RonaldS Posted December 24, 2013 Share Posted December 24, 2013 (edited) I think for most of us here, in one way or another, Christmas just isn't the same anymore. Regardless of what the day truly means to us, our faiths and beliefs, whether or not we attach it to a relationship with God, whether or not we're Christian or whatever qualifier you want to throw in there.... The thing that we associate with Christmas is 'family'. For most of us here, that family that we were constructing, or had created and grown into, is gone as we knew it. Some of the people are still there, hopefully, but a lot of those special connections, and the memories with those people, are gone. It doesn't matter how tough you are, or how great the people around you are....it's almost inevitable that sadness and emptiness creeps in. For me, I really miss my Xw's family. Sure, Christmas with them was boring and predictable, but wow....I really miss that warmth, that closeness, and that belonging. They still do things exactly the same way, except that I'm not part of it. I miss my brother-in-law. He was my brother. We had everything in common and did everything together. We spent 14 Christmases together, and now he and his wife are having kids, and I have kids, which would have just taken it to the next level. Yes, I will have my kids tomorrow and for a couple of days afterward, but I don't have any family anywhere near me, so tonight it's just me alone tonight. I'm wrapping stuff for the kids, and putting stockings out for the kids, but man....it's pretty lonely. Anyway, all of us, whether we left or were left, whether we've been divorced for years or have just begun that journey....we've all lost something, and Christmas has a way of really magnifying that loss. Just wanted to throw a quick post out there to let people know that they're not alone. It's going to be a sad couple of days and nights for a lot of us, even though we won't necessarily be alone. So, I hope everybody finds something, somebody or some way to enjoy this Christmas. I hope everybody finds a way to forget about the loss or the absence or the change of routine for a little while, and cherishes those people who are still in our lives. Good luck, everybody. Edited December 24, 2013 by RonaldS 5 Link to post Share on other sites
dumped2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Merry Christmas dude! Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Ronald, your post might as well have been written by me--even down to the wrapping presents alone and having no family anywhere close. Unfortunately I don't even get my kids until the 28th. That's just standard in my state. I'll be positive and say that there is a certain goodness to being lonely. You reflect, you grow, and I believe you are CLOSEST to God when lonely. Sometimes I have this strange idea that God, in his wisdom, uses shattered relationships and solitude as a way of getting our attention and helping us to tune into the Holy Spirit. Merry Christmas, brother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RonaldS Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 Thanks, guys. Hang in there, too. It would be easy to run out and jump into a relationship to anesthesize ourselves during these times, but are we encouraging or impeding our growth? My XW is fast-tracking marriage, and I'm sure that between her family and her guy's family, she will be anything but lonely during Christmas. But how much is she reflecting on her life, who she is, what the world is really about? This has been a hard day for me. I thought shopping for the kids and getting stuff ready for them would take the edge off, but being out and seeing families out together, having fun, being excited....it really started to hit me. Anyway, life goes on and tomorrow will be a good day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dumped2013 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 It will all be good Ronald We are all better than our exes Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 This has been a hard day for me. I thought shopping for the kids and getting stuff ready for them would take the edge off, but being out and seeing families out together, having fun, being excited....it really started to hit me. This is an assumption on your part. How do you know all those families are "happy"? 50% of marriages end in divorce and, among the half that don't, how many of them are only intact for financial and logistical reasons? How many of them are living lonely lives while married? I am a firm believer that happiness comes from within. Not even 1% comes from circumstance. Just take what you have NOW and realize that you have enough to be content. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RonaldS Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 This is an assumption on your part. How do you know all those families are "happy"? 50% of marriages end in divorce and, among the half that don't, how many of them are only intact for financial and logistical reasons? How many of them are living lonely lives while married? I am a firm believer that happiness comes from within. Not even 1% comes from circumstance. Just take what you have NOW and realize that you have enough to be content. True, and I don't assume they're happy. I was there once. But I also remember how, even though my relationship was not good, the family was together. We had fun, and it was comfortable. It was exciting, with the kids. I think we notice those things more when we're alone. The thing I realized a couple of years ago that helps is just to remind myself that it's just a couple of days. Gut it out. Have fun when you can. Then, go back to normal life where we feel good about not being stuck in that life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Okay, it's Christmas Day and I'll admit I'm a little bummed. Oh well...3 days until I see my boys. Link to post Share on other sites
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