realfriends Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Reading a couple of peoples post, and also relating to what I have gone through, I tend to ask myself, "Is ignorance really bliss"? Once you have been cheated on, do you really want to know all the details of the affair, whether you guys decide to work it out or move on, or do you never look back and just deal with the cards you have been handed? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Cheaters do not respect other people or care very much about their relationships. Available knowledge and information of an affair is won't change that. You do not need to know all of the details of an affair. But you do need mutual respect and open communication in any healthy relationship. Both parties need to offer their willing consent to not only work together, but decide for themselves what they want. Ignorance allows a problem to fester and continue grow. Relationships entail excitement, passion, caring, and love between two people. Never feel as though you need to sit there while it feels like your heart is being ripped out your chest. Relationships aren't about being dealt a poor hand at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 Watch House M.D. I remember this topic being brought up many times. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I don't want lies but don't want the details either. I just end it. I can't be with a cheater. Tried forgiving one once and it just drove me insane and as a result the relationship became very, VERY bad. Yet it was seemingly fine before that. I heard through the grape vine that she tells everyone that I was the one who cheated and I was physically abusive. Both are lies. She also punched me in the face on more than one occasion. I guess it makes her feel good to be seen as a victim? Maybe it relieves her guilt or something, I dunno. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FrankieFrank Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Nope because cheating is a dealbreaker and Id want to know if I was investing myself and my future in a cheater. Depriving someone you supposedly "love" of that crucial information and disallowing them to make an informed decision about their own future is an incredibly disrespectful thing. I mean on a basic human decency level. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 In this case, NO. I want to know exactly why it happened, at least. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 My wife and I have never cheated on each other, nor have we in any past relationships. We've discussed this, as we discuss many things, are are of the opinion that if the cheating is over and done, and the person who cheated learned from it and will not repeat their actions, we'd rather not know about it after the fact. We feel that while confessing may be selfishly beneficial to the cheater, it dumps the emotional upheaval and decision-making responsibility on their partner. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss, at least compared to the consequences of confession. If it were a current transgression, yes we'd want to know so we could take appropriate action. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I would want to know the details. I would also want testing done for stds. HIV has evolved and there is a new aggressive strain. My buddy is now dead because his wife had an affair, and gave him stds. (HIV, AIDS) Past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior. And when my wife cheated, she got very emotionally involved with the OM. Some cheaters get very emotionally involved with their AP. 2 more years until the last son is out of the house, and we are done. We have been done since I found out, but we will not see each other hopefully after these 2 years are over. Link to post Share on other sites
FrankieFrank Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 HIV has evolved and there is a new aggressive strain. My buddy is now dead because his wife had an affair, and gave him stds. (HIV, AIDS) I hope there are legal consequences for stuff like that. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 HIV has evolved and there is a new aggressive strain. My buddy is now dead because his wife had an affair, and gave him stds. (HIV, AIDS) I'm so terribly sorry.... This made me very very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I would want to know the details. I would also want testing done for stds. HIV has evolved and there is a new aggressive strain. My buddy is now dead because his wife had an affair, and gave him stds. (HIV, AIDS) Past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior. And when my wife cheated, she got very emotionally involved with the OM. Some cheaters get very emotionally involved with their AP. 2 more years until the last son is out of the house, and we are done. We have been done since I found out, but we will not see each other hopefully after these 2 years are over. This is why I wouldn't cheat. It's why I can't take anyone serious who says they were in love with their partner but cheated anyway. The risk is to great. Not just Aids and HIV either. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I would want to know the details. I would also want testing done for stds. HIV has evolved and there is a new aggressive strain. My buddy is now dead because his wife had an affair, and gave him stds. (HIV, AIDS) Past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior. And when my wife cheated, she got very emotionally involved with the OM. Some cheaters get very emotionally involved with their AP. 2 more years until the last son is out of the house, and we are done. We have been done since I found out, but we will not see each other hopefully after these 2 years are over. I'm so sorry... These two years must be incredibly painful for you. I knew a man who cheated on his wife. He had unprotected sex at dogging sites with other men. He brought HIV home to his wife and they became the laughing stock of the neighborhood. I remember their daughter who was a classmate being teased for this in high-school. Very upsetting. I hope that anyone, whether they're the cheater or the faithful spouse, stay safe and get tested. Link to post Share on other sites
MasonJarTeaDrinker Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 i leave and never look back...the details only make things worse.. especially if you have an active and colorful imagination Damn, this is so true, that imagination will dominate your thoughts for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author realfriends Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 I know during the beginning of my break up, all I wanted to know was the details. Although she told me what base I guess you can say she went to, there was still a lot of details missing that ate at me for the next coming weeks. All I could do was play games in my head as to all the details. I ended up not getting the full detail, but only because I dont think it would of solved anything. I knew what she had done, and thats it. One thing my mom tells me is that theres no use of trying to make sense of nonsense. It didnt make sense and im glad I still dont know. What will be interesting however is if we do reconcile. Without knowing all of the details, I feel like it could lead to a lot of trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatMan Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 It didnt make sense and im glad I still dont know. What will be interesting however is if we do reconcile. Without knowing all of the details, I feel like it could lead to a lot of trouble. May I ask why you would reconcile? Her behavior and how she chooses to treat you is more 'interesting' than your own imagination. Link to post Share on other sites
Author realfriends Posted December 27, 2013 Author Share Posted December 27, 2013 May I ask why you would reconcile? Her behavior and how she chooses to treat you is more 'interesting' than your own imagination. Im playing hypotheticals of course. As we speak right now, I dont plan on ever hearing from her again. Also, I know I must move on and completely get over her. She hasn't even tried to fight for me being the dumper. That was the hardest thing about all of this. I thought that yeah, she messed up, but she didnt even try to win me back. She was done with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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