strongnrelaxed Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Making a life long promise that you will never, ever have sex with another person for the rest of your entire life - when you know damned well you will not likely make it - is a sin. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Sounds like someone's trying to justify a bad decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 It's just a person who doesn't keep their word. If the marital vows eliminated those particular words - then it wouldn't be breaking that promise... Link to post Share on other sites
Author strongnrelaxed Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 Sounds like someone's trying to justify a bad decision. I didn't cheat. I am divorced because my wife did. Thanks for the snarky comment though - I think. Making a promise you cannot keep is far worse than slipping in my view. If I have sex with a woman right now, there is no crime. In fact it is a beautiful and enjoyable thing. I come home and I am a good man. I work hard, provide for my family, and help people when I can. If I were to promise to be faithful - all of those things are still true - except if I had sex with someone else I am suddenly a horrible, evil, cheater person who is a sleazebag creep, etc. If you promise to be faithful, then by god you had better be. But why promise this? It is one of the silliest things I can think of in life. Making 20-something year old kids promise in front of everyone that they will never have sex again and will submit to the will of their wives - or else. This does not sound appealing to me as it once did. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I didn't cheat. I am divorced because my wife did. Thanks for the snarky comment though - I think. Making a promise you cannot keep is far worse than slipping in my view. If I have sex with a woman right now, there is no crime. In fact it is a beautiful and enjoyable thing. I come home and I am a good man. I work hard, provide for my family, and help people when I can. If I were to promise to be faithful - all of those things are still true - except if I had sex with someone else I am suddenly a horrible, evil, cheater person who is a sleazebag creep, etc. If you promise to be faithful, then by god you had better be. But why promise this? It is one of the silliest things I can think of in life. Making 20-something year old kids promise in front of everyone that they will never have sex again and will submit to the will of their wives - or else. This does not sound appealing to me as it once did. You have the wrong attitude about what marriage is - and isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I think that's precisely why many recommend against getting married young. I would never suggest for anyone to get married in their 20s. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Making 20-something year old kids promise in front of everyone that they will never have sex again and will submit to the will of their wives - or else. If you promised that you'd never have sex again, your vows were considerably different than mine... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I didn't cheat. I am divorced because my wife did. Thanks for the snarky comment though - I think. Making a promise you cannot keep is far worse than slipping in my view. If I have sex with a woman right now, there is no crime. In fact it is a beautiful and enjoyable thing. I come home and I am a good man. I work hard, provide for my family, and help people when I can. If I were to promise to be faithful - all of those things are still true - except if I had sex with someone else I am suddenly a horrible, evil, cheater person who is a sleazebag creep, etc. If you promise to be faithful, then by god you had better be. But why promise this? It is one of the silliest things I can think of in life. Making 20-something year old kids promise in front of everyone that they will never have sex again and will submit to the will of their wives - or else. This does not sound appealing to me as it once did. Not certain of the purpose of your post, but none of your reasons to justify having premarital or extra-marital sex or promise to avoid such are fashioned out of sound reasoning as of yet. Very emotional and biased justifications, but not sound for any other reason. Yes, young people have been known to remain faithful until their partner's demise or divorce. Committing to one another is a wonderful gesture, but difficult. Not silly. I would say that most people who promise to be faithful at a young age believe they will be. They are not premeditating the opportunity to do otherwise b/c they "know" it's going to happen anyway. If you "know" that you are going to cheat then you're a liar. If it happens otherwise, well, that does make you an unfortunate cheater. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I didn't cheat. I am divorced because my wife did. Thanks for the snarky comment though - I think. Making a promise you cannot keep is far worse than slipping in my view. If I have sex with a woman right now, there is no crime. In fact it is a beautiful and enjoyable thing. I come home and I am a good man. I work hard, provide for my family, and help people when I can. If I were to promise to be faithful - all of those things are still true - except if I had sex with someone else I am suddenly a horrible, evil, cheater person who is a sleazebag creep, etc. If you promise to be faithful, then by god you had better be. But why promise this? It is one of the silliest things I can think of in life. Making 20-something year old kids promise in front of everyone that they will never have sex again and will submit to the will of their wives - or else. This does not sound appealing to me as it once did. Sounds as though you are still bitter and resentful. Not all partners cheat. There are still good faithful people out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Making a life long promise that you will never, ever have sex with another person for the rest of your entire life - when you know damned well you will not likely make it - is a sin. Thoughts? Strong, Seems like a lot of posts think you're speaking only of marriage, but suspect your speaking of any serious relationship. I could agree with you to a point... but add, that "as long as we are together I will not have sex with others". I see no downside of a serious relationship where two commit themselves to each other.... perhaps for life, without any sex on the side. I could argue that a solid committed relationship could be stronger that a marriage, however could require more work to keep it alive, without that legal marriage certificate. And I'd have no issue with that. I know several that enjoy that kind of relationship.... and good for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strongnrelaxed Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 (edited) I agree with many of your responses. The whole "you are bitter and don't get it" thing is old and weak. It is too simplistic and so I won't address those comments. I wish it were so simple, because I could just get help and be "fixed" Another way of framing my original post might be this way: Which is the real mistake - cheating, or promising you will not cheat when you know you will struggle with it? So many people on this website judge and pander to the simple side of human nature. The knee-jerk sentiment that "Cheaters are all a-holes, and deserve to suffer..." looks sillier to me every year. If you learn nothing about relationships from this site, you have to admit that women and men stray - A LOT. And they are not all bad. Some have reasons for cheating, and others feel bad, and still others did it for revenge. It makes one's head spin. I do not condone cheating. I keep saying this and it keeps getting ignored. So be it - spew teenager wisdom if you must. But I think that lying is a much more horrible crime. Withholding information, lying about one's past sexual experiences, promising things you know you may struggle with, and any other form of deception is absolutely horrid in my view. This is a deep value for me and not just some internet guy's opinion. I am not sure how anyone could argue against this, but they do. That was more what I was going for. And I admit I could have worded it better. Edited December 25, 2013 by strongnrelaxed Punctuation. Dammit! Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Another way of framing my original post might be this way: Which is the real mistake - cheating, or promising you will not cheat when you know you will struggle with it? Okay, so after promising, the person eventually cheats? Well, it doesn't matter to me. In either case the person cheated and that is non-negotiable to me. Here's something else....there are people who mince words, terminology, etc. to fit their own paradigm and that in itself poses problems, but there are many things in life that NEED not be uttered, but reasonably expected as part of any commitment. My agreeing to a relationship with someone inherently, IMHO, precludes cheating as an approved element of that relationship. How absurd it would be to argue in anyway that it is better for me to have simply cheated then cheat after having promised not to. Your acceptance of the relationship, commitment, exclusivity automatically binds you to a promise of faithfulness even if you never verbally promised not to. Cheating is never the right thing to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 If you have this opinion about cheating, why did you divorce your wife for doing it? Why not just open up your marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strongnrelaxed Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 Once more - I am not condoning or supporting cheating. I am putting lies ahead in the priority list of evils. Period. I am watching for responses to this now. The more sleazy and slippery the responses, the more it says about the poster. Very interesting. I wasn't paying attention until now. It should not have to be said, but lying is wrong. Very very wrong and bad and evil. Period. There are no "assumed" things in a relationship. Fidelity is promised explicitly or it is not. If a woman lies to me in the future, I will immediately leave and will see it as a MUCH worse crime than cheating. It is where all evil comes. from. Lies are bad folks. I cannot believe I have to say this, and even more shocked that people keep spinning attention away from this fact. I hope young/unmarried men here are reading these responses carefully. Very revealing, these responses are. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 As the title and topical posting indicate discussion of spirituality and religious beliefs by mentioning lying and sinning and not mentioning marriage in the secular sense, this thread is moved to SRB for discussion. Additionally, the thread starter's responses will be delayed due to moderation so post with that reality in mind. Thanks and please continue! Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I didn't cheat. I am divorced because my wife did. Thanks for the snarky comment though - I think. Making a promise you cannot keep is far worse than slipping in my view. If I have sex with a woman right now, there is no crime. In fact it is a beautiful and enjoyable thing. I come home and I am a good man. I work hard, provide for my family, and help people when I can. If I were to promise to be faithful - all of those things are still true - except if I had sex with someone else I am suddenly a horrible, evil, cheater person who is a sleazebag creep, etc. If you promise to be faithful, then by god you had better be. But why promise this? It is one of the silliest things I can think of in life. Making 20-something year old kids promise in front of everyone that they will never have sex again and will submit to the will of their wives - or else. This does not sound appealing to me as it once did. I think that's precisely why many recommend against getting married young. I would never suggest for anyone to get married in their 20s. Of course the problem is that those who believe in no divorce and remarriage even in the case of adultery and/or abandonment, only approved annulments, will also struggle with celibacy during the critical period when our bodies most want to engage in sex and reproduce. So it would be a matter od sinning on the front side or the back end of a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Whether cheating is a sin or not isn't for me to say, but I can say that it is a very poor and hurtful decision to make. Sometimes I think people get married without real thought about what it really mea be to be married. They spend far more time worrying about the wedding than they do about what will come afterwards. They somehow think that "we are in love" will carry them through. Wrong. While being in love is wonderful, it can wax and wane throughout a marriage, and when it waxes, things hunky dory, when it wanes, far too many use that as an excuse to seek sex outside their marriage. It's almost as if their rational thought goes out the window, and when it comes back, they kind of sit there stunned, wondering " what the hell did I just do". Don't get me wrong, sex is wonderful and beautiful, but is it worth hurting so done else that much to get some "on the side"? Perhaps that's where the "sin" lies. Not in the act, but in the pain that it causes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 If a woman lies to me in the future, I will immediately leave and will see it as a MUCH worse crime than cheating. Not sure how you separate the two. If lying is defined as "Disposed to or characterized by untruth", isn't cheating one of its most basic forms? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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