so, Bitch???? not been ugly but damn, i don't deserve that.

 

Anyways i did not respond - and i wont.. Loving this NC thing. Oh yes, she emailed my work address. Didn't expect that

 

WTF

[julzfromsa]

Taking 3 mates, a van and lots of courage. Picking up all my furniture this weekend. Then closed book forever. wish me luck guys... This time ill make sure my mate packs away all her laundry.. Do not want to see her new undies!

 

[mantlefan]

Stuff like that is good.

 

 

It seems masochistic, but I don't think it is. There is something liberating when they hurt you, or try to. You know that you should not be as devoted as you feel like being sometimes.

[julzfromsa]

its actually a odd feeling because i just don't have this desire to respond. I really don't know why. It sucks shes been such a B but other than her dig at me and my mates i could give a flying....

 

Weird

[julzfromsa]

Not a great day today. Feeling sad after the email. Still NC and happy about that.

 

Miss her stupid smile!!! FFF MAN

[mantlefan]

Yeah, right now I am really messed up about the idea of people changing.

 

 

Our exes both seemed like wonderful people once, and there are still things about them that we remember as wonderful. But then all this venom comes out, the dishonesty, the harshness. We learn things that put the past into perspective and we realize it wasn't all that rosy. But there are still those moments, like waking up and seeing her face or remembering that time she said something and read your thoughts better than you could, where you were sure she was the one you were meant to devote a major part of yourself to. And even the bad things you know about her now can't kill those moments, and can't make you stop missing them.

 

 

I often hear the advice:

"Don't be with someone and expect them to change, you'll be miserable."

 

 

But when you are with someone and things are great and you want them to stay the same, at least one of you changes!

 

 

Maybe the solution is to be with someone you can't stand. That way, you'll have consistency.

 

 

I am being more than a little bitter. Sometimes it's good to laugh even when it hurts though.

 

 

Chin up, friend. We'll get through it. It gets annoying to hear that over and over again sometimes, but maybe that's because we KNOW it's true but sometimes don't WANT it to be true. Being miserable and loving her sometimes seems better than moving on with my life. Please check me into the nuthouse!

[julzfromsa]

Yeah, right now I am really messed up about the idea of people changing.

 

 

Our exes both seemed like wonderful people once, and there are still things about them that we remember as wonderful. But then all this venom comes out, the dishonesty, the harshness. We learn things that put the past into perspective and we realize it wasn't all that rosy. But there are still those moments, like waking up and seeing her face or remembering that time she said something and read your thoughts better than you could, where you were sure she was the one you were meant to devote a major part of yourself to. And even the bad things you know about her now can't kill those moments, and can't make you stop missing them.

 

 

I often hear the advice:

"Don't be with someone and expect them to change, you'll be miserable."

 

 

But when you are with someone and things are great and you want them to stay the same, at least one of you changes!

 

 

Maybe the solution is to be with someone you can't stand. That way, you'll have consistency.

 

 

I am being more than a little bitter. Sometimes it's good to laugh even when it hurts though.

 

 

Chin up, friend. We'll get through it. It gets annoying to hear that over and over again sometimes, but maybe that's because we KNOW it's true but sometimes don't WANT it to be true. Being miserable and loving her sometimes seems better than moving on with my life. Please check me into the nuthouse!

 

This made me feel better mate. I thank you for your kind words and its honestly helps that i know im not alone.

 

To be honest, I cannot deal with the way she has changed. I cant look at a photo, in fact, i have not looked at a photo of her in 2 months. I cant remember her voice, but i remember the times we had. I also can clearly remember how spiteful and selfish she can be...

 

Why do i miss her so much.. I know its not healthy or rational, but i just do. Some days are better than others i suppose..

[mantlefan]

Hey man, if you're comfortable talking through email, you could mail me at [email protected]

 

 

It's a dummy email of mine that I post on forums. I'll send you my real email from there.

 

 

I think we could help each other a lot, we seem to be in a similar place.

[mantlefan]

I don't know if this should make me feel better, but for awhile I would listen to a lot of depressing "I miss you" music, and coming here, I actually saw a similar thing I discovered in the music:

 

 

No one is really all that different from anyone else.

 

 

Everyone makes mistakes, everyone is scared of something, everyone tries to control what they are afraid of.

 

 

I think being real, we are not that much better worse than our exes, even if they hurt us much more than we hurt them (which may or many not be true, and probably doesn't matter anyways).

 

 

That doesn't mean that we should ignore the ways they have caused us to suffer and vice versa. I think it's a waste to look at who is a better person, or who is even good, even though I want to sometimes.

 

 

It's much better I think to look honestly at whether or not, in terms of us and our exes, if we are good FOR EACH OTHER.

 

 

And I think it gets more and more real for you and I each day that our exes are not good for us. And I am saying this as much for me as I am for you.

 

 

That's OK that we aren't good for each other. It's OK that we were wrong. Now we just need to figure out how to move forward.

 

 

And that's the beauty of NC. No matter what I want, it seems like it is the solution.

 

 

Reconciliation? My healing? Her being happy? My being happy? Revenge?

 

 

No matter what I want at any given time, selfless or totally selfish and downright cruel, NC is the way to go.

[BC1980]

That email was definitely for attention. That's usually the last resort because her ego is so big. She is looking for a reason to get you to respond. Above anything else, people hate to be ignored.

[julzfromsa]

That email was definitely for attention. That's usually the last resort because her ego is so big. She is looking for a reason to get you to respond. Above anything else, people hate to be ignored.

 

Agreed.. She asked for it to be honest. She didn't want romantic relationship and i don't want to be friends. She needs to deal with that just as i have to deal with it. So grow up Jamie, and GTFO!

 

[David87]

Agreed.. She asked for it to be honest. She didn't want romantic relationship and i don't want to be friends. She needs to deal with that just as i have to deal with it. So grow up Jamie, and GTFO!

 

 

Did she send you another email or something?

[julzfromsa]

No, when we split i told her. Nearly 2 months ago..

 

BUT **** GOT REAL NOW:

 

So through the grape vine, Long long convoluted grapevine, my brother heard that she has been saying that she is now pregnant with my child. WTF.

 

1) If that were true, Jamie would have been all up in my face when she found out. I have heard nothing from her, and even though she is blocked, she has my dads phone number, my brothers, email addresses. She knows where i live so i would know!

 

2) There is a very very very very small chance that she has fallen pregnant from me.

 

3) What should I do.. Is this her trying to get me to break the NC.. wtf

 

4) She was with someone else. I dont know what she has been up too?? This is getting FFFFFDDDD up very quickly.

[DreamLost]

No, when we split i told her. Nearly 2 months ago..

 

BUT **** GOT REAL NOW:

 

So through the grape vine, Long long convoluted grapevine, my brother heard that she has been saying that she is now pregnant with my child. WTF.

 

1) If that were true, Jamie would have been all up in my face when she found out. I have heard nothing from her, and even though she is blocked, she has my dads phone number, my brothers, email addresses. She knows where i live so i would know!

 

2) There is a very very very very small chance that she has fallen pregnant from me.

 

3) What should I do.. Is this her trying to get me to break the NC.. wtf

 

4) She was with someone else. I dont know what she has been up too?? This is getting FFFFFDDDD up very quickly.

 

 

How reliable is the source your brother has heard from? If you are positive that the baby is not yours then there is nothing to worry about.

 

Just keep your cool dude, you are doing fine.

[David87]

No, when we split i told her. Nearly 2 months ago..

 

BUT **** GOT REAL NOW:

 

So through the grape vine, Long long convoluted grapevine, my brother heard that she has been saying that she is now pregnant with my child. WTF.

 

1) If that were true, Jamie would have been all up in my face when she found out. I have heard nothing from her, and even though she is blocked, she has my dads phone number, my brothers, email addresses. She knows where i live so i would know!

 

2) There is a very very very very small chance that she has fallen pregnant from me.

 

3) What should I do.. Is this her trying to get me to break the NC.. wtf

 

4) She was with someone else. I dont know what she has been up too?? This is getting FFFFFDDDD up very quickly.

I don't think she is pregnant, or maybe she is but not with you. Don't break NC let her do that.

[julzfromsa]

Well she is Def not pregnant with my child. Absolute NC for almost 2 and a half months now. She just wanted to stir the pot, cause trouble and be malicious.

 

Im slowly getting over her, i still miss her but its starting to feel a little bit different. Because i have deleted everything, and have absolutely no reminders, im starting to forget her.

 

I suppose meeting somebody new also helps right. Even though this girl is better in every-way, i still feel love for Jamie. Strange how that works.

 

Julz out!

[oracle]

Feel for ya man. I did 19 - 35. If you haven't already, read my thread pinned to the top of the section (Realistic tips for surviving the end of your relationship)